Happiness
by WitchyGirl99
Summary: Inuyasha is an unobservant rich bastard. He has an OCD assistant and a perverted financial planner. Enter Kagome, a woman who has her own rules on how to live. He wants sex. She wants happiness. Well, that's only what they'll admit... InuKag MirSan
1. Kill Me Now

**_Dedication: _**_To Jenn, because she dared me to do it (kind of, this turned into a monster that was never supposed to happen)._

**_Disclaimer: _**_I do not own Inuyasha. I do not profit from this story._

* * *

Happiness

The Tale of an Unstoppable Force and an Immoveable Object

* * *

_Chapter One: Kill Me Now_

* * *

You know, everyone wishes for something. A lot of people wish for money. A lot of people wish for better sex. A lot of people wish for happiness.

Right. Well I'll tell you one thing: Fuck. That. Shit.

Money can't buy you happiness is a load of bullshit. I'm one of the wealthiest businessmen in the country. When I was twenty-four, I practically built an empire. When I was twenty-eight and a half, I sold it to a multi-billion dollar company for a lot more than my darling empire was worth and still managed to make sure I got twenty percent of the profits each year. No liability. No fault.

That's right bitches, I'm set for life.

Suck it, Sesshomaru.

Better sex? Well the problem for those wishing for it is that _they_ obviously are the ones that fail. I mean, come on. If you can turn a woman on to the point that she practically wants to rip your clothes off and fuck you like a rabbit, sex can't _get_ any better. I get women on a daily basis – if I want to. I go to a club, a bar, a random office building; I flash a smile, give a compliment and then bam. I leave them on their toes for a bit; giving subtle signals and underlying hints of sexual desire until finally they can't take it. They need to have me, want to have me and all I have to do is say, "How about you stay the night with me?" It's not my fault when I say _stay the night_ they think _stay forever_. So really, all of the vases and plates and cups that have been thrown at my head are not my fault.

Stupid women.

Oh, and suck it, Sesshomaru, you tied-down, pussy-whipped half-shit of a brother.

What was the third thing? Oh right, _happiness_. This? This right here is happiness. Money, women, a dog named Bang and a bottle of Jack, a bottle of Vodka, a bottle of whiskey, a bottle of tequila...

So why, you must be asking, am I standing on the very edge of my balcony, staring down at the streets thirty-two storeys below me?

Suicidal? Nah. Not I, the great and all powerful Inuyasha Taisho.

But really, what the hell was the point of living anymore? There was nothing for me to do. I already had more money than I would ever need. I never had to work another day in my life, as long as I wasn't stupid.

So where did that leave me?

Apparently, it left me on my balcony.

And that's when it happened. I'm not really sure how to explain to you how everything suddenly got so complicated since I still can't figure the shit out myself. All I knew was that one moment, I was peacefully sitting on the railing of my balcony, enjoying the lovely downwards view, and the next cops were surrounding the building, screaming at me and making a ridiculous scene.

I looked to my sides and then up, wondering if there was anyone else they could be screaming at. I mean seriously, me? The richest man in the country? Attractive beyond all measures of hotness? Why the fuck would I be suicidal?

"Hey you! Get back on your balcony!"

Huh? I looked around again, the voice not too far from me. Where the hell could it be coming from? Slowly, I tilted my head downwards and to the side, just barely being able to see the balcony one level below and to the left.

And there she was.

I'd like to say that she was some ugly broad with acne all over and hair like a bird nest. I'd also like to say that she was five-hundred pounds with massive Dumbo-like ears and a nervous twitch.

But no.

No.

The woman who was yelling at me, telling me to get back on the balcony was probably one of _the_ most gorgeous women I've ever seen. Black hair flowed to her waist, wavy in some spots and straight in others. She had very deep brown eyes, almost black, and her skin was flushed on what was probably usually pale skin. Pink round lips, French manicured nails and not a lot of makeup made this woman, by far, on the top of my new _To Do _list.

* * *

To Do:

#1: Tap that.

* * *

But that wasn't it. There was something about the defiant, angry way she looked at me. Like, this bitch was _really_ pissed that I was sitting on my railing. Well, what the fuck? It's my railing, isn't it? It's not hurting her that I'm there, right?

Fuck yeah.

So why is she so angry at me? Women are never angry at me. They are just temporarily _frustrated_ because of their own stupidity and thinking (as mentioned before) "stay the night" meant "marry me"_. _Or whatever I said before.

"Get back inside you idiot!" the woman screamed, glaring at me still.

Wow. Her eyes were something else. "Wench, you feeling well?"

If anything, her scowl deepened. "Excuse me? You're about to kill yourself but you ask if _I'm feeling well_? Get off the balcony, why don't you? It's not worth it. Whatever problems you have – alcohol, depression, drugs and the like... There's help out there. I can get you help."

You mean like throw me in the loony bin? Hahaha. Right.

As if.

"I'm not suicidal," I said simply, shrugging and leaning down a bit further. Maybe I could get a view of her ass.

"No? Then why sit there?" she demanded.

"What's your name?" I countered, giving my smirk that always won the ladies. I mean, come on, just because she was thinking I'm clinically insane didn't mean it stopped working. My charm was i-rres-istible. That's right; so damn good you can't even say it as one flowing word.

The woman rolled her eyes. "Get off the balcony and maybe I'll tell you." Suddenly, there was a loud slam of a door and I frowned, watching the woman's expression change. "Hey Sango!" she yelled. "Come here and help me get this poor guy off his balcony."

Sango? Like, Sango Houko?

Aw, fucking shit.

"There's a guy on his balcony, oh my goodness!" a feminine voice exclaimed. I knew the sound all too well. When she came out I was so going to get an earful...

A tall woman with dead straight black hair came out, tanned face following the direction of my mystery woman's beautiful eyes. I knew it was only a matter of time.

"Jesus fucking hell!" she yelled, hand slapping her forehead. "Inuyasha – fuck – will you get down! Goddammit, you're fucking lucky I'm such a good personal assistant that I can potentially get this smoothed over but _DON'T PUSH ME ASSHOLE_!"

I didn't speak, because I sure as hell knew it wasn't over yet. When Sango got pissed, man, she got fucking pissed. Like, the top of Mt. Everest would explode because of her fiery wrath.

"You know him?" the woman asked, and I was slightly hurt. Who the hell didn't know me?

Sango scowled, far deeper than my mystery woman ever had. "Yeah, I work for the jerk-off."

Pleasant Sango. Thank you for helping me get that much closer to her pants.

Wait a minute.

"Sango? You live a floor down from me?" I asked, deeply confused. I mean, seriously? My fucking personal assistant lives below me and I never knew? No way. This must be some stupid prank shit. I mean, come on. First, someone calling the cops because they think that I, Inuyasha Taisho, am suicidal? Second, the hottest woman to walk the earth is talking to me. And third, my personal assistant lives a floor below me; her balcony literally right beside mine.

Sango Houko rolled her eyes, scowl still in place. It would probably be there permanently for the next, oh, I'd say week or so. Give or take a couple days, depending on how hard Miroku hits on her. "Yeah, dickwad, I live here. I'm the one that told you about the space you're currently residing in. As I recall, my words to you were 'Inuyasha, oh master of all, there is a very large bachelor pad in one of the most expensive buildings in the city. Since I know you're such a connoisseur of stupidity and money-blowing, I immediately thought you'd want it'. And, remember the day you checked it out? You came into my room here – yes, right here – and I fed you food. Remember?"

"First of all," I answered, trying to process bit by bit. "I don't appreciate the sarcasm. Second, you never called me master. Third..." I frowned, "I thought you were just showing me another option of living space."

Sango raised her hand again, this time not slapping her forehead but dragging it down her face slowly. "I should be the one jumping off the building."

I rolled my eyes at her because she was so dramatic at times. Sango was many, many things. She was efficient. She was perfect. She was without a doubt one of the best assistants I had ever had. She did things on time and if she couldn't make the deadline, she'd let you know. She was a perfectionist with a mild form of OCD. And she swore almost as much as I did. She didn't take shit. She loved to kick ass.

But she was also a prude when it came to being sexual with other people. She dressed like a woman that wanted to be fucked, but when it came down to it, she still yelled cooties at human contact. This was probably the reason she was still my personal assistant, because she ignored all of my attempts at getting in her pants (I know, it was practically the apocalypse).

"You know," Sango stated, pointing below us at the ridiculous scene of cops and flashing lights, "the cops are still trying to get you back on the balcony."

I would've responded if a) I cared and b) mystery woman wasn't staring off into the distance.

"Hey, you, wench," I called, smirking again just in case she looked. I still had a chance to woo her, even if Sango wasn't helping the matter. "What are you looking at?"

"Isn't that Miroku?" she whispered, and I blanked. Wait, how the fuck did she know my personal assistant and my financial planner? And Miroku was...?

Of course. He was out on his balcony, waving at me with this shit-eating grin. His teeth were so perfectly white, cavities were blinded away. His hands were waving and I could tell that he was laughing up a shit storm. Of course it was my luck that my personal assistant lived a floor below me and my financial planner lived in the apartment building directly across.

"Oh, fucking joy," Sango hissed. "Miroku knows. Awesome."

"Uh, hold on, Sango," I said, shaking my head. I tried to get a look at mystery woman, but she was waving back at Miroku. "You, wench. Hello? I'm talking to you?"

She turned around, face in a frown. "What? It's obvious you're just an idiot and not actually suicidal now so... What?"

"What's your name?" I asked again, smirking. Come on charm, pull through. Come on. Home run, baby. Home run!

"Inuyasha, look out!" Sango yelled, eyes wide and pointing behind me.

Of course, it was too late.

The next thing I know, I'm yanked violently from the balcony ledge and thrown to the ground, guys armed to the tee with bullet-proof vests and masks glaring at me. "Don't move! Don't move!"

Right. Like I'm going to move. I've got fucking Bubba on top of my legs.

I ain't going nowhere.

* * *

To Do:

#2: Figure out Mystery Woman's name.

#3: Figure out how the fuck she knows my personal assistant and financial planner.

* * *

Okay, so after suffering a very long talk from the Chief of Police about proper living (yeah, I don't know what the fuck he's smoking either) I was free to roam around my bachelor pad, as Sango so adoringly called it.

Speaking of which...

I made my way into the kitchen, my hand running across the marble countertop that perfectly matched the ebony cupboards and appliances. I found my cell phone where it usually was and picked it up, wasting no time in selecting Speed Dial #1.

It rang forever, but finally, Sango's cheery voice filled the other end. "What the hell do you want Inuyasha?"

Isn't she just a big bundle of sunshine?

"What's her name?" I couldn't stop thinking about it. Well, _her_ to be exact. _The_ woman for me. I mean, she was beautiful and well taken care of, gorgeous, had a nice voice, sexy, well-dressed, attractive... I had yet to see her ass, but I'm sure it was an apple bottom, which is the perfect shape.

"Whose name?" Sango asked from the other end. There was a loud crunching noise and I pulled the phone from my ear, grimacing.

"What the hell are you eating?" I demanded. Could she be any more like a cow right now? "You sound like Bugs Bunny with a carrot."

"Well, I am eating a carrot, thank you," Sango replied swiftly. "Whose name?"

Oh damn. I almost forgot. Again.

"The girl! The wench! Nice face, black hair, pretty..."

Instantly, Sango began laughing. When I say laughing, I mean crazy, you-need-to-get-a-straight-jacket laugh. I could only imagine the orange, masticated bits of carrot flying out of her mouth.

"You won't get into her pants," she said as a way of answering, still laughing. How was she not choking to death right now? I'd say it was because of a good gag reflex, but she's a prude and I have serious doubts about her giving blowjobs. There's potential, but really, I severely doubt it.

"I don't think that's her name," I snapped, getting irritated. "What's her name?" I mean, _come on. _How hard was it to get a fucking name?

Sango continued to laugh. "You need a life."

And then the phone went dead.

Bitch.

Oh well. I'll call Miroku. She knew him, right?

Speed Dial #2, pressed.

"Heyyyyyyyy, Inuyasha! Buddy! Whazzupp?"

Of fucking course. My luck. "How much have you had to drink, numbskull?"

Miroku giggled on the other end. It was a bad habit of his to become less and less manly the more drinks he had. It was like, for every ounce of alcohol, his testicles shrunk an inch. Eventually, they just shrivelled up and disappeared.

Not that I've really thought about it in depth or anything.

"Hmm. Imma thinking 'bout... Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept, huit, neuuuuuuuuuuf, DIX!"

I tried not to growl or throw my phone out the window. "Why the _fuck_ are you talking in _French_?"

"Comment t'appelle tu?"

"Miroku, if you don't stop, I'm going to fucking come over there and kick your ass," I muttered. "You don't speak French. You are not French in any way, shape, or form. You've had ten drinks?"

"Naw. Imma thinking...thirty. _Potentially_." Miroku giggled again.

"That's it, I'm coming over," I lied, sounding angry because usually Miroku bought it. "When I get over there, you better have all the alcohol gone and a bottle of water in your hands. We have a lot of financial shit to do tomorrow."

We didn't, but that was beside the point.

"No, you are not," Miroku said triumphantly and I frowned. A drunk Miroku was never triumphant. A drunk Miroku was funny, clumsy and ranted about Sango's ass for hours on end, but he wasn't triumphant.

"How do you know?" I asked, walking from the kitchen to my living room. I jumped on the large, overstuffed sofa and rested my head in my one hand, the other cradling the phone. "I'm getting my keys right now and I swear, you dumbass–"

"Nope. You are _wrong_ sucker! You _wrong_." Now he was putting on a stupid accent and trying to sound tough. Lovely. Why the fuck did I even call him again?

"I'm in the elevator as we speak," I continued, grabbing the remote. When this conversation was over, I'd check the news. Maybe I made TV? I wouldn't be surprised. There were a lot of cops out there earlier, but there were probably a lot of reporters too. Suicide was always overplayed and exaggerated by the media. Not like they had any right to do so.

"Buddy, I have a fucking telescope now. I can _see you_."

Oh. Dear. Fuck me. Lord.

No.

No way.

No no no no no no no no no no no way.

I jumped up and raced to the balcony. I had very large bay windows that showed off my living room and part of the kitchen. It couldn't be though. He wouldn't have dared.

"No you don't."

"Yes you do. I mean, _I DO_," Miroku shouted, making me pull the cell away from my ear. "You see, you _always_ threaten to come when I'm drinking but you _don't_. So now, I know fo sho. THAT, and I can watch you try and FAIL with women, because you _suck_. But I love you man. I _love_ you."

I was ignoring that because I was afraid any more would make my dick fall off.

Out on the balcony, I squinted my eyes, trying to see across the street. It was dark out now, well past dinner time, but the street lights illuminated the busy intersection where we lived a fair bit and I could see...

Bloody fucking hell.

Mother of god.

Kill me now.

Miroku had this massive, motherfucker of a telescope.

And it was pointed at me.

From the other end, Miroku waved. I didn't have to see him perfectly to know he was wearing that shit-eating grin again.

"You're dead," I stated, slamming the phone shut and ending the call. What a bastard. Why the hell did I even call him anyways? It wasn't like I had plans or something...

Oh.

Mystery woman's name.

...Fuck it.

And yet, I swear even from the distance, I could hear a giggle.

* * *

To Do:

#4: Fire and then kill my personal assistant and my financial planner.

* * *

_Feedback is love._


	2. Bang Bang

**_Disclaimer: _**_I do not own Inuyasha. I do not profit from this story._

* * *

Happiness

The Tale of an Unstoppable Force and an Immoveable Object

* * *

_Chapter Two: Bang Bang_

* * *

If you think my life gets any better after this, you are so sadly mistaken.

"Inuyasha...I don't feel so good," Miroku muttered, clenching his mouth tightly together and closing his eyes.

"Serves you right you bastard," I snapped back, throwing a plastic bucket his way that came from my kitchen cupboard. "Do you remember anything from last night?"

"Uh, a lot of tequila... Uh..." Suddenly, Miroku jerked to the side of the couch, bucket tucked by his face as he emptied his stomach.

"Aw, that's fucking disgusting," I grumbled, walking towards my couch. I swear, if he got any of his rotten shit on my sofa, so help me god–

"I really don't feel so good." Miroku placed the bucket down and rolled onto his back. "I think I may die here."

"Please. Don't die here. Die somewhere else – a street corner, a tunnel, the sewer, hell a fucking strip club. Just don't leave your rotting corpse here in my room."

I loved my friends. I really did. Actually, that was a really girly thing to say so I take it back. _Redo_.

My friends suck. They should all rot in hell.

Miroku, my financial planner, was no exception. Do you know what he did this morning? He stumbled out of bed, still half-drunk from the night before. He crossed the street, almost getting hit by five cars. He got in the elevator, heaving his contents there. He took it to the very top, the thirty-second floor. And then he walked into _my _room and lied on _my_ couch.

And then he slept for two hours.

And now, he was awake. Throwing up again. Still half-drunk.

Oh, the wonderful joys of life.

"Get in the fucking bathroom and flush your shit down the toilet," I yelled at him, trying to avoid the smell that was starting to stink up my place. "I'm not your fucking maid."

"I'd certainly hope not. I like getting my maids undressed and dirty."

I rolled my eyes. "Isn't that the opposite of what they should be doing?"

Miroku would've answered me if he hadn't thrown up again.

"Miroku, get your ass in the bathroom!"

"Inuyasha! Thank god you're still here!" Sango yelled, bursting through my front door. I shouldn't even bother locking my door. I was stupid enough to give them both my keys. "I need to talk to you about an interview. Affair Magazine – Oh fuck, Miroku, what the _hell_?"

Miroku winced. "As much as I love your melodic voice, my dearest, right now silence is golden."

"DO YOU HAVE A HEADACHE? FROM DRINKING? THE HORROR!" Sango screamed, pointedly trying to make his life miserable.

And mine. How the fuck did I end up with these two for friends?

"Sango, please, have mercy," Miroku whimpered, trying to sit up. He wobbled a bit, steadied and then reached down for his bucket of crap. "I'm going to be in the bathroom if anyone needs me."

"Take a shower while you're in there," Sango said, making a face. "You smell like whore."

"Pleasure pleasers," Miroku responded, trying to sound dignified. "They prefer the term pleasure pleasers."

"I'm sure," I mumbled, shaking my head and going over to inspect my poor couch. It looked normal, but I should probably get all of the cushions dry cleaned just in case. "We can get the covers cleaned right?"

Sango looked at the couch disdainfully. "Of course. I'll strip them later and bring them to the cleaners. But I was saying: Affair Magazine wants to have an interview with you. They've labelled you the number one bachelor to catch."

I smirked. "Yes I am."

"Modest bitch."

"Sango, you swear far too much." I gave her a pointed look, watching as her expression darkened. She opened her mouth and then shut it. I expect she was going to swear at me again.

Eventually she sighed and pulled out her Blackberry. "They want to do this upcoming Saturday – two days from now. What time?"

"Ten-thirty?" I shrugged. "Not like I really have plans until the night."

"Right," Sango replied. "You and Miroku's club night. How could I forget?"

"Want to come? Maybe you can keep an eye on Miroku," I suggested, knowing that she would think about it, want to do it and then say no because she didn't want to admit how much she hated Miroku with other women. She played it off real well, but one drunken night after too many bottles of wine she admitted the truth.

She swore that she'd castrate me if I ever told him.

I take her threats very seriously. If there was a woman out there not to mess with, she was it.

"Oh, and I almost forgot. The breeder called, he says you can pick Bang up whenever you'd like, as long as it's after one," Sango mentioned, scrolling through her Blackberry.

"Bang's finished already?" I asked, a smirk crossing my face. Like someone wise once said, like master, like dog. "Wow, he moves on pretty fast."

"Your hound can get as many bitches as he likes, but if his little swimmers don't make it, it means shit," Sango said, giving a smile of her own. "And Bang? Well. I'd like to think he's similar to you. He can talk a good game but when it gets down to the important final seconds, it's _so_ not worth it."

Hahahahaha. What?

"I'm sorry, can you repeat that?" I asked, frowning. "How the _fuck_ would you know anything about my sex life? And that's _so_ not true."

Sango's smile grew to a wicked grin and she waved as she headed for the door. "You're not the only one who deals with Miroku when he's drunk."

Right. Because Miroku is a very reliable source for my sex life.

He's not, by the way.

And I'm fucking _amazing_ in bed.

That's what all the women say.

And there are a _lot_ of women.

Maybe two out of one-hundred were unhappy, but even that's a stretch. Ninety-eight percent is pretty damn amazing considering a lot of guys can't even last a minute...

Sango's making up total bullshit to piss me off.

Or to bother me.

Well, it doesn't bother me, because I know what the women say and they say I'm a sex god.

...Could they have been sarcastic?

No.

Not even.

I _am_ a sex god and we should just leave it at that.

...

But what if I'm wrong? Do they, like, seek out Miroku or something to spite me? Have sex with him and then tell him how much better he is?

No.

It can't be.

Miroku talks a big game, but his game is really _small_.

Well, I wouldn't actually know.

Ew.

I can't believe I just went there.

But I _am_ a sex god.

Without a doubt.

For sure.

...

I'm going to fucking kill that bastard.

* * *

To Do:

#5: Kill Miroku and throw his body in a ditch.

* * *

Miroku was lucky. He decided that throwing up would best be done in the guest bathroom and not my personal bathroom. Had things been the other way around, number five on my _To Do_ list would've been already completed. "Fucking asshole!" I yelled, making sure that Miroku was scared, even though he didn't think he had a reason to be. He'd see. Sango would see too.

I really should've completed number four (_fire and then kill my personal assistant and my financial planner_) on my list yesterday because then, this would've never happened.

Ugh. Why the hell would Sango say that? I don't go around and say, "Hey buddy! Look, I know you want to fuck her, and you think she wants to fuck you, but really, she's a prude. She'll punch your face off if your hands go under her shirt. It's not worth it."

No. I'm a good friend. I avoid the matter completely.

I walked straight to the sink and turned the water on, feeling the cool water splash across my hands. I covered my face and neck, making sure that I was practically dripping before towelling dry. Wow, I still looked like shit. I definitely needed to sleep more and party less.

My long black hair had definitely seen better days. It was sticking out everywhere, and that was being nice. I had bags under my brown eyes too, which made me look slightly like a psychopath. Long, uncut hair and massive bags under my eyes... It's like people don't even need a response when they ask what I'm doing.

Murdering innocent victims is obviously the answer.

Speaking of my appearance... I stripped my shirt and tossed it to the ground, examining myself in the mirror. Hmm... I need to go to the gym again. Patting my stomach, I noticed that I potentially gained a percentage of body fat.

I'd definitely have to go back to the gym. Girls like washboard abs, not washboard abs with laundry on it.

"Inuyasha!" Miroku yelled. He sounded like he was dying a slow death.

"Bite me," I snapped, shaking my head and continuing to examine myself in the mirror. See, I was still _attractive_ at least. Well, not right now with my bird nest hair and all–

Suddenly, I heard a loud bang crack through the air and a gust whooshed by. I jumped back, body planted tight against the wall and wondering _what the fuck was going on_.

And then I looked down. I should've known.

There was Miroku, lying flat on my door.

Yes. Lying flat. Yes. My door was on the floor.

Number five on my _To Do_ list – complete as of three seconds from now.

Actually, it would've been complete, if he wasn't unconscious. What the fuck happened? Cautiously I kicked him in the side, nudging him with my foot. This was...unusual to say the least. What the hell did he get so worked up about that he ran into my door and knocked it down off its hinges? And then he passed out?

My life was so messed up.

So I threw my shirt back on and made my way out the door, carefully checking the apartment. Okay... So no one was here. No mass murderers chilling around. No crazies with chainsaws or machetes. All of that means...Miroku's on crack?

Nah. He likes his tequila too much for that shit.

Without any reason for Miroku's random outburst, I walked to my bedroom and changed, putting on the last pair of clean jeans and some stupid polo shirt every woman seems to drool over. I don't particularly know why, it just has some vertical blue strips on a white collared shirt. But, _apparently_, I look hot.

Well, I already knew that, but sometimes it's nice to hear.

When I was ready, I checked on Miroku one last time before deciding he was probably dead and left. I texted Sango to check on Miroku, only because I didn't want the stench of death in my "bachelor pad". Locking my place, I headed towards the elevator and took it to the underground basement. My lovely BMW Z4 convertible was waiting for me, all shiny and tantalizing with its sleek black finish and massive chrome rims. I quickly grabbed the seat cover out of the trunk, threw it on the passenger seat and then peeled out, wasting no time in the twenty minutes it took to get there.

And by "there" I mean Myoga Ogata's home; this annoying old man who breeds dogs. I got sucked into this whole breeding business when I bought my dog Bang from him. Obviously Bang was the best looking dog there, and Myoga gave me a discount on the twenty-two hundred dollar pup as long as I didn't get him fixed and allowed him to "do the dirty" every few months.

And what kind of owner would I be to a) cut off my dog's balls (_ouch much? That must be some sort of guy code anyways_) and b) stop him from laying bitches (_every man needs a bitch to lay_). Bang left with Myoga less than a week ago, and now I got to pick up the huge monster. Huge monster? Well, Bang is a Great Dane. From paw to shoulder he's three and half feet (yes, not including the neck and head of the massive thing) and standing on two paws...well, he's taller than me I hate to admit.

Lucky bastard.

I pulled into the roundabout driveway, shutting off the car and stepping out.

"ATTACK!"

Shit.

All of a sudden, Myoga's beady eyes peered from the doorway and out bounded this pure black, massive creature, galloping towards me so fast I had to run on the grass to make sure _when_ I fell – not _if_ – he didn't break my head open. Like I expected, Bang toppled into my legs and I flew forwards, landing on the grass with a curse.

And then, _lickkkkkkkkk_.

"Aw, Bang, that's nasty dude," I choked out, trying not to open my mouth. I turned over onto my back and started to pet him, scratching behind his ears and making growling noises.

Moments later, two shoe-covered feet approached my head and I tilted back, seeing the wide and somewhat creepy grin of Myoga. "Well, hello Master Inuyasha."

Please don't ask _why_ he calls me that. Probably because I'm rich, drive nice cars, get girls with the snap of my fingers and own the coolest dog in the world. Unfortunately with Myoga, you never know. Honestly, I don't ever want to.

"Hey Myoga. What's up with Bang?"

The older gentleman sighed. "Nothing, as per usual. He eats like horse, he's the size of a horse and he managed to get the job done faster than I expected."

"Good boy Bang," I said, not cooing like most ridiculous people do but _talking_ to him. Bang is a man (in dog form) and he deserves to be talked to as such. He doesn't deserve cooing and babying like a tool. No, my dog is a beast...a proud animal... Baby-talk is below him.

The only problem with Bang is he doesn't particularly like people. Sure, he likes me and yeah, he _kind of_ likes Myoga (I personally don't think anyone can get used to his beady little bug eyes) but Sango and Miroku? He barks, gives a distasteful snort and goes to his bed. If they call him, he ignores them. If they pet him, he growls and saunters away. He would never bite or attack, but if a dog the size of a horse growls at you?

You learn to keep your hands to yourself.

"You, Master Inuyasha, would think that's good."

I'm not sure if he was insinuating that I was a man-whore or not, but I chose to ignore him. Getting up from the ground, I thanked Myoga and got into the driver's side, watching as Bang merely gave a small jump over the door and onto the passenger seat. This was part of the reason I drove a convertible, because a manly dog like my dog wouldn't want anyone to hold the door for him.

He's a man.

We drove off, Bang leaning against the seat with a goofy look on his massive face. His large tongue was lolling in and out as the wind flew at us. My hair was sure to be an even bigger bird nest than before, but there was no helping that.

"Hey Bang. Do you want to go to the park?"

Bang looked at me, looking ridiculous by tilting his head with his tongue still flying to the side. I took that as a yes and made the first U-turn possible, heading towards City Park. It was only a couple minutes away and soon we were in the small paved parking lot that led to a large grassy field. To the far left was a playground area for children. Paths winded around this and that for joggers and walkers and small wooden benches lined the trails facing both in and out, taking in every view.

I popped the trunk and took out a two tennis balls that I usually left in there. It wasn't because I was the ever-so-always prepared master. It was more because we used them one day, put them in the trunk and I was just far too lazy to take them out.

"Are you ready big guy?" I asked, showing him the tennis ball. I tapped him on the nose with it a couple times before winding up and throwing it as far into the open field as I could. Bang, all glossy black coat and hulk-like legs flew off, pointed ears flat to his head as he sped away into the distance. I ran towards him, ending up somewhere near the middle of the field before Bang came back, dropping the tennis ball at my feet. His tail wagged eagerly and his ears were facing my way. The other tennis ball still in my hand, I launched it into the air while cheering on Bang, watching him run faster and faster. The ball bounced a couple times, but Bang managed to catch it in his mouth and head back.

I already had the first tennis ball in my hand, and the moment he dropped the one in his mouth, I took a random swing and threw it into the air. I picked up the slob-covered green ball on the ground, taking a moment to watch the second ball fall back down to the grass. Bang was bounding dangerously close to some poor girl on a bench...

Shit.

I ran towards the bench, yelling "duck" at a woman taking pictures on a professional camera. For a second, I swear she was focusing the lens on me, but that was probably my ego talking. Bang started barking but it was far too late.

"Ow!" the woman yelled, hand rising to smooth what would probably be a very large bump on her head. She looked around to see the tennis ball I had thrown, Bang instantly spotting it as well and picking it up.

"Hello you," the woman said, and I noticed that she had really pretty black hair. It almost reached the wooden bench she was sitting on. I couldn't see her face because she was facing my dog instead of me, but I _swear_ I've heard the voice before. "Well aren't you a good doggy?"

Oh no. Another reason I don't talk to Bang like a newborn baby is because he hates it. He starts growling and snorting and glaring and...

Bang dropped the tennis ball and licked her outstretched hand.

...

Pardon me?

"Hey you!" I yelled, almost at the bench. "Bang, get over here, please."

Bang tilted his head towards me before returning his gaze to the woman, licking her hand and bounding towards me. He stopped just at my feet, sitting down and staring at the tennis ball in my hand like it was gold. Well, I guess in Dog World it would be like bacon or something. Who knows? He was mesmerized to say the least and I shook my head at him. "Where's your ball?"

Bang barked at me before jogging over to the woman on the bench, her camera aimed at him. He didn't seem to notice her attention as he got the ball and came back. Without waiting until he dropped it, I launched another in the opposite direction of the bench.

"It would be you that threw a tennis ball at me."

I frowned, picking up the one Bang dropped before raising my head and noticing..._her_. Mystery Woman. The thought was almost hot enough to turn me on. I jogged towards her, flashing a smirk because all the women love that.

"Hey. I met you on the balcony right? Sango's friend?" I tried to play Mr. Cool, like I hadn't been thinking about her all of yesterday night. "Sorry about hitting you."

Mystery Woman gave a small smile before lifting the camera to her face again and taking shots of Bang coming back. I couldn't be sure, but I was positive she was laughing at something.

"Be careful. He's not fond of other people," I said, completely forgetting the fact that my dog had already _betrayed_ me by licking her hand.

She lowered the camera. "Really? I didn't get that impression."

Yeah, of course you wouldn't, _idiot_. He licked your hand already because he's turning against me.

Bang suddenly nudged against my legs, ball at my feet and I wasted no time in throwing another one into the air.

"Well, apparently he likes you then," I stated, trying to sound offhand about the matter. Like, whatever. You already proved me wrong in about the first five seconds that I meet you again and bam, I already look like a tool. Thus, my ego has been deflated to a big puddle of mush that was once heroic pride and self-confidence.

It's okay though. My good looks win me over all the time.

Despite my recent lack of self-confidence.

"So," I started, not wanting to end the conversation being an awkward dork. "How do you know Sango?" That was kind of on my _To Do_ list, was it not? I was supposed to ask my numbskull friends but whatever. Same shit. Different pile.

"I've known her since university," Mystery Woman answered. "We were roommates."

"And Miroku?"

She gave me a pointed look. "Well, through Sango, obviously."

_Obviously_. Wow. Didn't I look dumb?

"You don't have to be rude about it," I quipped, throwing another ball for Bang.

I watched her features from my peripherals, and she seemed somewhat taken aback by what I said. SCORE: Inuyasha, one. Mystery Woman, two.

Aw, fuck it.

"Sorry," she murmured; her deep brown eyes looking into mine. "I didn't mean to sound that way, if that's what you thought."

I shrugged. "Whatever. What's your name? Sango didn't mention it last night."

The girl laughed, startling me and halting me mid-throw. Bang whined impatiently, but I ignored him. What the hell was so funny?

"Probably because she thinks you're a man-whore."

Ouch. Mystery Woman, three.

Or does that count as a random Sango point?

I scoffed, throwing the ball again. "Right, because Sango knows anything about my love life. Seriously, do you actually know a thing about me?" I turned to her, crossing my arms and watching as she gazed up with big eyes.

Wow. She was really, really hot. I mean like...smoking. A _smoke show_!

Ha. Good one. I'd have to tell Miroku.

"No, I don't." She patted the bench beside her and scooted over. "What's your dog's name?"

I had a feeling that she just skipped over something that was important to me, but I couldn't really remember what it was because I was sitting down beside her.

Yes. Her boobs were definitely bigger up close. Probably a C with that cleavage...

"Hello?"

"Sorry," I mumbled, shaking my head. "Bang. His name is Bang."

"You named your dog Bang?" she asked sceptically and I smirked.

"BANG!" The dog came rushing over, faster than he was before. He sat down right in front of me, dropping the gooey tennis ball with his tongue lolling out. His big dark eyes looked at me and then her. "Lay down Bang," I ordered, and instantly he moved his front paws forward until his large belly touched the grass. "Roll over." He rolled over, partially getting stuck on his back because he was such a big dog it was hard to propel himself with any real force.

"Can I try?" Mystery Woman asked; full lips in a big smile.

I shook my head, trying not to bend down and kiss her. "Um, no. He doesn't listen to other–"

"Stay," she commanded, interrupting me mid-sentence before grabbing a tennis ball and throwing it in the field. Bang didn't move, just merely watched it fly through the sky. "Go get it boy!" Mystery Woman yelled and Bang shot off like bullet, speeding towards the ball and getting it.

I'm positive my mouth was hanging open, not going to lie there. Bang doesn't even go _near_ other people. He doesn't let people scratch him behind the ears no matter how much they talk to him like a man. But no. This..._woman_...was baby-talking and cooing all over the place, ordering him around and he _listened, _the bastard.

"I thought you said he didn't listen to other people."

I grunted, trying not to be overly impressed with the fucking _goddess_ beside me. I mean really? Hot beyond all hotness meters. Sexy voice. Shrouded in lustful mystery.

And my dog loves her.

"As I said before, he seems to like you." I couldn't really say anything else on the matter.

She nodded, a small smile playing on her lips. "So you never answered my question: why name him Bang?"

_Because it's awesome_, I thought, though I figured that wouldn't really be an appropriate, smooth answer. "Watch this." I gave her a sly smile and waited until Bang was at my feet again, sitting properly.

Suddenly, I turned both my hands into fake guns. "Bang bang!" I shouted, snapping my wrists to be more realistic. Instantly, Bang started to howl, whining lowly until he tilted to the grassy earth, put a paw over his massive nuzzle and closed his eyes.

Yes. I have the manliest dog in the fucking world.

Mystery Woman burst out laughing, reaching down and petting him. "You are such a good boy! Yes you are," she cooed and Bang shot up, eating up her attention like he ate up his occasional steak dinner I fed him. He was licking her and rubbing against her and dear lord, could he have made me look like an even bigger idiot? Why her, of all women? God only knows how many chicks have come to my apartment and ran into my room screaming because my dog almost ate their hand off.

I was looking at Bang, hardly paying any attention to the woman beside me. Quietly, I hear her whisper my name and I look at her, face serious because a) she whispered my name and that was fucking hot and b) well she's fucking hot anyways. Suddenly, I hear _click click click_ and before I know it, she's snapped a good couple pictures of my deadpanned face.

Hell, she's going to laugh when she looks at those because I probably look stupid as hell. I'm not even smirking, which would be better because when she looked at the photo she would think _attractive_ and not _moron_.

Well, it was obviously too late to fix anything because she was standing up and patting my dog. "Bye Bang, you awesome, massive doggy you!" Again, with the cooing... Ugh.

She gave me a small smile, held up her camera in a salute and then started walking away. I watched her go, particularly noticing the entrancing sway of her ass–

"Oh," she said as she turned around, still moving away from me. "And my name is Kagome. Kagome Higurashi. It's nice to meet you."

SCORE: Inuyasha, one-hundred. Mystery Woman (named Kagome, YES!), two. Sango, one.

* * *

To Do:

#6: Throw a tennis ball in the air, and hope to hell it hits her in the head again.

* * *

_Feedback is love._


	3. Unstoppable

**_Disclaimer: _**_I do not own Inuyasha. I do not profit from this story._

* * *

Happiness

The Tale of an Unstoppable Force and an Immoveable Object

* * *

_Chapter Three: Unstoppable_

* * *

No, life still doesn't get better after this. We'll just make that clear right now.

As I watched her butt move side to side in those really tight jeans, I barely noticed my cell phone go off. It wasn't until the "_I'm rich BITCH_" part was yelled that I actually paid attention. I mean, who else would say that besides me? Exactly.

No one.

I checked the caller ID and groaned, answering it and sighing. "What now Sango?"

"FUCKING HELL, MIROKU PUT THAT SHIT DOWN!" Sango screamed, and I cringed as I pulled the cell phone away. Jesus _Christ_ why the fuck was she yelling so damn loud? "PUT THAT SHIT DOWN! WHAT, YOU GOING TO FUCKING STAB ME WITH IT? A FUCKING BUTTER KNIFE?"

I severely wish I had better friends.

Or, I wish that I would just _complete _my damn _To Do_ list already and **KILL THEM**.

"Inuyasha!" Sango yelled from the other line, and I could hear her ragged breathing. A loud slam could be heard, echoing over the phone line and I cringed again, trying very hard not to hang up on her already.

"What the fuck is going on?" I asked, reaching down and petting Bang. He was sitting just in between my legs, watching a couple that was skipping through the field like a pair of fruitloops.

"It's Miroku!" Sango panted, and I guessed that she had escaped whatever problem she was facing. "I got your text and went in to check on him. I found him lying on your fucking door that he managed to somehow knock down and when I shook him awake... He fucking flipped! I think he's seriously lost it!"

I frowned. "Well, I already knew that. What was he doing?"

It sounded like for a moment, Sango was laughing, until her voice filled the line. "Well, he shoved me into your shower stall before running out like a madman. I chased him, obviously, making sure that he was okay when he started screaming for me to get away from him! I mean what the _fuck_? So I chased him _for sure_ after that because why would he say that unless he's completely gone bonkers? I followed him into the kitchen where he saw me, screamed like a nine-year-old girl and grabbed a fucking _butter knife_. He aimed it at me, waving it around and threatening me if I got closer."

Ah. So that's where the butter knife came in.

"I have a butter knife?" I asked, still frowning.

"THAT'S NOT THE FUCKING POINT INUYASHA!" Sango shrieked. "You have a seriously fucked up Miroku in your bedroom. I don't know what to do. I can't believe... _HE WAVED A FUCKING BUTTER KNIFE AT ME!_"

I pulled the phone away from my ear again, starting to get a bit annoyed with the entire situation. Couldn't I just be left alone with Kagome or something? Of course, she wouldn't be wearing much...maybe stilettos? Hmm... I think she'd look really good in black lace, since I'm personally not a fan of leather shit–

"ARE YOU LISTENING?"

Nope. Enough of that. I hung up and pocketed my cell, standing up and taking the two tennis balls with me. "Come on Bang. Let's go...not home."

I heard my cell go off again, but I ignored the call.

It started dinging like it did with texts. I sighed in defeat and flipped through the messages. Wow. She was sending one per second.

3:02pm: _You're a dick._

3:03pm: _Still a dick._

3:03pm: _A very small dick._

3:04pm: _You suck at sex._

3:04pm: _I picked up your dry cleaning. I gave it to a homeless man_.

Okay. That's enough of that.

I typed back "_Get a life or get laid,_" to which I knew she wouldn't respond because she was a prude. To my great fortune, she never texted me back.

* * *

I'd also like to point out that the next day was just as bad as the last, only I woke up a hell of a lot earlier to start the suffering.

_I'm rich BITCH!_

Ugh. Fuck my life. I blearily looked at my alarm clock, noticing that it was only six in the fucking morning. Who in their right mind would call me now? I swear if it's some fucking drunk bitch I hooked up with last week, so help me god, I will kill them through the phone.

But no. It was worse. It was Miroku. After ignoring Sango for the rest of the day and managing to sneak back into my place when Miroku was finally gone for good, I had hoped that it would be the last I saw of them for a while. At least a couple hours, right? I mean, is that really so much to ask?

Is the universe really so jealous of me that it has to spite me every day of my life?

Apparently.

"You better have a good fucking reason Miroku," I hissed after answering. I rolled over and tried to get comfortable in the king bed.

"Inuyasha..." Miroku whispered conspiratorially. "Something is really wrong with me."

"No fucking duh Sherlock. Did you figure that out on your own?" When Miroku didn't answer, I sighed. "Are you drunk again?"

"I wish," Miroku whispered.

I growled. "Stop whispering. I'm in bed and it's creepy."

I could hear the slow breathing on the other end, and then finally Miroku's voice. "You don't understand. It's really, really bad."

"Then tell me," I exclaimed, wishing to god I was sleeping already. "Tell me or never mention this to me again."

For a second, I thought the idiot was crying, but then I heard him cough. "I...can't. It's too bad. Too horrifying."

Of course. Way to be a drama king Miroku, calling me at six-fucking-am and whispering like a serial killer. "Well, nice talking to you. Don't call me until after twelve."

I threw the phone across the room, and from the sound that resulted I think it landed on my sofa chair in the corner. I sighed and relaxed, taking deep breaths so that I could fall...into...sle–

_I'm rich BITCH!_

Fuck. My. Life.

* * *

To Do:

#7: Change the goddamn ring tone to something far less annoying.

* * *

"I think Miroku's jumped off the proverbial deep end," Sango murmured, tapping her manicured nails against the back of my chair. "I mean, he aimed a butter knife at me, you know? I'm thinking that we should do an intervention. Maybe get a therapist to quietly come in, sedate him with a big ass needle and then beat some sense into him."

I tried not to sound irritated. "So what do you want? I'm sorry, do you want a therapist, a mental institution worker or a hit man?"

"Hardy-har-har."

I sighed. I wasn't laughing. She had been on this topic for at least two hours. We were currently sitting in the building owned by Affair Magazine. After Sango nearly kicked down my bedroom door and dragged my ass out of bed and into my car, she had started the endless rant of her, Miroku, and the stupid fucking butter knife. I mean give it a _rest_. He aimed a butter knife at you, so what? I mean, knowing Miroku, he could've just had official and irreversible brain damage due to his excessive drinking.

And when I say at least two hours, I mean at least two hours. Since she got me, we had to drive all the way to the heart of downtown, get in the building, be ushered to the correct room, get my makeup done, get in the proper room for the interview, get introduced and all the basic information and _blah blah blah_.

For my sanity, I hope the fucking interviewer hurries their ass up.

"So where are you and Miroku going tonight?"

Thank god for the change in topic. "The new bar that opened up. I think it's called Zero Gravity?"

Sango narrowed her eyes at me. "Are you sure? That sounds like a really stupid name for a bar. Zero Gravity? Where the hell did they even get that? Hello? We're on earth. Duh."

I shrugged. Of course the prude wouldn't know that it was a sex position. I was just about to make some terrible but friend-worthy comment regarding her lack of knowledge when three women burst through the single door. I swear I have never seen women move so fast.

"Oh good you're here!" one of them with a headband cheered, coming over to shake my hand. She was smiling huge, all perfect white teeth and shining eyes. "My name is Eri."

"Uh, nice to meet you," I muttered, turning wild eyes to my personal assistant. She's making me do an interview with these crazy bitches?

"And I'm Yuka," another one piped up, this woman with short black hair. "See Ayumi, I told you he was hot."

The last of the three, Ayumi, gave a small smile and held out her hand. Well, at least we know she's the sanest of them all.

"So," Eri announced, clapping her hands together. "We'll do the interview first, ask you questions and so on. We will be recording this conversation, but Ms. Houko has already cleared that with us. Then, we'll make sure you don't need a touch-up so that you can do your photo shoot with our photographer."

I looked at Sango, not surprised at this point. "There's going to be a photo shoot?"

"Oh, of course!" Yuka practically cheered, smiling sweetly. "You're going to be on the cover. We discussed this with Ms. Houko, right?"

Sango smiled innocently at me, petting the top of my head despite the growl in my throat. "Next time, don't hang up on me when I need your help. And, I have a life, thank you very much."

I groaned, still not facing the three bouncing ladies across from me. This was Sango's way of _torturing me_ after the text I sent her yesterday after ignoring her call.

Dammit woman.

Sango waved, still grinning wickedly and I turned around, deciding that if I was going to die, I might as well face it head on. Be a man.

And all that bullshit.

"So Inuyasha–"

"What do you–"

"Inuyasha, can you tell–"

... This is going to be the longest hour of my _life_. It's bad enough that they talk over each other. They seem to giggle after they ask the question and then they look at the other mouthing _you said that?_ And then, as if that wasn't bad enough, they burst out into another fit of giggles because they all talked over each other. After praying for the longest time and barely getting a word in, the three finally realized how little I was speaking.

Ayumi cleared her throat, giving me a small smile before turning to Yuka and Eri. "We should go one at a time, I think."

Really? _REALLY?_ Did it take you _that_ long to figure _that_ out?

By this point though, our time was running short so they stuck to the basic questions. I answered them as politely as I could, thinking to myself that the only reason I was being so sweet and charming with my words was because the women that read it will swoon.

And when they swoon, they'll fall...

...Into my bed.

"So what are you looking for in a woman?" Yuka asked, tilting her head to the side and staring at me with big eyes.

_A nice ass._ "Compassion for what she loves to do most. There's nothing more attractive than a woman who knows what she wants and will go for it despite all odds." _Am I even talking about the same thing?_

"Aww. What's your guilty pleasure?" Eri asked me next.

_Sex three times a day...with different women_. _Sometimes multiple women. _ "Chocolate. Who doesn't like chocolate?" _Guilty pleasure? What am I, a fucking woman?_

Ayumi turned to look at me. "Favourite hair colour on a woman?"

_...That's a factor? _"I love them all."

"What's the worst pickup line you've ever used?"

_Like I need those. _"I tend to not intentionally use any, but my best friend used this really bad one once. It's something like 'Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see'." _Secretly, I think that's a classic. Who came up with that? I need to pay them._

"What _sex_essory do you prefer? Cuffs, lube or a whip?"

_EXCUSE ME? What STUPID son of a bitch came up with _sex_essory? Bitch much? _"Uh." I laughed a little; partially coughing to cover up the fact the word was so incredibly dumb. "Cuffs. As I said before, I like it when a woman knows what she wants and goes for it. It's all about compassion." _Something like that._

"If someone came up to you and told you that you'd find the love of your life that day, would you believe them?"

_Now, if that's not a chick question, I don't know what the fuck is. _"I guess I'd have to. Who would give up a chance to meet _The One_?" _Wow. I'm fucking good._

Eri, Yuka and Ayumi all sighed in happiness, and I swear I saw tears in Yuka's eyes. Oh lord. Save me now. Please.

"Final question," Eri mumbled, looking somewhat sad. I tried to keep my face expressionless so that they couldn't see the glee radiating off of me. "You've been called an unstoppable force by several magazines – Time and Forbes to list a couple. You've accomplished tasks that many men can't accomplish in a lifetime. Would you say that this is true?"

_Fuck yeah. _

"Even though you're still looking for a woman in your life?" Eri continued.

Of course. Way to go and kill it. Now I had to think. This was obviously a trick question. I mean, answering 'yes' wouldn't be satisfactory right? I need to be smooth for the ladies. Smooth.

But wait a minute. I have women in my life. I have a _million_ women in my life! It's not hard. I'm too good looking to be desperate and lonely. I mean, come on, who wouldn't want to sleep with me? If I wasn't me I would sleep with me.

I think.

Women? I have tons of women. Why the hell would she say I don't have any women?

I opened my mouth, watching the expressions on their faces as they stared at me intently. It was terrifying actually. It was like I was staring into the mouth of a massive fucking lion the size of Texas. "Well, I..."

WAIT!

WOMAN! Not WOMEN! That's the TRICK!

Sneaky bitches. They were trying to fool me. But I fooled them first...second. What-fucking-ever. I still win.

But wait, _SHIT_. What the hell am I going to say now? How do I say 'yes' while still being smooth, charming and drop dead gorgeous? I need to make the ladies swoon. Yes. Swoon into my bed.

Hmm. Hmm. _Swoon_.

"Honestly," I started, making shit up off the top of my head. "I don't think anyone can be an unstoppable force without the one they love."

I watched their faces simultaneously crumble into blushes and smiles, tears practically welling up in their eyes. Oh, I'm good. I'm fucking epic.

I continued, on a roll. "I mean, everyone needs to find that someone special, right? I may be an unstoppable force, but that doesn't make me any different. I still want to find _a woman_ I can spend the rest of my life with. You know, walking my dog Bang in the park with...holding hands. Taking vacations with my limitless money. Driving really fast cars and not caring where we need to go or what we have to do. I've set the foundation. I've built the house. I just need someone to make it home."

Yuka was actually crying.

Eri was so red, I was positive she was going to pass out.

Ayumi actually did pass out.

...

I should fucking write this shit.

"Wow, Inuyasha," Eri said, fanning her face and getting out of her chair. "I, um, I think we're done. And you look delici– Ha, um, good. Really good. Yeah, good. I'll bring you to Kags."

Kags? Who the hell names their child Kags? That's practically planning ahead of time for their torture. Off the top of my head, I can think of many degrading and sexual things that rhyme with Kags. I won't list them though, because I was trying to edge around the two barely functioning women so I could make it out of there _alive_.

The next room was silent, free from the sounds of crying-in-happiness and full of sheets of multiple colours hanging from the ceiling. Eri gave me a smile that was almost terrifying before she skipped out of the room, waving.

So.

What now?

"Hello?" I called, looking around. The room wasn't that big, so if anyone was in here I would've known by now. "Well, this has been one hell of day," I muttered to myself, walking around and looking at all of the lights and wires hanging from every which way. "First, my asshole friend calls me in a creepy manner. Next, my other asshole friend drags me out of bed and brings me here. Then, I have to make up this bullshit full out _lie_ about being an unstoppable force – which I don't disagree with, by the way – and then, have my picture taken. Even though there is no photographer. And I'm starting to feel like this was a set up done by Sango to kill me."

"Well, I'd agree with the Sango part, but I'm not actually here to kill you," a familiar voice said behind me and I turned around, almost gasping with shock at the fact that Kags was Kagome. _My_ Kagome. Really hot with a really nice ass Kagome. Mystery Woman, as she was previously called because I crossed that off of my _To Do_ list.

"Uh..." Yeah, really smooth dipshit. "Sango must tell you horror stories."

Kagome smiled, hands on her hips while she shook her head. My god she was gorgeous. Really long black hair that would be so amazing to pull during sex, and her _body_... Shit, it's like heaven right there. That's it. I'm done.

If there was ever a _The One_ for me, it was her. Hands down.

This woman must be mine.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Kagome said slyly, slapping her hands on her tight jeans and moving around to get equipment set up. "Okay Mr. Unstoppable. It's time to get your picture taken."

"How long is this going to take?" I asked, edging closer to her immense beauty. Wow. Her ass was actually _perfect_.

Kagome shrugged, looking back at me so I had to shift my eyes back to her face so she didn't catch on. "Maybe an hour or so? We have to take a lot of pictures, pick out the good ones, pick out the better ones, pick out the perfect ones... Then send them to you and Sango and get all the legal stuff done."

Hmm. An hour. Okay, so I had one hour to get this girl to marry– I mean, have sex– Wait no, go out to dinner with me.

Time for the charm.

"So, you're a photographer then?" I asked, watching her with curiosity as she double-checked all of the wires and equipment.

Kagome gave me a look before laughing. "No Einstein, I'm just the janitor who cleans up afterwards."

Ah. Right.

"How long?"

She shrugged, and I took the time to watch her hair fall over her shoulders, tracing her very generous cup size in her thin blue t-shirt. "A couple years ago I guess. I can't really remember how I got into it. I've always loved taking pictures and one day, people just started paying me."

I nodded, walking where she directed me while she turned on lights, adjusted fans and so on. It seemed a little overdone in my book, but I really wasn't the person to ask. "Don't you have like...assistants to help you?"

Kagome had been peering into the camera lens, focusing in on me and I made sure to suck in and put on my most amazing smirk. Charm. I needed to harness my charm. When she suddenly looked up at me, oddly startled by my question, her brown eyes seemed to flicker with a lighter, milkier tone. "No. I actually do this as a favour for the girls. We've known each other since high school – Yuka, Eri and Ayumi were my good friends. When the magazine was first starting out, I offered to do it free."

I almost stuttered. "You do this shit for _free_?" Who the _hell_ does anything for free?

"Not anymore, they force me to take the money." She shrugged, giving a small smile. "Now shut up and smile."

I stared blankly at her, blinking. "I don't smile."

"What?" she called out, still looking into the camera.

"I don't smile," I repeated, crossing my arms over my chest.

I couldn't tell, but she was fiddling with the camera, doing something strange that I couldn't figure out. "What did you say?"

I growled. "Are you deaf wench?"

And then, all of a sudden, I swore I died because a million lights just flashed before me. "Jesus _Christ_," I spat, spinning around and trying to blink the black dots away from my vision.

Which – now that I think about it – is probably not the smartest thing to scream when you're on your way to heaven. Or what you hope to be heaven.

"Inuyasha?"

I turned and looked, staring intently at the beautiful woman behind the camera. "Hmm?"

And there they were again, the fucking lights. I think I'm going to be _blind_ after this.

"Okay, perfect."

I spun around again, and all I saw were lights and more lights and more _fucking blinding_ lights. "Can you fucking stop?" I yelled, turning my head in the direction of what I hoped was my future bride-to-be...uh, friend...with benefits.

Kagome laughed, and I instantly stopped in my tracks, wondering how my pain made her feel so happy. She sounded happy. She sounded like she was playing with Bang again in the park, after I hit her accidentally in the head with a tennis ball.

"What's so funny?" I asked, frowning and waiting for the black dots to disappear from my line of sight.

She huffed out another laugh before coming right up to me and tapping me twice on the cheek. "Now, you're going to smile for the next couple pictures, right? If you don't, I'll use the lights on you again. Got it?"

..._THIS WAS SOME SORT OF SICK JOKE TO MAKE ME SMILE?_

Whoa. I think I'm in love.

Uhh.

No. Scratch that.

...

I think.

* * *

_Feedback is love._


	4. Blackout Worthy Drunk

**_Disclaimer: _**_I do not own Inuyasha. I do not profit from this story._

* * *

Happiness

The Tale of an Unstoppable Force and an Immoveable Object

* * *

_Chapter Four: Blackout-Worthy Drunk_

* * *

The photo shoot finished a hell of a lot faster than I wanted it to. The blinding lights were no longer a problem but I still wasn't enjoying the fact that she told me to smile every other picture. I tended to frown more often than not, and Sango liked to remind me it was more of a permanent scowl than any else. Still, Kagome told me to smile and I shook my head, glaring at her. That ultimately led to five more pictures, another demand for me to smile and when I gave my best smirk (the one that wins over _all_ the ladies), she suddenly decided that we were done.

"Wait, that's it?" I asked, looking around the room for a clock. This _couldn't_ be it.

I hadn't even asked her out yet!

Kagome looked up from the equipment and gave a small smile. "I tend to take fewer shots, but I get the good ones. So yeah, we're finished already."

I frowned. "But I smiled like...once, and that barely counted."

Kagome looked at me for a moment, and I watched as her beautiful brown eyes searched what I hoped was a charming and sexy expression on my face. "I have a confession," she murmured, turning around and shutting down some of the lighting.

A confession? What am I, a fucking priest? Okay. Confession time. How about...I think I'm in love with you... You're the sexiest thing alive... Fuck me right now...

"I lied to you."

_Not_ what I had in mind. "About what?" I asked, and I couldn't help but look slightly pissed off. I mean, _come on_. How hard is it to get a woman these days? _NOT VERY_. So why is she so damn difficult with me _already_?

"I didn't actually want you to smile," she started, shrugging. "The expressions you made before and after you attempted to smile, however, were exactly what I wanted."

I blinked. "So you tricked me _again_? For the second time in an _hour_?"

Kagome seemed to have to think about it, half of her lips dipping into a frown while she shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. If you want to think about it that way. I mean, I'm only getting the better shot and the whole badass smouldering eyes thing is a lot better than your forced smile."

"I could've told you that!" I exclaimed, rolling my eyes. "So what was with the lights then? Before? When you told me I had no choice _but_ to smile?"

Kagome laughed, popping something out of the camera and motioning for me to follow her. "Oh that was just to make up for hitting me in the head with a tennis ball. You know, batter you around a bit so you more or less do what I say."

"But I didn't," I answered. By now, I was really confused. The whole trying-to-make-me-smile thing versus the whole I-never-wanted-you-to-smile thing was really throwing me off balance. _She_ threw me off balance. It was like a circus act trying to determine what she was thinking half the time. Kagome Higurashi smiled small but genuine, flaunted sexiness without trying and hinted at more without giving any.

That it. I'm officially done now.

She _has_ to be the one for me. No other woman would make it this difficult if it wasn't worth it in the end! This is a sign. It has to be a sign or _something_. Kagome Higurashi is mine.

Or, well, she's _going_ to be.

"Rule number eighteen: the best way to anything good is through hard work, determination and a bit of a sense of humour."

Hard work, determination and...a bit of a sense of humour? Is that what she calls humour? I didn't get it. Not one word that came out of her pretty little mouth made sense to me. Maybe it was because I was still boggled by the whole smile-wait-don't-smile thing, but I doubt it. I'm not a multi-millionaire for nothing. "Don't you mean rule number one?"

Kagome and I were walking down a brightly lit and colourful hallway. She stopped at a pair of doors and gave me a grin. "Nah. Rule number one is to never kiss on the first date."

Huh.

* * *

To Do:

#8: Uh, learn what the _fuck_ these rules are?

* * *

"Kagome!" All of a sudden, Sango seemed to materialize out of thin air and leapt onto Kagome, holding her tight.

"Sango!" Kagome cried and the two of them hugged for awhile.

Not that I really minded.

Wait a minute. As I watched them hug, something that Kagome said clicked in my brain. Didn't she say they were roommates? _Yeah_. They were roommates alright.

I wonder if they experimented.

Hm. I watched them, blatantly because I figured holding back wasn't really worth it. They didn't _touch_ anything suspicious but they were hugging a really long time. And rocking a bit.

I tried to picture them together, in a small single bed in some crappy dorm room. Let's be real, what was there to do there other than have some girl-on-girl fun? The late night studying that led to things that were still studying just not what was on the _test_ per se.

Oh yeah. I can definitely see it now.

I could hear Sango murmuring "What the fuck is he looking at?" but it roughly translated into my brain as pants, moans and _oh Kagome, right there_.

"Is he usually like this?" Kagome continued but that, too, was altered into _fuck Sango, faster_.

_Harder_.

_Mm... Keep going, oh-_

_Faster, I'm going to-_

Excruciating pain coming from my face trickled down my body and instantly I was snapped back into a very dark reality where Sango was glaring and Kagome looked utterly confused. "What the _fuck_ was that for?" I demanded, rubbing my sore cheek and glaring right back at Sango. She fucking slapped me, the bitch!

"You were acting really creepy, staring at us and making strangled noises. I thought you were in some sort of a coma so instead of kissing you to the break the spell, I slapped you. It worked."

I really wish she hadn't. "Oh. Well." I didn't actually have anything to say because the images that were in my head, _fuck_, I was going to need to get laid tonight for sure.

"Are you okay Inuyasha?" Kagome asked, sliding her hand across her face to move the long black bangs from her eyes. "You look a little red. Are you feeling alright?"

If Sango hadn't slapped me, I would be feeling _more _than alright. "Uh–"

"Ignore him Kagome," Sango muttered, rolling her eyes. "He gets into stupid fits where he just acts dumb. It's a waste of your time trying to talk to him. He's fine."

I glared at Sango. "Right, because you don't get into fits at all, do you Sango? I mean, with all the yelling, and the OCD _oh my god, my pen isn't at the exact angle I left it at!_ No, you're not difficult at all."

"I called you dumb, dumbass," Sango retorted.

"Yeah and I called you difficult."

From the look on the two girls' faces, I figured shutting up was probably the smart thing to do. After that last comment, Sango made a point to ignore me and Kagome was too focused on the pictures and the quality than to notice how hard I was wracking my brain for ideas to kill Sango. I mean in order to ask Kagome out, Sango has to leave the room – and knowing Sango, that won't happen.

This was the problem with my _To Do_ list. You see, I always make these lists but when it comes down to the important ones – like #4: fire and then kill my personal assistant and financial planner and #5: kill Miroku and throw him in a ditch – I just didn't get there and thus, I get fucked over again.

Only in this case, it's the opposite of being fucked over because I can't be _fucked_ unless I _ASK_ _KAGOME OUT_.

You see my dilemma.

"Is that everything that needs signing?" Sango asked, throwing some papers my way and forcing a pen into my hand. For a moment I thought she was talking to me but her eyes were focused on Kagome's bent over form as she ruffled through a cabinet.

"No, I think that's it!" Kagome called, using her hip to shut it and clapping her hands. "It was good to see you again. Do you want to meet up for coffee next week? I think I'm free Wednesday."

"Sounds great. I'll pick you up at what time?" I asked, smirking and finished the last pages that needed my signature.

Kagome looked at me for a moment before laughing, shaking her head. "No, not you. Sango. Rule number eleven: never go for coffee as a first date."

_What the fuck are with these rules?_

"I thought that was thirteen," Sango mused, tilting her head and roughly grabbing the papers from me. "Wait no, that was about luck wasn't it?"

Kagome nodded. "Call me?"

I growled, completely discontent and utterly confused about these rules, and the way she was asking _Sango_ out. Did my smirk not work on her? It worked on everyone else. I swear it's like the greatest trick in the book.

Smirk. Oh, there goes the shirt.

Smirk. Oh, there goes the bra.

Smirk. Oh, there goes the pants.

Smirk. Oh, well, now there's not much left to do.

I could feel Sango's hand grabbing my arm and I let her drag me out of the building, too focused on my own thoughts to do more than wave at Kagome's disappearing figure.

"Are you sure you're straight?" I asked bluntly, blurting out the words before I could fully process what I was actually saying. "You and Kagome never, you know, experimented right? Because if you did, that's okay with me but I thought you were in love with Miroku–"

Another slap to the back of my head had me fuming, but when I stared at her incredulous expression, I knew I was never going to hear the end. "You think that Kagome and I were – are – together?" She laughed for a little bit, patting my arm and taking a quick glance at me before laughing harder. "Oh my god, I just realized that that's what you were zoned out about. You were totally picturing us weren't you?"

Shit. Shit. Fuck. Damn.

"You wish I thought about you like that," I shot back, rolling my eyes. "Wait, I take that back. You don't because you're still in grade three when boys had cooties."

Sango mimicked me by rolling her own dark eyes, shaking her head. "You're such a bastard."

I poked her for fun and then jumped back. "_EW!_ Cooties!"

"Grow up," Sango hissed, flipping me off and storming towards my BMW. "Why did you even want to know that?"

"No reason," I said as casually as I could. Telling Sango that I was potentially in love with this woman I barely knew would give her blackmail for years to come. It would be so bad, that I might possibly have to pay her off, and while I'm titled 'rich bastard' by her, I want to remain that way.

Rich.

Eh, about the bastard thing though. We can fix that eventually.

Sango slid into the passenger seat and sighed, massaging her temples and taking deep breaths. She did this frequently, and while she never explained why I always assumed it had to do with the fact that she couldn't stand how messy something was. Her OCD was kicking in, I could tell. The dirty tennis ball on the floor, the way papers were scattered and not nearly as straight and perfect as they should be...

"You think she's hot, don't you?" Sango finally said, and I didn't have to look to know that her lips were curving into a teasing smile.

Fucker.

"She's alright," I replied, shrugging and starting the car. I reached down and threw my CD case at her. "Look inside and tell me that the unordered pattern is not pissing you off."

"I'm not _actually_ OCD," Sango retorted, but she looked down at the case with a grimace before tucking it back between my seat and console. "Anyways, you're avoiding the topic."

"No," I shot back. "I answered you. You think I'm avoiding the topic."

"Because you are."

"Fine. I think she's hot. There, are you happy now?"

Sango grinned. "Not particularly. You know you're never going to have her right? She's like the hardest woman I know to hold onto. Her boyfriends never last."

I frowned at that, thinking the news over in my head. How do I get more information out of her without seeming more than just _slightly_ curious? "Why, she's a bitch and broke up with them all?"

There. Subtle.

My personal assistant's laugh startled me, mostly because I didn't think this was a laughing matter. "_Right_. She broke up with them. No, Kagome was always the dump_ee_, not the dump_er_. Guys couldn't handle how self-assured she was."

"Because a woman who knows what she wants is every guy's worst nightmare," I bantered, shaking my head. "As if that's the reason. She must be the bossiest woman in the world or something."

Shrugging, Sango sighed. "You noticed her rules, right? Well she got it into her head when she was little that you had to have your own rules to life, because if you don't follow something you'll end up nowhere. If you don't stand up for something, you won't know who you are. Kagome made rules, followed them to a tee and then..."

"What?"

"Become self-assured, good-natured and probably the most realistic and most genuinely happy woman I know. And that's all she wants out of life is to be really, truly happy."

Huh. So that's what the rules were about. At least I can cross that off the _To Do_ list.

"Oh, and by the way," Sango said, crossing her arms and leaning back into the leather seat. "I know you're dying of curiosity so that's why I told you. Still, don't think for a second that you'll have her. While you're an unstoppable force, Kagome is your immoveable object. You couldn't make her change if you wanted to."

* * *

"Inuyasha! Hey buddy!"

I growled and rolled my eyes, looking at my financial planner seriously. My fucking god he was smashed. His hair was sticking up everywhere, his eyes were completely unfocused and if his slurred speech was to say anything? It would say, _I'mmm dru–hiccup–unk._

Great way to start the night.

"Are you okay Miroku?" I asked, climbing into the cab and turning to my friend.

Miroku grinned cheekily at me before grabbing my face and–

"_Get the fuck off me_!" I yelled, winding up my fist and punching him in the face.

Fucking bastard.

Dear Jesus fucking Christ.

Goddamn pussy ass son of a _fucking_ bitch.

Miroku laughed a little, rubbing his face until the pitch turned into a slight giggle. "Whoopsies."

"Whoopsies?" I demanded, glaring at him. "Give me one good fucking reason I don't throw you out of this moving cab, right now."

I spared a glance at the cab driver, who merely looked bored. Obviously, this wasn't the first time it happened.

"Oh, Inuyasha. It's all in good fun. Just get smashed to pieces – like _moi_ – and you'll never remember that I kissed you. I'm just really fucking horny, that's all. Are we there yet?"

What the _hell_ is it with Miroku and his obsession with the _FRENCH FUCKING LANGUAGE_ when he was drunk? But that wasn't the worst part – oh no. He kissed me. He fucking kissed me.

On the lips.

I shuddered, rolling down the window and spitting on the fast moving asphalt below.

Ew. Ew. Miroku just– Ew. Ew.

I was definitely going to have to get blackout-worthy drunk now.

Turns out it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.

* * *

"This is fucking jokes!" I laughed, staring at Miroku incredulously as he made the stupidest face ever. We were doing our, like, I don't know... Hundred and fifty-second shot and dog-fucking-man–

Haha. Dog fucking man.

_Goddamn_.

What was I thinking about again?

"Inuyasha! Inuyasha!" Miroku said, eyeing two women as they walked by. "My god, I think I'm going to do it."

"What?" I asked, knowing my speech was way too slurred but not really giving a shitting fuck. "You gonna go lose your virginity finally?" I laughed, because it was the funniest thing I had ever thought of.

"Fuck _you_," Miroku spat, poking me in the arm and then breaking down into laughter. "Actually, I was going to try for a threesome."

"Not with _me_," I said right away, glaring at him. "It's bad enough you fucking _kissed_ me man. What the _hell_ were you thinking?"

Miroku waved the male bartender down and grinned. "Dear friend, my buddy here hasn't lost all coherent thought. I need another shot, pronto."

The bartender smiled. "Anything in particular?"

"Hey! What about a porn star?" Miroku asked, gawking at me as if it was the greatest thing ever.

I frowned, because even though I was drunk, I knew when something sounded fruity and very _non_-manly. "Fuck off. Give me tequila, please."

"Nah, porn star!"

"Tequila!"

"Porn star!"

"Miroku, I'll kill you."

"Tequila!"

When the shot came, I eagerly downed it and smashed the glass on the bar top, looking around at the brand new bar in town, Zero Gravity. It was a mixture of a bar and a club. The music was recent, dance beats pulsing through the room. There was pool in the back but up front was dancing space, three different bars and a whole lot of fucking bitches. Uh, women.

"So, Inuyasha my good ol' buddy," Miroku said, dropping a lazy arm around me. Had I not been out of my mind drunk, I would've shoved it off but right now, I didn't particularly care. "What's been going on with you? Any new conquests?"

I raised my brows and smirked. "What the fuck do you think?"

"Ah! Who's the lucky woman?"

"Kagome Higurashi," I said proudly, tapping the bar top and asking for another tequila shot.

Between shots, Miroku was nursing some sort of really strong alcoholic drink that made me cringe every time I smelled it. The glass had started out tall, but Miroku had only a couple sips and it was already half finished. He took another chug before staring at me blankly. "Who did you say?"

I rolled my eyes and made a face portraying how stupid he looked. Maturity? Nah. "Kagome Higurashi," I repeated, feeling my body sway a bit to the music. I definitely didn't dance but if some chick asked I'd consider it. I was pretty much on my way to being completely and totally wasted. The only reason I wasn't was because my thoughts were still somewhat logical.

Miroku sputtered, pulling back his arm and staring at me. "_The_ Kagome Higurashi? Dude, you're fucking nuts. You won't get her."

I growled at him and flipped him off, feeling my body lean towards him as I lost my balance. "Why the hell does everyone say that? I get whoever the fuck I want, so why the hell is she any different?"

I tried to balance on the bar stool, feeling my head start to twirl and oh shit.

Woo. Head rush.

"Because," Miroku said with a sly smile, laughing at my drunken state, "she's one fine woman with probably far too many kinks."

I laughed. "When did you think kinky was bad?" My god, once Miroku had called me screaming because he and this hooker had done the dirty the previous night and she handcuffed him, right? Well hahaha, it was even better because she woke up early, took all of his money and then left him there, handcuffed naked to the fucking headboard.

How priceless is _that?_

"I never said kinky was bad. I _live_ off kinky. I mean, the girl is different. Self-assured I guess, or whatever shit you wanna call her." Miroku frowned and downed the rest of his glass, all of a sudden seeming a little thoughtful.

"What the hell is with calling her self-assured?" I grumbled, taking another shot and downing that too. I could feel the burn sliding down, and the hiss I let out felt good as my brain fogged up just that much more. "Man, she's so fucking hot. I think I'm in _love_, you know?"

Miroku's fist came into contact with my face and I growled, wondering what the hell was with everyone and _punching me_? First Sango, who hits me all the time but not with her fists! And not on my beautiful face! I mean, seriously people, this is where the money is and I can't lose it. Well, it's not like I'm a model or anything but this face definitely gives me an extra couple thousand per year on top of my several millions earned off of profit.

But now, Miroku? What the fuck is up his ass that he has to punch me? Ha. It's probably a stick or something.

Ouchie.

The bartender came over, giving us a pointed look and I waved him off. "What the fuck was that for, you son of a bitch?" I could tell that I wasn't as angry as before, probably because now I was imagining Miroku screaming and crying like a little pansy around the bar, trying to get the stick out of his ass.

"For using the L word," Miroku replied, glaring at me in dead seriousness. Ugh. Why does everyone have to ruin my thoughts? "Dude, forget Kagome. She's not even _that_ hot."

"You don't think she's that hot?" I asked, incredulous. "I'm thinking she's at least a fifteen over ten."

"Fucking idiot," Miroku murmured, shaking his head at me and shooting me another glare. "I don't know what's gotten into you, but she's maybe a nine. Nice body, nice legs, nice hair to grab and breasts to toy with but you gotta snap out of it. You and me, man, we _don't_ fall in l...lo...lolo. It."

"_I'm_ a fucking idiot? What about you crashing into my door and threatening Sango with a butter knife?" I paused for a moment. "Thank you for finding that, by the way. I didn't know I had one."

Miroku's eyes widened and he took a step away from the bar, looking down. "Please Inuyasha, don't ruin my drunken state by sobering me up with those memories. Let's just get more smashed, find some girls and fuck 'em."

Something was definitely up with him but I was far too drunk and far too uncaring to really give a shit. Besides, Miroku was a big boy.

Anyways, while he went off and had a threesome, I was probably just going to drink some more and dwell on the terrible thought that I actually think I've found _The_ _One_. I should probably be trying to forget her since everyone is telling me how it's a bad idea to even think of getting with her, but I don't really care.

Nope. Me and Jack Daniels are going to party alone tonight.

Me. Alcohol. Potential worst hangover ever.

And no woman.

Aw, fuck.

* * *

_Feedback is love :)_


	5. Suck It, Sesshomaru

**_Disclaimer: _**_I do not own Inuyasha. I do not profit from this story._

* * *

Happiness

The Tale of an Unstoppable Force and an Immoveable Object

* * *

_Chapter Five: Suck It, Sesshomaru_

* * *

To continue with this lovely timeline I seem to be giving you, the following day? Yeah. Worst _fucking_ day of my _life_.

There are several reasons for this and I will list them in no particular order mainly because I can't really think or see straight in my current predicament. Reason number one includes the fact that I think a rat died in the mouth of a cat. And that cat? Well it must have then died in my mouth because dear lord, I could puke alone from the wretched taste. Reason number two includes the horrible karma-induced nightmare that has been brought forth by Bang, who is obviously unhappy with me.

I opened my eyes just in time for a stinking, sloppy red tongue to lick my face. Great. Just fucking peachy.

"Leave me alone, Bang," I practically growled, internally grimacing at how terrible my voice sounded. Sitting up and heavily leaning against the headboard, I groped for the half-drank water bottle on my nightstand and clawed desperately at the lid.

"Fucking bitch," I hissed when the plastic cover wasn't _budging_. Was this karma? Was this the universe pointing at me and _laughing_ because I was so incompetent and alone and hung-over? Was this really necessary?

Was this torture REALLY necessary?

Bang growled from the side of my bed, rearranging himself so that he was sitting with his large head resting on the mattress. His big black eyes looked at me, ears drooping and big mouth slopping on the sheets.

I looked at him blankly, trying to piece together the previous night. "Do you remember what I did last night?"

Bang stared up at me and then snorted.

I knew my dog well enough to know he was telling me I was a dick and obviously hadn't pleased him for some reason last night. "That's what I thought." I sighed, finally opening the bloody water bottle from hell and taking a long-awaited gulp of the most amazing god-made sacred drink in the world. Of course, ask me how I like water at any other time when I am not suffering from a life-threatening hangover and I will respond with an answer resembling something close to hatred.

"You want out?" I mumbled around the mouth of the bottle, taking another long sip and feeling the room-temperature water slid down. Bang whined and I groaned, finishing the last of the bottle and sliding out of bed. "Whoa shit," I muttered as I stumbled out of the king-sized bed, feeling a slight head rush before taking unsteady steps towards my closet. I fumbled for a long while for a big oversized housecoat, throwing it on with a pair of leather slippers and stumbling to the front door.

"You're lucky I love you," I snapped, grabbing another bottle of water as we passed through the kitchen and left the apartment. Bang led the way to the elevators, nudging the down arrow with his nose because he was so damn tall and then sitting down by my feet. Suddenly, the elevator bell rang and the doors slid open.

Reason number three for being the worst day of my life follows.

"You look like you crawled out of a pigpen after a wrestling match with the fat one," a deep, grating voice murmured and I looked up, groaning out loud because holding it back would be bad for my health.

"What the _fuck_ are you doing here?"

"And obviously you lost." Honey-brown eyes stared at me coldly and while the monotone voice gave no hint of amusement, I knew he was probably doubled-over laughing at a joke that wasn't funny as much as it was fucking bad. "Inuyasha, it's not pleasant to see you but we'll both pretend I said it was for bloodline's sake."

"Fuck off, Sesshomaru," I growled, stepping into the elevator with Bang, who was as far away from my half-brother as possible. Bang hated people. Well, Bang _despised_ Sesshomaru. Sango swears the reason isn't so much because Bang instantly feels the "asshole" vibe but more because he picked up my irritation towards my half-brother.

I'll put it simply: we don't get along. At all. Whatsoever.

We make nice-nice for the sake of publicity, since Sesshomaru is the owner of the company that bought my empire. Yeah, we're both fucking smart, business-savvy and rich. However, I'm the only attractive one.

Sesshomaru pressed the button for the lobby and rolled his eyes. "How much?"

"Fuck you," I spat, then after a while grunted, "Half a bottle of Jack, six or seven shots and a mixed drink of some sorts. That's what I remember anyways."

To Sesshomaru's credit, he was able to maintain the robot expression on his face, although his tone did sound a bit surprised. "You remember drinking all that, plus the bottle of Jack?"

"Fuck no," I replied, giving him an incredulous expression. "I just know because I saw the empty bottle on the kitchen counter this morning. It was half-full the day before so I put two and two together."

The elevator dinged and the three of us got out, Bang giving a snort in my direction with obvious complaint at how long I take. He sauntered towards the main lobby doors, pressed the handicap button with his nose and waited for the doors to open before rushing outside to take a piss.

"I don't know how an idiot like you got a dog as smart as that," Sesshomaru murmured, glaring my way. "And by the way, you're expected at dinner tonight."

I rolled my eyes. "What the fuck Sesshomaru? You can't just come over here and demand my presence at dinner. I am hungover and I am planning on sleeping the day away."

Sesshomaru gave me a disdainful look before shaking his head. "Is it possible for you to say one sentence without the work 'fuck' in it?"

"Does it fucking look like it?" I asked, feeling my head start to pound louder and louder. Dear god, I am swearing off booze for good. This headache was bound to kill me if it decided to beat any louder.

"Well it's at six and you have to be there," Sesshomaru said as a response, completely ignoring the immaturity that was obviously getting under his skin. Sesshomaru was all business all the time. The very essence of the man reeked of high-class, rich taste, elite culture. His hair was perfect with long, straight black strands that were almost as long as mine. While mine looked like a bird nest, I'm pretty positive Sesshomaru got his professionally straightened with some sort of feminine-like perm. His eyes were cold like ice but just that little side of being lighter than mine. His face rarely changed from its expressionless robotic mask, nearly as crisp and professional as his all black business suit, pressed white shirt and striped tie.

Considering my earlier stunt on the balcony, I would think that I would be the slightest bit jealous of him. Not that I would ever in a million years tell him that. I would rather have a needle stuck in my eye than admit it. However, every time I think of being in his shoes, I remember the fact that he's a tied-down, pussy-whipped son of a bitch and that I had it so much better.

"How is Rin by the way?" I asked, watching as Bang pressed the button and came back into the lobby. His big body nudged my legs and I absentmindedly scratched behind his ears. "Still got you tight on a leash?"

Sesshomaru gave me that blank stare I was more than used to and tilted his head. "She's fine. She's making dinner. She expects you there at six o'clock sharp."

"Man, just because you're pussy-whipped does _not_ mean I have to be too," I complained, glaring at him.

"This is an appropriate time to let go," Sesshomaru murmured, looking down at his watch before nodding to himself. "_Fuck_ you little brother. Enjoy your day hungover and I will see you at six."

Reason number four as to why this day sucks royally: the fucking bastard slapped me hard the on back, making it look like a brotherly gesture when really, it rocked my entire body forward with a jolt and _Jesus Christ_ the pain. I think Bang might have stabilized me a bit as a watched the son of a bitch leave the building.

"I think I'm going to be sick," I whispered to no one in particular, feeling my head throb like a motherfucker. So slowly it was like I was moving backwards, I made my way to the elevator, thanking the universe for having a very large dog like Bang to act as my temporary crutch. Bang seemed to notice that I was lacking the ability to move so he slowed down, following my tiny shifts across the floor, into the elevator and back in our room.

Fucking Sesshomaru. Him and his goody-goody wife Rin _always_ inviting me to dinner. It was stupid and pointless and totally unwanted. The only reason I went was usually to self-indulge in watching Sesshomaru get pussy-whipped by his wife. I swear the man is the hardest, coldest bastard in the entire universe.

And then he comes home and becomes a little lovesick puppy that can't do anything alone.

Or something like that.

It's actually quite hilarious.

Hahaha. Suck it, Sesshomaru.

I am rich (just like him), good looking (more so than him) and I get laid (just as, if not more, often though I don't know for sure because like _hell_ would I want to learn that). Only, I'm not wha-cha'd like he is. I'm not _whipped_. Get it? Whipped? Wha-cha'd?

Suck it, Sesshomaru.

I quickly took several extra-strength Advil and then jumped in the shower, bringing another bottle of water with me. I drank all of that while rinsing the grime from my body, feeling the hot steam relax my muscles and soothe the pain that the son of a bitch gave me. Bang waited for me outside the door, watching me carefully in case I passed out or something else as equally serious.

"I'm okay dude," I muttered, patting him on the head. "I'm going to change now so keep out. Man rules, remember?"

Bang snorted and then growled, turning around and going into the living room where his bed was. I reached back for the empty bottle of water, my second or third of the morning...

Wait, what time was it?

I realized that in all of this, I had no _fucking_ clue what time it was. I raced out of the bathroom, clutching the towel around my waist only to hear the sound of Bang barking rather unpleasantly.

"Good morning Inuyasha!"

Ugh.

Please no. Not now. Not at...err...

3:34 pm.

"Inuyasha, where the hell are you bitch?" Sango called. Her voice was far too cheery for my liking.

Slowly, I walked into the living room. It was like walking your way down the plank. Yes. It was that bad. You know there is an end and that it's near. Every step you take gets you closer and closer to your deathly plunge.

Approaching Sango was typically like that.

"Hey Sango," I said, briefly making my way into the living room before heading towards the kitchen to dump the empty water bottle and get a new full one. I opened the cap with much less trouble than the one from this morning and downed a fair amount. I could hear Sango moving around in the living room, her high heels clicking on the floor as she was trying to avoid Bang.

Taking a deep breath and figuring that if I was going to make the jump I might as well do it sooner rather than later, I walked to the living room and saw Sango settled on the couch, reading a magazine. "What are you doing here?" I asked, standing in front of her and crossing my arms as best as I could with the plastic bottle.

Sango looked at up at me with raised brows. "I need a reason?"

"You're lucky I decided to wear a towel or you'd be seeing more than you'd ever want," I replied, rolling my eyes. "You can't just _waltz _into my apartment whenever you want for no reason. I am your boss, not your roommate."

Sango snorted, looking back down at her magazine. "Yeah, because if you were my roommate, you wouldn't be wearing _anything_."

It took me only seconds to understand the statement there and _oh my fucking god_.

"You _what_? You and Kagome? _WHAT_? Is there a _VIDEOTAPE?_"

Please tell me that there is a videotape. Ooh, a sex tape.

Please.

Pretty, pretty please?

God, if you can hear me, I know I don't talk to you much. However, if you could grace me with a videotape of _that_, I will be one fucking happy man. And that's what you want right? So.

Yeah.

Tape please.

"You are so stupid," Sango laughed, shaking her head. "To actually believe... How long has it been since you last got laid?"

Well.

Way to be blunt.

"That is none of your damn business," I snapped, storming off towards my bedroom. Fucking women fucking walking into my fucking apartment fucking asking me about how often I fucking fuck. How dare she? Just because it's been like _a week_ doesn't mean anything. Yeah, okay, so this is the longest it's been in a while.

I threw on some clean clothes from my closet, growling when Bang suddenly barked unhappily. That could only mean one thing.

"Damn Inuyasha," Miroku spat, stumbling in. "Is your head as bad as– Shit, Sango what the fuck are you doing here?"

* * *

To Do:

#9: Change the goddamn locks.

* * *

"I work for the asshat too," Sango replied.

I walked into the room just in time to see Miroku's terrified reaction. He was really edgy and his hand was on the doorknob as if escape was the only option. Quickly I patted him on the shoulder and dragged his sorry ass to my kitchen. I handed him some Advil and shrugged, looking at him and then Sango. _Uh, dude?_

Miroku seemed to get the message and shook his head, glaring at me. _I don't want to talk about it._

I waved my hands in the air, shrugging my shoulders again and giving him a pointed glare. _What the fuck is going on?_

Miroku's glare didn't change until finally, something in him seemed to give. His face softened and I watched as he turned to face Sango, who was back to reading her magazine. Suddenly, her voice startled the both of us out of our silent conversation.

"_Love, Sex and Other Slow Deaths_. Hey, doesn't that sound interesting? She always picks the most interesting titles."

"Well, sex is a slow death," Miroku said quietly, giving me a look that was so oddly vulnerable that I was terrified we were going to have a moment that was so non-manly, porn mags would be required to add some macho.

Sango seemed to jump at Miroku's words, turning around with wide eyes. "Why would you say that?" she asked, giving me a questioning glance.

I finally got it, putting two and two together to make four. Miroku had been avoiding Sango for reasons unknown. These reasons must be why Miroku has been acting so weird with all of the obsessive drinking, door crashing and butter knife waving.

Miroku shrugged. "I'm so not going there with you."

"Excuse me?" Sango asked, practically screeching. "Did I just hear right? You aren't going to get into a sexual conversation with _me_? I'm sorry. How many times have I threatened for a restraining order against you and your hands?"

"Well, just because I want to touch doesn't mean I want to _touch_!" Miroku shouted, sitting on the couch beside her and glaring. "See? I knew you secretly liked it."

"What the fuck?" Sango demanded. "Are you seriously getting mad at me because you wanted to touch my ass? Seriously?" She turned to look at me with a very angry Sango expression. Dear lord.

We're all dead now.

Remember how I said Sango was not someone you wanted to be on the bad side of? This is why.

"Seriously? Are you fucking serious?" Sango yelled, standing up and curling the magazine in her hands. "You men are all the _fucking _same! Do you know why I _hate_ men? Why I hate it when they touch me, COUGH MIROKU COUGH-A-FUCKING-COUGH! Because you're all going to up and leave the moment you fucking get it. It's not cooties, it's a lack of a fucking _SET_ to commit!"

* * *

To Do:

#10: NEVER GIVE THEM A KEY TO ANYTHING I OWN EVER AGAIN.

* * *

My headache was back full force from the dull throb it was moments ago.

And this was far from over.

Angry!Sango is a Bad!Sango.

"Fuck you! Fuck _all _of you! You fucking pussy ass _bitches_. I almost _wish_ I was a lesbian so I didn't have to deal with your pansy bullshit. And that's what it is! BULLSHIT! Every single word, every single action or saying or little tiny movement. Every fucking click of the gears in your brain is just telling me how none of you will ever be able to commit to anything, ever, in a fucking lifetime!"

* * *

To Do:

#11: For the love of all that's good, give them both butter knives and let them finally end it.

* * *

"And NOW, I SHOULD JUST BURN EVERYTHING! Why not? Take a fucking match, light it and just OOPSIES! DROP IT!"

"HEY!" I yelled, deciding that it was going way too far. "No one is lighting my apartment on fire!"

"WHO THE FUCK ASKED YOU?"

Right.

"I'm going to the park with Bang so you don't blow his eardrums out. Thanks. Don't burn anything and please, if either of you kill each other, dump the body far away from here. Thanks again."

Not that anyone was listening. Miroku was saying a few choice words while Sango was practically strangling him on the couch.

Bang was already waiting at the door, practically pleading with me to get him out. The moment I opened the door with my keys in hand, the Great Dane practically pulled a Miroku by almost knocking the door off its hinges.

"Miroku you are a cheating bastard!"

"I NEVER CHEATED!"

"YOU CHEATED YOUR GENE POOL BY BEING A FUCKING PUSSY."

Escape just doesn't seem like a strong enough word here.

We escaped by rushing down to my BMW as fast as humanly (and doggedly) possible. With a tongue-loll and tilted head, I knew where Bang wanted to be and we drove out of the underground parking to the large park we had been at a couple days ago. The drive seemed to pass even faster, maybe because Sango's screaming was urging me to leave the screeching sound at lightning speed.

Bang barked and whined when the park was in sight, his tail thumping against the leather. He leapt out of the convertible the moment it was parked, his long legs pushing hard as he raced around the lot with woofs of joy. I laughed at him while I opened the trunk for the tennis balls, immediately tossing one to him before throwing the second far away into the field. Bang took off like a bullet, dropping the one in his mouth and making a beeline for the falling green ball.

I followed close behind after locking up, jogging to the field and throwing the next ball when Bang got close. We played for a solid thirty minutes, running around the field and tossing tennis balls like it was nobody's business.

"Bang! Go get it!" I launched a ball into the air, throwing it as far as I possibly could and squinting as the sun hid it from view. Bang didn't have the same problem, and soon he was jumping to catch it, racing back to my side.

"Good boy, come here!" I yelled, slapping my legs and bending down slightly. I had taught him when he was a puppy that he shouldn't run into me. It was protection for my future health, because if he was this size but still running into me, I surely would be dead. In a second he would be slowing down, tongue hanging out and–

Bang was maybe five feet away when all of a sudden he picked up speed. My eyes widened because the only thought that crossed my mind was _motherfucker this is going to hurt._ I cringed when he was a foot away, far too close for comfort before he suddenly dodged to the side and continued to run past me.

I blinked, really confused and I turned around, instantly being _blinded_ by some goddamn light.

"Hey stranger," a familiar voice greeted and I blinked at least five more times to get rid of the black spots lining my vision.

When I could finally see, I was more than happy to stop blinking. There she was, Kagome Higurashi, the woman of my dreams. "Hey," I replied, instantly flashing a smirk (the winning one, of course). "What are you doing here?"

Holding up the camera in her hand, Kagome smiled and then _bam_, I was blinded yet a-fucking-gain.

"Can you stop trying to blind me?" I asked, rubbing my hands over my eyes. "That's the second time in a minute."

"But you're so handsome it's hard to stop," she said, grinning wickedly before lowering the camera. Her hands reached down to pat Bang, and when the black dots were clear from my vision I glared at him. The bastard left me for _her_? And then her words sank in and I immediately forgot why I was glaring in the first place.

"Well I don't expect you to," I murmured, startled by how pleased I was that she called me handsome. Personally, I think she meant _sexy_ or _hot_, but beggars are not choosers.

She can call me handsome all day if that's what it takes to be with her.

I really wouldn't mind.

"So do you come here often?" I asked, waving the other tennis ball in front of Bang before throwing it. He looked up at Kagome for a moment before taking off, going after the green bouncing ball that was already rolling in the cut grass.

Kagome's dark brown eyes searched mine for a moment before shrugging. "I guess you could call it often. I like taking pictures and if I have nothing to do, I'll come here."

"Maybe I should come here more often," I muttered, more to myself than her. "So that's what you do as a career? Take photos?"

Kagome smiled and nodded her head towards the bench we had sat at last time. As we headed over, she fiddled with her camera. "More or less. I enjoy photography so I do it. I've done a ton of weddings; I do the work for my friends at Affair and a bunch of other stuff."

"Is that what you went to university for?" I asked, trying to pry for information and learn more about my future wife.

Kagome laughed. "Oh no. I'm an English major actually. Papers, books and more papers were the three steady constants in my life."

"And Sango," I added, which was probably the dumbest thing I could've said. Damn woman and her teasing comments about experimental roommate love.

Frowning, Kagome sat down on the bench. "Well yeah I guess. After being roommates first year, we stayed off-campus with a few other friends for the rest."

I nodded, still mentally smacking myself in the head. Bang came running back to distract me, forcing me to throw another ball away. He snorted before taking off and Kagome giggled as she brought up her camera and snapped pictures. "Did you go to university?" she asked me, still focused on the camera in her hands.

"I didn't really have a choice," I answered with a laugh, watching the woman beside me with fascination. It was amazing – she was amazing. She was gorgeous with shining black hair, pale flawless skin and full lips curving into a genuine smile. "You are so–" _Shit_. Why did I do that? Please tell me _why_? "Uh, happy?"

Patting Bang when he came near, Kagome gave me a strange look. "Is that a bad thing? What did you go to university for? Why did you not have a choice? I have a rule about that. Rule number three: never do anything that you don't want to do."

"Uh..." Process brain. Process. Process _faster_.

She is so fucking hot.

"Uh..." Hurry up! "I went for my Bachelor of Commerce. I never went for my MBA though. I, uh, worked for this company for a long time since I was in high school. Worked my way up through university and got the feel for everything. Over the years I'd learned the strengths and weaknesses of the business and after two years I left to start my own. I made it an empire, sold it to my bas- uh, half-brother and now I don't have to work another day in my life."

Kagome raised her brows. "That's quite a story. Two years? That's it?"

I shrugged, feeling slightly embarrassed at the fact I wasn't very modest. Was that bad? "Yeah, two years. But, you know, tons of people have done it... I think."

Laughing and shaking her head, Kagome toyed with Bang's ears. "What a good boy! Eh cutie? What a good dog!"

"I'm not sure if I mentioned this before but Bang doesn't like _anybody_. I have no clue why he likes you," I said suddenly. Wow. Did that sound bad?

_Way to put your foot in your mouth_.

"I mean, not that you're not likeable," I said quickly, even though she didn't seem to notice what I said. "Because you're likeable. I mean, I like you. Uh, but just like you. Not like, _like like _you. Just, you know."

Smooth Inuyasha. Real fucking smooth. Could I sound like a bigger idiot?

No? I didn't think so.

"You're cute," Kagome said, completely throwing me for a loop.

She thinks I'm cute? Does that mean she thinks I'm cute in the "we should date/become-lovers/get married" way? Or the "let's be best friends and nothing more" way?

This is so confusing. Womenare so confusing.

_Shake your money maker like somebody 'bout to pay ya_–

Ah, the new famous ringtone. It's a step up I think although Sango wanted to throttle me when she was trying to change it. Apparently I change my mind too much.

Pulling out the phone, I gave Kagome a sorry smile before answering. "Hello?"

"As much as I rather you didn't come, it is six o'clock and Rin is having a fit because you're not here," Sesshomaru said frankly; his voice less than amused.

Oh. Shit.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," I replied, looking at Kagome with wide-eyes and shaking my head.

That's right. Ham it up for the pretty woman beside me. Make it look like I care about my shit of a half-brother and his dwarf wife. Actually, Rin was really sweet and an _amazing_ cook, but still the whole "unwanted" thing loomed over all of that.

"Are you drunk?" Sesshomaru asked, clearly not happy with my behaviour.

"Do you mind if I bring Bang? We were at the park and I was talking and just got caught up. I can be over there in ten minutes if I don't drop Bang off at my apartment, but if you mind than I don't mind the stop."

Sesshomaru sighed. "You're trying to get laid with the woman standing beside you aren't you?"

"Thanks for calling big brother," I said simply, trying to sound grateful. "Tell Rin that I'm sorry and that I can't wait for her great cooking."

"Fuck you, Inuyasha."

"Can't wait to see you either." I sighed and hung up, looking over at Kagome. "I am so sorry. I'm supposed to be at my brother's place right now for dinner. Do you mind if I go?"

Kagome grinned. "You asking my permission Mr. Rich and Famous?"

Smirking and finding it genuine (meaning, not forced to impress her), I nodded. "Maybe I'll get to see you in the park again soon?"

Dark eyes searching mine, she hesitated for a moment before reaching into her camera bag and pulling out a card. It had her name, number and email. "Yeah," she said. "I'd like that."

YES YES YES! Oh, and just to add to this happy end note–

Suck it, Sesshomaru.

* * *

_Feedback is love :)_


	6. Whipping Tactics

**_Disclaimer: _**_I do not own Inuyasha. I do not profit from this story._

* * *

Happiness

The Tale of an Unstoppable Force and an Immoveable Object

* * *

_Chapter Six: Whipping Tactics_

* * *

The world could have ended. Volcanoes could become active, destroying all ability to fly in or out of the country, and I would be happy. Earthquakes could occur, destroying my wicked bachelor pad, and I would be happy. Miroku and Sango could kill each other with butter knives and I would still be happy.

That's how fucking happy I am.

That's how awesome this day is.

Did I forget to mention the fact that Kagome gave me her _number_? YES! YES! YES!

I was so happy as I drove away that I almost forgot Bang. Thankfully he was smart and jumped into the car just as I was about to pull away. He glared at me for a moment before getting caught up with the wind in his face and ignoring me completely. Personally, I couldn't care less.

_I got Kagome, K-K-K-Ka-gome. Woot woot woot. Whoop whoop whoop. K-K-K-Ka-gome._

Yes. I am making up my own song to _Ring around the Rosie_. So what? I'm as happy as a clam.

...Ever wondered why clams are happy? I mean, they are so ugly and gross. However, don't they make pearls or something? That's practically like making _money_ isn't it? So I guess they are like the underwater bank, only a bit more disgusting and personal.

_Kagome, Kagome, K-K-K-Ka-gome. I'm going to take her on a date; to be my hot wife is her fate. La la la. Oh oh oh. Da da da da do dah._

Parking in a large driveway, I let Bang out before raising the soft top and climbing out myself. Bang sniffed at the grass distastefully, snorting and running over to Sesshomaru's brand new Jaguar to piss on the tires. I merely shook my head at him and opened the door, calling in the moment both Bang and I stepped foot into the large grand entranceway.

"I'm here!" I yelled, chucking off my shoes and following Bang's lead into the kitchen.

I could see the unhappy glare in Sesshomaru's honey-brown eyes and he flipped his black hair over his shoulder like a snotty brat. "You're late Inuyasha."

"Really? That's why you called me?" I quipped, grinning at him and leaning down to kiss Rin's cheek.

Rin giggled and pushed me away, fanning at some sort of dish that she had just taken out of the oven. "Hurry up and sit down, Inuyasha. I kept all of the food warm."

"Thank you Rin. Sorry I'm late," I said politely. While I could be rude and terrible to my half-brother, the last time I tried to be rude to her she leapt on top of me and sobbed for over an hour. Wailing about just wanting to be like brother and sister, I remember that day as the day I learned to just make the midget wife happy, even if I wanted to cause pain to her husband.

Rin smiled and shushed me. "Don't worry." Turning to look over her shoulder, she sighed dramatically. "Sesshomaru? Can you please get the wine from downstairs? I thought I told you to get it ten minutes ago."

Sesshomaru poked his head around the door, sighed and headed towards the stairs.

I laughed at how whipped he was by her. The great, all-mighty Sesshomaru Taisho was whipped by his short child-like wife. So funny it should have its own comedy show. Ha. It would be titled: _Sesshomaru, Blank Looks and Full Frontal Whipping: How to Train them so you do Nothing._

* * *

To Do:

#12: Discuss publishing opportunities with Sango. I may be on to something here.

* * *

"So Inuyasha, how have you been?" Rin asked, sitting down in the seat and giving me a large smile. "I haven't seen you in so long!"

In all honesty, it's been a week. She invited me last Sunday and said the exact same thing. Maybe this was part of the whipping tactic. Make me feel guilty that I'm not there enough until I'm always there _waiting on her every beck and call?_

Potentially. I'll have to take note to it.

"It has been too long," I forced out, trying not to make the lie obvious to the short woman who seemed to beam at the statement. "I haven't been up to much actually," I continued, racking my brain for things to say. "I've been out with my friends for the most of it. I'm on the cover for Affair Magazine coming out in a couple months." At Rin's astounded look I nodded sympathetically. "Yes, I know. You did get the short end of the stick husband-wise. _But_ that's not the point. I was asked stupid questions but I met Mystery Woman so everything was pretty good–"

"Mystery Woman?" Rin asked, grabbing a lump of some food she made and glancing briefly at Sesshomaru when he walked in. "Who is this?"

"Some really ho– nice girl," I finished quickly, attempting to cover up the inappropriate language I had previously been considering. "I've met her a couple times. She's very...sweet. I think you'd get along well."

Sesshomaru took his seat and glared at me. "Oh and when was the last time you talked to her?" he asked in his usual monotone voice. He tilted his head innocently towards me.

I smirked at my half-bitch of a brother. So he was trying to get me on Rin's bad side huh? Well, I wasn't going to roll on my back and accept it. "Actually, that was the reason I got held up," I admitted, looking at Rin sheepishly. "I'm so very sorry, again."

Rin pursed her lips and shrugged. "Oh, no big deal."

"But it is," I interrupted before she said anything more. I reached across the table and grabbed her hand, making her look into my eyes.

Yes, for those of you who are curious, this is usually how I get women into bed – with my charm, unfailing looks and excruciatingly unbelievable talent. If Sesshomaru actually had a heart, he might be angry right now.

"I look forward to your meals all the time. You see, when I saw her in the park I was just getting ready to go. She's a photographer you see and she wanted to take some photos of Bang." The dog raised his head at me, miffed because I hadn't given him any of the delicious food yet. "I told her we were just about to go but she was desperate for something in her portfolio. You should see her work," I continued, nodding my head as I patted her hand. "Hey, weren't you and Sesshomaru going to get married again?"

Rin frowned, giving Sesshomaru a questioning glance. "But we're already married."

"Oh. Well I thought he told me you were going to renew your vows."

HA HA HA HA HA. FUCKER!

Sesshomaru looked like he was about to leap across the table and strangle me. His expressionless face was twitching and I swear his hands were knuckle-white against the table. The death glare he sent my way, had it been effective, would've definitely killed me. I could only watch in pure amusement as Rin gasped and leapt up into Sesshomaru's arms.

"We are?" she asked, running her small hands through his long black hair. "You want us to renew our vows?"

"Actually–"

No, no, no. Sorry Sesshomaru. I'm totally fucking you up here. There is no chance for salvation. "I almost didn't believe it when he told me," I said loudly, getting Rin's attention back. "He wanted to whisk you away to some beach down in the Caribbean so you could exchange vows in the sand by the ocean." I quickly palmed myself to make sure my dick was still intact. I feared that my currently rambling would give off the wrong impression.

"Oh, I _love_ you so much!" Rin exclaimed, latching herself to Sesshomaru and kissing him senseless. When they broke apart and she just hugged him, probably starting to cry like the little child she was, Sesshomaru sent me a glance so deadly, I was _slightly_ worried.

But only slightly.

...Never tell him that, mind you.

"Yes, just you and Sesshomaru on a beach," I sighed. Sunday's were going to be _so_ peaceful once she was gone for a short while. I could imagine it now. Kagome and I coming together suddenly in the park. Her eyes would catch mine and suddenly she would have the urge to be with me.

And then we'd fuck like little horny bunnies.

And then be madly in love.

Oh, and I guess live happily ever after, although I do prefer to mention the endless hot sex we'd be having. Oh... And I guess marriage would have to be squeezed in there too.

"My goodness, I'm so sorry Inuyasha," Rin apologized, getting back to her seat and sniffling slightly. My god this woman was emotional. "I'm just..._so...happy_..." Here come the waterworks.

"If you'd like, I could leave you two alone," I murmured, already standing up. "I can just package some of this stuff and eat it once I get back. Seriously, you might want some time–"

"Sit your ass down right now," Rin said sharply, smiling with watery eyes. "We are going to enjoy dinner as a family."

Sesshomaru snorted and gave me another one of those death glares. Rin, who hadn't noticed, happily went on and on about what they would do, occasionally asking questions.

"Where exactly are we going?" she suddenly questioned, tilting her head at him with such adoration I nearly gagged. Dear lord, Sesshomaru had to put up with this all the time? HOW DID HE MAKE IT THROUGH THE DAY?

Taking his death ray eyes from me briefly, he let a very small tilt to his lips flash on his face. "It's a surprise."

"Oh, I just _love_ surprises," she cooed, clapping her hands excitedly. "Is it just us going or are others coming to witness it?"

There was the death glare, once again. "Alone," he said simply and his mask of no emotion was put securely back into place.

"You wouldn't want another couple or two with us?" Whipping her head around like it was a matter of life or death, she stared at me. "Why don't you bring that Mystery Woman with you and you can come? Wouldn't that be fun Sesshomaru?"

"No."

Rin rolled her eyes. "Of course it would be fun. Inuyasha, please. Won't you join us?"

_How_ exactly had this happened? This was supposed to be a way for me to enjoy some time _away_ from the annoying twosome, not spend more time with them. However, the idea of Kagome being with me on the beach... Oh fuck me, she would be wearing a bikini. Mmm. I wonder what she looked like in it. How about what she looked like without clothes in general?

"Inuyasha?" Rin asked, stirring me out of my thoughts that were quickly turning me into an awkward mess. Yeah. A _hard on_ while eating dinner with your half-brother and his wife? Just a bit on the awkward side if you ask me. And so totally _not cool_.

Sesshomaru put his hand down firmly on the table, making both Rin and I look at him. "Absolutely not," he said coldly, glaring at me once more. "I...planned this and they were not in the plans I...thought of." It was actually amusing to hear him stumble slightly with his words, although you had to give him credit. Being adamant about not letting your half-brother on a trip with you that you hadn't actually booked and that said half-brother made up just to piss you the _fuck_ off probably wasn't the easiest thing to argue for.

"Oh Sesshomaru, don't be like that," Rin said, waving at him. "Of course they can come."

"Yeah, Sesshomaru," I mocked. "Don't be like that."

If Sesshomaru wasn't made of ice and a mask of no emotion, I swear he'd be lunging over the table with his hands securely wrapped around my neck. Although, it would be at that point that Rin would bring out the real whip and yell at him. _Bad Sesshomaru. Bad._ Hmm. He probably had a pet name.

I should definitely find that out for blackmail later. It could prove useful.

Shaking my head at my outrageous thoughts, I reached over and patted Rin on the shoulder. "Seriously sis, don't worry about it," I murmured, calling her "sis" because I knew it made her melt. "I would rather that you and my caring brother go and enjoy yourselves. It's not every day that you get to renew your vows. You've been together how long?"

Rin gave me another watery smile. "About five years."

"Exactly," I said, giving her shoulder a squeeze. "This is some Sesshomaru and Rin time – not Sesshomaru, Rin and others time." I nodded at her like I was full of the wisdom and greatness that I truly was. Not many people can make so much bullshit up on the spot like I could. It was just the cherry on top that I was able to master it all so well and to my advantage.

Rin grinned and reached over to touch Sesshomaru's arm lightly. "Thank you Sesshomaru."

"Don't thank me," Sesshomaru managed out calmly, looking at his food while he cut it. "Really. Don't."

"But I want to," Rin stated, letting her hand flutter down his arm to his hand. "And I promise that I will _show_ you how much it means to me later."

Oh god. Please. Not this. Not now.

When Sesshomaru glanced at me, there was almost a teasing glint in them. I just got my half-brother what was probably some really good sex.

Shit.

I thought about my night and tried not to groan out loud. Yes. It would be just me and my hand and _no one else_.

I really, desperately, tragically needed to get laid.

* * *

To Do:

#13: Get laid, moron.

* * *

The next morning, I nearly had a heart attack. So, to be blunt, _not a good fucking start._

Loud barking ensued just beside my ear and I jumped a mile off of the bed, landing with a thick oomph. I opened my eyes to see Bang going ape-shit beside me, barking over and over with a fierce determination. I looked over to see why.

Why the _fuck_ hadn't I completed number nine or ten on my _To Do_ list yet? Changing the goddamn locks sounded like a brilliant idea and never giving Sango or Miroku a key? Even better.

"What the _hell_ are you doing in here?" I growled, looking at Sango with wary eyes. Truthfully I could barely keep them open, but her uninterested and bored look made me feel like something was very, very wrong. Maybe today was the last day on earth. I would never know because Sango, as I warned previously, was not a woman to be fucked with. If it was the last day, she would show it no fear. She'd show it so little fear in fact, that while she was falling into the lava pit in the centre of the Earth, she'd be tidying the rock surfaces as she fell.

"Well I came to collect the couch covers to have them dry cleaned," she said slowly, watching me like an animal watches their prey. "I cleaned your disgusting kitchen and took out the garbage because I'm just that awesome. I also brought up another bag of Bang's food – not that he'd appreciate it."

Bang growled at her angrily, watching her with distasteful eyes. He practically screamed "No I wouldn't. Now bring me a bone bitch." Though, since Bang was a gentleman like me, whatever he was barking was a much politer version.

"So you're in my room because?" I asked, looking at her incredulously. "Is there a reason you're watching me while I sleep? If there isn't, we may have some serious problems."

"What the hell is going on with Miroku?" Sango demanded, startling me with how weak her voice sounded. She still glared at me with that defiant tone but the lilt in her voice that practically oozed worry destroyed it. "He...won't talk to me anymore."

"Really?" I asked, sarcasm dripping. "Last time I saw you two, you were talking great."

"WE WERE KILLING EACH OTHER!"

I sighed. "I can give you a butter knife too, if you want. I'm sure a fight to the death can be arranged."

A pillow flew at my face suddenly and Bang barked, taking a cautious step forward to defend my honour. Man's best friend is right. HA!

"This isn't funny you prick!" Sango yelled. "After you left we screamed and then yelled and then shouted and then–"

"Want to use anymore synonyms in that sentence?"

"– He just stopped," she whispered, so quiet I almost missed it. "He just stopped fighting with me. It was like he shut down. And then...he leaned forward and for a moment..." Sango shook her head, trailing off. "He left so fast I thought he had been an illusion the entire time and that my mind was playing tricks on me. He won't answer my calls or open the door when I come over..."

"Sango, take a deep breath," I said, crawling across my bed to the edge. "Please don't start crying."

She looked at me with her familiar brown eyes. "Cry?" she whispered. A small laugh escaped her lips. "Like I would...ever..."

And then she burst out sobbing, flying into the air and crashing on top of me. I could feel her hot salty tears slide down my bare chest and I tried to shift her so that she wouldn't be entirely on top of me. While I always enjoyed a woman's body, the fact that she was all over me when I was simply in boxers felt...off limits. Like a boundary that was set for you at birth, I knew what I should or shouldn't do around Sango. Lying on the bed, I remained there stunned. Now that she was only partially on top of me, there was nothing left for me to do. What do you do when a woman flings herself onto you in bed?

Yes. Many would say you fuck her but a) this was Sango, b) she was crying and c) _THIS WAS SANGO_.

"Shh," I mumbled, tentatively reaching up to pat her head like I would pat Bang. I'm not sure why I compared it to that, but I never gave out comfort to anyone besides him and that comfort was only given out when it was that time of the month when he needed to get his rocks off and I didn't have bitches lined up for him.

Yes, I can be compassionate. Shut up.

"It's okay," I murmured into her hair. Not that I turned my head towards her or anything. The long waist-length strands covered my face anyways. "I'm sure he'll be back to normal soon. Something must just be up with him, you know? Maybe he finally got an STD from one of the hookers."

If anything, Sango cried harder and I tried not to groan. This was just so terrible I couldn't imagine anything worse.

And then Bang started barking angrily again, moving towards my bedroom door and lowering his head like the predator he was.

"Inuyasha? I need to talk to you about the quarterly results–"

Life? Just got worse.

Miroku stood in my bedroom doorway, taking in the sight of Sango flung across me. "What the _fuck_ are you doing Inuyasha?" he shouted, and I could swear I saw murder in his eyes. The blue tones that were usually so bright (typically because of alcohol) were now filled with anger. He stormed through the room, ignoring Bang's angry snapping before grabbing Sango's foot and dragging her off of me on the bed.

"What the hell are you doing?" Sango screamed, trying to kick herself away and wiping furiously at the tears leaking from her eyes. "Why are you here?"

"Why am I here?" Miroku asked. At this rate, all we'd do is ask questions and get no answers. "The quarterly results just came in and I was going to get Inuyasha to review the expected income," he snapped. "What the _fuck_ are you doing in his bed?"

"And why would you care?" Sango yelled back, standing up and stepping into his body so that they were nose to nose. Sango was just a few inches shorter than Miroku but with the platform heels she constantly wore, they were the same height. "After you left me last night on the couch–"

"Oh, so now I'm _leaving_ you," Miroku said sarcastically, throwing his hands in the air before grabbing Sango's shoulders. "We aren't even together!"

"Thank _fucking_ god," Sango snapped, each word a bite. "Because you are some fucked up mess that I don't want to clean up."

"That's strange considering you flip shit if a pencil isn't placed at the correct degree of an angle!"

"Well I don't think I can clean away the various STDs you've probably achieved through your various nightly _encounters_."

"At least I've had sex you virgin prude!"

A loud slap filled the air and I shrank back into the bed, watching in horror at the scene developing before me. For the entire duration I had just kept my mouth shut, petting Bang beside me so that he didn't explode with the desire to kill the both of them. While I wanted to and while I wanted to tell them that my apartment – and more specifically my bedroom – was not the place for these conversations, I had virtually no control.

How sad is that?

"I don't know what's gotten over you," Sango whispered, and I cringed as tears stained her cheeks and dripped off of her face. "I don't know what terrible event occurred in your life that made you become like this, but I'm not the enemy." She gave a bitter laugh before slapping him again, aiming for the other cheek and not giving a shit that Miroku was barely flinching. "I care about you and I thought we were best friends. And now... It's like you're dead."

Oh my goodness. This was like a soap opera. Only instead of watching it on daytime television it was unfolding right before my eyes.

Not that I watched soap operas mind you because that's not a manly thing to do.

Umm.

Sango looked at me with sad eyes. "I'll return the dry cleaning when it's finished," she whispered tearfully at me before turning and leaving the room. The slam of the door was indication enough that she was gone.

I waited a few cautious moments before getting out of bed. "Want to explain what that was for?" I asked, burying my head in my hands. Would it be possible for me to just fall back asleep and then wake up from this nightmare? I mean, this couldn't actually be my real life, could it?

"No," Miroku said simply, shrugging and turning to look at me with two red cheeks. "Like I said, we have business to discuss."

I watched the pervert with wide eyes. "Did you actually just say that to me?"

"It is my fucking job you know," Miroku snapped, glaring at me. "I actually do work for you, like I'm paid to do."

I lifted my hands in a gesture of surrender. "Whatever dude, but whatever shit you've dug yourself into, I'd suggest getting out of it."

I waited for Miroku to snap at me once more and to tell me to _fuck off_ or _go get hit by a bus_. Instead, I was surprised by the way his shoulders dropped and a sigh left his lips. "I know," he murmured.

My life was slowly treading to the land of emo, which was not a state I wanted to be in. "Well get out please so I can get dressed."

Miroku's face softened and his lips tilted into a grin. "You never cared before."

"You never kissed me before jackass," I snapped, glaring at him and crossing my arms over my chest. "So now, it's an issue. Before it never was."

Holding his hands out in defence, Miroku laughed and left the room. "The papers are in the living room. Do you want me to let Bang out?"

"Do you seriously think he'll go with you?" I yelled back, rolling my eyes and throwing on a pair of jeans and a shirt. I patted my leg and Bang followed close behind, growling when he spotted Miroku. "You really need to get over your dislike for them," I told Bang, looking down at the massive dog before grabbing the keys and waving to Miroku. "Get whatever food you want since I know you eat it all anyways."

Miroku's laugh rang out and I shook my head, going into the elevator to sort through my thoughts. Whatever the hell was going on with Miroku clearly wasn't my business and it clearly involved Sango. Whatever was going on just started recently, though nothing occurred that seemed out of the ordinary. Miroku did work, he got drunk, he lazed around in my house to sleep and then repeated. He was a continuous cycle that I had been hoping to break for years.

I let Bang out when we got to the lobby floor and I leaned against the wall, waiting for him to finish his business. There weren't many people sitting around the small room, but I noticed a few people that I had seen time and time again. Like the elderly man who sat in the corner. There were very few mornings that I didn't see him while I let Bang out.

Stirring me from my thoughts, the elderly man looked at me and grinned, lifting his hand in a wave as if to call me over. I frowned and looked out the glass door for Bang, praying that he would come in at any moment.

He never came.

"Young man!" the old guy asked and I cringed, taking very slow steps forward and watching as bug eyes landed on me.

"Can I help you?" I asked, trying not to be rude but Sango told me I always came across like that anyways.

"Are you Inuyasha Taisho?" he asked, voice weak as he lifted his hand. "I think that you are."

"Then why did you ask?" I questioned, widening my eyes. "Who the hell are you?"

The elderly man grinned. "My name is Totosai. I live on the third floor."

"That's nice for you."

"You're the man that almost jumped off the balcony, huh?" Totosai looked at me with massive eyes, a shaky hand scratching his salt-and-pepper hair. "Not a smart thing to do, lad."

I nodded slowly, feeling extremely out of place and just a little strange. "I wasn't actually going to jump off. I just like sitting there," I replied, glancing at the door again. What the hell was Bang doing? Pissing on every tree on the street? Couldn't he hurry up?

"Ah, to feel the wind in your hair," Totosai said, shaking his head. "I don't have much hair anymore. Just a little at the top." He laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world. I cried because I was starting to worry I was going to age exponentially.

Just before I could say anything, Bang ran through the door and nudged my hand. "Oh, sorry. My dog is back," I said quickly, patting Bang's head and slowly taking steps back. "But I'll see you around."

"Alright boy," Totosai said, grinning again. "I'll hold you to it."

Oh no. Please don't.

"Come on Bang," I murmured, walking back into the elevator with the Great Dane. "Let's go home."

"Haha, home! What a funny boy," Totosai called from behind me and I cringed. Wasn't he old? Wasn't he deaf?

"If only I could feel the wind in my hair once more."

The second sentence I just barely heard and I frowned as the elevator doors closed. What a strange old man.

Hopefully, we'd be dead before I ever had to see him again.

* * *

_Feedback is love :)_


	7. A Failure of Loaf

**_Disclaimer: _**_I do not own Inuyasha. I do not profit from this story._

* * *

Happiness

The Tale of an Unstoppable Force and an Immoveable Object

* * *

_Chapter Seven: A Failure of Loaf_

* * *

So here I am, two days later sitting on my balcony.

It's been three days since I last saw Kagome and while I went to the park every day, my Mystery Woman was nowhere to be found.

That meant I had to call her.

So that brought me back to the balcony. I was sitting on the ledge, as per usual, holding her business card close to my face. The card was plain but elegant; a white background with a black and white photo taking up a quarter of the right side. The name _Kagome Higurashi_ was bolded in cursive script and underneath was her cell phone number and website address.

To call or not to call, that is the question.

You see, since it had been three days, I've passed the required allotment of time before calling. Calling the next day sounds extremely desperate, the day after still very desperate but the third day...not so much. So I could do this right? I've been Kagome-less for three full days and now, it was time to call.

What if she didn't remember who I was?

What if she says no?

No. No. Let's think about this rationally. I _am_ Inuyasha Taisho, the hottest eligible bachelor out there (as proven by Affair Magazine, thank you very much) so who wouldn't say yes? While I nodded to this logic, Sango's laughing voice in the back of my mind tormented me with the idea that if anyone was to say no, it would be Kagome.

Well fuck.

I needed help. Sliding back onto stable ground, I fished around my pocket and pulled out my cell, pressing Speed Dial #2.

Miroku's voice was quick to come onto the line. "You call at the most inappropriate times," he grumbled.

"Bud, it's like fucking eleven in the morning. Please tell me you don't have a hooker already." Miroku typically had hookers over fairly often but they were reserved to the times starting anywhere between nine pm and eight am – otherwise his pad was a Hooker Free Zone. Normally I wouldn't assume he had that sort of woman with him since it was eleven. However, he had been acting more than just a tad bit strange recently. I wouldn't put it past him.

"Not even," Miroku hissed out, voice low. "I was sleeping off the large amount of booze I chugged down last night."

"You need help," I threw at him, knowing he was just going to roll his eyes and ignore me. "Look, I have a problem."

"What?"

"Kagome gave me her number but I'm not sure whether I should call. You know her, don't you? What should I do?"

Miroku groaned on the other end. "Not this chick," he muttered under his breath. "Look, is she the one you said you lo- lo- loaf?" Stupid bastard was so against the idea of _love_ that he couldn't even say it. "Don't do it. My god you're going to get sucked into this vicious and terrible thing where it's like you're _shackled_ and _bound_. Soon, you're going to be so head-over-heels in loaf that you won't even realize that your life is slowly being changed and mutilated into this sort of sick pussy-whipped thing–"

"Miroku," I snapped. "Don't be stupid. I'm just asking her out for, uh, a walk."

"A walk?" Miroku practically barked. "Why not coffee or something? It is midday right? Lunch? Not a _walk_."

"She doesn't do coffee for a first date," I answered quickly, rolling my eyes. "It's a rule."

"See? SEE! A rule! Already you're getting whipped in the ass and you _don't even know it_. You, Inuyasha, are literally skipping your way into hell all because of this stupid notion you call _loaf_."

"It's called _love_ you idiot," I corrected but before he could get another word in, I shut the phone. Well, that was helpful. Not. Now what do I do? Sango would definitely be far more helpful than the alcoholic but she would definitely tease or taunt me. Ugh, no I couldn't call her. She's the best friend so Sango would tell Kagome that I was confused and that would sound so _un_manly. Dammit. Who the _fuck_ am I going to call?

I dialled another number, waiting impatiently through all of the rings. Finally, the son of a bitch answered. "You better have a good reason for calling me," Sesshomaru said in his usual robotic and cold voice.

Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, waaaaiiiittttttt... Did I _actually_ call my half-brother?

"Inuyasha, I'm not in the mood for your childish games."

Did I seriously call Sesshomaru, the pussy-whipped king, for advice? Am I that desperate? Have I really reached such a low point in my life that I need to talk to him for advice on women? Am I that far gone that no one can save me so I just jumped into the shark tank of bloody doom by calling _HIM_?

Sesshomaru sighed on the other line. "You are the most dis–"

I hung up.

Okay, I had two choices as far as I saw: find my balls and call her or cut off my dick and don't call her. Really, it didn't seem like a hard decision when I put it that way. Taking up my courage and palming myself (just in case) I dialled in her number from the business card. Was it just me or did it get really hot in here?

"Hello?"

"Uh." Smooth Inuyasha, smooth. "Kagome? It's me. Uh, Inuyasha."

Yeah. Really smooth.

"Oh hey!" Kagome exclaimed from the other end and I felt my lips twitch up in response. "How are you?"

"Not bad," I replied, spinning around and dropping onto my couch in the living room. I could hear Bang's nails as he walked towards me on the hardwood floor. "I was wondering what you were doing today? I haven't seen you at the park lately."

"I've been busy," she admitted. "Actually today I have a photo shoot. One of my good friends is an agent. She works with a lot of models so I'm helping them with their portfolio."

"That sounds..." What did that sound like? Fun? Work? "Good?" Ugh. Could I sound anymore unsure of myself? This was getting ridiculous now.

Kagome laughed, momentarily making me forget about my mental crisis. "It is good. It's a lot of fun, which is why I do this. Did you want to go out?"

"That is why I called, but clearly you've got work to do–"

"Why don't you come?"

The question took me by surprise, probably because I was prepared to not see her at all if she was working. I opened my mouth a couple times, trying to decide what to say and if to go. She wanted me to come watch her work? Maybe I didn't make myself clear on the whole idea of a date. Was watching her work a date?

"Inuyasha, are you there?"

"Yeah, sorry," I murmured. "I'd love to come." I would? "Where and when?"

"Where else?" Kagome said, giggling. "At the park in an hour but we'll be setting up so maybe in two hours? You can come around three?"

"Great." Great. "I'll see you then." I would see her right? I'm not just watching and then leaving without more than a few words?

"See you! Oh, and bring Bang!"

"Uh, okay."

"Bye!"

I would've finally said something smooth to close what had been one of the most absurd phone calls I've ever made in my entire life but she hung up before I had the chance. Huh. Reaching out, I felt Bang's large and rather hard head as he placed it down on my chest.

"What's up Bang?" I asked, petting him in between the eyes. "Do you want to go to the park later?"

Bang blinked at me but he seemed to take in a deep breath, as if waiting for something.

"Yes, Kagome will be there."

The air came whooshing out and he sneezed right in my face. Oh good. Doggie goober not only is totally hot but a MAJOR turn on for women. Seemingly satisfied, Bang turned around and went to lay down in the massive dog bed that resided in the living room. I sighed and considered watching TV before deciding that a shower would be better. I did only have two hours and while I could get ready in fifteen minutes, stupid shit was bound to happen to prevent me from getting to the love of my life on time.

Grabbing a chair once I rose from the couch, I shoved it under the door handle at an angle. Then for good measure I grabbed one of the small tables that were pointlessly sitting in my living room and propped it up against the chair so that it wouldn't move.

Yes. Mission accomplished. Now, Sango and Miroku couldn't get in to disturb me. What a wonderful thing.

I went to the shower and stripped, ignoring the odd banging sound that was coming from the entranceway of my apartment. Everyone could just suck it, because I was seeing the loaf of my life.

Uh.

Never mind.

* * *

I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but Bang literally bolted into a run and left my side the moment he saw Kagome. I was left behind in the dust like some reject girlfriend, just begging for attention. I watched in absolute horror as Bang licked her leg and sat down beside her, his stupid big head raised to look at her face.

Patting him, Kagome turned to look at me before snapping another unwanted picture. "Hey stranger," she called, grinning. "Do you mind taking Bang for a second? I have another twenty minutes before we call a break."

"No problem, he just missed you." Yeah. If only he would listen to me when I called him, everything would be peachy. Thankfully Bang did listen and he sat down by my side loyally and growled for me to pet him. "You left me," I muttered, looking down at him displeased. "Bros before hoes, remember? Bang you left me for a ho."

The Great Dane obviously didn't care. He just watched Kagome with fascination as she worked. She was taking pictures of a tall man with long brown hair and striking blue eyes. I swore I had seen him around from somewhere before... He was posing by one of the large trees, a stupid smile on his face that instantly made me want to punch him. I couldn't help it. He naturally looked like a tool.

"You must be Inuyasha."

I turned around to find the owner of the voice, smirking when it was a pretty little thing with red hair and green eyes. "Yes I am. Inuyasha Taisho at your service. Can I do anything for you?"

"Oh the things you could do," the woman sighed happily before grinning at me. "I'm Ayame Kakazu, the one who organized all of this. Did you just get here?" She raised her hand in offering.

I took it in mine and shook it. "Yes I did. I'm supposed to be watching Kagome work, I think?"

"You think?" Ayame laughed and I realized that she looked like a woman who knew how to have a good time. Her long red hair was pulled back into a ponytail with a few thick strands framing her face. Normally I would find her attractive and start laying on the charm.

The problem was I didn't and I kept trying to get a good look at Kagome's perfect ass.

"Inuyasha?"

"What?" I asked, watching her lips frown in confusion. She must have been talking to me and I didn't answer. "Sorry, what was that?"

"Unobservant, aren't you?" Ayame murmured, shaking her head.

I would tell her how totally untrue that was because I was _very_ observant. Case and point: Kagome's ass. Instead I grunted a noncommittal answer and continued to watch her ass sway to and fro as she bent over and leaned sideways taking photos. She seemed really into it and the smile on her face was proof that she did exactly what she loved to do. Now if only I could get that smile to look at me...

"The gossip was right."

I snapped out of my thoughts once more and turned to look at the red-haired woman. "What?"

"Hot as hell but completely and totally useless," she muttered, sighing. "Of course."

"I am not." How dare she call me useless? I'm sorry but did you build an empire when you were twenty-four? No? You were working at a low-end fast food restaurant? Yeah. That's what I thought.

Suck it and swallow.

"Inuyasha!"

Now that voice I would pay attention to in any situation.

"Inuyasha, are you listening?"

"What?"

I really needed to start paying attention.

Kagome rolled her eyes despite the warm smile that tilted her lips. "I said, 'do you want to look at the photos with me'?"

"Uh, sure," I replied, smirking and attempting to lay on the charm. There was this nagging feeling in my stomach though that it wouldn't work. No, it was probably Sango's evil voice in my mind, taunting me with insults. Best friends? A true asset to one's life.

Pfft. Yeah right.

I followed behind her (because only the dumb people walk in front of a girl with an ass like that) towards a table, watching her as she set up her camera and equipment together. In moments a laptop was set, hooked up and ready with the photos of jerk-off glaring at me.

"Who is he?" I asked, for lack of anything better to say.

Kagome checked a few other things before looking at the screen. "He's one of Ayame's models. His name is Kouga Matsuno. He's very photogenic, I've learned."

Well, hearing that was almost like hearing how good he was in bed, which is a weird thing to consider overall. You know, maybe Miroku was right about the whole loaf – love – business. Maybe it didn't lead to anything good. If hearing how photogenic a guy was made me..._feel_...rejected... Ugh. This was just too much chick-flick and not enough testosterone let's-blow-shit-up.

Wait. Kouga Matsuno?

Aw, fuck me.

"I thought I saw your bitch face Taisho," Kouga's stupidly smug voice said from behind. A warm pressure on my shoulder had me turning around to face the dipshit.

"Fuck off Matsuno. Find your dick yet or have you been hiding in the closet all along?"

"Funny. Last I heard you haven't gotten laid in a while."

Fucking Miroku.

The stupid son of a bitch does financial work for more than just I. He only has a few select clients (usually the extremely rich because he can actually be smart sometimes) and the Matsuno family is one of them. This is how I met the loser-bitch Kouga Matsuno. At Miroku's birthday party a few years back, he got invited.

All I'm going to say on the matter was that we fought violently. I distinctly remember Miroku's slurred tone when he saw me emerge from the front yard after the fight.

"You – my fucking BEST FRIEND of allllllllll time – _YOU_ look like shit on a fucking popsicle," Miroku had said. Of course he was sloshed as fuck. This is Miroku we're talking about people. It comes with the territory.

"You should see the other guy," I spat because at the time that was the best I could come up with. Yeah, you see? The past was a swell time for us.

I focused back on the present. "Fuck off or I will beat the living shit out of you like I did last time. Do you not remember?" I snapped, pushing his hand off of my shoulder. I can't believe he had touched me for that long anyways.

"Hey! Hey! Boys," Kagome interrupted, snapping her fingers and stepping in between us. Her dark brown eyes watched me for a moment before turning to look at the ugly bitch-man in front of me. "Rule number twenty-one: men shouldn't fight like whiny bitches, so stop them before they get there."

THAT made me stop to stare at her with big, wide eyes. "Excuse me? _Whiny bitches_?"

"I actually agree with him," Kouga muttered, shaking his head and turning around. "Ayame! Where are you?"

Kagome smiled knowingly at me. "Well, you're not fighting anymore are you? I thought it was pretty smart."

"Is that an actual rule?" I asked, pausing for a moment before continuing. "How many rules do you have? How do you remember all of these rules? Can you just make up a rule for fun? I think I should know about these rules."

"Why? You think you're going to stick around long enough to learn them?" Kagome laughed and turned her attention back to the computer screen. "So you know him? Kouga, I mean."

"Sadly," I answered, feeling like something was wrong, like there should have been a _lot_ more to her answer than there was. "Is that a rule?"

"Yes."

I nodded, knowing that she had to have at least twenty-one rules made up. Holy shit. How does a person even come up with that many rules? "I have a _To Do_ list."

Turning around, Kagome's full lips tilted into a confused frown. "Pardon me?"

"A _To Do_ list, only it's in my head." Yes, because now I was treading the fine line of _ridiculous_ and mostly falling onto the side of _psychotic_. "Because, you know, there is stuff to do."

I almost slapped myself right then and there.

"Really?" Kagome asked. "That's interesting. I've never met someone that was somewhat like me in that aspect. What's on the top of your _To Do_ list?"

Ha. Hahahaha – fuck.

* * *

To Do:

#1: Tap that.

* * *

That probably wasn't a good response.

What was number two again?

* * *

To Do:

#2: Figure out Mystery Woman's name.

* * *

Well, I already did that so that doesn't count.

* * *

To Do:

#3: Figure out how she knows my personal assistant and my financial planner.

* * *

Did that.

* * *

To Do:

#4: Fire and then kill my personal assistant and financial planner.

* * *

DO I HAVE ANYTHING THAT I CAN TELL HER?

She's looking at me now like I've grown a head since I haven't said anything IN SO LONG.

ANSWER BRAIN! ANSWER HER!

* * *

To Do:

#5: Kill Miroku and throw him in a ditch (_Uh, how about I don't say that?_).

#6: Throw a tennis ball randomly into the air and hope it hits her on the head (_does that sound bad?_).

#7: Change the goddamn ringtone to something far less annoying (_did that_).

#8: Uh, find out what these fucking rules are about? (_did that too_).

#9: Change the goddamn locks.

* * *

FINALLY.

"To change the locks on my doors," I told her, shrugging. "It's a long list."

"Clearly," Kagome laughed, turning around and typing on the laptop. Suddenly the pictures slid by like a presentation, all of them lasting for at least ten seconds before fading into the next one. Some of the shots looked the exact same with very insignificant changes. Some of the shots were no different at all. What really got to me was the fact that stupid Matsuno actually looked good in all of them.

And I mean that in a very non-homo way. I am very accepting but I, Inuyasha Taisho, am straight.

Thank you and goodnight.

"Which one?" Kagome asked and I forced my attention back to the screen. In all of my contemplating I didn't realize my gaze had shifted to her face...and then her boobs.

Look, I can't help it if they're BIG and NOTICEABLE.

She should be careful, you know. You could poke someone's eye out with those things.

Uh, what was I supposed to be doing?

"That one?" I asked and it was definitely supposed to be a manly, assured statement.

Crap.

The goddess beside me touched my arm briefly, worry crossing her pale face. "Are you okay? You seem out of it."

"I, uh, didn't have my morning coffee," I stuttered, mentally face-palming _yet again_.

A small smile. "There's a coffee place just a block down. Why don't you head there and I'll meet you soon? I think I have all the shots we're going to need but I have to talk to Ayame and Kouga first anyways. We can talk then?"

I nodded, which at this point was far safer than saying anything. I was a total, epic failure.

A failure of loaf.

_FUCK_ MIROKU. I mean love. Love.

Ugh. Not this again.

A soft hand on my face made my thoughts disappear instantly and I looked into the stunning brown eyes of the woman in front of me. "Uh..."

Here we go again. Failure to launch in three, two, one...

"See you soon?" Kagome said gently before turning away and leaning down towards Bang, who I honestly hadn't been paying too much attention to until now. "Bye baby. I'll see you soon, okay Bang? Bye boy!" The way she was petting him and letting him get close enough to lick her face _literally_ made me jealous.

If I am jealous of my dog, we have serious problems.

The café down the block was actually fairly decent. It looked like a typical street corner store that you would see in the movies. There was a small gate that protected a sidewalk patio with iron chairs and tables. A few couples sat outside, laughing or reading and enjoying themselves. Opening the gate for Bang and I, we made our way into the café to order drinks.

"Did you want anything?" I asked Bang, looking down at him when we were in line.

Bang looked up at me, barking quietly.

"What the _hell_ is a dog doing in here?" a male voice yelled, making both of us look at him.

"Bud, we're ordering coffee," I answered, taking in the appearance of a guy. He was about two inches shorter than me with light brown hair and eyes like Miroku's. He was thin and wiry and if the guy had any smarts at all, he wouldn't dare try to fight me. "While I have your attention I'd like a large double-double. Bang here is going to have a bottle of water and an empty bowl."

The guy just stared at me.

"Look," I growled, running my hands through my black hair. Why did everything have to be so difficult? "We'll drink outside but I do have to order so, chop chop."

"Put him on a leash for goodness sake!" the man cried, throwing his hands up in the air. "Are you nuts?"

"Bang does not go on a leash, _idiot_," I snapped, grabbing my wallet from my back pocket. "He's a _real_ dog and knows how to walk beside me and do what he's told like the beast he is. He's taller than you when he stands up and in a fight, Bang would win."

"You talk about him like he's human," the coffee guy said slowly, shaking his head. I could tell I won though because he set out for the bottle of water while he made my coffee.

I nodded. People said this to me all the time. "That's because he's smarter than most. Case and point? You." Grinning, I grabbed the provided coffee, water and bowl before tossing over a bill that covered the cost four times over. "Keep the change. Maybe you can buy a contraption that will help you keep your mouth shut."

As I walked out, I got several dirty glares from the businessmen in the room. All of them knew who I was and really? The glares were out of jealousy. The women however were ogling me like I was sex on a stick – which, you know, I really was. Too bad I was a taken man.

Well, not yet. Not _technically_. But this was a sign right? I mean, she's like the hottest of the hot and I'm the hottest of the hot so together we melt the earth and all of those below us? Yes? Yes. Good. I would get the goddess and _Jesus Christ_ the night we'd have in bed... After a few dreams, I think I'm set on her with black lace lingerie. A skinny, barely-existent thong with one of those tops that hug the body perfectly and make everything look so fucking _amazing_–

Hmm. Hard on in public. Probably not smart, especially since children walk by.

Hmm.

"Here you go," I said to Bang, taking the bowl and dumping the water from the bottle into it. Placing it on the neighbouring chair at our three-customer table, I sat back and relaxed. I wondered what Kagome was doing right now?

You know what? That's enough. I need to stop this incessant rambling in my mind about her. She's just some chick that I met a couple times. Okay, so she's really hot but realistically what's so different about her? Yeah, she stupidly hot. I covered that. However, I hardly know her personality. She's just...really hot. And sexy. And really attractive. And you know, she has an awesome ass...sexy hair I could pull...smouldering eyes that make it look like she's _constantly_ turned on...

Miroku must be right. I don't _love_ her. I just really want to have sex with her. The moment I scratch the itch it'll all go back to normal. I'll start making out with every other woman I cross paths with and have sex every day and get back to the life of a rich, single bachelor.

When I think of it this way, everything makes so much more sense. I totally don't love her. Kagome is just some chick that I really want to fuck because she's _perfect_. In that sex-perfect way, I mean. Of course.

That's what it is.

"Hey you," Kagome said, smiling at me as she approached. Her soft-looking hands touched the table lightly, dancing across the iron surface. _God_, she's trying to kill me.

Would it be a bad thing if I got down on one knee right now and proposed? I'm ring-less but I'm sure as hell good for it with all the money I have. "Will you marry me?" Oh fuck. No. Did I just say that?

WHY THE FUCK DID I JUST SAY THAT?

But Kagome was staring off into the café with a small smile. When she turned to look back at me she frowned. "Are you okay? You look like someone almost killed you."

_I_ almost killed me. Thank god she wasn't paying attention. "Oh, I'm fine. Do you want anything?" I stood up, petting Bang and holding out a chair for her.

Shut up.

"Sit and tell me what you want. I'll get it for you."

Kagome giggled. "Oh, and here I thought chivalry was dead. Just a regular coffee please, black."

Black? Wow.

She's manlier than I am.

"Of course. Bang, be good please," I told the dog before smirking at her and laying on that unfailing charm. Walking back into the café, I went up to the counter. "Regular coffee, black."

It was the same damn man, not that I expected a change in twenty or so minutes. "Coming right up," he said politely, looking around the small shop. "Where's your dog?"

"Bang is outside."

"With Kagome? How do you know her?" the man asked, tilting his head to look at me. I watched as his eyes flickered through the café window to see her.

"How do you?" I snarled, glaring at him. Who the _fuck_ did this guy think he was? First he criticized me and my dog and _now_ he knew Kagome and clearly he wanted her. I could see it in his stupid blue eyes.

"Kagome, you mean?" The guy smiled. "We've known each other for awhile. She always comes here for coffee so I see her every day." Fuck. "Here's her coffee. Don't bother paying though, you left enough last time to cover it."

"Thanks," I grumbled, still sourly glaring at him but of course, he was ignoring me and looking out the window at _my_ fucking Kagome. Clearly, this was a problem because it let me on to two different things: one, I was acting jealous which is never a good thing for a bachelor of my status; and two, there was potential competition to scratch the itch. I totally had to deal with this in a subtle but effective way. I should figure out if it's a mutual thing or just one-sided. The way he practically moped just looking at her made me think that it was one-sided. With Kagome though, you seemed to never know.

Placing the coffee down in front of her when I made my way back outside, I sat beside her. "So, the coffee guy is in love with you." Well, I had been hoping for a bit more tact, but obviously today was not the day for that.

Kagome raised her eyebrows at me, looking startled. "Hojo? And thanks for the coffee."

"Yes he does. And don't worry about it."

Sighing dramatically, the goddess – normal, average woman _cough a-fucking cough_ – took a sip of the coffee, crinkling her nose. "I know."

...Okay. "And?"

This brought a smile to her face, black hair falling down her shoulder as she looked at me. "And what?"

"Are you...together?" I couldn't think of anything else I could say that wouldn't make me sound a) jealous or b) possessive. In the end, I still feel I failed on the epic scale of failing.

"No, we're not. He took me out for coffee on the first date." Kagome nodded like this was a sign in itself why they weren't together. "You know, rule number eleven?"

And then I thought about it. Looking at the coffee cup in her hand and then the corner café in which we were sitting, I nearly swore. "Well then, this isn't a date, just to let you know," I said, so quickly that I worried even myself. "Because, you know, I knew about rule eleven. Even ask Miroku – actually, don't – because I talked to him and told him that when I asked you out we were definitely not going for coffee because you don't like going for coffee on the first date."

"Can you breathe?" Kagome giggled, placing the coffee back down and tapping me on the cheek.

I tried not to make it obvious that I was completely and totally out of breath, but again, epic _fail_. "I'm breathing."

"Good, this isn't a date," Kagome agreed, grinning at me with those dark brown eyes. She was just _so fucking_ sexy. "So what do you think is going on between Sango and Miroku?"

I snorted, resting my head in my hands for a moment. "Do I really have to think about them? Dear god, they violate me enough as it is. It's the reason I'm changing my locks. I was stupid enough to give them both keys when I moved in."

"Well a few days ago Sango came bursting into my apartment crying her eyes out. Sango _never_ cries. It was practically the apocalypse."

"You thought so too?" I asked, looking up with wide eyes. She has to be the woman for me. "She started crying in my room. She had honestly just walked in while I was sleeping and woke me up crying. And then Miroku came in... It wasn't a pretty sight."

Kagome shook her head, watching me. "And you didn't intervene at all?"

I barked out a laugh. "Mt. Everest was blowing up. I don't _dare_ get in the middle for fear of being crushed. I've learned that Sango is _not_ a woman to piss off."

Nodding her head, her manicured nails traced the iron table. "Then what's going on with Miroku?"

"I _almost _wish I knew," I admitted, tilting my head to watch as she made invisible patterns into the table. "I know when it started. It was one night after he was stupid drunk and with a hooker–" The surprise in Kagome's eyes made me continue quickly. "And then the next morning he was just weird. He ran into my bathroom door and tore it off the hinges." I laughed because the shock and absolute confusion I had experienced that morning was ridiculous. "Since then he's been acting strange. Apparently he doesn't even touch Sango and before he used to grab her ass at least once a day."

"It's all very strange," Kagome agreed, sighing. "I just feel bad for her."

I'd say that I felt bad for her too, but really I didn't. She was a woman with enough OCD to kill me at times, who creepily came into my bedroom to burst out crying and constantly yelled at me and called me a bitch. So, no sympathy here.

"What do you want?"

The question was so out there I was momentarily startled. My answer? Even worse. "You...uh, to tell me what would classify as a good first date?" Dear lord. At this point, we wouldn't move from this non-existent date here at the café.

I'm not sure whether she caught my slip up or not, but Kagome's eyes seemed to darken before she stood up with a small smile, holding out her hand. "Come on."

"Why?" I asked, looking around. "Are we going anywhere in particular?"

Winking at me, she grabbed my hand and pulled me up, patting her leg to get Bang's attention. "You'll see."

For some sick reason, I was quite positive that this wasn't just lust.

For some even sicker reason, I was quite positive that this is what Miroku would call loaf.

And as a failure of loaf, well...

I bet the sex will be great.

* * *

_Feedback is love :)_


	8. Crack Shot Kagome

**_Disclaimer: _**_I do not own Inuyasha. I do not profit from this story._

* * *

Happiness

The Tale of an Unstoppable Force and an Immoveable Object

* * *

_Chapter Eight: Crack-Shot Kagome_

* * *

Bang was really pissed at me.

I could tell because the moment we headed towards my apartment, Bang's eyes narrowed and a low growl escaped his throat.

"Are you seriously going to cock-block me?" I exclaimed in a hushed whisper, looking behind me at Kagome's smiling face. "Be a good dog, please? I'll totally take you out to get laid next week."

Bang woofed, his eyes still narrowed as we approached the elevator.

"Fine, this weekend," I sighed. "I'll call Myoga when I get back tonight."

Snorting slightly, Bang walked into the elevator when it dinged its arrival. I stepped inside, holding it open for Kagome when she was still behind us.

"Oh, no thanks," Kagome said, grinning. "That's rule number four. Never go into the other man's apartment before a first date. It kind of wrecks my sense of priority."

I was too stunned to speak, so instead I just let the doors close and stared blankly at the shiny metal. "How the fuck does she remember these things?" I asked Bang, not expecting an answer.

Of course he didn't give one but his big head nuzzled my leg and I felt some comfort.

And what the hell did she mean by priority? Was she going to like jump me or something? Ooh. That would hot. Sexy.

Dammit, why the _hell_ didn't I just pull her in?

Getting to my apartment, I unlocked the door and let Bang in. "Be good, okay? I'll be back to feed you later tonight but you know where the treats are if you're starving."

Bang gave me a fleeting look before turning tail and heading towards his bed in the living room. I could tell that he wasn't exactly pleased with my decision to leave him at home when I went out with Kagome, but where could we seriously go with a dog that's bigger than most females?

Heading back down the elevator, I tapped my foot impatiently while I descended to the lobby. Two teenagers who were riding down with me were trying to be stealthy in their googly eyes at each other. I could hear whispered giggles and one-liners. When the elevator doors were about to open, I looked at both of them with an expression I hoped was wise. "You two should get it on as much as possible now," I advised, nodding my head at their blushes. "Because, you know, the relationship's not going to last past a month anyways and hey, use protection."

Walking out of there, I was sure that they remained glued to the spot. The elevator doors closed with them still in it. They were either so shocked they had become paralysed or they were so embarrassed that they were hiding out. Or listening to my advice and going back to the room. Either way, I'm a good person. The "use protection" bit? Priceless.

"Hey Kagome–" Um, what the hell was this?

"It's you young man!" Totosai grumbled, turning his massive eyes towards me. "I thought you'd never show up again."

"And I was so close too," I mumbled under my breath, pasting on a fake smile. "And it's _you_. How's it going? How do you know Kagome?" There. Right to the point.

Was I a little possessive? Maybe I should consider that.

"We've known each other for a long time," Kagome explained, putting her hand lightly on his shoulder. The fond smile on her face almost made me smile too, which is a very dangerous thing. Why was this damn woman so influential? I would think of this as a very bad thing. If she can control me and my emotions (or lack thereof) _now_ what the hell would it be like after the sex? Better? Worse?

WHY WAS I EVEN CONSIDERING THIS?

* * *

To Do:

#14: Consider therapy. And then afterwards, chop off my dick since I clearly have no need for it with my emotions and all.

* * *

"Totosai used to go to the park a lot and when I took pictures for my art, he was always there," Kagome continued, clearly not noticing my mental crisis. That was probably a good thing though.

"Lovely." It wasn't really. I couldn't care less. "So what were the plans again?"

Totosai grinned wickedly at Kagome. "Ah, you're taking this young man out, are you? Finally girl, you're getting some action!"

That was almost too disturbing to consider any deeper. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh. _Shudder_.

"Oh, quit being so in tuned with my life," Kagome laughed, reaching out to my arm and brushing it lightly.

I shouldn't have been so happy by it. I shouldn't have felt fucking _sparks_.

Christ. What was this a fucking romance novel? Ugh. Fuck me.

Please Kagome? Will you?

"We're going to go now but you take care of yourself Totosai," she said politely, beaming at him before dragging me out of the building. I followed obedien– _Fuck_. I just followed her, okay? Just normal _following_. Not obediently. Not looking like a love-sick puppy. I just followed her.

End of story.

Period.

"Where are we going?" I asked, trying to keep the tightness out of my voice. If she knew how terrible my thoughts were running right now, there would be no second date. "We're not going to a chick-flick or anything are we? I'm sorry but I don't do those sorts of things."

Raising a brow, Kagome scoffed. "Yeah. Right. Chick-flicks should be watched with girlfriends and occasionally the boyfriend when the time calls for it. So to answer your question: no. We're going to the mall."

Dear. Fuck me. Lord.

No.

NO!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I'm pretty sure a part of me just died.

"The...mall?" I choked out, too terrified to think straight. "Why do we need to go there?"

This was actually the start of the apocalypse. I went to the mall for one thing and one thing only: clothes. That's it. My shoes were either specially made or in the high-class boutiques in villages. Anything else I could get at some specialty store. But...for _fun_? Who the fuck would go to the mall for fun? For a date no less?

I would. With Kagome.

Maybe Miroku was right. Maybe I am losing my dick. Never mind me just chopping it off, there may be nothing to chop at _all_. What if I'm actually whipped already? We're not even dating and I'm whipped.

Dear God in heaven.

Please. This can't be. I...I... _WHAT DO I EVEN SAY?_

She's so _HOT_. And I want her. And I want to be with her.

But the _wha-cha_ thing and the whipped thing and the ball and chain and the... I'm done for. I guess this means I have to think of it from a manly, logical point of view. I can be with her and suck up the little things for endless amazing sex and happily ever after with unlimited money _or_ I can tell her no right now, have her leave me forever and then end up sexless until the next bitch comes along.

You see, while the first option sounds the best, the second one does have a good point. There would always be another one right? Possibly yes.

And then I thought about it.

I haven't had sex for _OVER A WEEK_? WHAT? HOW? NO FUCKING WAY.

Why haven't I died yet? I thought there would be some sort of apocalyptic destruction or something? Some sort of warning from God telling me _Inuyasha, sow your oats now_ or something to that effect.

Why though? Well, while I hadn't had sex for only a few days before I met Kagome, the majority of my unwilling celibacy was because of her. I haven't thought of or seen another woman that I've found attractive since I met her. This was just unacceptable.

"So...the mall?" I asked, trying to take calming breaths. This was probably the hardest decision of my life. I'm still not sure what side of the fence I'm on. So far, I think Kagome's side is winning. The reason being because her ass looks really good in those shorts and I may or may not be a lot turned on.

Think of Miroku in spandex. Mini Me can't make an appearance in public. Yet.

We had driven over in my car, mostly because Kagome's bicycle couldn't take all three of us and I haven't even spared a glance at a bike since I dumped it at the tender age of ten. I got in and started the engine, giving her a nervous glance. This was going to be terrible. I was going to have to lie my way through our first date.

Oh god she probably has a rule about that. Rule six-thousand and forty-three: no lying.

I was fucked.

Or, for better phrasing, I was _not_ fucked.

I can't tell which was worse currently.

"Well it's not actually the _mall_ we're headed to," Kagome admitted with a sheepish grin. "It's a small club down the road from it, about ten minutes away."

I looked at her suspiciously. "What kind of club?"

Kagome grinned wickedly.

When we turned onto this gravel road that seemed to come out of nowhere, I got a little worried. I mean a gravel road around a major mall and growing city? Something had to be wrong.

I got even more worried when I saw that this club was torn-down looking, with long grass that desperately needed a cut.

"Is this where you kill me?"

Laughing, Kagome got out of the BMW and rolled her eyes at me. "No, but that would be hilarious."

I personally didn't think so.

"Have you ever shot a gun before?" she asked me with a tilt of her head. Her big, ridiculously brown eyes watched mine for a moment and I completely forgot about what was around me.

"No," I replied, shaking my head and totally focusing on her face only. Now to imagine that face all flushed and kiss-swollen and–

"Good. Well, welcome to the Houko Gun Club. If you're lucky, I'll get the sniper rifles out."

That probably should've worried me but I was too intent on my fantasy to really pay attention.

* * *

"Hey Kohaku," Kagome called as she entered, waving at a guy in his early-twenties. He looked disturbingly familiar but I couldn't really figure out who he was. "Do you mind if I take up Court Two?"

"Yeah right," Kohaku laughed at her, rolling his eyes. "Just don't take any of the guns home with you, okay? Dad'll kill me."

With a father that owns a gun club, I would be fucking terrified of that threat. I could see it now. The deal between Sesshomaru and I when he was buying out my company: I would tell him no to his shitty and unprofitable proposition and then BAM! Gun in my face. He would most definitely shoot me without a second thought. But then I would haunt his ass and make Rin mad at him every single day until he committed suicide. So...

Suck it, Sesshomaru.

"Have you ever done this before?" Kagome asked, her eyes pulling me in again.

"No, I haven't." Probably a good thing too. If Sesshomaru would jump up and down to have a gun to point at my face, I would do the exact same to point one at his. "Clearly you have. You're on a first name basis and everything."

"Well, you could be too," Kagome replied grinning. "Remember what this place is called? Houko Gun Club? Ring any bells?"

Should it?

Houko... Houko... Hou– _Fuck my life_.

Sango. Sango Houko.

No fucking way.

"Sango?" I exclaimed. From the shocked look Kagome gave me, I guess she didn't expect me to look so downright terrified. Sango was dangerous angry. Now with all of the shit with Miroku, who is to say that she won't just go postal on all of us? When she blows man, she takes out fucking countries. And now her family owns a gun club. "She doesn't shoot does she? Is she any good?"

"Well duh," she responded, laughing. "We used to do this in university as a roommate activity. It's a strange thing to do but totally a lot of fun. We're both crack-shots."

Great.

My life? Just ended a little bit sooner thanks to that information.

However, the whole gun thing is kind of sexy. We could totally role play in the bedroom. OH she could be a cop. But a dirty cop. Ha. If you know what I mean. The whole "I'll do anything to get out of the ticket" I say and she says "well I'm desperate and horny so let's fuck!"

"Inuyasha? Inuyasha?"

Snapping fingers blocked my vision and I frowned, looking at the black-haired girl in front of me. "Huh?"

"Exactly," she sighed, rolling her eyes. "I totally can't trust you with a gun."

"I'm going in blind," I told her, glaring pointedly. "I don't even know the basics about gun shooting and you know everything. For all I know, you took me here to kill me! This isn't a date, it's a fucking murder!"

Kagome just stared at me blankly before bursting out laughing. "You're ridiculous," she huffed between fits of laughter, leading me to Court Two. She left me for a few moments, coming back with cases of weapons that looked like little plastic toys. The problem? They weren't really plastic.

"What the hell made you do this?" I asked, frowning at her. "I mean, I know it was a roommate activity but still."

Kagome shrugged, setting up more equipment. "It's different. I like different."

"Is that a rule?"

Her smile was back. "No but good try." She made me watch while she set up different weapons in different cubbies. There were several rounds placed on each, enough for a couple tries and a lot of fails. I sighed but did as I was told when she handed me eyewear and ear mufflers. I probably looked stupid while she looked adorable and incredibly fuckable.

Adorable and fuckable? Yeah. I can put that in the same sentence.

"Are you any good?" I asked, taking off the mufflers slightly to listen to her response. "How long have you been doing it?"

"Five or six years?" Kagome answered, sounding more like a question. "And I'm decent. There are certainly people who are a lot better. Kohaku, Sango's little brother, likes to tease us and call us the Crack-Shot Girls. I'm Crack-Shot Kagome and she's Crack-Shot Sango. Or something like that."

"How...original?" My future wife had perfect aim. Should I be proud because I found a woman capable of handling herself or worried because she makes even me look unmanly? So many questions and so few answers... It was troubling.

"You could call it that." Kagome moved back around the room, flipping a switch and putting the mufflers on. We went to the first cubby where a Smith and Wesson sat. I didn't know much about guns and I'm sure Kagome mentioned all of the insignificant details to me before. I think I may have been fanaticizing still because I can't remember much of that conversation. "See this?" Kagome asked, pointing at the gun. "This is the safety. It must be on at all times until we're clear to fire."

I nodded. I had no clue what she was talking about.

"This is how you take it off." I watched as she flicked the clip-like object until apparently it did something. "You need to be prepared. There is a lot of feedback and recoil on these weapons. First, you want to line up your shot with the target and then when you're ready, you shoot. If you're not shooting, your finger is nowhere near the trigger. Got it?"

Ooh, she could be like a vigilante. Photographer by day and crime-fighting superhero by night. Wait. Wasn't that Spiderman or something?

Shit. She was talking to me.

"Okay," I mumbled, repeating it in a shout when she couldn't hear me. She nodded and motioned for me to step all the way back to the other end of the room. I could still see her and the target but I would be far enough away that I didn't get hurt.

And then she started to shoot. It barely took a few seconds. There was a loud bang after loud bang after even louder bang. Her arms recoiled slightly but always held the gun firmly in front of her. Her stance was strong so it couldn't have been that bad.

The moment it was over she turned and smiled, thumbing the safety or whatever it was called back on. "Your turn?" she yelled at me.

I nodded. This was going to be bad.

We stepped into the cubby beside the one previously used. Since this one had a fresh target, we could judge how terrible I was. Perfect. She got to work setting up the gun again, teaching me once more about the basics of weapon handling. When she finally passed over the gun, I flicked off the safety and lined up for a shot.

How hard could this be? I mean, in television shows people hardly flinched when they used one hand. When Kagome was shooting there was only a slight recoil in her actions. For a guy like me there should be no problem whatsoever. I could do this. I could shoot a gun.

My finger lightly brushed against the trigger, feeling the smooth cool trace of what was to come.

I took in a deep breath.

I pulled the trigger.

And then everything went to fucking hell because all I can recall was that it had a massive motherfucking recoil and I was falling...falling...

Black.

Because nothing says unconsciousness like an endless void of shit all.

* * *

_Feedback is love :)_


	9. God? It's me, Inuyasha

**_Disclaimer: _**_I do not own Inuyasha. I do not profit from this story._

* * *

Happiness

The Tale of an Unstoppable Force and an Immoveable Object

* * *

_Chapter Nine: God? It's me, Inuyasha_

* * *

Is that... Is that the white light?

God? Are you here? Am I in...heaven? Hmm. I always was told I'd end up in hell. What a strange revelation I just made.

But...my life didn't flash before my eyes! I didn't get to see the time I made out with what's-her-face in grade five, or the time I punched what's-his-face in grade two or the time I bought my first skin mag or the time I–

"Inuyasha."

God? Is that you? It's me, Inuyasha.

Helllloooooo? Are you there? I'm kind of dying here. Or dead. Is anyone going to greet me? Seriously, I get better service at McDonald's than this shit.

"Wake up."

Good call because that's what I can do when I'm dead: just _wake up_. Well, thanks genius for the oh-so NOT helpful tip.

"God-fucking-dammit Inuyasha! Wake up or I'll castrate you!"

"What?" It was like a jolt to my system and all of a sudden I was blinking furiously, momentarily blinded by bright lights and three familiar faces."Huh? Miroku, I swear to god, if you are God, I'll kill you."

Maybe not the wisest logic. However.

"Lie back down, take a few deep breaths." A light hand pushed me back, letting my head fall on a soft pillow. Ooh that is soft. How nice.

"Clouds make very good pillows," I concluded, squirming around a bit. "However, the sky is not a very good mattress. It's as hard as a rock, which is funny, because it's – you know – the sky and all."

"Are you sure the bullet didn't hit him?" Hey, that sounded like Miroku!

"You fucking idiot of _course_ it didn't hit him or he'd be dead!" And that was Sango. Uncharacteristically, she sounded pissed. Hey, why the hell was she in heaven?

I blinked, knowing that this couldn't be right. Miroku was _definitely_ not God because God didn't buy hookers or have an alcohol problem. Sango probably blew up half the world when she died in the big, fiery explosion that was the end of her life, so she definitely isn't in heaven. Surely, she killed millions. Finally, I opened my eyes completely, seeing long black strands of hair and deep chocolate brown. "Kagome?" Maybe I was in heaven after all.

"Hey, relax," she said soothingly, pushing my black bangs out of my face. "You stumbled back on the recoil and tripped on the flat ground and then bashed your head into a table, effectively knocking you unconscious."

"Oh, is that all?" I grumbled. Thank god the words weren't sinking in. I couldn't really remember all that much other than attempting to fire a gun.

Kagome's face cringed a bit before she forced out a smile. "Well, no. You kind of fired the weapon while stumbling backwards. Thank goodness you were shooting away and not up at the ceiling or bye-bye Inuyasha."

A-fucking-mazing. This is why I don't go to gun clubs.

"So why am I still here?" I asked, frowning and looking around. There was still screaming all around me and I could only assume that it was Miroku and Sango going at it – yet again. Even my near death didn't steer them away from the hate-trail. "Why am I still on the ground?"

Kagome shrugged a bit sheepishly. "Well it was just Kohaku and I here and you're not _that_ heavy but I'm not _that_ strong and Kohaku tried once... He kind of dropped you into the table again... After that we decided you were better and much safer on the ground."

Thanks for that.

"So I called Sango," she continued, biting her lower lip. "And then she was already fighting with Miroku so they came together. It hasn't been pretty since they arrived mind you. I told them that this could act like a _truth room_ where they could say their problems freely and then never talk about them outside of it, but they didn't seem to like the idea very much. So they've pretty much been fighting the entire time."

This, at the very least, was logical. "Can I–?"

"Miroku, if you fucking dare, I am going to blow your head off!" Sango screamed.

Miroku seemed to laugh but I couldn't quite see his expression. I tilted my head backwards to get a better (although upside down) view of the fight. "I can do whatever the hell I want!" he shot back, clearly smug. "And there's nothing you can do about it. If I want to go and screw–"

There was a very loud and very terrifying click. Kagome gasped beside me and I tried not to piss my pants. Dear. Fucking. Lord.

Sango was in possession of a gun.

She was holding said gun.

The clicky-safety thing was off.

And it was aimed at Miroku.

Oh. God. Oh. God. Oh. God.

Ah. Bad. Very bad. Ah. Fuck. Shit. Damn.

Process. Brain think of something! Process! Process! _PROCESS_!

Well, this is new. I used to think that when Sango was pissed off, she could blow up Mt. Everest with her wrath. Now, I see things clearly. It is not Mt. Everest in which I speak about. No. It is no longer big enough to describe the pure shit-storm that is Sango's anger. No.

Blowing up all of Europe maybe could compare.

Sango's finger moved to the trigger and her eyes were dead set on Miroku.

...

Or, at this rate, she could probably blow up something much larger in mass. Hey! What about North America? You know; Canada and the USA and Mexico... Sango gets mad and they go _BOOM!_

Ha. Sango mad. Canada go boom.

Sango very mad. USA go boom.

Ha. How amusing to say that in a funny accent in my head. I quite like it. She could be like...the present day Hulk in pink, female form.

HA! Or even better: you wouldn't like her when she's angry!

Ahahahaha. Ha. Ha ha.

I kill myself.

"Sango, put down the gun," Kagome said gently, standing up. Her long black hair was no longer in my face and I felt slightly saddened by it. I guess it was okay though since she's potentially saving me from a mentally broken and postal Sango.

I probably shouldn't complain at all actually.

Sango looked angry for a moment longer before sighing dramatically and thumbing back on the safety. It was quite the show. Miroku literally fell to his knees and starting praying, crawling towards Sango and holding her leg.

"Please, please, don't kill me!" Miroku exclaimed, looking up at her with big blue eyes. "I swear I'll be better! I'll get my shit together! I'll get my act together! Just for the love of all women, don't shoot me!"

"For the love of _all_ women?" Sango shrieked, clearly not pleased. I think her hands were shaking but thankfully, Kagome had removed the gun already.

"NO!" I think Miroku's going to have a heart attack or something as equally serious. "No! Just please don't kill me! I don't care what it's for the love of just keep me _breathing_." He may or may not be crying now.

"Have you been drinking?" I asked suddenly, looking at an upside down Miroku from my position.

Sango laughed when Miroku sniffled. "I had a little before I got here."

"Miroku," Kagome said suddenly, resting a hand on his shoulder and gently prying him away from Sango's leg. "You need to stop drinking. I'm worried for you and Sango's worried about you and I know that Inuyasha is too."

I am?

Miroku looked up at Sango hopefully. "If I stop drinking, will you promise not to kill me?"

"She was never going to kill you," Kagome answered quietly.

Sango shook her head. "No, that's wrong. I was seriously contemplating it. If anyone knows how to hide a body, it's my dad. I wasn't too worried."

Oh. Well that's joyful news.

"Sango?" Miroku asked again, trying to get her attention by pulling on her pant leg. He was no longer wrapped around it like a baby but the whole pathetic tugging thing was almost just as bad. "Please? I promise to stop drinking and to stop being a jerk and a dick and I will treat you right."

To her credit, Sango looked sceptical. Slowly she nodded though, shaking her leg and letting out a small- Was that a smile?

Dear lord. We're all done for.

"You stop drinking and I won't shoot you in your sleep. I can do it too – I have a key to your house and a pretty little silencer to put on the end of my gun. Not even the neighbours would hear."

I could visibly see Miroku swallow. "Deal," he said.

Sango reached out to shake his hand, a triumphant grin on her face. All of a sudden, Miroku lurched off of the ground and hugged her, standing with her and squeezing.

Kagome cooed.

I groaned.

I was clearly living in a chick-flick.

And then the waterworks started. Sango buried her head in Miroku's neck and Kagome wiped away silent tears of joy.

I'm sorry, had I not been the one who thought they were dead moments ago? Did I not knock myself unconscious and fire a gun over and over? Was I not the embarrassing one that– You know what?

Never mind.

But here's another fact: Miroku still hasn't spoken up about why he got all shit-tastically crazy in the first place. So yeah, hugs and tears now, death and guns later.

"Can we please go?" I asked, sitting up and sighing. This day just couldn't get any worse. "Bang needs to be fed and let out. Not only that but I need to call Myoga." My dog gets laid more than I do. Fuck.

"Why?" Sango asked, pulling away from Miroku looking thoroughly embarrassed.

I grumbled. '_To get him laid because that was our deal_' didn't really sound so good. "Because I need to call him, okay? Can we please just go?" Now I sounded like a whiny brat. Great. Fucking great.

Kagome started to tidy up but Sango told her that she could swing by later and do it herself. The four of us ended up heading towards the parking lot, taking our time. I was honestly a bit sore (not that I would ever admit such) and just wanted to sleep forever. Maybe then I could forget this horrible day ever happened. I could go back to Dreamland where Kagome and I were married with two-point-five kids, a white picket fence and a bunch of dogs named Bang, Bangette and their furry children.

Okay, so to be real, my dreams were never like that. They more or less consisted of a bedroom with dim lighting and very few clothes.

Moving on.

"Are you feeling okay?" Kagome whispered close to my side and I definitely had to shake out of that mood fast. "You look a little pale."

"I'm fine," I said quickly, throwing a smirk her way. "It takes a little more than some bruises to slow me down." Because actually, it was the head trauma that stopped me, not the black and blue designs that were sure to be on my back. "Do you want me to drive you home?"

Kagome smiled brilliantly, nodding. "That would be really sweet of you."

We waved bye to Sango and Miroku, who had ended up taking one car since they had been together when Kagome had first called. I didn't wait for them to gather their pansy ass shit, just started the car and backed out onto the gravel road. Kagome gave me directions on which way to go and I was more than just a little pleased to learn that she lived no more than ten minutes away from me.

Goodie. That means if I ever was desperate for sex, or she was, I could just drive right over before the fun even ended. The phone sex while I was driving on my way would make for some awesome foreplay, and then there would be actual foreplay and then–

"It's three houses to the right."

Christ, she'd be already naked on the bed or hell, even the kitchen counter. I wonder if she'd be down with doing it in every spot of her house. I sure as hell wouldn't mind it at mine. I'd be so fucking turned on all the time, it wouldn't be funny.

I'd watch Sango and Miroku sit on the couch and secretly laugh at them because their asses were currently resting against where I had just–

"Inuyasha stop!"

I slammed on the brakes, looking around the road for any signs of dying people. Did I hit anyone? Was there anyone to hit? Dogs? Cats? Fucking mice? A soccer ball with some twit of a child running after it? WHAT?

"You missed my house," she said, frowning and putting a hand on my forehead. "Are you alright? Did you even hear me?"

Uh, hear her when? When she yelled my name or before that? Did she talk to me before that? "Sorry," I mumbled, making sure the way was clear before backing down the road. "Which house is yours?"

Kagome pointed to a one storey house with dark trim and light siding. It was cute.

I, personally, am somewhat surprised. While professional photography is generally very expensive, I didn't see her living in a _house_. "How old are you?" I definitely need more tact. Are there classes for that shit?

* * *

To Do:

#15: Learn the value of "tact" and _use it_.

* * *

Kagome laughed, seemingly unfazed by my lack of filter. "Twenty-eight." So she was a year younger than me, the same as Sango. I should have probably figured that one out considering they went to school together.

I pulled into the driveway and turned off the engine. "You have stuff in my trunk."

"Oh! Thank you," Kagome murmured, suddenly remembering. She came over and quickly grabbed the zippered bags of electronic equipment. There wasn't much of it since most of it seemed to turn compact, however it did look a little much for her to carry.

"Do you want help?" I asked, trying to take a bag from her.

She simply smiled and shook her head. "No, I'm good thanks. I'll pick my bike up from the park tomorrow too. It's locked, so I should be fine." Wow, her smile was..._breathtaking_. Or something romantic like that. Why was being in loaf a bad thing? What did Miroku have against it?

Wait. Was I actually declaring that I – Inuyasha Taisho – loafed (ugh, loved) her? Had I determined that yet? Did I _really_?

"If you're lucky, you can come inside for a tour of my house when you pick me up for our first date." Kagome was grinning. "And no, you wouldn't see my bedroom."

"The bedroom isn't actually a necessity, it's just a comfort thing," I said. Again. The lack in tact. I really needed some help. Maybe therapy would work? That was on my _To Do List_ anyways, wasn't it?

Kagome laughed. "Oh, don't you wish."

Yes, Kagome. Yes I do.

"I've got a major assignment to complete for the next couple days so I won't be available until Sunday. You can call me though," she suggested, shrugging.

Aren't I the one with balls here? Shouldn't I be asking for a date and not the other way around? "Well I'll definitely call."

Ooh. Phone sex.

I couldn't completely get out of that train of thought before her soft lips were pressed against my cheek and she was walking away towards the door.

Aghfeselfile.

GFEageklange.

Fehfsegne;akng;oengoanekgj.

"Kagome," I called out. This wasn't going to be smart but my brain was processing far too slowly for anything to be making logical sense right now. "I loaf you."

Fuck.

My.

Life.

She turned around, looking at me quizzically. "Loaf or loathe?"

"Uh." Fuck. I might as well be honest. Loathe is definitely worse than loaf, right? "Loaf."

Kagome's soft brown eyes glinted in amusement. "Okay darling. I think you hit your head pretty hard so you should go home right away. Take some pain killers and text me when you get there so I know you didn't pass out and die."

That sounds more than reasonable. I'm lucky I can plead temporary insanity with my head injury and all. If that hadn't occurred...well, I can't really imagine how the conversation would go.

"And by the way," she continued, walking backwards up the steps. "This wasn't a first date. I was just seeing how you'd take a woman that can kill you quickly."

Um. Okay. "Did I pass?"

Kagome laughed. "Text me."

And then she was inside her house and I was standing stupidly by my car, ogling the dark wood.

* * *

To Do:

#16:

Ah, fuck it. I don't even know yet.

* * *

_Feedback is love :)_


	10. Complete BS

**_Disclaimer: _**_I do not own Inuyasha. I do not profit from this story._

* * *

Happiness

The Tale of an Unstoppable Force and an Immoveable Object

* * *

_Chapter Ten: Complete BS_

* * *

So it's Saturday.

And I'm bored.

And I'm alone.

Kagome-less is how I now refer to it as.

To make matters worse, Bang is off at Myoga's place getting laid once more, leaving me even more alone and thus, Bang-less too.

Today _sucks_ to epic proportions that I can't even speak of.

That is, until my phone rings. "Heyyyyyyyy, Inuyasha buddddyyyyy! How ya doin' you fucking dog you?"

I sighed. "Miroku, how drunk are you?"

Yeah, _Miroku and Sango's deal_, you think. You wonder to yourself why Miroku is drunk when Sango is part owner of a fucking gun club and can kill him. You think to yourself, _what a stupid idiot_. Well, this is of no surprise to me. It's my life. I wouldn't even be surprised if Sango came bursting down my door with a gun in hand, asking me to come find him with her so she can kill him.

"Just a teensy bit tipsy _baby_."

"Stop it Miroku," I growled. "I'm not comfortable with your flirting being directed towards me."

Miroku hiccupped on the other end, laughing to complete the task. "Dude, you fucking nuts? Anyhoo, Sango is here with me and we're at Zero Gravity. So, come chills pops."

Pops. This is what I'm being degraded to. First dog. Second baby. Now pops.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

Wait. "Sango's with you?" I asked, frowning and sitting up on the couch I hadn't moved from since three hours ago. "Why is she with you?"

"We're getting _sloshed_ ," Miroku practically sang, giggling obnoxiously like a tool. "Come. Now. I beckon you."

I rolled my eyes, almost disappointed the drunken fool wouldn't be able to see it. "Oh good, now that I have your permission. Sorry, but I'm actually having a private party here in my room tonight."

"Does it involve you and Mini-Yash?" Miroku giggled again. "Actually, don't answer. I _really_ don't want to know about your sex life. Or, well, you know – lack of."

"Fuck you," I snarled, glaring at the phone for a moment in hopes of telepathically sending it to him.

"Don't you wish bro. Anyways, enough with trying to get me into your bed – you know I haven't swung both ways since college – come to Zero Gravity!"

That was what? The fifth nickname of the night? And ignoring all of the sex jokes and Miroku's lame comments, I had a feeling that moping by myself about how Kagome-less and Bang-less and _bang-less_ I was sounded far more appealing. "No, I'm going to stay here tonight."

I could hear a yell on the other end, a feminine growl of sorts. That was most likely Sango yelling at Miroku for something else he did wrong. They had gotten along great since I knocked myself out three days ago. There was no crying, no bursting into my room and arguing because clearly _my_ apartment was the choice battleground for those two.

"Fine _loser_. Stay in _Loserville_. I'm just going to chill and hang out with my coolest woman _ever_ and hopefully get laid tonight." Miroku, at this point, sounded a little more intoxicated than before. He probably had five more shots while I was talking. "You really, really, really, like _REALLY _sure you don't want to come?"

Sitting up completely on the couch and looking out the large bay window facing said idiot's apartment, I sighed. "I have a lot to do."

"At one in the morning?" There was a pause. "_Fuck_, it's one in the morning!"

This was starting to get worse and worse. "I have...shit to do at home."

"Like what?" Miroku asked, giggling. "Tell me _muchacho,_ what do you have to do?"

Dear lord. Miroku speaking French was one thing, but _SPANISH_? Never a good thing. Ever. Whatsoever. Just...bad. "I'm going to get the mail. Bye!"

Hanging up quickly, I relaxed back into the couch. At least that was over with. Maybe I should just go to bed and call this a night before it gets worse. But you know, I actually haven't gotten my mail in _forever_. Hmm. I wonder if I still got those free porn mags?

Huh.

I definitely should check that out.

With my keys in hand, I locked the door to my apartment and took the elevator to the main floor. This would only take a couples minutes to do, since the mail room was somewhere on the main level. I was just starting to relax again, thinking that after this one little thing I would be free to sleep and forget the terrible day but it was then, when the lobby finally came into view that I literally walked into what's-his-face. The old guy. Uh...

"You, young man, should be in bed," the old man said, glaring pointedly with his big bug eyes. "What are you doing up at one in the morning?"

Considering I was a century younger than him, I should be asking the same thing. "I'm going to do...stuff," I said simply, frowning. He was looking at me like I had the answer to his prayers, or something as equally creepy. "What are you doing awake?"

"Me?" The old man laughed a bit, his whole body jostling with the movement. "These bones are getting too old, you know? Sometimes they need to move."

It was then I realized that he was dressed in loose grey sweatpants and an oversized sweatshirt. His salt and pepper hair stood out from the dark colours, making him look older than he was. "Do you, uh, need any help?"

The old man looked at me funny, as if there was some big inside joke I was missing out on. "Nah sonny, I'll be fine."

Um. Okay then.

"And my name is Totosai, you numbskull. Remember it next time, will you?" Totosai's voice was sharp, forcing me to look down at the floor like I was being reprimanded. This was strange. This was not an everyday occurrence. Who the _fuck_ was this old man and what was he doing here?

"Yes sir," I mumbled, completely taken aback. "I'm just going to be leaving then." It sounded far too much like a question for my liking.

Totosai's eyes glinted with something I couldn't quite understand before he nodded and pressed the elevator door, having it open instantly. "You be good, you hear me?"

This was really getting quite ridiculous. "Uh, yes sir."

And with that, the elevator doors closed.

Well, now that that was over with.

* * *

To Do:

#16: Avoid old men at all costs. Repeat: all costs.

* * *

The first thought I woke up with was _did Kagome and I really have sex last night?_

The second thought was _no, fuck._

The final thought was _thank god it's Sunday._

Because we all know what Sunday is: Kagome DAY!

To say that I got out of bed faster than I ever have before is an understatement. Also, to say that I shampooed my hair twice and carefully applied the cologne afterwards meant that this day was going to be something amazing. I would take her out on our first official date. After I passed (did I really?) the test she made up and managed to survive from shooting a gun, I think I can handle this well.

It was almost noon by the time I picked up my cell phone and called her. She was permentantly in my phone now. Every time I looked at her name, I swear I got chills.

Yeah, _okay_. Forget the romance shit. I read that out of a book. Or, you know, a magazine. A guy magazine. Full of porn?

I dialled her number and listened as it rang. It took awhile, but finally her soft voice filled the line. "Hello?"

"Hi Kagome? It's me. Uh, Inuyasha?" _No, dammit. That was not a question. _"How are you?"

"I'm really good. My brain feels a bit dead from all the work hours I've been putting in, but otherwise I'm great. How's it going?"

Hours? Wasn't she just a photographer? How many hours can you put in? "It's, you know, going." _Insert foot in mouth. _"Going...along?" _Now. Thanks._

Kagome's light laughter filled the line. "Did you want to go out today?"

"Yes." Finally, I got a word out that didn't make me sound like a moron. Perfect. "Date?"

Oh, just fucking forget it.

Another small laugh filled the line. "Is that what it is?"

"Uh, yes?" _NO. NOT A QUESTION. REPEAT. NOT A FUCKING QUESTION._

_MAN UP._

_FIND YOUR BALLS._

All of which was very sound advice. "Yes it is."

"That sounds great," Kagome said on the other line, and I think I could hear almost a smile in that voice. "Do I need to dress up or anything?"

Shit. It's not like I made plans yet or anything. Fuck. "Uh, no you don't. I mean...uh, no."

"No then?"

"Maybe."

"Yes?"

"No."

"What?"

Ugh, fuck me. "No, you don't need to dress up." I'd rather you didn't get dressed at _all_.

"Okay great. What time do you want to meet? And where?"

What the fuck was this? Twenty fucking questions? What's with the interrogation? Did she _know_ that I actually have no plan whatsoever and was trying to break me down and confess my lack of planning so that she could say "HA YOU FAIL"?

Well, I'll tell you what Ms. I-Have-A-Fucking-Rule-For-Everything: I will date you so fucking well you won't know what to do with yourself.

"Inuyasha?"

Damn. "No, I'll pick you up," I said slowly, trying to formulate an idea in my head. "It's...what time is it?"

"Twelve-oh-four," Kagome said cheerily. It's like she _knew_.

I was so going to _own_ this date, it won't even be funny. Actually, that's a lie. It's going to be so funny and so amazing and _so_ _awesome_ that she's going to be crawling on her knees at the end of the night _begging _me to marry her.

And then I'll say yes and we'll make love until sunrise and have little tiny babies named Bang the Second and Tessaiga. Or something as equally cool and manly.

...Is it a bad thing to name your own child after your dog? But you know, Bang is the bomb. For a dog. Yeah, I think it's acceptable.

"Inuyasha?"

"I'll pick you up at four."

There was silence for a moment before I heard a sigh of relief. "Are you okay?" Kagome asked, and I could hear the distraught in her voice. It was kind of nice – not that she was upset but that she kind of cared. After my parents died I didn't really have anyone that cared.

And if anyone says that that's what best friends are for – ahem, Sango and Miroku – _think_ again. Seriously. Think _really really _hard.

"Yeah, I'm just making breakfast," I answered quickly, trying to cover it up with a chuckle. "It's a bit distracting."

"But isn't it lunch time?" Kagome asked. "It's already noon, remember? Are you getting headaches? I mean, have you been feeling okay since Thursday when we were at the gun club?"

I scowled. Of course I was feeling fine. I was a man remember? Little bumps on the head like that don't mean anything. I'm like a hotter, sexier, smaller (but still muscular, don't forget) and cooler version of the Hulk. With, you know, really long black hair. Not short.

And with a sense of style, let's not forget either. I don't exactly go around wearing purple shorts – like _seriously_ – although women around the world wish I sauntered through public topless.

I don't blame them.

"You really zone out, don't you? Or are you just naturally awkward on the phone?" Kagome asked, the small chuckle teasing. I could tell that she wasn't trying to be rude; she was just pointing out facts. Yes, I tend to think in my head a bit. Yes, most of it is about porn and Kagome.

No, I am not ashamed.

"I'm feeling fine. I'll see you later, okay?" I started thinking about all the stuff I had to do.

* * *

To Do:

#17: Plan the friggen date.

#18: Plan the _close_ of the date (i.e. how to get somewhere with her).

#19: Shower and thus become the hottest, most irresistible sex machine ever.

* * *

I had my work cut out for me.

* * *

Okay, so now that I was in my car and driving up and down her street, I realized that I can't really remember which one was hers. In all honesty, I can't quite recall a lot of what happened the other day. I remembered the terrible "I loaf you" moment where I wanted to shoot myself in the face. I could also remember what led to my mild concussion and the whole Miroku-slash-Sango friendship act. It's just a bit fuzzy.

So, I'm driving around.

And driving.

Around.

It was about the fifth time I'd gone up and down the street, still trying to pinpoint which house was hers when I saw in my rear-view mirror a jumping figure: Kagome. Her hair was rising and falling with each jump and her hands were waving in the air and–

Wow. She really has a nice rack. They bounce...quite nicely.

She's really hot. And sexy. And I need to be on my best behaviour because _fuck_ I want to finally get laid.

Once I get laid, this whole thing can blow over and I'll move on, right? Because it's not like I tend to stay with the women I sleep with. I'm just not the type of guy to settle down. I _can't_ love her so this must be my overactive lust taking over my brain and making me _think_ I love her.

Yes. That will be my new excuse of the day. Thank you.

Turning around the car, I finally pulled up beside her and gave her a sheepish grin. "I'm sorry. I kind of forgot the house number."

Smiling at me, she leaned down and–

Oh. Lips. How lovely. Um, I like it- uh, those, um, things? The act I mean. Of kissing. No.

Of being kissed?

Wait. I blinked, shocked as the sound of the door on the passenger side slammed closed. Kagome grinned at me and I softly touched my cheek where the slightly damp mark of her kiss remained.

_Shit_, I got all mumble-jumble like for _a kiss on the cheek_?

What was I, twelve years-old and hitting puberty again? Getting a hard-on at every skirt in sight and having those really amazing dreams about threesomes and whip cream and–

"So where are we going?" Kagome asked, snapping the seat belt into place and relaxing against the chair.

Smirking at her, I raised my brow suggestively before pushing the pedal to the floor and taking off. The engine roared to life and Kagome giggled, raising her hands in the air as her hair whipped around her body in the convertible. This was why I loved my car.

It was a short drive towards my first destination, pulling in the driveway and shutting off the car. I smirked at her. "First, we need to get someone because he'll _kill_ me if we don't take him."

Kagome frowned, looking confused as she narrowed her eyes at the opening door. I quickly got out of the car and raced to the grass, knowing her eyes were watching me as I braced myself for impact.

"GET HIM!"

Bang leapt out the front door, taking off at a sprint towards me. He lowered his head the faster he ran, gaining speed and then narrowly missing me at the last second. Bang rounded and then tackled me from the side, pushing my back down to the grass before landing a bunch of sloppy kisses on my face.

"Okay, okay dude. I get it. I missed you too," I said, panting between breaks of long, disgusting tongue on my face.

Bang barked in agreement, tilting his head as he looked at me from above.

"Did you see who I brought?" I asked, grinning when I saw him perk up his ears and look at the car. Instantly he was taking off again, heading towards where I was sure Kagome would be. I couldn't really see her from my position on the ground.

"Hello Master Inuyasha," Myoga said, his beady eyes peering at me.

Slowly I stood up, brushing the grass off of my jeans before smirking at him. "Hey Myoga, how's everything going?"

Myoga nodded his head eagerly, looking at Bang. "Oh good, good, good. That dog really does love his...play time."

Well, that got awkward pretty fast.

"Awesome. Do you need to see him any time soon?"

The older man shrugged, tugging at his silvery hair with small hands. "I don't think so, at least not for a while. It's not the season yet for breeding so there are a lot fewer offers. I'll see what comes up and let you know."

"Thanks," I said, patting him on the shoulder before walking towards the car. Kagome was leaning against the shiny black frame, Bang all over her and making it impossible to move. "Come Bang," I said firmly, watching as the Great Dane reluctantly left Kagome's side to come towards mine.

Kagome laughed, looking at me with shining brown eyes. "He's such a big dog but totally a baby. You spoil him, don't you?" She opened the car door and hopped back into the seat, watching with wide eyes as I ordered Bang to jump in the small back bench seat of the car. "He's a really big dog," she repeated, almost in awe.

"Yeah, he's a good boy," I agreed, looking at the big black dog fondly. Getting Bang was probably the best decision I ever made. He was by far the coolest dog ever. "Ready to go?"

Kagome nodded, smiling brilliantly at me as I reversed the car out of the driveway. We made conversation throughout the drive, mostly about little things like how her work was going and what I was doing with my life. I made a lot of stuff up so I could sound more interesting. Kagome just smiled and asked questions whenever she felt like, taking up most of the half hour drive to our destination.

Finally, I pulled into a small isolated parking lot lined with large trees and blowing leaves. "We're here," I said, smirking at her and laying on the charm. Getting out of the car, I locked the doors and waited patiently for Bang and Kagome to get ready. All together, I started to lead her down a gravel pathway that seemed to going into endless field.

"So what's the plan for tonight?" Kagome asked, hooking her arm around mine.

I couldn't help but beam at her, which was probably the biggest I'd ever smiled. "You'll see. I put a lot of thought into this."

"Really?" Kagome laughed a little, reaching out with her other hand to pat Bang's head.

Now that I thought about it, Bang was walking beside her and totally ignoring me. It seemed like we were both in love – or you know, _in lust_ – with her. I don't blame my dog but seriously, he just got laid and it's my turn for fuck's sake.

Suddenly, just as we started to reach the top of a small hill, we could see a small playground with a swing set and miniature jungle gym.

_Epic_ is all I have to say.

"You brought me to a playground?"

I smirked. "Not just any playground," I disagreed, shaking my head. "A playground with a _swing set_."

Kagome clearly didn't see the epic-ness in it. Did she have no childhood?

"Come on," I growled, tugging her along with her hand wrapped around my arm. "You'll see."

Looking curious at the very least, the young woman continued to follow me until I felt the crunch of stones underneath my shoes. I led her to the swing set, dramatically waving my hands until she got on one.

"Did you ever go to a park when you were a kid?" I asked, wondering why she looked so incredibly timid there. It was like she didn't know what to do with herself – completely vulnerable. While I'm not one to ignore that and usually take advantage, I felt like...I couldn't. Strange.

Kagome shrugged, hands grasping the chain until she was white-knuckling it. "Once or twice."

"Once or twice?" I asked, wide-eyed as I gently pushed on her lower back to get the swing going. She made a high-pitched squeal as she moved, her long black hair flowing in the breeze. "What did you do as a child?"

"Not much," Kagome answered tightly, hands still gripping the chains. "I was busy a lot, taking care of the other kids."

I frowned, wondering what she meant. "Do you have any siblings?"

Kagome laughed a little, nodding. "Depends on how you want to think of it. I only have one brother that's related to me by blood, but growing up my parents helped with the foster system. They took in a lot of kids that needed help. It was hard, keeping track of all of them, but I helped when I could."

"That's..." I really had no word for it. "Selfless" came to mind but I'm not sure since I don't quite know the meaning of the word. I think it has something to do with caring about others over yourself, but I don't think anyone could fully grasp that concept. I mean really? If I had to give money to a stranger short one dollar for their coffee or buy an extra donut for myself, I'm definitely going to buy the extra donut. Right?

Right.

No brainer.

"Good?" I really couldn't help how that sounded like a question. I was doubtful that it was an appropriate word choice anyways. "Do you still live at home with your parents?"

Kagome laughed, shaking her head viciously. "No way," she replied, starting to get the feel of swinging as she pumped her legs and relaxed a little bit. I continued to push her higher and higher, until the swing was flying high and Kagome's hair waved around her in gusts. "The house is mine but I live with my younger brothers."

"How old are they?" I continued to ask, feeling like she finally understood how to swing properly. I moved out of the way and sat on the swing beside her, pumping to get moving.

"Sota, my actual brother, is seventeen. Shippo is just turning twelve next week."

I nodded, swinging higher and higher as my own black hair flew in the wind.

We stayed on the swing set a while longer, talking about this and that – my own family and craptastic friends. Eventually we got off with Kagome deciding that her ass hurt. Naturally I offered to help with that because what kind, gentle-hearted man wouldn't do that for such a beautiful woman?

So that resulted with her running around and squeaking as I chased her around the jungle gym, with Bang merely watching us from a sunny patch of grass on the side. To get away from me she climbed up the slide, kicking and thrashing every time I got near. I followed her every step, always coming close before _letting_ (it's not like I couldn't actually catch her, duh) her go and chasing her some more.

She was laughing so hard that she dizzily went down the slide, even though I was already at the bottom of it. I watched and waited, grabbing her waist the moment she was in view and spinning her. It was fun and careless, probably the most easygoing time I'd had in the last few weeks. I soaked up every bit of it, ignoring the part of my brain that was screaming _pussy, pussy, pussy_ and _get laid, get laid, get laid._ This was actually...fun? Hmm. Fun. I can't even recall the last time I described something as _fun_.

"Let me go!" Kagome screamed, laughing hard and half-heartedly hitting me in the chest. I simply pulled her closer, catching her hands between our bodies and fully stopping her from potential damage. "Come on let me go Inuyasha!"

"Not a chance," I answered, surprised by my own laughter bubbling out of my throat when she sighed. Even with her no longer struggling I kept her tight to my body, tilting my head down to watch the way her eyelids fluttered closed.

"You can let me go," she said calmly, the side of her lips tugging up. "I won't hit you."

"I can't risk it," I answered quickly, sounding like it was the only reason I wanted her close. Truthfully, it wasn't the reason at all but she didn't have to know that.

"I promise."

"Nope. Too risky."

"I have a rule – number eight – that says you should always take risks because you might regret it if you didn't." Kagome sighed. "And you just like hugging me."

"I'm not sure. I'll have to try it a bit longer to determine what I think of it."

"Bullshit."

I smirked. "Completely."

* * *

To Do:

#20: Never let her go.

* * *

_Feedback is love :)_


	11. Brotherly Love

**_Disclaimer: _**_I do not own Inuyasha. I do not profit from this story._

* * *

Happiness

The Tale of an Unstoppable Force and an Immoveable Object

* * *

_Chapter Eleven: Brotherly Love_

* * *

So you must be thinking to yourself: this must be the end.

The handsome hero gets the girl and they live happily ever after. The end.

Well no, you idiot.

That's not what happens. Thanks for putting the goddamn thought in my head though!

You see, everything was going really great. The park was a success and the small, classy restaurant I took her to had good service and incredible food. I gave her my jacket when she was cold. I complimented her. I switched our desserts when she didn't like the whipped cream topping on hers and I liked virtually anything that was edible so really, it was no hindrance to me.

All in all, it was _perfect_.

So of-fucking-course something has to explode.

It was literally the perfect moment. We were standing at her doorway after I was dropping her off and obviously I was playing it up a bit. I knew her number one rule, the one that stated "never kiss on the first date". To be honest, I really wasn't trying to get a kiss. Kagome was just...amusing and slightly intoxicating with her smiles and head tilts and goddamn laugh. But even I knew when enough was enough, so I gave her my most dashing smirk and reached out to grasp her hand lightly.

"Night," I murmured, squeezing her hand before letting go. I knew it was a sap move, especially when I was supposed to have more testosterone than the average man, but I couldn't help it. What else was I going to do? Just saying goodnight and doing nothing would send the wrong message, right? It would send the _I'm not interested_ vibe. Which is bad. Really bad.

Since my vibe is practically _please jump me right now I'm that interested_.

So.

Sappy it was.

Kagome smiled and I couldn't help but look at her lips, seeing them taunting me like the son of bitches they were. Ah. I couldn't look at them anymore or I was going to do something really horrible like kiss her.

Not that that would be horrible, per se, but she would think it was.

Actually, women think I'm an amazing kisser so she wouldn't think the _kiss_ was horrible but the concept of _me kissing her_ was. Not that she didn't want me to kiss her. I don't think.

I had to turn away. I let her hand go before hopping down the steps towards my car. This woman was as intoxicating as she was infuriating. I wasn't going to get any sleep tonight, especially if I didn't do something about the fucking hard on I was getting.

Shit. When did I turn into a fifteen year-old kid again with fresh hormones and great wet dreams?

No. Stop thinking about it. La la la la la. Don't imagine Kagome naked–

_Goddammit. Son of a bitch._

"Inuyasha," Kagome said softly, making me halt just a foot away from my car.

Oh Kagome, please don't do this now. Not when I'm in desperate need of a cold shower or some one-on-one time with, well, you know. "Yeah?" I called back, wincing at the tightness of my voice. This was really not heading anywhere good.

And then Kagome's hands were on my shoulders, gently turning me around. Shit. Shit. Shit. If she was going to _hug_ me I swear I'm going to snap from unresolved sexual teasing. Because that's what this is: a whole shitload of teasing.

"Um," Kagome murmured, looking in my eyes for a moment before going on her tiptoes and pulling me closer.

YES! YES! HAHA BITCHES! Is she actually going to kiss me? Her lips were just centimetres away from mine and I could feel a short puff of air before–

"Kagome! Yay you're home!"

And then it was like she was never there.

God-_fucking_-dammit!

"Hey Shippo," Kagome said softly, smiling down at the boy as he wrapped his arms around her. "What are you doing up so late?"

"Sota promised that I could wait up for you as long as I went to bed right after," Shippo explained, grinning up at her with a toothy grin.

I watched the exchange warily. This was obviously the youngest one – the foster kid – with his big green eyes and a mop of hair that was as orange as orange could be. Wow. Ginger. Suddenly the kid looked at me, his eyes glaring up into my own. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was secretly challenging me to a staring contest.

"And who are you?" Shippo asked, looking clearly unhappy. "Are you Kagome's boyfriend?"

"Uh–"

"Are you smart?"

"I–"

"Rich?"

"Ye–"

"Criminal?"

"Uh–"

"Cheating bastard?"

"Shippo!" Kagome exclaimed, turning the boy around by his shoulders. "Watch your language! Apologize to Inuyasha."

The kid huffed, crossing his arms before glaring at me once more. "I'm sorry for calling you a bad name."

I'm pretty sure he wasn't sorry at all.

"Is that your dog?" Shippo asked, his green eyes looking past me to my car where Bang patiently waited.

Nodding, I patted my leg and Bang obediently made his way over, keeping his dark eyes on the kid. "This is my dog Bang. Bang, this is Shippo," I introduced. "You can pet him if you want now."

The orange-haired child frowned at me, taking a step closer. "You talk to him like he's human. I watch the Dog Whisperer and he says that you shouldn't do that."

Was I actually being scolded by a twelve year-old?

"Bang is different," Kagome answered, smiling at me brilliantly before reaching out and petting Bang herself. "He's an amazing dog."

"Then why does he have such a stupid name?"

As you can imagine, Bang was not pleased. I watched in horror as his lip curled and a deep growl rumbled through his chest. He barked, and dear lord, when Bang was angry, he was scary as shit. Could you imagine a dog the size of a horse chasing after you to bite your ass off? Yeah. Fucking terrifying.

"AH! Kagome he's going to bite me!" Shippo cried out, backing up further and pressing against Kagome's side.

"Shippo," she groaned. "Stop being so rude. You insulted him so _of course _he's going to get mad at you. You know what? Just go to bed right now. It's one in the morning and you shouldn't be up. You're cranky."

Shippo pouted, looking up at Kagome with big watery eyes. "But I just wanted to say hi."

I can't believe this. He's playing her. The kid is bringing out these huge, innocent eyes and his nose is all scrunched up in a sniffle that _has _to be fake. Damn. The little guy is good. I think I might just like him.

Kagome smiled softly before bending over and kissing the top of Shippo's forehead. "Go to bed, I'll be in soon."

Shippo sighed. "Fine but I'm telling Sota that you're home. I think he's still in his room listening to his music again."

"Nope," a male voice said, forcing my eyes to turn in the direction of the now open doorway. "I'm right here."

Ah. So this was Sota. Well isn't this just _lovely_? It's like an entire fucking reunion.

"You must be Inuyasha," Sota said, glaring at me with familiar brown eyes. He really did look a lot like his older sister, only in male form with much shorter hair. "I'm Kagome's not-so-little brother."

Well, as awesome of a start this is, I'm just going to bring it out there that I _am _taller than the seventeen year-old. Maybe by an inch or two. I could definitely still take him if it came down to it. "You already know my name," I pointed out, smirking at him. "And I can tell."

"Sota," Kagome groaned, and I could see just how mortified she was. Her face was flushing a dark red, her cheeks heating up and travelling down her neck. Kagome's hands were partially covering her face, as if closing her eyes could rid her of the situation in front of her. "Please just go away, the both of you. I need sixty more seconds."

_That's it_? Well, I see that the make out session in my car is definitely out of the question. I'm pretty sure Bang wouldn't be pleased with that idea anyways. He's still mad at me for leaving him in the car while we ate at the restaurant.

Sota smiled wickedly before disappearing back into the house, Shippo following right behind him. Instantly Kagome turned to me, big brown eyes wide with worry. "You weren't supposed to meet them. They were supposed to be _good little brothers _and _stay in bed_." She said the statement like they could hear her, which I found quite amusing given how flushed she was. "I'm sorry."

Rolling my eyes, although inwardly I was a little confused, I scoffed. "I haven't run yet, have I?"

"No," Kagome whispered, smile gentle. The brown in her eyes flickered, the mood changing to something that was bitter and sad and I could've smacked myself for forgetting that that's how all of the other guys left: running. "It's what, Sunday?"

I hummed for a moment. "Technically it's Monday."

Kagome nodded, the wheels in her head turning and for a moment I swore I could hear what she was thinking. "Maybe I can see you Thursday then? I have a ton of work to get done in the next week but I'll call you?"

Smirking, I flicked the bangs out of her eyes. "Yeah, you can call whenever."

"Good," Kagome replied quietly, looking at the ground. Slowly she peered at me through her thick eyelashes, as if stealing a glance. "Um, goodnight then."

"Good–"

"KAGOME!" Sota's shout filled the quiet street and both of us turned our heads around sharply to see what the problem was. My stupid hair flew into my face and whipped me in the eye. Ow. Ow.

Son of a bitch that hurt!

_What now?_

Suddenly Sota was there, grinning like an idiot and holding out a phone for Kagome. "Mom wants to talk to you."

Fuck me. I _did not_ sign up for this. Meeting her brothers? A bit strange but no big deal. I'd have to meet them eventually. Talking to her parents at one in the morning after I just finished taking their daughter out? Not cool. Not good.

Kagome hastily grabbed the phone, covering the speaker. "Sota, I'm going to kill you in your sleep tonight! You'll be DEAD BY TOMORROW or so help me god."

Hmm. I wonder if she got her anger from Sango while living with her in the dorms. Hmm. They are eerily similar in that regard.

This should be turning me off.

Hmm. Nope. I still want to fuck her.

"Mom, what are you doing up this late?" Kagome sighed into the phone, eyes closed in mortification. She hadn't once looked at me since Sota came out with the phone. "Yes, I was out– No, Mom, you can't talk– Because it's been one date! Why do you–? No. I'm not going to ask– Do you want me to die alone?"

So far, I have gathered that this conversation is not going well.

"Fine, I will. Goodnight Mom. Love you too." Kagome's eyes instantly shot to Sota, who was standing there with the same stupid smile on his face. "_You_," she spat, throwing the phone with deadly aim at his head. The kid was lucky he caught it. "Go to bed _now_."

"Yeah, okay sis," Sota replied, faking a yawn. "Goodnight Inuyasha. I'll see you around."

Dear god I hope not.

It was definitely a little more awkward when she turned around, only because the worry on her face was transformed to utter horror. I almost felt bad for her.

"So," Kagome started, looking everywhere but at my face. "That doesn't usually happen."

_Of course not, only I'm that lucky. _"No? I guess that makes me special."

Rolling her eyes, the corners of Kagome's lips tilted into a small smile. "You're unbelievable, you know that?"

"Well, I know I'm attractive. We can just add 'unbelievable' to the long list."

"And modest."

I nodded, amused. "That too."

Finally Kagome snorted, pushing me slightly away. "Go home and I'll call you soon, alright?"

"As you wish," I replied, smirking. "Come on Bang. I'll feed you that massive steak I promised."

I could be wrong – but I never am, I just say it because that's how the sentence goes – but I swore I heard Kagome laughing at her door. While she didn't mention anything about what her mother said, the look of horror was enough. I was just pleased that I took that look away.

So what if she was laughing _at _me momentarily?

Women love me.

Pretty soon, Kagome will too.

* * *

The drive back didn't take so long but Bang was giving me dirty looks the entire way there. I could tell what he was thinking: getting laid definitely didn't make up for the torture I put him through.

"That's bullshit Bang," I responded, glancing at him briefly before turning back to the road. "You weren't even tied up in the car _and _the roof was down. You were free to roam around if you wanted to."

Bang merely turned his head away, sticking it out the side so that the wind had better action across his face. Soon the tongue came lolling out and I knew that his past grievances were long forgotten.

When I parked my car underground, we took the short elevator ride to the top. Bang was sitting patiently, his head resting against my side as I patted his head. For a giant horse, he was quite affectionate – and I mean that in the manliest way possible. It wasn't until we were out of the elevator that I realized something was wrong.

Bang instantly tensed, his ears pressing against his skull as he darted forward towards the door to our apartment. He was growling deeply, body like an arrow pointed towards the entrance. This left me with two options: let Bang in to eat the idiotic intruder that's trying to rob me or let Bang in to scare the shit out of Miroku or Sango, who entered with their copy of the key and are currently residing in my home for no reason whatsoever.

I opened the door and laughed as Miroku's high-pitched squeak filled the air. So it was that perverted bastard that was wreaking havoc in my place. "Miroku, you better not have any hook–"

It was apparent the moment I fully stepped in that Bang was looking everywhere, growling in every direction. I walked forward, petting him momentarily before catching sight of my financial planner in my kitchen with..._Sango_?

"Why the fuck are you two here? Don't you have other places to be other than my home?" I whined, already tired of their presence. Why did I give them a key to my house? WHY?

"I was dropping off your dry cleaning," Sango responded, wiping down the counter with a cloth. Right then I saw the full-range of the kitchen and immediately noticed that it was _sparkling. _"And then I saw what a pig pen this place was and I _had _to clean it."

"Sango, put the washcloth down," I ordered, pointing at her. "My kitchen was just fine when I left."

When she made no move to stop cleaning, I sighed and dropped my keys on the counter, heading towards the fridge to pull out the cut up steak for Bang's dinner. And a beer for myself. God knows I need one.

"Thirteen inches!" Sango cried, picking up my keys with a dramatic noise and shaking them. "Do you see this?" Slowly, as if quick movement would stun my senses, she moved them over to the small wicker basket on the shelf above the counter and placed them inside. "You're so lazy you won't put the goddamn keys in their _proper_ place thirteen inches away. How _lazy_ are you really?"

"Extremely," another voice answered and I practically shot myself on the spot. Of course. Because it wouldn't be my life if my OCD assistant, my perverted financial planner and my _bastard _of a half-brother weren't here at almost two in the fucking morning.

Make that two beers.

"What do you _want_?" I wailed, groaning when Sesshomaru's face actually met my line of vision. This was just a really bad dream. This was the universe saying "HA! You can't have an amazing day without some sort of SHIT ON YOUR SHOE!"

"Do you know what today is?" Sesshomaru asked in that same, annoying monotone that was his (lack of) voice. "It's Sunday and Rin wanted to see you for dinner tonight."

Would it be wise to flip him off? I think so.

And flipping the bird..._NOW_.

"Mature," Sesshomaru retorted. "However, I know you were probably with that woman so we've rescheduled for Friday at six. Bring that woman with you."

"Woman?" Miroku asked, finally speaking up and grinning wickedly. "You dog you! Who's the chick?"

I ignored Miroku, not needing his crap right now. Looking at Sesshomaru I shook my head. "I am not subjecting Kagome to you or your whip-tastic wife."

"Kagome Higurashi?" Sango screamed, eyes wide.

No. No. This could not get any worse. "You didn't know? I told you about it earlier. Remember at the photo shoot?"

"You were out with _KAGOME HIGURASHI?_" Miroku yelled, flailing his arms around like that would give his exclamation more meaning. "Dude, I told you to back off that shit!"

"Why the fuck would you say that?" Sango demanded, glaring at Miroku.

"Because he thinks he loafs her! He told me when he was drunk!" Miroku snapped back, rubbing his face for a moment before focusing his attention back on me. "No, Inuyasha, you can't do it. Don't take the plunge."

"You love her?" Sango had been around long enough to understand Miroku's stupid-talk. She stared at me for a moment before bursting out in a fit of laughter, the washcloth falling to the floor. Instantly she stopped, putting the cloth back in its proper place before laughing at me again. "Wait, you took her out on a date? For real? I thought she was just trying to piss me off!"

"Why would it piss you off?" I asked, having a hard time keeping up with the conversation. There were too many people here and too many conversations.

"Because you bed women and then throw them out like trash you fucking moron!" Sango snapped. "Inuyasha, we need to talk."

"No!" I shouted, backing up and holding out my hands. "No we do not. I do not need this shit right now. Fuck, I just want to go to bed. Everyone get out."

"Gladly," Sesshomaru replied. "You and Kagome are expected at our house on Friday at six, got it?"

"I'll be there but I sure as _hell_ am not bringing Kagome. Got it?" I mimicked, rolling my eyes. "Now out or I'll get Bang to eat you."

Sesshomaru rolled his eyes heavenward before turning to leave out the front door.

The moment my half-brother was out of sight, I turned to the other two hell-spawns. "Get out."

"You can't date Kagome," Sango answered instead, glaring at me.

Miroku nodded. "I agree with Sango."

"You're just going to have sex with her and leave her," Sango continued on.

"As long as that's what you do, I really don't give a shit," Miroku added. "But that's it. Sex and then you go. Sex and then you go. Easy, right?"

"Both of you should go die somewhere. Please, just...roll into a ditch or something," I whined, pouring the kibble and steak into Bang's bowl. I took the beer off the counter, popped the top and left for my bedroom. "You two better be gone when I wake up in the morning."

"Wait!" Miroku called after me. "Did you get laid tonight at least? You took her out right?"

Sango freaked. "If you did, I will _CASTRATE _you! You HEAR ME? I will CASTRATE YOU."

Kill me.

Please.

* * *

_Feedback is love :)_


	12. Let's Get Physical

_**Disclaimer: **I do not own Inuyasha. I do not profit from this story._

* * *

Happiness

The Tale of an Unstoppable Force and an Immoveable Object

* * *

_Chapter Twelve: Let's Get Physical_

* * *

"Inuyasha, we need to talk."

Okay, so you must be wondering: why the hell would my day start like this? Because it's Tuesday morning at...

"What the _fuck_ are you doing in my room at six in the morning?" I grumbled, burying my face in my pillow after reading the alarm clock. It's bad enough that Sango is my personal assistant and thus, is with me all the time. It's even worse that she thinks of me as a friend and thus, will come to me whenever.

Thus, my life sucks.

Thus.

Fuck I hate mornings.

"Leave m'alone 'itch," I mumbled, keeping my eyes tightly closed. If I couldn't see her, she sure as hell wasn't there.

"I'm not leaving Inuyasha. I want to go to the gym and I figured since we needed to talk about Kagome that you should come." Sango sounded like it was a very reasonable explanation, which it would've been if it wasn't _six fucking a.m. _Sango sighed. "You're losing muscle definition and I'm starting to see a belly that is less 'washboard abs' and more 'dirty laundry'."

...

Shit. Really?

Opening my eyes, I scowled at the light that blinded me. Goddamn curtains. I needed new ones. "Sango, I want new curtains."

"I'll plug it into my Blackberry when we're in my car driving to the gym."

I groaned. "Why must I go again?"

"You're getting fat."

Quickly I looked down at my stomach, observing the cuts of muscle and decent definition. "You're lying."

Sango made a sound dangerously like a tsk, shaking her head. "It's the lack of sex you've been having," she said. "You're burning less calories on a regular basis. It's starting to show."

"I'm not– Wait, how the hell do you know about my sex life?" This was not fair at six in the morning. Not fair at all.

Staring pointedly at me, Sango waited patiently for me to put the pieces together myself.

Oh. Miroku.

Duh.

I really need to kill him.

"It's too fucking early," I said instead, flopping back into the pillow and closing my eyes. "I'm staying in bed."

"That's interesting," Sango murmured and it didn't take a genius to hear the wickedness in her voice. "Well Miroku's coming over in let's say, hmm, five minutes to talk your taxes over. It's that time of the year again."

I cringed. Last time we talked about taxes, Miroku was nearly thrown out of the window and my house was about to be torn down. It really just worked out to my financial planner being stupid with poorly timed jokes and me being way too serious and believing him. And then when I finally stopped believing him, he started telling the truth which...didn't end so well.

No further details are needed.

"I hate you," I grumbled, throwing back the covers and preparing to slip out of bed. This was cruel and unjust punishment for something I'm pretty sure I didn't do. "Get out of my room so I can change."

"I'll be more than happy too," Sango replied, smiling huge now that she had won.

Getting out of bed was probably the hardest thing I've had to do all year. And that's saying something considering I lost all electrical power for thirty minutes back in February. Yeah. Horrible. I know. Unfortunately it didn't get any easier as I stumbled into the bathroom, turning on the faucet and tying my goddamn hair back. Why did I keep it this long again?

When I re-entered my bedroom Sango was gone but Bang's soft growling in the living room was proof enough for me that she was still waiting.

Dammit.

Sango just smiled irritatingly at me as I stormed past, keeping up to speed as I opened the door. "Bathroom Bang, go on."

Bang growled lower as he passed my assistant but left the apartment anyways, heading towards the elevator and using his nose to push the down button.

"I'm surprised a man like you has a dog like that," Sango said suddenly.

I grunted in reply.

Bang returned eight minutes later, licking my sweatpants, growling at Sango before finally going back to bed in the living area.

"All set?" Sango asked. That was a rhetorical question though, no matter how sincere it may seem. The woman was smart, witty and deadly. She knew better than to ask anything needing an answer from me at this time in the morning.

Fucking taxes. If it hadn't been for that I would've suffered Miroku's torturous rambling if that meant I could sleep longer. Six in the morning was the most ungodly...

"You fucking bitch," I exclaimed, pointing a finger at her just as the elevator doors opened to the underground parking.

Wait. When did I get in the elevator?

Huh.

Sango rolled her eyes. "You obviously got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."

"I wonder why. Oh yeah, it's because it's six -_fucking_-am!" I yelled, nearly hysterical. I could feel it clouding my mind, blurring my vision to red. "Miroku doesn't get up at this time! You were bluffing like a fucking porn star!"

"Uh, you mean _poker_ star?" Sango carefully corrected. "And how else was I supposed to get you to come to the gym with me?"

"Fuck you."

"I'd rather get hit by a bus."

"Suck Miroku's dick."

"And get gonorrhea? Fat chance. I'd rather fuck you."

"Go–" Wait. "Seriously?"

Sango rolled her eyes, getting in the driver's seat of her yellow Camaro and starting the engine.

Well, good morning folks.

The gym was only ten minutes away and I stared at Sango in shock when she produced not only her membership but _mine._ "How–?"

"I bought you this in January when you told me to."

"And you never gave me the card?" This was just getting ridiculous. The whole waking-up-early, followed by sex-talk-with-Sango and finally personal-assistants-lie-to-you was really not pleasing me. In any way, shape or form. Fuck. My. Life.

Thank you and goodnight.

"Because you would lose it," Sango snapped back. "You are brutal to be around in the morning."

"IT'S FUCKING SIX!"

"It's almost seven actually," Sango again corrected, looking at her Blackberry before hiding it in her locker. "The horror of being awake when the sun is in the eastern half of the sky. Congratulations, you just popped your a.m. virginity."

"Fuck you."

"Are we really going through this again?" Sango asked, exasperated.

"No," I replied. "You already changed the answer so now it's a totally different conversation."

Sango just stormed off to the elliptical. Women. Go figure.

After a minute of debating whether life was worth it or not, I made my way past rows of weights and equipment until I reached the cardio station. Sango wasn't hard to spot. Anyone as hot as her, wearing a bright pink and black outfit, would have a neon sign that read '_hot babe'_. Only Sango's would specifically read '_hot babe who hates men because they have cooties. Contaminate her and die'._

She even had her _don't fuck with me _scowl in place. Oh joy.

I slowly got on the elliptical beside her, frowning at the awkwardness of the machine. "How do you even move on this thing?" I grumbled, attempting to start and nearly falling on my face.

"Easily," Sango replied, increasing the incline and resistance. "So you and Kagome went on a date Sunday."

Really? _Really?_ "Sango–"

"Don't 'Sango' me," my assistant snapped, passing me a brief glance. "I mean she mentioned that you were seeing each other–"

"She did?"

Sango sighed. "I told her not to. Obviously she didn't listen. It's not like I'm surprised."

Well that's kind of...harsh. "You told her not to?"

"Of course I did!" Sango exclaimed, the black-haired beauty red-faced. I couldn't tell if it was from screaming at me or from working out. She wasn't sweating so it was probably the first one. "You, you asshole, treat women like porn magazines! They're great to get your rocks off the first few rounds but the moment your little swimmers have tarnished every single _solitary_ page, you throw them out!"

My eyes widened and I slowed on the elliptical, staring at her. "Excuse me?"

"And you know why?" Sango continued, as if I hadn't spoken a word. "Because you are not _happy_."

"What the fuck does happiness have to do with Kagome?" I snapped, a little pissed off at my assistant. I wasn't Prince Charming – I knew that. But I'm not exactly the Big Bad Wolf either.

"Everything!" Sango yelled. "It has to do with everything about you and Kagome! You're not happy with your life. You've got money, amazing friends, a great fucking roof over your head but no one to really share it with. You're not happy and you trick yourself over and over with each woman, thinking that maybe when you're fucking them you'll find it. Sorry pal, but you're very wrong."

"I do not!" I seethed. The goddamn fucking son of a motherfucking bitch–

"And now Kagome is the next target. She's the new prize." Sango shook her head, uncapping her water bottle and taking a sip. "I told her and Kagome didn't listen."

"Why?" It wasn't what I wanted to say but the word flew out of my mouth before I could end it.

"Because that's Kagome," Sango whispered, her eyes looking distant even as she continued her fast-paced workout. "She- she's this immoveable object Inuyasha," she said, turning her dark eyes to mine. "When she has decided something...that's it. You can't budge her. Right now she's picked you."

I should've felt pleased. I should've jumped up and down and cheered victory in Sango's face. Instead I wanted to go.

Fuck did I want to go.

"She picked me," I said slowly, blinking down at my slow moving feet. This shouldn't be so complicated and fuck, why did that...bother me? "After hearing all of that – how I'm a manwhore and a son of a bitch and a rich asshole – she still picked me."

Sango nodded, glancing away and taking another sip of water. "We have fifteen minutes left of cardio. Did you want to do weights after? I'll spot."

No. No I didn't.

I wanted to call Kagome and shake some sense into her, tell her that no woman was dumb enough to subject herself to that. And worse, this was over _me_. I just wanted to screw her and sure, I was..._infatuated_...but that never lasts. It hasn't ever lasted with other women. Why would Kagome be so different?

And...she picked me. She _picked _me.

Why the fuck would she do that?

"Yeah, I'll do a few sets," I murmured, continuing to move on the stupid machine even though everything felt oddly numb.

Fucking a girl wasn't supposed to be this complex. Sure, it was taking longer to get into bed with her...maybe that's it. I've never had the issue of all the pre-drama crap.

I need to stop thinking about her. Now. This is...not exactly what I want because she'll definitely throw dishes at my head in the end but hey. That's never stopped me before.

And fuck you lungs.

Stop clenching every fucking second I think about her.

* * *

To Do:

#21: Figure this shit out with Jack Daniels. He'll know what to do.

* * *

Tuesday evening had been wicked. Miroku came over and we dealt with taxes. Then we got smashed.

Wednesday morning sucked because hangovers suck. So I drank some more. The cure for hangovers? Keep drinking.

Wednesday afternoon proceeding into Wednesday night was awesome.

Thursday morning...not so much.

Especially not when Kagome had called me.

"Hey, what are you up to?" Kagome had asked, that goddamn happy-go-lucky tone in her voice. Why was she always this happy? "You doing anything tonight?"

"Um, kind of," I mumbled, trying to sort through what was possibly the worst hangover in existence. Oh god. I'm going to puke.

"Are you sick?" Kagome pressed, now sounding worried.

Dammit woman. Stop _fucking _being so _fucking _amazing. And perfect. And undeniably hot. Just be a bitch and turn ugly for me. Yeah? Thanks.

"Pretty much dying," I whispered, sitting down slowly onto the tile floor. "I'm...really glad you called."

_NO INUYASHA YOU ARE NOT. _

But I was. Even piss-drunk and surrounded by hookers I couldn't get her out of my head. Kagome was just there. It was probably the reason why I couldn't get it up during the lap dance. And it was probably why I said no to Miroku's offer to pay for a night of unstoppable fun.

I'm so fucked.

Kagome had talked to me for a bit longer, her voice soothing and sweet until she hung up and wished me well. I sat on the floor leaning against the wall, just trying to imagine her being there. Then I thought about how she'd react when I finally fucked her and didn't make it a habit. Women were never this complicated before. Why this one? Why Kagome?

I threw up pretty damn quickly.

I had spent the rest of the day feeling sorry for myself, getting up only to feed Bang and let him out. Neither Sango nor Miroku came by and for that I was grateful.

Now I stood in front of Sesshomaru's house with a bouquet of flowers in my hand. Barely three knocks on the door and Rin's smiling face beamed at me. "Inuyasha!" she cheered, throwing her arms around my neck and hugging me. "I'm so glad you could finally make it."

"Glad to be here too," I whispered, hugging her back momentarily before stepping into the house. "Now what's for dinner?"

Rin laughed, shaking her head at me. "You are always hungry." Poking me in the stomach, she frowned. "Have you lost weight? You look thinner than last time."

"Uh, I've been sick," I replied, scratching the back of my neck. Realizing the flowers were still in my hand, I reached out and gave them to her. "These are for you."

"Really, I thought you were giving them to Fluffy."

...

"Fluffy?" I asked, cautiously stepping into the kitchen where my older half-brother sat reading the paper. "She has a nickname for you and it's _Fluffy_?"

Sesshomaru sighed, turning his honey-brown eyes on me. "I thought you were dead."

"Nope, still kicking," I answered, smirking as I patted him hard on the back. What a fucking pussy-whipped son of a bitch. His life must suck.

"It must have only been a wish then."

The table was already set and I sat down at my usual place at the head of the table. Sesshomaru took the other side and Rin sat in the middle. Usually she was there to referee between us, or that's how I thought of it. But something...something was wrong here.

"Rin, you placed the settings wrong," I called, frowning as I saw four sets of settings at the table. Two on one side and two on the other. Hmm. What is wrong with this picture?

"I did?" Rin asked, quickly glancing at the table before rolling her eyes. "No I did not. Don't give me a panic attack Inuyasha. I want everything to be perfect for dinner tonight."

"Then who the hell is the fourth?"

Sesshomaru glared at me but just before I could say anything more, the door bell rang.

"Ooh, that must be Kagome!" Rin squeaked, clasping her hands together before running into the entranceway.

"I forgot to mention," Sesshomaru stated in his usual monotone. "Rin called Kagome. She's here for dinner." Fan-fucking-tastic.

* * *

_Feedback is love :)_


	13. Brain Shutdown in Three

**_Dedication: _**_To my wifey Kinky-Hoe, because she deserves it._

**_Disclaimer: _**_I do not own Inuyasha. I do not profit from this story._

* * *

Happiness

The Tale of an Unstoppable Force and an Immoveable Object

* * *

_Chapter Thirteen: Brain Shutdown in Three_

* * *

This couldn't be happening.

I stared at Sesshomaru in absolute horror, listening as Rin padded down the hallway towards the door. I couldn't see the entranceway from the kitchen but oh god, I could hear the twisting of the knob and the click of the door...

Fuck.

Fuckity-fuck-fuck-fuck.

"How the _FUCK_ did you get a hold of her?" I hissed at Sesshomaru, trying to resist the urge to leap across the table like Tarzan and fucking _kill him_ with my bare hands.

What pissed me off even more was how calm he was. The goddamn bastard just continued to read his paper, not even a hint of amusement or entertainment or annoyance or _anything_ existing on his face. "There is such a thing as a phonebook, Inuyasha," my older half-brother claimed, still not looking at me.

"KAGOME! Hello, it's _so_ nice to meet you!" Rin cooed and I could imagine it now: the small terrifying woman hugging Kagome like the crazy, insane person she is. Instantly Kagome would be scared for her life, running away down the street and cursing my name and never seeing me again and holy shit, what if I never see her again – I mean, I haven't got laid yet so what was I supposed to do, move on? No! I don't give up so then what was I going to do with a horrifying family, a runaway girlfriend and a non-existent sex life?

_Breathe._

...Did I just call her my girlfriend?

_It's been one date you moron. I don't think that qualifies_.

But does it? Does she think that we're together? Does she want to be boyfriend and girlfriend? Does she think we already are?

WHAT THE FUCK AM I GOING TO DO?

"H-How?" I choked, looking at Sesshomaru desperately. "I didn't give you her last name, so how the fuck did you find her in the phonebook?"

"Your friend said the last name," Sesshomaru replied, clearly bored with the topic. "There were only seven Higurashi residences listed."

"And Rin called them all?"

Finally, a reaction: Sesshomaru just stared blankly at me.

Yes, thank you, I got it. _Duh_.

I could hear the footsteps down the hall. _Shit_. I couldn't just stand here like a fool, I had to greet her and kind of make this look like I wasn't totally unhappy to see her. Because I wasn't unhappy to see her it was more I was unhappy that my half-brother and his wife even lived.

Oh fuck. I think I'm hyperventilating.

Maybe it's a heart attack.

I'm too young to have a heart attack.

Still.

I stood up so fast it was like the chair caught fire. It clattered to the tile noisily, making me twitch and growl out in sheer frustration and pure loathing. Grabbing at the knocked over chair, I hurried to straighten it before rushing towards the two women, plastering on a huge smile.

"Hey Kagome," I said, wincing at how breathless and squeaky it sounded.

Oh god. Squeaky.

I should just shoot myself right here and now.

"Inuyasha, how are you doing?" Kagome asked, giving me a small smile. She didn't look terrified or anything, but that could be because she's just a really good liar. Maybe she's a good liar because she's actually really pissed off at me for not inviting her myself and not really talking to her much the past couple of days.

Oh god. Are we fighting already?

...Ooh, make-up sex.

Wait. No. Fighting is bad. Especially fighting before the sex even happens because that means there's nothing to stay for. Ah. No.

Epic fail.

"Rin, can I talk to Kagome for a second?" I asked, somewhat calmly. I think I sounded calm. Definitely not squeaky. No. Squeaky is bad.

Rin rolled her eyes. "Oh Inuyasha. Save the romantic lovey-dovey speech until after she's met Sesshomaru, please? Dinner is going to be ready in five minutes and everything is going to be perfect." Insert Rin's death glare, which looks more like a small child making a constipated face but... Well, I'll never be the one to tell her that.

"It's kind of important."

Rin nodded, big smile still on her face. "And the sky is blue, we live on. Now come on Kagome, I want you to meet my husband. Sesshomaru! Will you put down the paper, Kagome is here!"

...

Did Rin just take my super important statement and casually discard with a simple "the sky is blue"? WHAT THE FUCK DOES THE SKY HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?

Apparently it has to do with the fact that I am never going to get laid again. When Kagome leaves me I will become a nun and live my life not having sex.

Wait. I can't be a nub.

Uh, nun.

Shit.

Monk?

...I really can't imagine people not having sex. I mean, I bet they secretly have massive orgies. Just for fun. And food kinks. And handcuff kinks.

And–

Wait. Kagome.

_Fuck_.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Sesshomaru said dryly and I could tell that I missed a fair chunk of exchange between the three others in the house. I ran back into the kitchen to see my half-brother shaking her hand, not a smile on his face. Kagome was beaming still, being her usual elegant self even as she offered to help Rin in the kitchen.

"Uh, I actually need to talk to you," I whispered quickly, glaring at Rin before all but dragging her into the next room. I immediately threw her in, shutting the doors and breathing a sigh of massive relief. Good. The crazy family was outside of the room and Kagome and I were inside the room. We were safe for now, or until Rin decided that the knife she stashed in the drawer was suitable enough to stab me with.

When I turned around, Kagome was staring at me in open shock, her hands tightly grasping her summer dress.

"You're gorgeous," I said, not even thinking. The moment the words slipped out of my mouth, I slapped my hand over top, unable to believe that I really just said something like that. I mean, I openly commented about her clothing without the expectation of getting laid at this moment in time.

Kagome opened her mouth to say something, frowned and then tried again. "What?"

Now it was my turn to frown. "What? Am I not supposed to comment about how you look? Is that a rule? Shit." Good going, you _moron_. Break a rule that you don't even know about. Spectacular.

At that the woman in front of me smiled, shaking her head. "No," she answered, "and thank you but, are you...okay? You look slightly insane as of right now."

Ah. It was really that obvious huh? "Not particularly. There was a reason I _didn't _invite you." There was a flash, so brief and so sharp in her eyes. It wasn't hard to figure out it was disappointment and hurt. "No!" I yelled frantically, waving my hands at her. "Not because of _you_. I didn't invite you because of _THEM_! DO YOU NOT SEE HOW INSANE THEY ARE?"

Kagome blinked four times, the first two quickly and the second two as if in slow motion. "They're insane?"

"OF COURSE THEY ARE!" I screamed, flailing my arms as I spun around towards the door. I pressed against the smooth wood, trying to listen for the sounds of Rin coming. When I heard nothing, I turned around to face Kagome once more. "We may not have much time."

It was then that Kagome burst out laughing, her hands attempting to smother her mouth and push back the giggles.

What the _fuck_ was so funny about this?

"Do you _see_ yourself?" Kagome asked, panting between fits of laughter. "You're like trying to listen through the door and are bouncing around like it's the end of the world. _You_ look insane. They look relatively normal."

Oh. My. God. Rin has already gotten to her. Shit. I can see the brainwashing going on in her head, the little circles of Rin's childish face dancing around her body and sticking their tongues out at me. No. It couldn't be too late.

"Kagome, Kagome," I said, grabbing her hands. "My family is the problem. Rin called every single number in the phonebook under the Higurashi name for you. I'm just trying to spare you the torture of being here."

She raised an eyebrow in response, looking at our linked hands before back at my face. Why did she look so confused? "Inuyasha," she started, the left side of her lip twitching upwards. "_Inuyasha,_ I don't mind."

"You should."

"Well I figure I owe you," Kagome replied, shrugging. "Come on, Rin's probably got dinner out. And your brother...Sesshomaru, right?"

Wait. Waaaiiiitttttt. "You owe me for what?"

"Inuyasha dinner is getting cold!" Rin called. I could hear the creeping edge to it that suggested I do what she asks before the knife really came out of the drawer. "Come here please!"

"See?" Kagome smiled at me, squeezing my hands. "We can hang out later if you want."

Uh, okay?

As Kagome opened the door, she reached out to tug at the bottom of my shirt, dragging me along with her. While I found her pulling me quite enjoyable, I was worried.

What the hell did the woman owe me for? She didn't do anything.

...Yet.

Just as we entered the kitchen, Rin was standing there, big brown eyes squinting at me. I'm sure this is her angry look but really? Constipated child. Or something. Sesshomaru was looking at the wall, clearly not amused as his fingers tapped on the table.

"What's for dinner?" I asked, like I wasn't pissing off Rin or destroying her perfectly put together meal.

Pursing her lips for a moment, Rin finally smiled and gestured towards the table. "You two are so _cute_. Just sit down and I'll bring it right out."

Ignoring the fact that she had yet to answer my question for the second time that evening, I led Kagome to the table and sat down at across from my half-brother.

"So Sesshomaru, what do you do for a living?" Kagome asked, smiling politely and placing a napkin over her lap.

Wait, didn't I tell her what he did already? Why the _hell_ was she trying for small talk?

"I own a business," Sesshomaru replied, looking at Kagome briefly with his cold eyes. I wanted to punch him for the look alone.

Rin came bustling back into the kitchen then, pots of food racked up on her arm. She placed them one by one onto the wooden table. "Didn't Inuyasha talk to you about us at all?"

Oh lord. No. Please just end. "Uh Rin–"

"Actually I've heard bits and pieces," Kagome replied, helping arrange the food. "We've only been together for a little while."

Well, that was an overstatement.

"Oh, you must tell me how you two met!" Rin exclaimed, big brown eyes alight with interest as she took the seat across from Kagome. She clapped eagerly and looked at both of us. "Was it love at first sight?"

Rin should've stabbed me with that knife a long time ago. Was it too soon to fake an emergency and run like hell?

Kagome looked a little shocked at the question, frowning momentarily before putting food on her plate. "Something like that," she said cheerfully and I desperately wished I could figure out if she was forcing it or not. "Actually, we met because I thought he was about to jump off his balcony."

NO!

"That's not what happened," I quickly intervened, glaring at Kagome and forcing a smile to my face. Dear god. Tell Rin that story and she will _never _leave me alone. She'd be worried that I needed to be on suicide watch or something. And then _Sesshomaru_... "We met at a coffee shop," I blurted, saying the first thing that came to mind. "This weird person was behind the counter and kept hitting on her and I was, like, a hero and saved the day."

Rin looked confused. Sesshomaru didn't look like much of anything.

"The end," I said quickly, picking up my fork and stabbing at my plate.

Of course, there wouldn't be any food on my plate because I hadn't put any there yet. Fuck.

"Lie," Sesshomaru said, the sound ending as soon as it started. Of course, that wasn't what mattered. What mattered to me was that my bastard of a half-brother was like this silent curse that I was forever stuck with. He never talked, or cared, or did anything to make my life easier. What mattered to Rin however, well, that's totally different.

"Why would you lie?" Rin whined, looking at me like I was the biggest moron in existence. "Inuyasha, this is the first girlfriend you've had that I've even had the slightest inclination to meet. Please, don't ruin this for me."

"What the hell does that mean?" I yelled, slamming my hands on the table. "You're not my mother, you're _younger than me_."

"All your girlfriends are hookers!"

Kagome must have started eating because suddenly she was choking, her hand coming up near her throat as she started to violently cough.

"Shit, Kagome." Turning around, I watched as Kagome's face cringed before she took a deep breath. "Are you okay?"

She nodded, reaching out for her glass.

"I'll get you water," Sesshomaru stated, taking the glass and heading towards the kitchen without further comment. When he returned Kagome drank from it greedily and I watched in worry as her red face finally faded back into pale tones.

"So," Kagome whispered, clearing her throat a bit. "They were all hookers?"

"No they were not!" I exclaimed, covering my face with my hand. Could this possibly get _any_ worse? "None of them were!"

"That's not what Sesshomaru said," Rin pointed out, looking at her husband questioningly.

Of course. No wonder. "I'm going to fucking strangle you," I hissed, watching as Sesshomaru rolled his eyes. That bastard.

* * *

To Do:

#22: First, destroy Sesshomaru's career. Second, video his pussy-whipped ass and put it on YouTube. Third, finish him off.

* * *

Dinner wasn't over soon enough.

"So that was...interesting," Kagome commented, crossing her arms over her dress as we walked down the driveway to her car. "Is that what it's normally like?"

I cringed, trying really hard to repress the horrible disaster that was the evening from my mind. "No, I'm pretty sure that's the worst it's ever been."

"Ah, so it was me."

I turned towards her, seeing her brilliant smile and feeling oddly captivated by it. Like I wanted to see it more... Hmm. Strange. "This is why I didn't invite you myself. If I thought they could act normal, I would've."

Staring at me with her pretty dark eyes, she leaned against the door of her car. "Seriously?"

"No, definitely not." I smirked at her, feeling this very odd sensation in my stomach. It was like...fluttering or something. When she smiled, it fluttered even more.

...Did I have to pee or something?

"At least you didn't run out of there the moment you walked in," I continued, mentally slapping myself for talking so much. This wasn't like me. Come on. Leave the girl hanging, make them want more... That's the plan and the plan _always _works.

"Nah, she seemed too normal then," Kagome replied, laughing a little. "But really, I kind of like your family. You guys are so nuts it makes me love mine that much more."

I scoffed. "Glad to be of service. Will there be anything else?"

Maybe it was how disastrous the evening went, and that was why I wasn't expecting anything. Her soft lips pressing against mine was like a slap to reality, something I had been waiting for for so long that when it happened, it was like a dream.

It wasn't even the perfect kiss. There were no random appearances of fireworks or sparks of electricity flowing through my veins. Instead, the kiss was short, and Kagome was pulling away just an inch before it could go anywhere further.

"What are you doing for the July long weekend?" she asked, sounding breathless.

I widened my eyes, knowing they were probably as big as saucers. "Uh, the long weekend?"

"Two weeks from now," Kagome added. The puff of breath that splashed across my face reminded me just how close we still were. If I leaned forward just a little bit more...

"I'm, uh, free?"

Kagome kissed me again, and this time, I'm pretty sure it was the best kiss of my life.

_Brain shutdown in three, two– _

"Good, my family wants to meet you."

_One_.

"Good," I blurted, because with no brain function, I figured that was the safest answer. It might not have even made sense. What the hell did I know? All I knew was that Kagome was _kissing _me and that it really shouldn't feel like this.

Pulling away, Kagome kissed my cheek before opening her car door. "I'll call you and see you soon hopefully?"

I nodded. I'm pretty sure nothing else was possible.

It wasn't until Kagome drove away that two things hit me at once.

One: I was going to meet Kagome's family. Uh...WHAT?

Two: Kagome was the one that left me hanging and wanting more.

_Heart attack in three, two–_

* * *

_Feedback is love :)_


	14. Sango and the Apocalypse

**_Disclaimer: _**_I do not own Inuyasha. I do not profit from this story._

* * *

Happiness

The Tale of an Unstoppable Force and an Immoveable Object

* * *

_Chapter Fourteen: Sango and the Apocalypse_

* * *

This is just a little bigger than a mere WHAT THE FUCK?

This goes to proportions so big, I can't even think them because they are so bad and so horrible that I will be killed on the spot with a lightning bolt and sent to burn and rot in hell for all of eternity.

Kagome...wants me to meet her family. Hold on a minute please.

...

Nope. Heart's still beating.

Fuck. My. Life. Times a million and a half. A _kabillion times _even.

Shit shit shit. Fuck. Damn.

WHY? WHAT CRUEL PUNISHMENT IS THIS?

Isn't it a little...fast? I don't know, we've only been on _one date_. That's it. One. This doesn't count because Sesshomaru and Rin are nutty and insane and...just no.

So I'm standing beside my car, staring angrily at the door handle and wondering why the fuck it's not giving me any answers. When I swear that I actually see words glinting in the paint (which is impossible because, uh, it's night time), I get in the car and tear out of the driveway as fast as fucking possible.

I need to get drunk. Or laid.

Preferably both.

Instead, I drive home and let out Bang, making sure the giant dog was fed and taken care of before sitting on the floor with him and watching a rerun of some cop show. "Bang, what the hell do I do?" I mumbled, resting my head against the seat of the couch and sighing. "I have to meet her family. This is like...horrifying beyond even _The Twilight Zone_."

Bang stared at me for a moment, his big dark eyes unblinking before he sneezed.

"Yeah, I feel ya man," I agreed, ignoring the fact that I was indeed asking my dog about what to do with relationships when he was getting laid more often than I was.

* * *

To Do:

#23: Get laid moron.

* * *

As per usual, the next day wasn't any better.

I woke up to Bang crushing me with his massive weight, his doggy breath splashing over my face. "What do you want?" I groaned, attempting to push the Great Dane off and failing miserably. The dog weighed about as much as I did.

Bang barked at me, growling low for a moment before lying on his side against me.

"Bang, I may be having a dry spell right now but company in bed won't make it any better," I sighed. I attempted to close my eyes but soon realized it was too late, I was already awake. "Fine," I huffed, scooting off the bed and finding a pair of track pants to throw on. "I'll let you out."

We shuffled to the elevator, and I stared down at my bare chest for a moment to wonder if I should've put a shirt on. But then, I thought of all the women that would enjoy the sight and thought..._nah_.

To be honest no one really saw me. There was the receptionist sitting at her desk, but she merely smiled and waved. I think she's immune to me now, which is somewhat depressing. I've hit on her once or twice but she's married. Or engaged. Or whatever you want to call ending-your-life-quickly. Bang let himself out the front by pressing the automatic door button with his nose before disappearing around the corner.

"You, young lad, should be ashamed of yourself."

This...was never a good thing to hear when you first wake up. "Huh?" Turning around, I squinted at the sight of the old man walking up to me. What was his name again?

"What happened to your shirt?" the elderly man asked, staring at me with those massive bug-like eyes. Up close you could see the flickers of grey in them. You could also see the rather large amount of wrinkles.

"I just woke up like, three minutes ago," I answered, still trying to remember his name. Toad? Toto? Oh, wait, Totosam? Totorock? Toto...

"You should put a shirt on." The man grinned suddenly, tilting his head at me. "However, you are quite toned. I'm surprised really. Usually when I see you, you're stumbling in at an obscene hour of the night piss drunk. Alcohol is very bad for you."

I frowned. I come back home from bars at like...three or four in the morning and this guy _sees_? "Um, yeah. Thanks. I workout." That's a l–

"Well that's a lie if I ever heard one," the old man retorted, shaking his head. "I've never seen you at our fitness centre here in the building."

... "We have a fitness centre in our building?" Well, what do you know?

Toto- Bobo- whateverhisface just stared blankly at me. "You've got to be kidding me."

As great as this conversation was, I desperately tried to communicate via telepathy with Bang. _Hurry your furry, massive ass back in here_. "Uh, yeah." There were no other words.

"Are you okay there?" the old man asked, squinting at me. "You look displeased."

"I just woke up," I muttered, glaring at the glass doorway. _Come here Bang, you huge monster._

"But it's the afternoon."

As if that's a reason to be awake. Who the hell cares what time it is? The old man said it himself: I come back at ungodly hours piss drunk. I only sleep twelve hours a day. It's not _that_ long and I have nothing better to do with my time. I'm rich. I'm awesome.

The end.

"You, mister, aren't happy."

I sighed, deciding that Bang was not receiving my telepathic messages. "What are you talking about? Of course I'm happy. Do you know how much money I have? I'm attractive. I'm rich. Overall, I'm awesome. I can get women whenever I want." I paused for a moment, trying to think if there was anything else. "I have a lot of booze." Yeah, we couldn't forget that.

The old man snickered, as if all the words that tumbled out of my mouth were funny. His big eyes stared at me for a moment before he shook his head. "Young man, that's not happiness. You're not happy."

And... I couldn't say anything to that.

_Yes I am._ But the words just didn't come out. They were on the tip of my tongue, curled and ready to spring. Still, even as I opened my mouth to let the sentence fly...nothing happened. I blinked, confused.

Was I happy? Is this...happiness?

In that moment, Bang's cold nose tapped my arm and I looked down at him, frowning. Yes, I was happy. Happiness was a mixture of money, women, my dog named Bang and a bottle of Jack, a bottle of Vodka, a bottle of whiskey and a bottle of tequila. I don't need anything else to make me happy.

"What do you think happiness is?" I asked, looking at elder across from me.

He just shrugged his thin shoulders, fidgeting with the shirt he wore. "I can't tell you that. Where would all the fun be? What I can say, mister, is that happiness is _living_ and anything in between."

I nodded, running a hand through my black hair. "Okay, I guess I'll see you around then..."

"Totosai."

"I knew that," I huffed, slightly relieved that he actually said his name. At least I was close.

Totosai grinned at me, shining teeth and wide eyes. "Maybe you will, maybe you won't."

As I tapped Bang's side and walked to the elevator with him, I could feel the stares of other residents. They were looking at me, possibly admiring my awesome abs or great hair or stunning body. Regardless, I couldn't help but squirm, grateful for when the doors opened and I could slip inside the box.

"Bang, something weird is going on." Bang snorted, walking around in a circle before sitting at my side. "That conversation was...weird." My dog just continued to stare. I looked down at him with a sigh. "Next time I tell you telepathically that I need you to piss faster, you _better_ come running like the man's best friend that you are."

Bang snorted once more and exited the elevator the moment the doors opened. I trudged behind him, still lost in the conversation back with Totosai. What had all that been? Why did he even ask that shit? I didn't need therapy and I sure as hell didn't need to have any sort of epiphany. My life was great.

I had money. I had women. I had sex. I had alcohol.

What the fuck more could I need?

And then Kagome's face just kind of came into my mind and I frowned, shaking my head to get rid of the image. Sentimental thoughts were not allowed at this current moment in time, especially when the woman invited me to meet her parents after _one date_. Was she high? And it wasn't even _just_ her parents – her whole FUCKING FAMILY.

Not just the brothers. Not just the parents. It was going to be aunts and uncles and grandparents and – oh god – probably foster kids out the wazoo.

Jesus Christ. Fuck my life.

* * *

To Do:

#24: Find a way to get out of this family crap.

* * *

What I needed right now was advice. And I knew the perfect person to call about shit like this.

I hit Speed Dial #2 and waited.

"Inuyasha, what a pleasant surprise," Miroku's voice droned and for the first time, I think he's actually sober. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Are you sober?"

"Stone cold."

I nodded, considering that fact. "I'm actually proud of you."

"Oh don't worry, I'll be smashed tonight."

Well that figures. "I need some advice. So Kagome ended up meeting Sesshomaru and Rin the other night–"

Miroku gasped. "Why the fuck would you introduce her to family that fast? Do you want her to think you loaf her?"

Rolling my eyes, I continued as if the idiot never spoke. "And at the end she invited me to this family reunion thing happening in a couple weeks." Just thinking about it made me shudder.

Miroku was obviously gagging, choking on something imaginary that I couldn't see. After a few moments of deathly calm, his deep voice filtered through the line. "You are a pussy."

"Oh fuck you," I snapped, tempted to end the call but actually wanting the moron's advice. Why? I'm not sure. It just seemed like a better idea than the alternative: Sango. "What do I do?"

"Get the hell out of it and _dump her_," Miroku stated bluntly, coughing a bit. "Jesus Christ I think I had a heart attack or two. And I threw up a bit in my mouth. Dammit Inuyasha, why would you bring this to me so early in the morning?"

"It's the afternoon."

"WHATEVER!" Miroku yelled. "You know what? I need a drink."

Groaning, I ended the call. The perverted financial planner was obviously no help. I sighed and pressed Speed Dial #1.

"What do you want now?" Sango snapped, answering the phone in her normally cheery manner. "Please tell me I don't have to come up there and make you dinner."

"Come up...? Oh right, you live below me." I should have remembered that.

I could practically feel Sango's eyes roll out of her head. "I won't even respond to that. So, what's on your mind? Do you actually need me to make you lunch?"

"No _mother_," I hissed, feeling the irritation grow already. "I actually have a question about Kagome."

"Oh god," Sango groaned. "I will not be the messenger between the two of you."

"I don't want you to be the messenger! Stop putting words in my mouth," I huffed. Realizing that this conversation required sitting down, I put up my feet and flipped on the television. "Just...Kagome asked me to meet her family."

There was a momentary pause. "And?"

And? _AND?_ That's it? Is this a woman thing that I don't know about? "And it's been like one fucking date," I exclaimed, throwing the remote on the floor when it landed on the news. "Look, she's cool. I like..._dating_...uh, her, but _one date_? Shouldn't there be more time to adjust, like you know, a month?"

Sango sighed. "Look Inuyasha, this is Kagome's story to tell, alright? But just...have you been to Kagome's house yet?"

I frowned, trying to remember when I picked her up. "Uh yeah once. Why?"

"Notice anything funny about it?"

Let me think... No. It was a normal house. "It was brown?" That is a pretty ugly brick colour. I could've picked something a lot better but I'm no contractor. Or brick-layer. Or...whatever.

"It's a _house_, you moron!" Sango yelled, growling in my ear. "It's a house and she has two brothers that _live with her_, two brothers that she _takes care of. _Notice anything strange about that?"

I honestly tried. I really tried to follow Sango's train of thought. It led me nowhere. "No, I have no clue what you're talking about."

Sango let out a frustrated groan. "Why do I work for you?"

"My unbelievable charisma?"

And then Sango hung up, which was pretty damn typical because she was about as hot-tempered as – you know – a fucking volcano.

_The tragic death of a twenty-two year old man–_

My attention was drawn away from the news when my awesome ring tone went off. Miroku's name flashed on the screen and I sighed, debating for a moment before answering. "Please tell me you're not drinking."

Miroku snorted. "Of course I'm not, Sango told me not to. So, I've been thinking about what you said about this Kagome-incident and you know what? I think you should see this as a sort of...task."

This was going to be good.

"Yeah," Miroku continued. "See this as like, the greatest plot to ever get laid. You do all the amazing boyfriend things, get Kagome all hot and bothered and then fuck her. And then you can break up and live happily ever after. The end."

"You noticed that this girl you're talking about is Kagome, right?" I asked, somewhat horrified. "Isn't she your _friend_?"

"Oh." Miroku suddenly burst out laughing. "Damn, I forgot. I should stop drinking."

"I thought you weren't drinking."

"That's a lie," Miroku said, sighing. "I think I have a problem."

I rolled my eyes, ignoring my financial planner as he continued to go on and on about his alcohol problem. It wasn't that I wasn't concerned because that's just not true. I did care. The problem was that I've been dealing with him over and over again, trying to get the asshole some help. Miroku just...doesn't listen or doesn't commit – whichever the answer is. No matter how on top of it I stay, Miroku just finds other stealthy ways to get booze and strippers.

Now, I'm just watching the news, staring at the ticker on the bottom of the screen with the news. Wow, a lot of people have died recently. Three...four...six... That can't be good.

"Hello, earth to Inuyasha," Miroku called, stirring me from my thoughts. "I can see you through the telescope you idiot. I know you're watching TV instead of listening to me."

"I was not," I lied. "Look, you've got a problem but you won't fix it and I'm tired of trying and failing to help you. One day you'll either die or find someone that's worth stopping for. I hope for your sake it's the second option."

"I hope it's the first," Miroku mumbled. "Come out with Sango and me tonight. We're going to Zero Gravity again for drinks. I'm buying apparently."

Figures. Sango makes him promise to stop drinking and what do they do? Go out and drink together. I must be missing something. "Why not if the drinks are free?" We discussed the times of arrival, the issue taking twice as long because Miroku was getting pretty tipsy and he was quickly becoming an idiot.

"And don't worry mon petit poussin, Kagome _pas _will be invited."

There was so much wrong with that statement, it took a moment to process the bullshit. "Dude, did you just call me your little fucking chick?"

Giggling like it was the funniest thing ever, Miroku soon hiccupped. "I don't think 'fucking' was in that statement. Then again, I don't really know French. I do, however, like French fries."

"You're a moron."

And that ended the conversation right then and there.

Until my phone rang again.

"Inuyasha!" Sango yelled, sounding rather pleased with herself. "I just realized that Miroku's a moron and he probably didn't tell you."

It took her that long to figure it out? "What?" I asked, debating whether the news anchor on the television was in her thirties or forties. I'm pretty sure she's had her face injected with Botox but that shit's tricky if you don't pay attention.

"We're heading out to Zero Gravity tonight and Miroku's buying for the four of us," Sango said, suddenly laughing. "Kagome, shut up. I told you that crap is bad for you!"

Oh god no. Please no. "Kagome is there?" And if my voice sounded a little bit whiny, I will deny it later. Right now, I had bigger worries like a potential girlfriend who moves about as fast as a fucking cheetah in relationships. Or, you know, a Gulfstream G650 jet aircraft. "Why the fuck is Kagome there?"

Sango made a sound of disapproval. "Hold on bastard," she whispered at me and I heard her call out something obscene to Kagome. I frowned in confusion while I waited, listening to the sound of running water before she came back. "What the _FUCK_ do you mean 'why the fuck is Kagome there'? I swear to god Inuyasha, if you've pussied out on her I will _fuck your shit up_."

Well, if that's not enough to keep a guy in a relationship, I don't know what is. Maybe the apocalypse, but damn she's close. "No Sango," I sighed. "Miroku just told me about tonight's plans and said Kagome wasn't going to be there. I was just...surprised."

Right you goddamn liar. Maybe I am... _No._ I am a man. I don't pussy out of anything.

"You're pussying out aren't you?"

"No."

"Uh huh."

"I'm NOT!"

Sango growled. "Methinks thou doth protest too much."

... "What?"

"You come tonight or I will find you and I will kill you. Seriously, fuck Kagome up and I will harass you until you jump off that fucking balcony where you met her."

And since I didn't want to fall thirty-two storeys towards my death – because think about it that's a long fucking time of potentially regretting your decision – I nodded eagerly. And then told her _I will come, I promise_ like a tool.

* * *

To Do:

#25: Be a man and tell Kagome no.

#26: Survive.

* * *

_Feedback is love :)_


	15. WITHYSO?

**_Disclaimer: _**_I do not own Inuyasha. I do not profit from this story._

* * *

Happiness

The Tale of an Unstoppable Force and an Immoveable Object

* * *

_Chapter Fifteen: What is this Happiness You Speak Of?_

* * *

All things considered, Zero Gravity was a great club. Or bar. Or whatever it was.

It was a Saturday and people were lined up waiting to get in the door. I cringed, knowing that Miroku, Sango and – _gulp_ – Kagome were in there already. At least I had a few minutes in line to think about how I was going to break it to her that _no,_ I wasn't going to meet her family so soon. I palmed myself to remember that _yes,_ I was a man and _yes, _I had balls. I could do this.

I sent a quick text to Miroku, telling him that I was at the club and waiting to get in. There were quite a few women in front of me, wearing dresses that were _extremely_ short with big hair and makeup-enhanced eyes. A couple of them giggled when they noticed I was looking at them and I had to stop myself from rolling me eyes.

...

Oh no.

Oh no no no no no.

Jesus Christ. This is how it starts. I just... I just...

I can't even think it again. I just..._rolled my eyes at women wearing short skirts that would clearly let me fuck them._ OH GOD.

I palmed myself again. Okay, my dick is still there. Good. I haven't magically lost it for a vagina. Okay then that meant that I wasn't interested in them.

...WHY WASN'T I INTERESTED IN THEM?

There was a man behind me and I quickly turned around, eyeing him up and down. He was taller than me, with short black hair and big blue eyes. He caught my glance and scowled. I ignored him, continuing with my quest for answers by studying everything he was wearing and how he was standing. It wasn't until he took a step closer with a deadly look in his eyes that I realized I wasn't being remotely subtle.

"What the fuck are you looking at?" the guy snarled, pressing into my space dangerously.

I shrugged, automatically shutting my mouth so as not to tell him the honest reason why. He probably wouldn't like the idea that I was seeing if I had suddenly, and rather quickly, turned gay. I wasn't remotely interested in him though so I figured not.

Okay, so I'm still a man, I'm not gay and yet, scantily clad women do nothing for me.

The guy obviously didn't like the fact that I didn't answer him, because before I knew it I was being forcefully shoved into said group of women. They shrieked, going on and on about their dresses or makeup or push-up bras (what the hell did I know about that shit?). I caught myself, grabbing one of the women for balance.

"You _pervert!_" she screamed and I realized too late that I was grabbing her chest.

Oh. Hello fakes.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" the guy behind me yelled, coming up close with his fist raised. I watched as the punch came, aimed at my face and I ducked at the last second, jumping backwards.

"Hey, hey!" a rather large man, probably a bouncer, yelled, standing between us. "Both of you need to get out of here."

"I was just standing here, he punched me," I argued, crossing my arms over my chest defensively. "I didn't even hit back when I had the chance."

"I don't give a shit," the bouncer replied, glaring at me. "The both of you get out of here."

Suddenly Miroku was there, clapping the bouncer on the back. "Hey now, that's the guy I told you to look out for!" The rather slurred words made the sentence pretty hard to understand but obviously the bouncer knew Miroku because he grinned.

"This asshole?"

Miroku nodded, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a fifty. "The one and only! Man, this is Inuyasha Taisho. Don't you know who is his? He's the fucking richest twenty-eight year-old out there!"

Well, I wasn't sure if that fact was true or not, but hey I liked the sound of it. "So can I get into the club?"

The bouncer looked me up and down before nodding, lowering his hand so that I could break free. The man on the other side sputtered, yelling something indignant that I didn't really listen to because I was walking into the bar with Miroku at my side.

"Dude, how much have you had to drink?" I asked, noticing how Miroku's arm around my shoulders was desperately needed for support.

Miroku giggled. "Un, deux, trois–"

"Shut up," I sighed, paying cover and walking further into the crowded room with flashing lights and pounding music. The bar was just as packed as ever, but for some reason this particular night was crawling with men and women, all moving on the dance floor. Moving was probably the best way to phrase it. It was by no means dancing. It was actually closer to sex with clothes.

...Was that girl upside down? Oh. _OH._

Wow.

"We, my friend, should get more alcohol," Miroku said, winking at me and leering.

I rolled my eyes. "As long as you don't hit on me again."

Miroku looked me up and down, shrugging. "Nah, I told you like...a million-gazillion times before dude. That was _college_. I don't swing that way. I'm pretty sure your dick doesn't swing that way either." He frowned, as if he was pondering the idea before grinning. "Dude, ALCOHOL."

Blinking and wondering how the hell I survived with friends like this, I nodded and followed him to where the bartender glanced our way and then continued on with the million other orders they had on the go.

"So where're the girls?" I asked, forcing myself to not look around the club for Kagome. I was supposed to be preparing myself – manning up. I could do this! All I had to say was: No Kagome, I will not go to the family gathering.

The end. Period. Finished.

...Hopefully not like our quasi-relationship. Was it a relationship?

Well, I guess not. It's been like one date, maybe one and a half (do you count dinner at the brother's when you didn't actually invite her personally?). So yeah, no girlfriend-boyfriend crap. Just dating.

I could do that.

The bartender finally took our drink order and it slowly dawned on me that Miroku never actually answered my question. "Miroku?" I asked, staring at him quizzically. "Where are Sango and Kagome?"

Miroku had been dutifully checking out some chick's boobs, so much so that he was practically buried in them. The girl didn't seem to mind, actually she seemed rather... Oh wait, there was a shot glass down there with alcohol.

No wonder.

"Miroku!" I yelled, slamming my hand down on his back and groaning when Miroku grinned at me like he'd won the lottery. "WHERE ARE SANGO AND KAGOME?"

Holding up a finger at me, he turned around quickly to give the girl's ass a squeeze and a slap before winking at her. I was disgusted that the guy even got laid in the first place. It explained the hookers at least. They were paid to like him. When the blue-eyed asshole finally faced me again, he shrugged. "What did you say?"

"Go fuck yourself," I retorted, restraining myself from repeating the question again. But...I had to know. "Where are the girls?"

Miroku squinted at the crowd, putting his hand flat above his brow as if to block out the sun. I should mention to him that that doesn't help you to see better, but in his drunken state I don't think it would matter. "Oh there they are! They're dancing on the...holy shit, would you look at Sango's ass."

I rolled my eyes, knowing that I would _not _look at my personal assistant's ass. Kagome's butt however was fair game. The bartender came back with the drinks, sliding them over the bar top and I passed him enough money to cover the drinks plus tips. With them in hand I looked back around, trying to focus my attention where Miroku was blatantly staring.

Dammit, I still can't– H-H-Holy FUCKING SHIT.

My knees just wobbled a little.

Kagome was... Ungh. _Hottttt._

The dress was short, tight around the ass but very conservative breast-wise, which is fine because I could totally ignore the upstairs girls for the downstairs ones. It was sleek and black, matching her long hair that was flying around while she gyrated with Sango on a..._ohmygod_...platform. And not just _any_ platform.

It had a pole.

On the platform.

Which they were dancing around. On. Beside. _Ungh._

Looking down at my pants, I frowned. I just totally went from zero to sixty and that's...pretty pubescent of me. I'd be ashamed but well, there's nothing to be ashamed of down there. However, I'd rather not poke someone's eye out – I mean, scar their eyesight. _Cough_.

"Yo dog," Miroku hollered in my ear, which was bad because he could seriously offend someone with that crap. I didn't particularly want to get shot that night, thank you very much. "What are you doing? Come on! The alcohol isn't going to get to the girls itself!"

...I was going to be near Kagome in _that dress_?

It's...really hot in here.

I followed Miroku's lead, trying to find a spot to get their attention when I realized that Kagome and Sango were getting enough attention already. Guys were _swarming them_ in _hoards_. Something was shaking, making the drinks splash a little as we moved. It wasn't until I got there that I realized that shaking? Was me growling. Like a fucking dog.

Oh. My. God. That son of a fucking bitch is staring at my Kagome's ass. I will absolutely kill him. With my own hands.

"Hey!" Miroku yelled, pushing his way through the crowd to Sango and Kagome. The guy waved a bit and caught the girls' attention, making them slow down.

The moment Kagome's eyes met mine, that was it. I _just _knew.

I was in loaf.

_Dammit._

I nudged my way closer to the platform, holding up the drink I bought her and smirking slightly. All these guys swarming like desperate losers could suck my dick. I had the hot girl. Yes, I did. That's right.

Fuck you, Mr. Six-Foot-Seven, I'm a Body Builder Who Could Kick Anyone's Ass. Right now, you are just Mr. Six-Foot-Seven, No One Gives a Fuck – Especially Not Kagome.

Ha.

Fuckers.

"Hey you!" Kagome called, waving a bit before tugging on Sango's hand and stepping down the crowded stairs to where we were. "Is that for me?" she asked, stepping up close and smiling as she got nearer.

Hell, I was smiling as she got nearer. "Hi, uh." _Oh my god. You fucking suck. Make a MOVE!_ "You look–" _Hot. Fuckable. Doable. Sexy. _"–amazing."

Kagome bit her lower lip and looked down a little, taking the drink from my hands. "Thank you," she replied, almost too quiet for me to hear over the music. "Vodka?"

"What else do women drink?" I asked, smirking at her before taking a sip of my own rum and coke. The alcohol was pleasant, warming my system as it made its way down.

Swatting at my arm, Kagome wrapped her lips around the straw – _she has really nice lips which I can totally picture… _– and started on her drink, finishing within seconds. I, on the other hand, had maybe a lick of my own. Damn, this girl could drink.

"How many is that?" I asked, curious as she placed the used cup on a nearby table full of discarded drinks.

Kagome shrugged. "I don't know. I haven't been paying attention," she yelled, trying to be heard over the music. "Maybe like my sixth?"

I blinked, replaying her speech and movements from the moment I saw her. She didn't look remotely drunk, just flushed from the heat. Taking this as a sign that maybe I should join her, I finished the drink in a quick, burning gulp before placing my glass with hers. "Want to dance?"

Kagome grinned at me, coming closer and sliding a hand down the buttons of my shirt. "Can you keep up?"

Ooh. A challenge.

Leaning forward, I let my lips brush across her cheek and hair before whispering in her ear. "Can you?"

Hands suddenly intertwined with hers, Kagome stared walking back up to the platform where Miroku and Sango were already..._dancing._ Wow, this was possibly the closest Sango has come to having sex. You know, being afraid of cooties and all, I'm somewhat proud.

"Rule number fifteen: always accept a challenge," Kagome said, taking my hands and placing them purposefully low on her hips. I came up behind her, glad that certain parts of my anatomy had finally gotten a grip and calmed down, and started dancing to the music.

It was every bit as hot and sexy and mind-blowing as I thought it would be. The music was blasting something electronic and mesmerizing, making each sway of Kagome's body against mine completely and totally..._hot_. _Sexy. Mind-blowing._

And slightly awkward because let's face it, I could totally get off like this. Thank god I have something called self-control. Miroku on the other hand...

"Drink?" I said into her ear, wrapping my arms around her stomach and pulling her that much closer. She felt so good against me, I didn't want to let go.

"Please," Kagome replied, making a face at me before pointing towards the opposite side of the platform where...

Oh dear lord. I can't unsee this. I'm fucking scarred for life.

Sango and Miroku are making out, quite enthusiastically I might add.

Well this is unexpected, I can say that for sure. Sango the Prude is apparently not so–

Oh. Wow. Dear god. She's...a slut like this.

"She's drunk," Kagome yelled, shrugging as if that would explain everything. "And she kind of has a major crush on Miroku."

"Really?" I asked wryly, rolling my eyes. "I hadn't noticed."

Trying really hard to push away the visions of Miroku eagerly grabbing Sango's ass and Sango's tongue down Miroku's throat, I pulled Kagome towards the bar and ordered shots. Fuck, with the way this night was going, they were well deserved.

One shot down. "Another four," I told the bartender, smirking at Kagome. "Don't worry, I'll have three of them."

"You'd need to if you're going to keep up," Kagome replied, pressing up close behind me with her hands just below my ribs. Her touch was feather-light, but I could feel every little shift of movement as she continued to move with the music.

Damn, this girl was literally going to drive me insane tonight.

Three shots later and we were back to dancing. Twenty minutes later and I was downing more shots. Pretty soon, everything was happening in a whirlwind of pounding bass, flashing lights and a beautiful woman that was pressed up against me so perfectly, I couldn't imagine being without her.

Somehow, we ended up at the bar with Miroku and Sango, after the two had apparently had enough tongue-fucking for the evening. Sango was drinking some sort of fancy cocktail while Miroku nursed some sort of alcohol on the rocks. I was leaning against the bar top casually, Kagome's entire side glued to me. I was more than just a little drunk and even I could admit that I was getting a bit too handsy.

"Inuyasha?" Kagome looked up at me with those amazing, chocolate brown eyes that I could just stare into forever and ever and ever... "You can take your hand off my boob now."

I frowned because I certainly did not put my hand there. Of course, when I looked, the little bastard was sitting there, proudly and snugly against what I would consider quite gifted bosoms.

Kagome's face quickly changed into that of confusion. "What are quite gifted?"

Oh. I spoke out loud. "The DJs," I replied smoothly, only hiccupping slightly because I think the last four tequila shots did me in.

Maybe.

"Your hand is still on my boob, Inuyasha."

"Oh right," I said, immediately removing the little traitor and letting it rest on her hip. "Sorry about that."

Smiling, Kagome just shook her head and had another sip of her drink.

"We – my motherfucking friends – are going dancing!" Sango cheered, grabbing Miroku's ass and whooping. "See ya, bitches!"

It's quite entertaining how her terrible potty mouth still applies while drunk, even though her apparent fear of boy cooties mysteriously vanishes.

Miroku winked at me. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do." Which pretty much limits me to everything but incest. At least my bestest buddy of all time is looking out for me.

"What a good best friend," I commented, hugging Kagome a little closer because she's really tiny and cute, but also really sexy and hot. And I really want to have sex with her.

"We should–" _Have sex._ "–drink more."

Kagome held up her drink. "I'm still good but you go ahead."

Nodding, I gestured towards the bartender. Since I've definitely had enough to keep me steadily drunk for the past couple hours, sticking to one type of alcohol would probably be a good idea. "Rum and coke, please, again, please?"

Maybe I should just stop drinking.

But then, Kagome shifted just that little bit over that pretty impressionable part of my body and damn, I needed more to drink.

"I didn't think you'd come tonight," Kagome said, tilting her head and smiling up at me. "Sango said that you were having problems?"

Oh. Right. _Those problems_. "It was Bang," I lied, nodding my head very convincingly if I do say so myself. "He wasn't feeling good."

Suddenly Kagome's warmth was gone and she was now in front of me, close enough to reach out to but not close enough to feel her warmth. "Is he okay?"

I kept nodding, because that felt safe. "Yeah I think so. He's probably just mad because he hasn't gotten laid in a while."

Kagome sputtered her drink a little, looking at me with big eyes. "What?"

Was it really so hard to believe that I didn't neuter my dog and I let him have sex all the time with other bitches? Seriously people, get logical. Why would one man do that to his best friend? That's just a cruel, horrible punishment. If you can't have sex, there is no reason to live. Period.

"Guess what?" I said, changing the conversation because I felt like it. Being drunk definitely had perks. "I saw that old man earlier today, Totosai was it?"

Like a flip was switched, Kagome's eyes softened and she put down her drink. "Really, how did he say he was holding up?"

_How's he holding up? Fine, I guess? He's not with a cane so I guess his legs are still "holding him up"?_ "Uh, he's good."

Nodding, Kagome ran a hand through her long black locks and shook her head, looking just to the side of me so it was like she was seeing me without really _seeing_.

Whoa. That was deep.

Inuyasha: 4; Universe: 2.

"That's great," Kagome replied, looking genuinely happy now. Her gaze finally fixed back on me. "I can't imagine what it must be like to live like that. He's a brave man. I wish I could do more, you know? Spend even more time…"

I nodded sagely. This nodding of the head thing was quite useful. I should do it more often. "Exactly my point." _There's a point to this right?_

"So what did he talk to you about?" Kagome asked, reaching out for her drink again and taking a sip. "Anything interesting? I know he has so many wicked stories to tell."

I nodded again. "Well, he asked me this really strange question. He was all like, 'you aren't happy' and then asked what I thought happiness was. _Clearly_ happiness is alcohol, women, booze, money, women and alcohol. Oh, and a dog named Bang. You can't forget Bang."

Kagome frowned, her small hand coming to rest on my shoulder. "That's what you think happiness is?"

I shrugged. And then I nodded. "What else would it be? What is this _happiness_ you speak of?"

Laughing, Kagome finished off her drink in one quick succession and then slammed the glass on the counter. "It's only the damn thing I'm trying to find."

_It's only...the damn thing...I'm trying...to...find?_ What the fuck did that mean? Was she trying to find like...buried treasure? Because that includes money and money is happiness right? Right.

Inuyasha: 18; Universe: 26.

Fuck, when did the universe start winning? That fucker.

"What's the purpose of _anything?_" Kagome asked, waving her one arm around wildly while the other slowly ran down my chest. Wow, that felt good. _Keep going lower, will you? _"All I want in my life to be able to die knowing that I am happy and that I was happy and that everything I've done in my life, is for the sake of my happiness and others'."

I nodded. I wasn't particularly listening at this point. Her hand was around my bellybutton. _Keep going. Keep going._

"What do you want?" Kagome asked out of the blue, looking at me quite seriously for someone who should be pretty piss drunk. Well, I was piss drunk so I thought she would naturally be.

And then her hand touched my belt.

"I want sex." I nodded because that sounded about right.

Did anyone realize how _useful_ nodding is?

Kagome laughed, insanely loud compared to the music before tapping me lightly on the cheek. "Do you really?" she asked. "Could you even get it up with this much alcohol in you?"

It wasn't _that _much alcohol. Probably a bottle or two, it's not a big deal.

Looking down at my pants before looking back up at her through my bangs, I smirked. "Want to find out?"

Kagome sighed. "You're drunk."

"And horny," I added. And then I nodded.

"Clearly," Kagome responded lightly, swatting me lightly in the chest with the hand that had previously been so low... _DAMMIT. WOMAN YOU ARE A TEASE!_

"Hey excuse me!" a male's voice shouted and I twisted to see a guy maybe a year or two older than me stare blatantly at Kagome. "Can I buy you a drink?"

Obviously this guy was as blind as a dumbass (does that makes sense?) because obviously she's touching me and I'm touching her so obviously she's with me.

"Do I need to fight you?" I asked, rising from my restful position against the bar to my full height. I wasn't the tallest guy in the room, but I was well-built and definitely a fighter, so pushing Kagome behind me slightly and crossing my arms in front of the guy was no big deal.

"Hey now," Kagome interrupted, trying hard to stop me from blocking her but failing miserably. "Rule number two: violence is never the answer."

The guy ignored her, instead looking at me for a moment before squinting then shrugging. The squinting thing seemed to go well with the idea that he was blind. Squinting, as a side note, is also not an attractive facial expression. You look like a tool.

Period.

Inuyasha: 3; Universe: 1.

"Sorry man," the guy said. "She just looked like she'd be a cool girl for a threesome."

I blinked. "What?"

"WHAT?" Kagome shrieked from behind me, peering over my shoulder. "No way!"

Oh. Well that sucks. There goes that fantasy.

Oh well, there's still the chocolate and handcuff one.

The guy shrugged again. I thought to myself that nodding is clearly more efficient than shrugging. He should start nodding more. It makes more logical sense to nod than to shrug. Shrugging shows signs of weakness and idiocy. Nodding shows signs of smartness and intelligence.

I should totally lecture this shit to other, unfortunate shruggers like himself.

"Sorry guy, didn't mean any harm," the man said.

And then out of nowhere, some bimbo pops out. And when I say a bimbo pops out I mean, a bimbo plus her baggage (her boobs, because they definitely pop out of that nonexistent scrap of cloth you're wearing sweetie). "You're fucking right!" she hollered, grabbing the man and glaring at Kagome. "You fucking bitch stay away from him!"

I frowned. This seemed really wrong. "What the hell? He approached us!"

The woman scoffed, waving her hands in the air and snapping her fingers like it magically explained everything. "Why would _my_ boy go to that ho when she's with you? Exactly bitch. Suck it."

...

Huh. When a girl asks me to "suck it", I typically respond in two ways.

Way One: Run. Obviously she is a man. RUN FROM THOSE MAN BITTIES!

Way Two: Look at her boobs confusingly for a moment before running, because boobs that big do not make up for junk in the hood of the car.

Kagome was soon in front of me, stepping up in the other woman's face and looking her up and down like she was nothing special. "He asked me because whatever misconceptions you have about your ability to please a man are obviously incorrect. Now take the sleazy asshole of a boyfriend and go." Kagome smirked and crossed her arms, winking at said sleazy asshole.

Wow. She was good. Kudos to that shit.

The woman struck out, trying to slap Kagome in the face. I watched in fascination (CAT FIGHT!) and horror as all she got was Kagome's long hair. And to _my_ girl's credit, she pulled her arm back and then landed a fist right in the woman's cheek.

Seriously, _a fist_. Not some girly-ass bitch slap. A real, manly fist.

Holy shit.

Turning around, Kagome put her fingers in my belt loop and tugged. "Let's get out of here, shall we?" she asked, grinning maniacally and pulling me towards the door.

I went willingly, still too caught up in my thoughts of how Kagome just put that bitch down. It wasn't until we were outside of Zero Gravity, with the cool night air whipping at my face that I realized our change in scenery. Looking down at Kagome, I was amazing at how completely content she looked, despite what she just did.

She was so amazing. This woman was _amazing_.

I am going to marry her. I loaf her.

Kagome smirked, shaking her head at me. "What the hell does that even mean?"

_Oh shit. Not again. Please tell me I didn't say that out loud._ When Kagome just continued to stare at me, I cringed. "Uh, never mind. So what happened to rule number two? I thought violence was never the answer."

I expected her to freak out, either at me for pointing out that she broke her own rules or at herself because of the same reason. Instead what I got was one of the biggest, most beautiful smiles I've ever seen. "Rule number two: violence is never the answer. Exception: when it is."

"Ah," I replied, unable to stop the smirk that was spreading across my face at her smile. "I see then."

"Want to get pizza?" Kagome asked, running a hand through her hair and fixing her dress.

I nodded. Nodding was the clear thing to do.

* * *

To Do:

#27: Determine if "pizza" is codeword for "sex."

* * *

It isn't.

* * *

_Feedback is love :)_


	16. The Whole Package

**_Disclaimer: _**_I do not own Inuyasha. I do not profit from this story._

* * *

Happiness

The Tale of an Unstoppable Force and an Immoveable Object

* * *

_Chapter Sixteen: The Whole "Package"_

* * *

Oh my _god_, my _head_.

Did I drink an entire _bar_ or something?

My eyes felt like sandpaper as I opened them, only so far as tiny slits to see around the room.

...This is not my room. _Where _the _fuck_ am I? Why are the walls _pink_? Oh my god. Is this like an alternate universe where my drunken stupor has taken me? Was I drugged? Am I hallucinating? Oh my god. Where's Kagome? What happened to Kagome?

_OH MY GOD._

I twisted my head to the side, seeing blinding red lights that signalled the time...eleven o'clock in the morning. Well, it's not the longest I've ever been unconscious for. Squinting some more, I noticed a picture frame to the side. Was that...? It was a picture of Kagome and her two brothers...whatever their names are. Ginger and Smug-Slug? Something along those lines. Still, this was a good thing because it meant that I was in Kagome's room.

No big deal.

Kagome and I obviously stayed together that night and thus, I woke up in her bed.

...In ...Her ...Bed.

_HOLY! SHIT!_

"Hey sleepyhead," a familiar voice cooed and I sat up, blinking.

Wow. I was shirtless too.

"Did you sleep okay?" Kagome asked, fully dressed (unfortunately) with pyjama pants and a tank top. There was even a bra under that tank top. Dammit.

"Yeah," I murmured, cringing at the grating sound of my voice. "I think I slept okay. What about you?"

"I slept just fine," she answered. It was then I noticed the bottle of water in her hands and the aspirin. "Here, take these."

I stared at them for a moment, trying to piece it together slowly. I was still stuck on, you know, being in Kagome's bed. This had to be a milestone or something. "So...what happened and why am I here? Not that I don't want to be here but I'm here and that's not my room, which is where I normally am when waking up."

Shut up brain. Shut up, shut up.

Kagome suddenly grinned, blinding white teeth that made me want to squint and block it out. It was too fucking early for that shit. And I was hungover. Dying really. "You're _a crazy_ drunk, did you know that? I mean, I thought I let loose but my goodness. You're an act on your own."

That meant nothing to me. "Huh?" I asked. Intelligent? No. Did it get to the point? Fucking right it did.

"When we went to get pizza everything was great, but then we met some friends of yours, and then we went to some bar and kept drinking." Kagome almost looked smug.

Oh no. "Who, exactly, did we go with?"

No. No. No. Nononononono.

"If I recall correctly, Naraku."

...

!

Life. As we know it. Is.

OVER.

"Inuyasha, you're not going to throw up in my bed, are you?" Kagome's face was scrunched up, a strange look of worry clouding her features. "Inuyasha?"

I partied with Naraku last night. Dear. Fuck me. Lord.

"Naraku is not a good guy," I muttered out, cringing at the roughness in my voice. I sounded like sandpaper. "Naraku is...bad."

Kagome blinked, stunned for a moment before tilting her head. "You seemed pretty cool with him last night."

"He's my arch-nemesis."

I don't blame Kagome for not responding to that. I wouldn't really know what to say either, if someone came to me and told me they had an 'arch-nemesis'. Actually, what I'd do is laugh in their face, and point, and then tell strangers who would in turn laugh and point with me.

Because arch-nemesis' are for geeks and nerds that play WAY too much WoW.

But Naraku was the exception.

It went back to kindergarten.

I was four and Naraku was five. The fucking bastard stole my red crayon and never gave it back. I told on him and he lied and I never got my crayon back. So I stole his black crayon, because even as a child I realized how emo he truly was – black being his favourite emo colour. He told on me and I lied and he never got his crayon back either. Literally, that's how it started.

And then we were in middle school together. Naraku became the stupid bully that stole lunch money and beat up losers. I wasn't a loser by any stretch of the imagination – I had my own big group of friends. But he stole my crayon and I stole his and we both _knew it_. Our conversations were nothing bigger than the odd head nod, with a silent flip of the bird when the other wasn't looking. It was our grade eight graduation when Naraku struck again.

He stole my fucking clip-on tie.

So I stole his and choked him with it.

I got in big trouble. Naraku was as smug as a...smug thing.

And then high school came, and I was a jock with average grades. Naraku was still a bully, but a good student, and teachers seemed to favour both of us. There was no more acknowledgement towards each other, especially since our high school wasn't small. Still, if I saw him passing by, I would flip him the double-birdie with a shit-eating grin. It was our prom that I finally exacted my revenge.

I stole his prom date.

And then I fucked his back-up prom date with his original prom date (threesome at the age of seventeen – _high five_). Of course girls were girls. And they gossiped and talked and blabbed like incessant children. So the whole school knew the next day and Naraku? Well, it sucked to be him, let's just say. Suddenly, I was the smug thing that was smug. HA!

University was our four years apart, that special time where we got to _move on_ and _grow up_. Naraku ended up majoring in some sort of biology, specializing in bugs. Which is creepy, but oddly fitting. He was pretty successful as far as scientists go but I was still far richer and hotter.

Naraku was totally going to exact his revenge.

_Kagome._

"OH MY GOD, did you talk to him?" I gasped, wide-eyed in absolute, unadulterated horror. _Fuck_, the best way to get me back was to steal _my_ girl. Well, no. He couldn't have her. I was going to murder him. Yes, yes. I was going to find him, track him, wait until the dead of night and then kill him in his sleep. Sango would definitely help me hide the body, as well as get an illegal gun to kill him with.

Yes, this is working out _beautifully_.

"We talked a little bit," Kagome replied, shrugging. "It was pretty hard when you two were practically frisking each other the whole night."

...

"Pardon me?" I asked. I think my voice cracked. I cleared my throat and tried again. "What?"

Nope, still cracked. I think it's permanently damaged. I must have heard her wrong.

"You and Naraku were attached at the hip," Kagome replied, smiling slightly. "So it's a good try with the whole arch-nemesis thing, but I don't believe it. It's okay, it's college. Everyone experiments." Kagome sighed. "Miroku certainly did," she muttered under her breath.

Everything went black after that.

* * *

"Inuyasha! Hey, Inuyasha wake up!"

No. I don't want to wake up. I was just accused of..._flirting_ with Naraku, my arch-nemesis. No. I can never recover from this. I am going to remain dead, because that is what I am.

Dead.

* * *

"Let's have sex."

I opened my eyes immediately. "Sure."

Kagome rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "I knew you'd get up to that. You're as bad as Miroku, I swear."

"I'm offended by that," I replied, glaring at her. "So no sex?"

Kagome laughed. "Is that all you want?"

_Yes._ "Of course not." _Bullshit._ There was a long moment of silence where I took the water and swallowed a few more big gulps. The cool water felt good against my throat, making my mouth feel less gritty from alcohol. "Naraku truly is my arch-nemesis. I can't remember what happened last night but I assure you, we were probably doing whatever it was to piss the other off."

Watching me with big brown eyes, Kagome tilted her head. "Whatever you say buddy. I believe you, I guess. It explains the whole when-we-got-back part." Looking up at the ceiling momentarily, Kagome grinned. "You're a really amusing drunk."

Dread spread through me. There was another part? Another part that could potentially be as equally bad as being attached to the hip with my arch-nemesis? "WHAT?" And no. That was not a squeak.

Standing up and stretching, Kagome headed towards the door to her bedroom. "You just proposed. You were _so _wasted though, you said you _loafed_ me." Bursting out in a fit of giggles, Kagome shook her head. "I'm making a late breakfast so if you want to grab a shower you can. There are fresh towels in the bathroom."

I started choking, violently.

"Inuyasha?" Kagome asked, frowning and stepping closer. "What's wrong?"

"I proposed?" ...That might have been a squeak. Right now, I'm not too concerned. "What did you say?"

Shrugging, Kagome came to me and patted my head. I felt like a freaking dog that just missed the opportunity to chew on his bone. "You pretty much passed out the moment it left your lips. That's why you ended up on my bed. I couldn't move you."

"And I proposed?" I couldn't quite grasp that concept. Why the _hell_ would I do something so foolish and stupid and...DUMB?

"Yes." Kagome was staring at me now, worried. "Do you feel alright? Is your head okay?"

"I proposed," I muttered, more statement than question.

Kagome nodded solemnly. "And you said you _loafed_ me."

Ah yes. Because we couldn't forget that little tidbit of information. "My life is over," I groaned and flopped back down on the bed.

"Hurry up if you want breakfast," Kagome murmured softly, shifting closer to me. She smiled sweetly and bent down to brush her lips against my cheek. "Sota and Shippo won't wait."

I think my heart stopped beating.

"M'okay," I muttered, staring after her as she left the bedroom and shut the door. I frowned. Okay, it was time for an internal debate. First of all, I'm in this because Kagome is hot and I want to fuck her. Yes. That's the sole purpose. The primary reason. Numero uno and all that crap. And yet, when she bent down to kiss me it made me feel all...girly and shit.

Not good.

I reached blindly around the floor, seeing my shed jeans – did I do that or Kagome? – and pulling them closer. My cell phone was in the pocket and I pulled it out, pressing my Speed Dial #2.

"House of Awesomeness, how may I awesome-up your day?"

"Miroku, you're awake?" To say I was shocked was one thing but this was a whole new level. Miroku and Sango were drunk last night at the club and usually Miroku's hangovers tended to last...days. "I need help."

"You need to get laid," Miroku corrected. "Anyways, how can I help you with my awesome advice?"

"I'm at Kagome's house and apparently last night I saw Naraku–"

"_Naraku_," Miroku hissed. "Your arch-nemesis. Well that's interesting timing. Did he try to steal Kagome away?"

Frowning, I realized she didn't really answer my question when I had asked. Still, she kissed me on the cheek, so I doubted it. "No, he didn't. Besides that's not the point. I'm at her house, in her bed."

"SCORE!" Miroku cheered. "Alright, so you need help trying to remember how to pleasure a woman? Inuyasha, I know you're rusty and all that but _come on_. I seriously had more faith."

"Fuck off and listen," I snapped.

"Hold on then," Miroku said cheerfully. On the other end, I heard the muffled voice of Miroku speak to someone female. Was that...?

"Sango's with you?" I yelled. Holy shit. I knew they were making out and crap but _SANGO?_

"Dude, she fucking _wild_!" Miroku hissed happily. "If you want me to fuck off, just wait a bit so she's conscious enough. Then you can speak and I'll listen and everything will be just grand."

I hung up immediately.

I tried to ignore the part of me that shuddered at the thought of Miroku...and Sango...and OH MY GOD my financial planner is banging my personal assistant.

Well, it would actually be sad if I didn't see that coming. It's like...cliché number two in the world of major, overwritten clichés.

I pressed Speed Dial #1. And then I hung up because...yeah. Never mind.

But I needed to talk to someone. I still felt funny. I couldn't help but remember the soft press of her lips, the way she so calmly looked at me and smiled. It's practically...surreal. This can't be normal.

I dialled a number, cringing as I listened to it ring.

"What do you want little brother?"

This was a bad, bad idea. "I feel funny."

"You've never been good at jokes so don't attempt them now," Sesshomaru stated coldly. "What did you call for?"

"I have a question," I said in a rush. "I- I'm with Kagome and she kissed me and my chest...kind of...fluttered?" I sounded like a girl. A pathetic girl with a school-girl crush. But it's not a crush because it's lust because all I'm with her for is the sex. Right. The sex.

"Your chest or your heart?" Sesshomaru asked, sounding bored. Of course, that's his original programming. Can't change a robot's whole personality now, it could seriously mess with the hard drive.

"My...heart?" I wondered where he was going with this. "Why would that hurt?"

"Well if your heart was hurting, I could start planning the funeral."

"Wouldn't you tell me to go to a hospital?"

Sesshomaru was silent for a moment. "You actually think I care?"

"I'm going to tell Rin and when I do, she's going to whip you into shape, you kinky bastard."

Sesshomaru made a clicking noise. "There will be no whipping–"

"Oh, I doubt that," I interrupted, grinning. "Rin has you wrapped around her pretty little finger."

"If there's _any_ whipping involved," he continued, ignoring my comment, "it's from me. She likes it rough."

OH GOD.

OH MY FUCKING GOD.

NOT THEM TOO.

I hung up, dropping the cell phone like it was on fire. Why was everybody having sex but ME? It was totally unfair and totally cruel.

Well fuck you universe. I will have my day!

Getting out of bed, I slipped through the closed door that I assumed was her bathroom. The walls were no longer pink but a nice shade of emerald green. I turned on the water and jumped in, sighing as the hot water slipped down my back, engulfing me in heat. I soaped up my hands and rinsed my body, debating whether or not I should borrow her fruity shampoo. I picked it up, uncapping it and smelling.

It smelled like vanilla and lavender.

Well, that answers that question. No _fucking _way.

I hopped out of the shower and dried off, trying to remove the droplets falling from my long black strands. Slipping on my jeans and top, I grabbed my cell phone and texted Sango's cell. I certainly was not going to call her, but Bang needed to be let out and fed, and with no car I wasn't sure when I was going to be able to get away.

"About time," Kagome called, smiling at me while dishing out something on one of her brothers' plates. It was the dark-haired one, the actual blood-brother and he was...frowning at me.

"Kagome, why did he come out of your room?"

The redhead grinned. "It's okay Sota, she slept on my bottom bunk."

Well, that's depressing. We didn't even cuddle?

...No. I did not just think that. Moving on.

"Sota, eat your food before it gets cold," Kagome sighed, gesturing with her head towards the empty seat beside the redhead. There was already food on the plate there, stacked high and looking absolutely _delicious_. It took me exactly one-point-three seconds to make my way across the room and to my seat on the opposite side. My mouth was watering.

"Kagome, your boyfriend is drooling," the redhead pointed out, giggling.

I turned to him, smirking. "I never get food as amazing as this."

He looked stunned at that answer, looking at me briefly before turning his gaze to Kagome. "Never? That _sucks_," he announced, happily going back to digging into his breakfast that consisted of waffles, berries, syrup and bacon.

I was definitely drooling.

"Shippo, try and chew with your mouth closed," Kagome sighed, rolling her eyes when Sota laughed.

"He still acts like he's _five_," Sota pointed out.

"Maybe if you stopped babying him," Kagome huffed.

Sota raised a brow. "I baby him? Did you really just say that?"

As interesting as their exchange was, I was far too busy enjoying what was probably the _best_ food ever. It was absolutely delicious.

"Uh, Inuyasha?" Kagome looked at me, lips twitching as if she was trying to hold back a smile.

I immediately stopped, a bacon piece hanging out of my mouth, dripping in syrup. "Whuh?"

"There are seconds."

_OH thank god._

I nodded and continued back to the food. I think I was having a food-gasm. Finishing my breakfast wasn't a difficult task and I stood up, ignoring the looks Sota and Shippo were giving me in favour for getting more delicious pieces of heaven. I went to the kitchen counter, staring in awe and wonder at the baskets of bacon, waffles and berries.

Holy shit I should propose again. If this is what I'm getting? YES. SAY YES.

I stacked up my plate, making sure that there was plenty left over for the other three. When I returned to the table, mountain of godliness in my hand, Kagome and her two brothers were arguing about something.

"Inuyasha," Kagome started, sounding aggravated. "What movie is better? _The Push_, _Playthings_ or _Shoot 'Em Quick_?"

I paused. "Aren't those still in theatres?" Was I really that oblivious?

...Nah.

"Yes they are," Sota replied, glaring at Kagome. "And since it's Sunday, we always go and see a movie. But Kagome wants to see _Playthings_, I want to see _Shoot 'Em Quick_ and Shippo wants to see _The Push._ Which one do you want to see?"

He made it sound like a) my choice mattered and b) I was going.

"You better pick mine," Shippo glowered, pointing a fork at me threateningly.

"Uh." This was an awkward position at best. "I actually wanted to see _Switch_." It was a movie about robots taking over the world. It reminded me of Sesshomaru. In the end, the robots die. I think of it as...wishful thinking-slash-fantasy.

"YES!" Shippo shouted. "Let's see that!"

"I've seen it already," Sota said, thinking about it. "It had a wicked ending."

"I haven't though and neither has Shippo." Kagome grinned. "Want to go see it?"

There it was again, that smile directed my way that made my chest feel all funny and the _options_. They were including me. It was...strange. Nice?

"That would be great," I managed to say, kind of stunned when Kagome's smile only got bigger. Sota noticed, staring at her for a moment before looking at me. He had this glint in his eye that I suddenly didn't like.

Shippo was far too happy to care.

After breakfast was finished, Kagome was bringing the dishes to the kitchen. While normally I would run for the hills, Sota was glaring at me and I felt compelled to help. Most of the dishes were to be stacked in the dishwasher, so while she did that, I helped to soak the pans that she couldn't fit in. We worked in comfortable silence and I noted that my headache was more or less gone after the food.

"Did you want a tour?" Kagome asked suddenly, looking up at me with dancing eyes. "I mean, you probably don't remember coming in last night and I figured you might...want to know." The woman looked down, putting in the last of the utensils and pointedly not looking at me. She seemed almost shy.

"I'd like to," I murmured, waiting for her reaction. The blinding smile was more than worth it and that stupid..._flutter _was there again dammit. Maybe I should go to the hospital to get it checked out. If it continues, I'll make Sango take me tomorrow.

The dishes seemed to disappear quickly after that. Everything was stacked neatly, the dishwasher turned on and suddenly I was walking through the bungalow. "So you've seen my room," Kagome pointed out, giving me a lop-sided smile. "This one here is Sota's and one the right is Shippo's." We entered the kitchen area, which she waved at dismissively until we entered another room with a huge flat-screen TV and about a million gaming consoles. "They like video games," Kagome said, gesturing towards the hoard of them. "This is the living room, obviously."

I couldn't help but snoop a little, taking in the hundreds of picture frames that lined the walls. Most of them contained family portraits, all of them professionally done. Thinking back to my own shoot with Kagome, I figured she was probably either the photographer or she had a good friend help out. Then there was this picture, blown up and containing at least fifty smiling faces.

"Who are all they?" I asked, squinting and trying to see if I couldn't find Kagome. It was like looking in a fucking Where's Waldo book. Only it was black and white and not predominantly white, red and blue. There was also no naked people.

Unfortunately.

"That's my family," Kagome answered. I could feel her warmth as she stepped closer, only an inch away from touching. "You'll meet them in two weeks when we go to the reunion."

...I'm meeting ALL OF THEM?

"I thought it was a family thing," I said quickly, nearly panicking. My chest was no longer fluttering, but _banging_ pretty damn fucking hard.

"And that's my _family_," Kagome repeated. I could hear the smile in her words. "Inuyasha? Breathe."

"There are so many." And there are. Holy shit look at the lot of them. They're big, smiling, black-haired _freaks_. They look so _happy_ and _smiling_ and _loving_. No family is like that. There is no such thing. They look far too happy to be family.

They must be paid actors.

Kagome sighed, her small hands touching the small of my back. "Hey, so I think I should explain something to you before you go and pass out on me."

Yes, that would be great. Thank you so very _fucking_ much. It would be great to understand why the hell I'm meeting enough people to fill a fucking _COUNTRY_ when we've been barely going out. This is ridiculous. Beyond ridiculous.

"It's all Sota's fault," Kagome grumbled, starting. Her hands clutched at my shirt and before I knew it, I was being pulled down onto a couch. "Look, after high school I came here for post-secondary. I loved it here, the city and buildings and constant stream of people. It was a place where I could actually find work. Where I lived, where I was raised, it's a small town where everyone knows everyone."

I stared at her, watching her eyes stray towards the blank television as she explained. I couldn't help but stare at her plump lips, the way she licked them as she talked and rubbed them together when she was hesitating. She was gorgeous.

...WHY WASN'T I GETTING ANY?

"I talked to my momma and dad, told them I wanted to move out and live here permanently and well, it didn't immediately go so well." Kagome shrugged her shoulders. "My parents took care of a lot of foster kids, and I'm proud of them, really. They've helped so many lives by doing what they do. It was just...at that point I needed to move on and grow up and be independent. It's really hard to do that when you've got four or five kids with you all the time.

"When I moved, I had this dinky little apartment that was way too expensive and even with a job, it was hard to keep up. Back at home things weren't much better. I used to help out a lot at the house taking care of the kids. Shippo was getting bullied at school and Sota was getting in fights because of it. It was such a small town though that going to another school would be too hard. In a spur of the moment decision, I told my mom to let them stay with me."

"You invited them to live here, with you taking care of them?" I asked, stunned. It had sounded like she had a million problems to begin with, wouldn't it just make things worse?

"My dad offered to buy me this house so that we could live together. They pay the mortgage and insurance, I keep up with the bills and groceries. Once I got the job at Affair, it all seemed pretty simple. Eventually they came to live with me here."

I nodded, thinking that the story was a bit bizarre but by the sounds of it, her family was too. Taking care of all of those kids and that _huge, smiling group of crazies_? There must be something wrong. "How does that explain the 'meeting them' thing?" I asked, tilting my head at her.

"Oh," Kagome muttered, blinking. "Right, well along with the whole buying me a house and letting me live here with Sota and Shippo, they made me promise that I wouldn't do anything...rash. Since I would be taking care of them on my own, they thought I'd marry the first guy I saw just because I could use the help." She laughed, shaking her head. "My family is prone to making impulsive decisions. My mom and dad married at the age of sixteen, after two months of dating. Can you believe that?"

_Were they FUCKING nuts?_

"And my uncle," Kagome continued, "spontaneously quit his job and moved out of the country to start up his own business in making furniture. Do you know what he did before? He was an accountant with a CA and everything."

_WAS HE FUCKING INSANE?_ _DID HE FORGET TO LOOK AT THE MANY ZEROS ON THE END OF HIS PAYCHEQUE?_

Jesus Christ. I haven't met them yet and I already want to kill them.

"And my grandfather frequently steals from grocery stores for the thrill of it."

...

I'm not even going to comment on that.

"Anyways, to stop me from making such rash decisions, I promised them that any guy I was dating had to meet them right away," Kagome explained, turning her attention back to me. "Usually I just keep it a secret but when Sota and Shippo came running out... It kind of got ruined. Sota definitely called them the moment he saw you." She sighed. "My parents think that by dragging you to see them that you'll get scared off with your tail between your legs. I like to think that guys have bigger balls than that but whatever."

...Well, at least I have her opinion now. So running away would suggest I have a small, or nonexistent package. Which is not true.

But until we've had sex, I can't let her know that.

So to get out of it, all I have to do is fuck her first, then escape while I still can.

I've got two weeks. It can totally happen.

I'm a sex god, remember?

"Which is why I have rule number seventeen: never date a guy that doesn't have the balls to suck it up and meet the parents."

Ah. Well. "What about your brothers? Sota gave me a pretty good death glare the first time I met him. Does he scare away any of them?"

"Rule number sixteen: never date a guy Sota doesn't like after three meetings. Sota's pretty intuitive about who's a good guy or not."

...Fuck.

This was my second meeting.

This could totally ruin my plans for sex domination.

"I think that's a good rule," I managed out, hopefully not sounding as strangled as I thought it did. "Has Sota said anything about me yet?"

Kagome grinned and ruffled my hair. "Nope."

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

All I got was a laugh in return as Kagome stood up, grabbed my hand and dragged me through the rest of the house.

* * *

To Do:

#28: Win Sota over. Pronto.

* * *

It wasn't until we were at the movie theatre, waiting in line for the tickets that anything went wrong. We were at the desk, a bored looking woman staring at us.

"Can I have four tickets to see _Switch_, please?" Kagome asked, smiling politely. She handed over enough cash to cover it before I could even pull out my card.

I nudged her a little, raising a brow. "I can totally pay for it. You jumped the gun, didn't you?"

Kagome met my stare head on. "I invited you out so I pay."

"False. I'm a gentleman, so I pay." I couldn't help but smirk at her narrowed eyes.

"I think you're having trouble hearing me," Kagome said, absent-mindedly taking the change while the cashier waited for the printing tickets.

"Okay then, you pay for this and I won't pay you back–" Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Sota frowning. "However, I'm a fat ass so I'm going to pay for food. Tons of it."

It was Kagome's turn to frown, while Sota merely looked curious. "No, you can't do that. I told you, I invited you out–"

"What's your favourite candy?" I asked, smirking grandly.

Kagome glared at me before she had to turn her attention back to the woman for the tickets. "I'll tell you when I'm buying them."

I just grinned. "Hey Sota, here's my card." Pulling out my credit card, I tossed it to the seventeen year-old, who looked more than just a little amused. "Do you know what Kagome likes?"

"Nah, I just live with her," Sota replied, grinning himself.

"Dude, as long as you buy me an extra-large popcorn, I really don't care what else you get."

Kagome's hands were on her hips. "Sota!"

Shippo was bouncing up and down. "Can I get three bangs of candy?" He looked like he was already on a sugar rush. While I hated to see what he'd be like _post-candy_, I couldn't help but think of _To Do _list number twenty-eight.

"As long as Sota agrees, you can buy whatever." Taking the tickets from Kagome's hand – and Kagome was looking rather shocked at the moment – I grabbed two of them and handing them to Sota. "We'll save seats, sound good?"

Sota grinned, clapping Shippo on the back and dragging him to the line for popcorn.

Kagome was still staring at me idiotically when I smirked at her.

"What?" I asked.

"You just tried to win my brothers over!" she accused, pointing a finger at me. She didn't sound angry, more like awed.

Yes, I do have god-like powers, not just a god-like appearance. The Big Man Upstairs gave me the whole package.

And a rather large one at that.

If you know what I mean.

"Do you think it worked?" I whispered at her, conspiratorially.

Blinking, Kagome snapped out of it a second or two later. "Just wait until you get the massive bill when they buy the whole concession stand."

Grinning, I laced my fingers with hers and headed towards the theatre. "I could buy the whole damn movie theatre if I wanted to. Hey, do you think that would work better? Put me higher in the ranks?"

Kagome rolled her eyes and smacked me in the arm.

For the rest of the day, I was grinning like a fool.

* * *

_Feedback is love :)_


	17. Black Hole of Doom

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha. I do not profit from this story.

* * *

**

Happiness

The Tale of an Unstoppable Force and an Immoveable Object

* * *

_Chapter Seventeen: Black Hole of Doom

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_

It was the moment I got back to my place, whistling contently (shut up), that I realized something was wrong. 'Wrong' being very wrong because a) my door is unlocked and while Sango did take Bang out, she is OCD about locking shit and b) it just felt fucking wrong.

Opening the door slowly, I peered inside and saw Bang there, looking at me with big, irritated eyes. He wasn't growling or barking though, so I took it as a sign that whatever intruder was in here was probably already dead. Bang is the size of a fucking horse. He'll eat you.

"Inuyasha, is that you?"

Oh lord. No, not now. WHY NOW?

I just got back from spending an incredible day with Kagome. I'm so much closer to getting into her pants – I can _feel_ it. And Kagome just keeps getting more and more amazing. Literally, her smile lights up a room.

Does your girlfriend light up a room?

I didn't think so.

And if you said yes, you're a dirty liar. My girlfriend is better than yours.

Ha.

"I know you're here asshole, don't think of leaving."

I sighed. "Dammit Miroku, why are you here?" It was a very good question and one that deserved a solid, quick answer. Miroku provided neither of those as I walked into the living room, my friend lounging on the couch looking rather pathetic.

"I have a problem," Miroku mumbled, looking up at me with those blue eyes. He was smiling a bit, so it didn't actually seem like it was a problem. Maybe there's a trick somewhere. "We need to talk."

"Dude," I started, making a face. "Chicks talk about their problems. We don't. We drink beer, watch television and then sleep it off." I sat down on the chair opposite of him, noticing that the television was playing some infomercial for... Jesus Christ, was that a weight that prepared women for giving handjobs?

Wait. No. It's supposed to build muscle.

Ha, more like jack off muscles. And since women don't jack off, it's for men. I wonder what creative fucking genius came up with that. And what fucking idiot came up with this commercial because seriously? It looks like the woman is jacking the damn weight. It's a vibrating weight.

Holy hell. What is this world coming too?

"So Sango and I have a thing," Miroku started, sitting up and giving a half-smile. "Obviously since you called this morning. I will say that you have really bad timing."

I rolled my eyes and ignored that. "Great, you two are having sex. That doesn't mean shit, remember? Hello, you're the one who's all _no relationships_. Don't go blabbing on to me about how Sango's falling in love with you and you don't know what to do about it. I'll fire you before I fire her."

Miroku huffed and stood up, glaring. "That wasn't what I was going to say." He started to pace the room, running a hand through his pulled back black hair. "Do you remember that day when I was at your place drunk? And I knocked your bathroom door down after running into it?"

I frowned. "You what?"

My financial planner just stared. "Seriously, you have to remember."

It was past midnight, for fuck's sake. How the hell was I supposed to think of shit that I try to repress?

"I attacked Sango with a butter knife soon after."

Oh _right_. "Yeah, I remember," I replied, on the verge of grinning. That shit is funny when you think about it.

"Well, there's a good reason _why_ I was acting that way. I guess it's not really a good reason but at the time I didn't know what to do–"

"Spit it out, fucker," I interrupted, growling. "I want to go to bed." And dream of Kagome, and her naked, on the bed or in the shower... Ooh wet...

Miroku took a deep breath, sitting back down on the couch and rubbing at his knees. "Okay so I fucked a hooker."

Well that's not surprising. Miroku's fucked a lot of women and a fair portion of them were paid. I never really understood the whole thing, mostly because if I wanted to get laid I just found a chick and said, 'hey, why not?' To be honest, I said it a bit better than that and I typically was a gentleman and gave them alcohol first.

When Miroku didn't say anything, I sighed. "So you fucked a hooker. Do you have an STD now? Man, I _told _you about that shit and I also told you that we don't _talk_ about that shit. You're breaking my bubble here."

Scoffing, the blue-eyed man crossed his arms. "That's not the thing- I... When we were fucking, I said something."

Wow, that was so much to go on. Hold on while I write a fucking paper about it. "Did you tell her how you once tried to give yourself a blowjob?"

"That is not TRUE!" Miroku yelled, looking rather disgusted. "For fuck's sake Inuyasha, you're not listening to me at all."

"YOU'RE NOT SAYING ANYTHING YOU SON OF A BITCH!" I snapped, finding the nearest object – the remote control, how handy – and throwing it at his head. "Just tell me before I get Bang to eat you."

"Fine," Miroku started, clapping his hands together. "Fine. When we were fucking and it was...the end was near–"

"Holy fucking Christ," I hissed, already scarred for the rest of my life. "I don't want to hear this shit!"

"I yelled out Sango's name," Miroku admitted, paling considerably. "When I came, I thought about _her_."

TMI. TMI. TMI.

_Brain overload. Abort. Abort._

_Beep. Beep. Boop. Beep._

_Restarting in three, two, one..._

_Vrrrrrr-oom. Vrrrrr-oom. Click. Click. Beep. Boop. Beep._

"Inuyasha?" Miroku asked, looking not so much pale now than red and extremely worried. "Inuyasha, you're not breathing."

It took a moment to process it. I mean, my brain did just momentarily restart itself. It was trying to recover from the massive implosion when Miroku said shit I never wanted to hear. Oh god. Don't think about it. "I'm breathing," I answered, somewhat lightly. "Okay so you yelled her name. Big fucking deal. I don't get the issue here."

Miroku leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and staring me straight in the eye. "I love her."

...

I must not have heard right.

"Repeat that, please," I urged, listening.

Miroku groaned. "Don't make me say it again."

"Say it."

"I love her."

Holy fucking shit. Goddamn.

"WHAT CRACK ARE YOU FUCKING ON?" I screamed, grabbing the back cushion for the couch and launching it at his head. "What are you saying? You said that loaf doesn't exist and it's a ploy! You can't just change your mind you asshole!"

Looking rather uncomfortable, Miroku shifted a bit before standing again, replacing the cushion and narrowly avoiding death via laser vision. "I was wrong. I was really, honestly wrong."

This was starting to sound bad.

"You're just high on the sex," I said immediately, shaking my head. "Come on. You don't actually believe in _loaf_."

"Love," Miroku corrected.

"_GO TO HELL_."

"Inuyasha, you can't change my mind," my financial planner stated, crossing his arms and looking rather set. "I love her and I'm going to win her over and make her mine."

"That sounded like a bad chick-flick."

"Let me at least explain it to–"

"No!" I interrupted, pushing past him and heading towards my bedroom. "No, you don't get to explain anything!" Suddenly more pissed off than I'd ever been, I whipped around and glared at him. "Just stop, okay? Stop in the name of loaf."

"Love."

"_Fuck off_ with the loaf crap," I snarled, clenching my hands. I felt ready to punch something. "Do you realize what you've done?"

Miroku ran his hands through his hair again, looking frazzled and almost ready to bolt. "What?" he asked, merely a soft whisper.

"You told me that it didn't exist," I started, feeling the anger just get that much worse. "I mean, I genuinely thought I liked this girl and you told me _no_. You told me that loaf doesn't exist and that we should avoid it at all costs. Fuck Miroku, the way you explained it made it sound like falling in loaf was like entering the black hole of doom. And I believed you – I still believe you."

"Just because I'm in love doesn't mean you are," Miroku stated, uneasy. "Look, things got weird when I realized that I just fucked a hooker and called her Sango. When that happened I didn't know what it meant. What do you do when you figure out that suddenly you're thinking things like that about a woman you never thought you'd want? Pretty soon, I didn't even know how to act around her."

"You acted like a douche bag filled with douche."

"Clever," Miroku replied, rolling his eyes. "The point is that when we talked, I wasn't experiencing _this_. And what I have with Sango is amazing. I just need to make sure she sees that and I need your help."

"You need my help?" I asked slowly, not truly comprehending. "Why the fuck do you need my help?"

"I need you to help her figure out that she loves me," Miroku concluded, smiling shyly. Taking a deep breath and letting it out, he pushed past me and entered my bedroom. "So will you help?"

"Let me think about this," I snapped, hesitating.

* * *

To Do:

#29: Think about it... Yeah, no.

* * *

"Yeah...no," I replied, rolling my eyes. "Why would I help you? Give me three good reasons why I should help you. On my current _To Do _list, your death is imminent twice."

Miroku frowned, narrowing his eyes at me as he sat on top of my bed. "What list?"

"Never mind," I sighed. "Miroku I'm not helping you. I'm not going to make your life all roses and daisies when you've potentially destroyed mine."

"How the hell have I destroyed yours?" he argued, glaring at me. "I gave you my _opinion_. Okay, I'm not going to lie, I really didn't believe in love. I thought it was shit and for chicks in desperate need to get laid – which I took full advantage of, thank you very much. When I told you, I believed it. Just because I state my opinion doesn't mean you have to trust me."

"You're my fucking financial planner!" I retorted, waving my hands at him. "I trust you with my _billions_. Who the fuck am I going to trust more than you?"

Who was I going to trust? Now that Miroku went all Darth Vader on me, what did I think? At first, I was sure that _something_ was happening between Kagome and I. I mean she's hot and smart and witty and sexy and pretty and intelligent and _a smoke show_. But then just when I was thinking the 'loaf' word, Miroku told me it didn't exist.

The part of me that didn't believe in what was going on embraced that fully. So I got to thinking about it. I mean, how could I fall in love with a woman I barely knew? It wasn't possible. Shit didn't happen like that. This isn't Disney and while I'm practically shitting hundred dollar bills, I wasn't a prince. Kagome wasn't some princess wearing pink and a tiara, in desperate need for her true love's first kiss. We've kissed. It was amazing...but that was it.

My feelings towards her were lust and lust only. I was just wanted to fuck her. I just _want_ to fuck her.

And now this: Miroku tells me love exists. Well no it doesn't, because I said so.

"Look then, I'm sorry," Miroku said gently, his mouth formed in a tight line. "I'm sorry that I've brainwashed you into this mindless puppet that can't think for himself–"

"Oh fuck you," I spat. "_Fine_. I'll help you. Will you shut up now?"

To my relief (or irritation, I had yet to determine), Miroku actually relaxed a little and smiled. "If you're lucky," he replied. "So you'll help me? You'll help me make Sango fall in love?"

This was ri-fucking-diculous. Where was I, in some psychic shop with those creepy 'fall in love' potions? Probably not.

"Whatever," I grumbled, pointing at my door. "Now get out so I can sleep. It's one in the morning."

Miroku patted the bed, grinning suggestively at me. "What, no cuddling?"

"Bang," I called loudly, smirking as the click-clack of his nails echoed down the hall. Yeah, Miroku wasn't looking so damn happy now. "Bang, attack."

My large, amazingly wicked Great Dane was only too happy to oblige.

* * *

That night, as I lay in bed, I couldn't believe it. Miroku had ruined my sleepiness. Now I was fully awake, just staring at the ceiling and waiting for something. What the hell could I even be waiting for? A fucking invitation?

Hello mister Sandman, why don't you sprinkle me with your hallucinogens so I can fall asleep and dream about a sexy Kagome?

...Yeah, no such luck.

"Bang," I yelled again, knowing my dog was lying down in his bed in the living room. There was a fifty-fifty chance that he'd even show up. I knew he heard me, it was more the question as to whether he cared enough to ruin his sleep.

Soon I could hear him heading my way and I instantly patted the bed so that Bang could jump up. His dark coat made him nothing more than an ominous shadow, his pants lightly tickling my palm as I reached for him. Bang lay down beside me, head on my chest while he stared.

"I'm confused," I said finally, slowly, trying to process my thoughts. When nothing else seemed to come to me, I sighed. "Are you happy?"

Bang snorted softly but since I didn't speak dog I was shit out of luck.

"I'll take that for a yes," I replied, nodding against the pillow. "You know that old guy that we always see on the first floor, I wonder what his deal is. At the club, Kagome started blabbing about something like he was brave, or some shit like that." When Bang was still silent – like I expected him to be – I continued. "One time I told him how awesome my life is. I told him about all the alcohol and the partying and how I didn't have to work or do anything I didn't want to do. I have money and I have you and I have friends that are...interesting. But he _looked_ at me with those creepy eyes and asked if that's what I thought happiness was. He told me I wasn't happy."

Bang nuzzled into my chest and I patted his head softly, enjoying the warmth.

"And then Kagome... She told me that she's _looking_ for happiness, that it's something she has to find. Why the hell do you have to find it? Aren't you just...happy? Aren't I happy? I think I'm happy."

Honestly, I'm not sure what to think any more.

Bang growled softly and I sighed. "Fine, I'll stop talking. You can stay on the bed tonight – but just this once," I told him, scratching behind his ears. "Goodnight Bang."

The Great Dane at my side gave a small _woof_ and pretty soon I was still wide awake and unable to shake thoughts that I was suddenly missing something.

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed! Thank you for all the lovely comments.**

**Leave some feedback :)**


	18. The Caterpillar Rumba

**I'm so annoyed with FanFiction right now. If it was a tangible object, I'd throw it out the window. NOT ONLY is there something wrong with the "Properties" page, but now I can no longer submit my documents because there's a "processing error". Sorry FanFiction, but I've used that SAME FILE every single time I've uploaded a chapter.**

**It's not me, it's you.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha. I do not profit from this story.**

* * *

Happiness

The Tale of an Unstoppable Force and an Immoveable Object

* * *

_Chapter Eighteen: The Caterpillar Rumba_

* * *

"Look at the _sexy _smile!" Sango cooed, scratching a finger under my chin and laughing uncontrollably when I swiped at it. "And ooh, your eyes are all smouldering. I wonder why?"

"Fuck _off_," I groaned, burying my face in my hands and wishing, _begging, _for the torture to be over. Today was the day that the magazine I had done a photo shoot for came out. The very same one where I Kagome nearly blinded me and I _thought_ I fell in loaf.

Pfft. Yeah right.

Regardless, I was on the front cover and now...I maybe, sort of, regretted it.

"Damn sexy," Kagome agreed, smiling at me and nudging my shoulder. "Those eyes were directed at me so I can't complain."

Yes they were directed at her. I smirked and took a sip of the beer I was currently drinking. We were at some casual bar downtown, celebrating with booze and dinner over the publication of my front-cover issue. It was embarrassing and very...fun.

"Inuyasha, you should totally be a porn star," Miroku concluded, chuckling when I flipped him off. "What? You could double your income."

I mock glared at him. "What the fuck kind of porn would I be making that brought in a couple million per year?"

Opening his mouth to say something, Sango instantly whipped her hand across and hit his face square on. "Don't answer that," she warned, her dark eyes staring pointedly at my financial planner. "We don't need to know what you watch to entertain yourself."

Miroku gently pulled Sango's hand away and smiled charmingly. "Why would I watch anything when I have you? You're a million times better than any porn I've watched or been a part of."

"Wow," Kagome remarked, rolling her eyes. "That's so romantic."

"And flattering," Sango added, practically growling.

At least we were no longer talking about how I looked on the cover of that damn _Affairs _magazine.

When our server happened to walk by, Miroku grabbed her attention for the bill. He then grinned at me. "I say we go bar hopping."

"It's the middle of the week, you tool," I snapped, rolling my eyes at him. "There's no goddamn way I'm doing that shit tonight." Seriously, it was a Thursday. Who goes bar hopping on a Thursday? Desperate losers who need to a) get laid, b) get a life or c) both.

"Sango?"

"In your dreams."

"How true. Kagome?"

_Don't you dare say yes_, I thought, trying to push my words into her head. If she said yes, I'd have to redouble my efforts to kill my financial planner because he would most definitely try something. It would only be smart to stop the madness ahead of time. Surely I couldn't go back on my RSVP now, or else I'd look like one of those pathetic men that just want to do whatever their girlfriend wants to do.

Is Kagome my girlfriend? Yes?

Well, she'll be that in my head.

"No, I've got work in the morning," Kagome replied, smiling slightly before turning towards me. "Some people actually work for a living."

"I worked!" I defended, crossing my arms. "I simply didn't work _long_."

Sango sighed and rubbed her temples. "All this yelling is giving me a headache."

"And you know what helps with headaches," Miroku added in, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. I don't know how women thought that was attractive. The guy had hairy-ass eyebrows to begin with. When he moved them it was like a big, fat caterpillar was doing the rumba on his face. It was unattractive.

Groaning, Sango smacked her head into the table. "Fuck my life."

"That couldn't have helped," I mumbled, shaking my head at the antics. When would these people grow up? "Come on Sango, I know you've had sex now. If you were trying to avoid getting boy cooties, you've failed. You've been infected. Now, you might as well just go for it constantly. It's not like you can get any more cooties."

"Fuck off," my assistant grumbled, not bothering to lift her head. Instead, she flipped me the bird. Well, how eloquent.

The server chose to come back at that time, giving us weird looks but not doing anything to comment. She placed the single bill on the table, thanked us and left. I raised a brow at Miroku. "So, are you going to pay for that Romeo?"

"No thanks, Donald Trump. I don't have unlimited pocket depth. Now, Sango and I are going back to have sex. Be safe you two. Always use protection." Miroku winked and shoved at Sango until she grumbled and grabbed her purse to leave. She gave a half-wave at Kagome, a glare at me, and then the two disappeared out the door.

"Those sons of bitches," I cursed, grabbing the slip of paper and scanning the bill before slapping down enough cash to cover it and the tip. "Come back here you ass clowns!" I yelled, pulling Kagome from the booth and dragging her outside with me.

Kagome laughed, smacking at my arm. "I'm going to trip if you keep dragging me like this."

"I'll always catch you," I murmured, instantly frowning the moment those words left my lips. Did I really just say that like some sort of pansy-assed romance dude stuck in a chick flick that's never ending and involves unhealthy doses of Kleenex, ice cream, _aww_s galore and _why isn't he real? WHY AREN'T VAMPIRES REAL?_

No I wasn't. So there should be no mushy business going on here. None whatsoever.

Bursting through the bar door, I looked around the dark street. It was drizzling out, the rain lightly dancing across the–

Okay. Really people. _Dancing across the moonlight_? Really? _REALLY?_ I should just shoot myself now and then cut off my dick. Um. The other way around. Whatever. The point is: can you say_lame_?

I can. L-A-M-E. Caps lock. Thank you very much.

"When we get back to your place, we're going to see who can strip faster."

The deep voice chuckled. "Dearest, I've had a lot of practice."

Oh god. Oh god. "SANGO?" I turned around and saw the black-haired girl pressed up rather closely against Miroku on the brick wall of the bar. Miroku had the biggest shit eating grin that could ever exist. I knew that grin. It was the _I'm getting laid _grin.

Fuck my life.

Sango immediately extracted herself from my financial planner, smoothing out her shirt methodically, her other hand clutching tightly at her purse. "What do you want Inuyasha?"

I stared at her. "That's what you say after you scarred me for _life_?"

"Don't be an idiot," Kagome reminded me, nudging at my arm. "Didn't you tell me just a week ago how happy you were that they were together?"

Ah yes, June 24th, a week ago. Exactly four days after I had spent the day with Kagome's brothers and then returned home to a desperate, annoying Miroku. Things had drastically changed in my life since then. Miroku and Sango were like two lovebirds. The only problem was that Sango was more than a little wary at times. I could understand why. Miroku was a drunk, a pervert and a womanizer who frequently purchased hookers. Hell, the reason he learned he even loafed Sango was because he fucked a hooker and then called her the wrong name. Messed up?

I know. Oh, trust me I know.

So Miroku just tried even harder. He bought her flowers for fuck's sake. He brought her to the park (he stole my idea, the cheating bastard) and _serenaded _her (I did _not_ do that however). Shit that you've never even heard of before has been recently accomplished due to Miroku's desperate need to make Sango loaf him. He swears it's not for the sex.

"I think it's for the sex," I had grumbled to Kagome, after a particularly trying phone call from my financial planner. This is the _week ago_ part we were talking about earlier.

Kagome had just shaken her head at me and rolled her eyes. She was flipping through television channels, sitting on the worn couch in her living room. "You always think it's about sex."

"That's not true," I had argued. "It's not remotely about sex with you." _I did not just say that_. _That's a total bullshit lie… Right? Yes. Bullshit lie. _I plundered on quickly. "I'm happy for them, I really am. But it's hard when I hear every agonizing detail."

Kagome glanced at me briefly and then shook her head again. At least she was smiling a little. I liked it when she smiled.

"At least they don't come into my apartment for their apocalyptic battles anymore."

"There is that," Kagome had agreed, silencing the ramble of words I was about to say with a quick kiss.

"Inuyasha? HELLO?" Sango yelled.

I glared at her, shaking out of my thoughts. "Shut up, I can hear you. _And_," I started, turning towards Kagome. "I can still be happy for them while they scar me."

"Just wait until you and Kagome start having sex," Miroku added cheekily, looking at me like a crazy person. He _was_ a crazy person. "Then I'll be yelling the same thing at you."

"That's so not true!" I exclaimed. "You probably get off on that shit!"

"Why are we talking about this?" Kagome asked, nearly begging. "Isn't there more normal topics than watching friends have sex?"

"It's got to be a men thing," Sango agreed.

"It is not!" I shouted, crossing my arms and glaring at the girls. "It is not a _men_ thing. It's a Miroku thing! I just get dragged down with him!"

Sango scoffed. "You drag yourself down."

"I'm totally not commenting," Kagome said quietly, lifting her hands defensively. "This has gotten way too out of hand."

Suddenly Sango gasped, stumbling to the side as a dark figure ran past. "He's got my purse!" she screamed, trying to steady herself against the wall.

…What…was…happening here? Did that…really…just happen?

I turned to look at Kagome in disbelief, only to realize that my girl was gone. _Gone_. It wasn't until I looked up at where the purse-snatcher was running that I figured out Kagome was _chasing him_.

"Jesus fucking Christ!" I yelled, taking off at a sprint. What the hell was that woman thinking? She could be killed! I could never get laid! …By her!

"Miroku, let me go! Let me go!" Sango was screaming behind me.

"You're too precious for me to lose!" he wailed in response.

"My father owns a gun club for goodness sake!" Sango's grunts were fading fast.

I kept running, unable to process that _damn_ Kagome was fast. The purse-snatcher was slowing down, making it easier for me to catch up. Kagome was still going to make it before me. What was she going to do? I had to get there first, I had to–

"Hey dickface!" Kagome shouted, drawing the runner's attention momentarily.

All I could do at that point was watch in horror. It occurred almost in slow motion. One second Kagome was still propelling herself forward, body at a tilt in a sprint. The next, she was flying through the air, arms stretched out and aiming directly at the man.

She fucking _tackled_ him.

She TACKLED him to the ground.

Kagome _TACKLED_ a legit bad guy to the ground like a pro football player.

Holy hell.

I skidded to a stop when I reached them, landing my knee down hard on the guy's back. Kagome was already restraining his arms, having difficulty until I took the task away from her. Sango's purse was scattered on the sidewalk, contents fanning out across the concrete. "What the _hell_ were you thinking?" I demanded, glaring at her.

"Yeah, what were you thinking?" Kagome repeated, glaring down at the bad guy.

"Let me go, you sons of bitches!" the man yelled. He was trying to kick out and break free, but there was no way he was going to get away from me.

I ignored him completely. The guy didn't even exist in my world. But of course, the one person that did didn't realize I was talking to her. That only figures. "No, Kagome, I meant _you_."

"Me?" Kagome stood up and frowned. "I don't get it."

"You ran after a guy who just stole a purse! He's twice the size of you and could've easily taken you down if things had been different!" I couldn't believe this. How could she not see the big fucking neon sign that practically screamed _DANGER DANGER_? How? How could she not see?

"Is this a woman thing?" Kagome asked suddenly, crossing her arms. "Because if it's a woman thing we'll have problems."

"This isn't a woman thing!" _Yes it is._ "It's a… It's a _you_ thing! I mean look at you!"

…That didn't come out right.

"What's wrong with me?" Kagome demanded.

The man stuck below me growled. "I'll kill you if you don't let me go!"

"Shut up, for fuck's sake!" I snapped, quickly slapping him on the back of the head before grabbing at his hand again. The guy was a young teenager, scrawny as hell. I'd pay to see him fight me and then lose terribly. So I might have been lying earlier about him being twice Kagome's size. She didn't have to know that.

"Miroku, let me go!" Sango screamed, momentarily breaking my thoughts from that of the purse snatcher and Kagome. My personal assistant was fuming, glaring at Miroku like he was the cause for all that was messy in the world. You know, because she had OCD tendencies and that sort of shit.

"I did, I was just holding you close as I called the police!"

Sango rolled her magenta eyes. "There was no reason!"

"You're too precious to die so young?" Miroku at least looked a bit sheepish.

I scoffed loudly. "She'll die from a heart attack at the sight of a dust mite before a purse snatcher even gets the chance."

After that it got somewhat busy. A few people on the streets looked at us strangely as I kept the guy pinned down with my weight. A couple even asked what was going on, but once the police got there no one came near us at all.

Well, other than to form a nice little circle and stare like bedazzled children at the zoo.

"So this man came out of nowhere, stole Ms. Houko's purse and then…Ms. Higurashi chased him down?" the police officer standing in front of me stared quite ridiculously, like he thought I was lying. I don't know why he thinks that. I'm actually telling the truth this time.

Unlike last time when I actually had stolen the painting – _WHILE DRUNK, keep in mind_ – from the restaurant. No officer, I just found it here on the sidewalk. No officer, it's not because I left it there since it didn't fit in my car. No officer, I wasn't planning on driving drunk, that's _bad_.

"Yes," I replied slowly, getting back into the conversation at hand. "Kagome – Higurashi – was the one that knocked him down. I got there after and held him in place until you guys showed up. It was Miroku Tsujitani that made the call."

The police officer narrowed his eyes but finished writing down my statement. "Alright then, I be–"

But I wasn't paying attention. I was watching Kagome, who was hugging Sango and talking to her. There was a smile on her face, small and soft but _damn_ did she look gorgeous. The streetlight was illuminating her shining black hair, her dark eyes seemingly darker in the inky blackness. She looked like a goddess, especially after she tackled the guy to the cement sidewalk._Isn't she just amazing?_

"Excuse me?" the police officer interrupted, frowning. "Who's amazing?"

Shit. Did I say that out loud? Why do I always have to mutter crap out loud? "Uh, K– Higurashi," I stumbled, looking only at her. "She's…amazing. For, uh, catching the bad guy, you know?"

The cop eyed her and then me, shaking his head. "Girlfriend?"

"How did you know?" I asked, somewhat stunned. Was I that obvious? I couldn't be that obvious! It's not like I actually loafed her!

"Really? Did being a cop not factor into the equation that it's my job to figure things out?" the guy stared at me incredulously. "That's your girlfriend?"

I nodded. I wasn't sure where he was going with this.

"So let me get this straight: you let _your girlfriend_ chase down a purse snatcher while you just watched?" The cop raised an eyebrow.

"HEY! It's not like I told her too! I was right behind her!" I defended, scowling. "Are we done here?"

The cop laughed, waving a little and then walking to his friends, probably to tell them about the fact that my girlfriend has more balls than me. _SHE DOESN'T_ but I can see how they get that impression. Which is terrible. I have to stop zoning out and saying shit. I must!

* * *

To Do:

#30: Pay attention when it really matters.

* * *

I walked back towards Miroku, who was leaning casually against a police cruiser and talking to another cop. He was smiling and everything, so something interesting must be going on. When my financial planner spotted me, he waved me over casually. "Hey, you done?"

"Yeah, I'm finished. We should get a cab back," I replied, eyeing the cop warily. I didn't particularly like cops. I'd had more than enough of my fair share dealing with them.

Miroku nodded, gesturing towards the cop who was looking rather indifferent. "Apparently this is the eleventh call so far this week they've had about any sort of robbery."

Wasn't it only Thursday? "That's rough," I said, shrugging. What the hell else was I going to say?

"Crime has skyrocketed here," the cop explained. "With this slow recovering from the recession, I'm not exactly surprised."

…There was a recession? WHEN?

Miroku must have noticed my expression because he quickly jumped in. "Is it really that bad?"

The cop nodded. "There's been a lot going on. Money's tight right now and in a big city like ours it's not exactly unheard of. The shadier parts of town are getting it real bad."

…THERE WAS A RECESSION NOT TOO LONG AGO? Why didn't I know about that?

"Just be safe, lock your doors at night, all the standard things you should be doing," the cop continued.

Miroku smiled and shook the guy's hand. "Thank you officer, is there anything else we can do?"

"No sir, have a good night."

As we walked away, I punched Miroku in the shoulder _hard_. "What kind of financial planner doesn't tell his boss about a recession?"

"When his boss is so loaded it doesn't matter anyways," Miroku responded dryly, looping an arm around me. "Now, why don't we go spend some quality time comforting our girls?"

"Miroku?"

"What?"

"Only you could make that sound totally creepy."

* * *

**Comments to Acknowledge:**

**IrishIndy - **Maybe one day he'll learn when there's something at stake...

**Mika - **I honestly never thought about that. Although, last time I saw Pokemon, Ash's voice went from pre-pubescent high to scary low. It terrified me the first time I heard it.

**ME - **I should add a lemon? Isn't that the whole point of the story...to get laid? I think I'd be a crap author if that didn't happen eventually. But thank you, I'm glad you like everything :D

**Thayet9 - **You see, I've never been told to swear _with a wider vocabulary range _before. The problem is when the story was written, that's what Inuyasha said in my head. So really, I don't pay attention to what swear words he uses or not. That's just how Inuyasha reacted *shrugs*

**Bow - **THANK YOU :D

**Soft. Echo. 310 - **I'm glad you loaf it :) I originally was semi-prompted to write a one-shot in Inuyasha's POV. It...kind of got out of hand. Things just come to me sometimes. I have a MASSIVE library of stories. It's 10 pages long now...

**Thanks everyone!**

* * *

**Feedback equals love.**


	19. Hi GAH RUN shi

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha. I do not profit from this story.**

* * *

Happiness

The Tale of an Unstoppable Force and an Immoveable Object

* * *

_Chapter Nineteen: Hi-GAH!-RUN!-shi_

* * *

"A minivan?" Please God, no. Not a minivan. There was nothing worse than being in a minivan and–

"How else do you suggest we get there?" Kagome asked, her elegant brown arched impressively high. I think she's mocking me.

I couldn't stand for that. "I was thinking more along the lines of a luxury sedan."

"Do you have one?" The amused expression on her face only confirmed my theory.

"No," I replied. I only had my two-seater convertible. But… "Give me a day and I will."

Kagome laughed, patting my chest and turning around to wrap up some sort of dessert on the counter. We were currently in her kitchen, discussing how we were going to get up to her parents' house for the reunion.

Yeah, that's right. I'm officially doomed. So what if I had seen her virtually every night this week? It was still too soon. We'd only been on…more than a few dates. We had only kissed forty-nine times. And yet, not only had I not managed to get out of it, I had failed to even bring it up. This… This was going to be a disaster of epic proportions.

"Inuyasha," Kagome said firmly, literally snapping her fingers to get my attention. "You zoned out again. Anyways, we're leaving in five minutes. Unless you can make it happen by then, no deal."

Fuck. "Really?"

"Yes."

I crossed my arms and pouted, ignoring the rather smug look she was giving me. This woman was unreal. "Fine," I huffed.

Touching her fingers to my jaw, she slowly pulled me closer. Her big brown orbs were staring wide and vulnerable, and when her lips finally touched mine I had to remind myself to close my eyes. There weren't any fireworks, but sparks of heat lingered everywhere her fingers brushed: cheek, jaw, neck…

"Ew, _come on_ you two!" Sota yelled.

Both of us jumped back. I worriedly looked at Sota, knowing that I had to stay on his good side. He wouldn't let Kagome see me if he didn't like me, and I needed to see Kagome to get into her pants. And, you know, to kiss her and hold her and…stuff.

_MAYDAY! MAYDAY! No!_ I couldn't be thinking about mushy romantic crap. Just because Miroku joined the dark side didn't mean I had to.

…That had been kiss #50.

Unsurprisingly, it's my new favourite number.

"Just keep it PG, will you?" Sota complained, staring at Kagome. Obviously I had missed part of the conversation since Kagome looked more than a little annoyed. "For my sanity?"

"Sota, when you get a girlfriend I'm going to make her miserable."

"I had a girlfriend," Sota retorted, glaring. "And then you kept bothering me about _protection_ and she started to think we were sex-crazed idiots because–"

"Because," Kagome interrupted, "she thought it was bad that you lived with me and not Mom and Dad. Good riddance I say."

"Come on Kagome, who cares what anyone else thinks but me?"

"OKAY!" I cheered, wrapping my arm around Kagome's waist and turning her so she couldn't see her younger brother. "Sota, can you pack the car?"

For a moment, I thought he was going to kill me. Then he smirked a little and mouthed something at me. _PMS?_

How the hell would I know? Kagome won't even let me do more than make out with her. She actually slapped my hand the first time I tried to remove her shirt. If I couldn't get into her top, I sure as hell couldn't get into her pants. And the only way – _the only way_ – I would know about PMS is if we were actually fucking.

We weren't.

We were _going slow_. It was stupid, because it wasn't even her idea. It was _mine _because I worried after the hand slap thing that she would think I only wanted her to get laid (which, you know, I did and still do), so to cover it up I mentioned the _go slow_ thing.

What a waste of my life.

Suddenly, Sota's eyes were narrowing. Oh no. Oh no. WAS HE READING MY MIND?

Stop thinking about Kagome naked. Stop thinking about Kagome naked. Stop thinking about Kagome naked.

I really want to see her naked.

NO DAMMIT.

When Sota suddenly walked out of the kitchen, I let out a huge sigh of relief. Okay, so maybe I had a bit of a panic attack back there. No big deal.

I bent down and kissed Kagome soundly then, trying to erase my thoughts. Kissing her tended to do that. "You okay?" I asked, pulling away after a last nip.

Kagome sighed. "I'm good. You ready to go?"

To go into madness, where her family was waiting with twitching hands and crazy eyes? No. Not at all.

_Ready to go wherever she does? Absolutely._

Stop. Bad thoughts. Very bad, mushy thoughts.

Bad.

…That was kiss #51.

* * *

Nothing – absolutely nothing – could have prepared me for finally stepping out of the god forsaken minivan (damn those things to hell, I was _not _a soccer mom) and meeting…the crowd of crazies.

"KAGOME! SOTA! SHIPPO!" came the screams. _OH_ the screams. Jesus Holy Mother of Hell, WHY WAS THERE SO MUCH SCREAMING?

I watched in a mixture of fascination and horror as the three of them ran towards a rather large crowd of insane people. There was hugging and kissing and more screaming and…yeah. Just madness.

"Everyone!" Kagome yelled. "This is Inuyasha, my boyfriend." She winked at me and smiled.

AH HA! So we were boyfriend and girlfriend. Good to know.

"INUYASHA!" the crazy family seemed to scream in unison.

Oh. Dear. Fuck me. Lord.

… "Hi?"

It was then that a mob of people ran up to me. There were so many… So many. All of them Higurashi. Oh man.

"Hi Inuyasha," an older woman greeted, coming up to me and holding out her hand. I'm not quite sure what she wanted me to do with it – shake it, hold it, lick it – so I just…tapped it with my…thumb?

This isn't going well.

The woman just continued to smile. She looked oddly familiar in an I-don't-actually-know-you way. "I'm Kagome's mother."

Ah, so that explains it. "Hello Kagome's mother," I replied, screwing my eyes shut immediately after. "I mean, Mrs. Higurashi. Sorry, there are…a lot of people."

"Who us?" some man yelled. I couldn't see him because there were so many crazies. "We're friendly!"

I'm sure you all are. You're friendly until you get me alone. And then you haul me to the back forty and stab me to death. Yeah, I bet you're all "friendly."

"Come on, I'll show you inside," Mrs. Higurashi said sweetly, waving me off when I went to the van to pick up the bags. "The others will get them. Welcome to the Higurashi household!"

Honestly, it looked like a fucking park. I couldn't tell at first – not with the mob of crazies – but now that I really looked around... The house was huge, not in a mansion sort of way, but definitely large enough to fit a huge amount of people. It had a farmhouse feel to it, acres of land surrounding it. I could see on one of the far sides an actual playground with slides and sandboxes. There was what I think is the glimmer of a pool.

When Kagome finally caught up from saying hello to everyone, I gently elbowed her. "You're rich?"

Typically, the raven-haired goddess rolled her eyes. "My parents are okay. This land was inherited and my father fixed it up. A lot of this comes from doing things yourself, rather than paying others to do it." Kagome raised a brow. "Do you know what that feels like?"

"Of course I do!" _Not_. Why the hell would I do something myself? Am I stupid? No. Am I rich? Yes. So therefore, logic tells me to pay other people because it's not worth my precious brain time and I can afford it.

Suddenly Sota came running around, his grin huge on his face as he started to run backwards, facing me. "Scared yet?"

"Maybe a little," I admitted, inwardly wanting to scream _hell-fucking-yes you child_. I couldn't seem like a wimp though. I mean, I had my pride after all.

We got to the front of the house, the entrance door already open. Mrs. Higurashi stepped inside, immediately stilling and turning to look at me. "Oh, and dear," she said sympathetically. Why was she looking so sad already? I didn't even say much! "Kagome's father will want to talk to you…eventually. Don't take him too literally, okay?"

"Mom, really?" Kagome asked, sighing exasperatedly. "I'm not a child anymore, I'm a grown woman."

I internally smirked at that. Yes Kagome, you most certainly are. Of course, then I figured out that I was going to have a _talk_ with a father. More importantly, Kagome's father. Holy shit. I am going to a lot of trouble to get laid, aren't I?

Maybe I should run now. I bet if I yelled some nonsense and had the mob attack, I could slip out from the madness and head for the hills. I didn't know where the hell I was, but oh well. I could call a cab, surely.

"You know your father Kagome," Mrs. Higurashi explained, sounding fondly exasperated. "He's been waiting forever to do this. Last guy you brought home ran so fast he didn't have time."

Kagome rolled her eyes. "I would run too if I saw my father come in with a chainsaw."

Jesus fucking Christ. What were these people besides insane, crazy, outrageous, outlandish and ludicrous? I'll tell you what: they're fucking _nuts_.

"Your father is not going to come at me with a chainsaw, right?" It had to be asked. There was no part of my pride that was being damaged when the risk for my safety was there. Holy hell, I knew it. I knew that I shouldn't come to this weekend thing. From the beginning, I was supposed to say no. I was supposed to stand up to Kagome, look her square in the eye and say "thanks but no thanks." And what did I do? _What did I do?_ I looked her in the eye and drooled like a fucking dog (no offence to Bang, because he is more man that dog, I assure you).

I didn't say no. I officially failed at two of my list items:

* * *

To Do:

#24: Find a way to get out of this family crap.

#25: Be a man and tell Kagome no.

* * *

Maybe this makes me as nuts as they are.

"You can buy cars but you can't buy respect in the hood. Maybe I'm so disrespectful 'cause to me you're a mystery."

And just when I thought things couldn't get worse.

Kagome started cooing, reaching out to pinch some guy's cheek. He scrunched up his nose, and he couldn't be more than eighteen, even with the stupid gangster look he had going on. Kagome motioned to me with her hands, introducing me obviously, but I couldn't get over the fact that this guy… This guy _actually_–

"You just rapped to me," I stated, cutting off Kagome's rant of names. To be honest, I'm not sure what the guy even is to her. Cousin? It seemed most likely since this was a reunion. They shared the same black hair and big eyes, but not much else. But really, his name didn't matter because when he approached, he rapped _50 Cent lyrics_.

Uh, hello psychopath hotline? Yeah. I've got a major nutcase with me. Uh huh? The Higurashi clan has overdone their capacity? Well, that's not surprising in the least bit.

"Oh he does that," Kagome said slowly, smiling a bit. "He talks in lyrics."

…You've got to be kidding me. What? Is the guy a fucking karaoke machine or something?

"I'm New York City's own bad guy," Karaoke said, holding out his hand.

…It looked safe, although I couldn't be sure yet if the crazy gene was possibly contagious. With the odd look Kagome was giving me, I figured that I had to shake it. "I'm Inuyasha," I replied, because I assume he was attempting to say his name. And while New York City is a pretty awesome, it's not awesome enough to name their people _Mr. Own Bad Guy_.

Karaoke smiled and patted Kagome on the shoulder, leaving just as abruptly as he came. I watched him in what could constitute as awe…or horror. I guess it depends on how you look at it. I spun around to see Mrs. Higurashi's expression – was this a common thing among the clan? – but she was gone. As in: she teleported somewhere.

"Where's your mom?" I asked, slightly panicking. Why was everyone in this family so _strange_? Kagome was the only normal one thus far. A mother that teleports. A father that threatens people with chainsaws. A cousin that speaks purely in rap lyrics.

Seriously, fuck my life.

"She went to the kitchen," Kagome replied, raising a brow. "Come on, you're sharing a room with Sota and Shippo."

…_WHAT?_

"I am?"

Kagome nodded. "You are, unless you want my father to kill you."

Ah, right. I forgot about that. "Okay." I clearly didn't have a choice in the matter. Suddenly Shippo was there, the little redhead glaring at me.

"I get top bunk," he said, peering at me with squinty eyes. I didn't trust those squinty eyes, not one bit. And then what he said sunk in.

"Excuse me?" I asked. "Bunk…as in _bunk beds_?" No. Please no. Please please please no.

"Yeah. Sota is older so he gets the big bed," Shippo replied, starting to climb the stairs. "And I'm cooler so I get the top bunk."

Right, this makes total sense. Everything is so clear.

"_Why_?" I demanded, looking at Kagome with big eyes. "Why do I have to sleep in the bunk bed?"

Laughing, Kagome jogged up the stairs. "Because Shippo's cooler and Sota's older, obviously." She grinned at me, whipping her hair around as she got near the top. Her ass looked absolutely amazing in those jeans.

"Obviously," I replied, somewhat offhandedly. I was too busy watching her hips swing side to side. Ooh, if only we could do crazy things in her bed. What sort of kink was it to do things with the parents so close? Hmm…

"Are you coming?"

Oh. Right. "Yeah I'm coming!"

If I had known that being upstairs with Kagome and Shippo would be the quietest moments of the entire weekend, I would've enjoyed it a whole lot more than I did.

But, as it were, I didn't.

And I regret it terribly.

* * *

"Kagome!"

"Kagome!"

"KAGOME!"

I cringed for every step I took heading down the stairs. I swear there was a mob below. I could only see feet, but there were a lot of fucking feet. Oh lordie. The scariest part of all of this is how _in love_ everyone was with Kagome. You could practically see it oozing out of their eyes, all deep and awestruck. I mean, I could understand it a bit. Kagome _was _hot. But they adored her like some goddess.

She waved at all of them, hugging some old guy at the bottom of the stairs. I remained a few steps behind, just to be safe.

"It's so nice to have you home," the old man said, pulling back with a toothy grin.

"Thanks Grandpa," Kagome murmured, looking over her shoulder at me. "Inuyasha, this is my grandfather."

Well, thank you Captain Obvious. I couldn't tell after you called him 'grandpa' what he was to you. Also, the wrinkles and grey hair didn't help in my deduction. Not at all.

"Nice to meet you…sir," I said, twitching for a moment. Should I hold out my hand? This old guy actually looked like the crazy gene in him was contagious. Just being near him is enough for slow, creeping illness. Eventually I held out my hand and the old man took it, giving me the stink eye. "You banging my granddaughter?"

Oh. Dear. God.

Please, can we rewind this moment? Instead of shaking his hand, I could run away. Far, far away. So far away that I could rename myself something awesome, like Master Awesome. Or Captain Fantastic. Something understated, subtle. Ooh like Sergeant Sexy.

Around me, the crazies were giggling, yelling something at Kagome. I think I heard Karaoke yell "bitches be crazy!" in the background. Wonderful. Just wonderful.

"You can ask your granddaughter for details on that," I replied, instantly taking my hand back and all but running to Kagome's side. She only looked slightly sympathetic.

The crazies must have brainwashed her.

"See, you can handle yourself," Kagome whispered in my ear, grabbing my hand and dragging me to only god knew where.

And that's the thing: I've never worried about not being able to take care of myself. Hello, Sergeant Sexy here? Yeah. Pretty self-explanatory.

Regardless, Kagome is smiling bright at me as we step outside, and its only then that I realized the full magnitude of my horrible situation. Because the mob trailing behind us? It was maybe one-third of the size of the mob outside.

_How fucking big is this family?_

* * *

By dinner time, I was debating what death would be more pleasurable. Listening to Grandpa and all of the stories about 'back then,' or sporking my eyes out? Attempting to communicate with Twitch, Kagome's aunt who couldn't sit still to save her life, or jumping into a tank of bloodthirsty sharks? They were all equally as painful.

And I still had yet to meet the father. Apparently he had run to the store for something Mrs. Higurashi needed more of. Apparently. But we were all sitting at the table, chatting and waiting for this man's arrival before eating. A very small part of me hoped he never came. Then maybe I could avoid the risk of getting hacked into pieces with a chainsaw, like Kagome's last boyfriend.

Maybe.

"So what do you do for a living?" Twitch asked, her head tilting sporadically as she looked at me.

Suddenly my hand that was holding Kagome's under the table (shut up, it's not cute) was squeezed and a deep voice rumbled up from the doorway. "Yes, what do you do for a living?"

Slowly I turned my head, listening as the entire room – and it was a massive room with a massive put-together table with a massive amount of crazy people – go silent. What I saw next…

Wasn't nearly as terrifying as I thought. A man with short black hair and green orbs looked at me with slight amusement. While the eyes were a different colour, there were definite similarities between this man and Kagome. It was her father.

… And _WHAT?_ He's not worried about me so he doesn't bring a chainsaw? I'm not good enough for that? Instead, I get a half lip-twitch and…butter.

"Thank you dear," Mrs. Higurashi said, patting the older gentleman's cheek as she took the butter away. It was when she gave me a small smile herself that I realized I needed to answer.

"I don't work," I responded, shrugging. Beside me Kagome laughed, but the rest of the room was dead silent, eyes on either her father or me.

Then, from somewhere down the never-ending table, I could hear Grandpa Higurashi shout. "You what?"

Kagome's dad didn't look so amused anymore.

"I did work," I hurriedly added. "When I was twenty-four I built an empire, literally called _Empire_, which is a high-end, extremely exclusive…restoration centre."

"So rehab for celebrities," some else threw in. It sounded an awful lot like one of Kagome's foster brothers, who she apparently grew up with. I called him Terminator. Why nickname him that, you ask? Because he glared at me, practically broke my hand when he shook it and then said "I'll be back" before disappearing.

I nodded. "Pretty much, although multi-millionaires go there too. I started with a small client list, taking a foreclosed property for cheap with the money I inherited from my father."

"How did you get a client list like that so fast, without a building and such?" Twitch asked.

"…I knew some acquaintances." More like university friends. Friends who came from old money and liked to mooch on mommy and daddy's investments. "Regardless, it made good profit. It's completely isolated, no fans or paparazzi can get near it. After a few years, my older half-brother bought it off me, but I still get a huge chunk of the profit. I make a couple million per year."

The room was still deadly silent.

"So can you buy me a PS3 then?" Shippo asked. He was sitting beside Kagome on her other side.

The tension dissipated in seconds and I realized I was grasping Kagome's hand tightly. But she just looked over at me and winked, even as I let go of her. I got caught up for only a moment in how gorgeous she was – how _perfect_.

When I looked back around the room, all the aunts, uncles, cousins, foster children and friends were chatting. Mrs. Higurashi walked back in, placing little tubs of butter every couple tables down so everyone could have some.

The clinking of glass turned my attention to the head of the table, where Kagome's father was standing with a glass of wine.

"Happy 4th of July long weekend everyone!" he said, and man that must have been quite the mouthful. Who even said shit like that anyways? He continued before I could continue on with my tirade. "I want to thank you all for coming and spending this time with us. Also, welcome Inuyasha, the brave soul who dared to date my little girl." Her father looked at me then, a half-smile on his lips.

"The long weekend! Inuyasha!" everyone cheered, raising glasses of all kinds.

There was red wine in front of me and while I have no clue how or when it got there, I lifted it and clinked with various people – Kagome, Shippo, Sota, Twitch, Terminator and whoever else I could reach.

Maybe… Maybe this weekend wouldn't be so bad after all.

* * *

I was wrong. It's very, very bad.

"Come on Inu!" Shippo whined, tugging on his red hair. "It's not _that _hard to get."

"You try shoving your hand in a sharp, dirty air vent," I said through clenched teeth. All this for some goddamn Fuzzy Peaches.

Sota laughed beside me. "I think you have a fat hand."

"You know what they–" I cut myself off, because telling Shippo that the size of his hand could correspond with the size of his dick was _not _something I wanted to explain to Kagome when she found out. Finally I felt the plastic bag and pulled out a brand new looking package of Fuzzy Peaches. Well, new save for the one of two dust bunnies.

"Give it to me," Sota said, taking the package and leaving the bedroom the three of us had to share.

Shippo looked at the door expectantly. "He's cleaning it, I think."

"Probably."

Shippo looked at me, slowly sitting down beside where I was on the floor, leaning against the wall. I pretended not to notice. "So you like my sister, huh?"

Oh god. Not this, please. I'll both spork my eyes out _and_ jump into a tank filled with sharks if I can avoid this.

Neither happened and the redhead was still waiting for an answer.

"Yes," I replied, sneaking a glance at the kid. "She's very nice." _And hot. And sweet. And sexy… I could go on with all the things I want to do to her…_

"If you make her sad, I will find you," Shippo said conversationally, as if he was talking about candy and not murder. "Sota will come too. Just because he approves of you now doesn't mean he can't change his mind."

AHAHAHA. I WON. I WON THE BRAT OVER. AHAHAHAHAHA.

Ahem.

Continuing…

I nodded, to keep up the back and forth we were apparently forced to have. "That makes sense."

"Sota has devious plans," Shippo added unnecessarily.

"I'd imagine so."

Shippo grinned. "But if you buy me a PS3, I might persuade Sota to give you time to run before we come after you."

What is this? A bribe? Holy shit, how old is this kid anyways? "I'll think about it."

"It's my birthday next month."

"I got it."

"You should consider it Inu," Shippo pressed.

I cringed at the nickname, realizing he called me that earlier. "I promise I will."

Sota came in after that and thanking god for the save, I dug in on Fuzzy Peaches that may have been a little stale, but were utterly awesome with the soda Sota smuggled in and a rerun of some comedian's act playing on his laptop. Even though we had to pause it to explain it to Shippo a couple thousand times, and poke each other to shut up when we got too loud, it was…fun. Interesting. Entertaining.

"Goodnight," Sota murmured hours later, getting into bed. Shippo was climbing the ladder to the top bunk and I resigned myself to a poor sleep on a too small, lumpy mattress.

Lying down, I slipped under the covers and closed my eyes.

"Inu?"

No, this wasn't happening.

"Inuyasha?"

I sighed softly. "Yes Shippo?"

The redhead hesitated for a moment, a stillness on the top bunk that was almost unnatural. "I'm happy you like my sister."

And what did I say to that? "Yeah buddy, I am too."

Funny thing was, I meant it, far more than I ever intended.

* * *

To be honest, I'm not a celebratory type of person. Christmas is usually with my pussy-whipped half-brother and his whip-wielding child of a wife. I usually drank a fair amount, pulled some sort of epic prank on Sesshomaru and then left with the joyous knowledge that I was single, rich and awesome. Bang would be by my side, woofing his agreement. New Year's I was typically too drunk at bars with Miroku and Sango to do anything more than pass out. Every other holiday was practically non-existent in my mind.

And yet here I lay, getting jumped on by an over-excited redhead and a few other children I didn't even know. Probably more crazies. Probably all extremely contagious.

"Get up! Candy! Games! Up Inu, up, up!"

Definitely crazies and definitely contagious.

"Morning sunshine," Kagome announced and I turned my head to see the raven-haired beauty leaning against the doorframe. The smile on her face was simply…

(Insert mushy crap here).

"It would be a _great_ morning if I wasn't being used as a trampoline."

One of the children stopped jumped on me, grinning big and missing a tooth up front. "Hi!"

Oh god. "Hi," I muttered. I was being jumped on for no reason other than to be told _hi_. Fucking peachy, that's what that is. "Why don't you go down and have breakfast?"

"That's what we were getting you for," Shippo replied, punching me in the stomach. It was uncalled for and totally took me by surprise. That's why I momentarily wheezed. That's also why I flicked him in the forehead.

_HEY_ it's better than punching him back!

"KAGOME!" Shippo wailed. "Inuyasha flicked me in the face!"

"I'm staying out of it because _you_ punched him first," Kagome pointed out. Oh I love that woman. I love her I love her I lo–

_NO._

_NO._

_NO._

_NO._

_NO. HOLY FUCKING SHIT NO._

_NO._

_Brain shutdown in three, two, one–_

_Rebooting…_

Boop beep. Beep boop. Boop beep. Beep boop.

Vrroooom. Vrrooom. Vrrooom.

Grr…up! Grr…up!

Bloop.

…

Well then. Wait, why did I have a mental breakdown again? Oh right. I said I _lo_– Loafed her. I said the other version of loaf, which is incorrect and horrible. It's a horrible thing because I _do not_ loaf this woman. I really want in her pants, yes. Getting married is a big no.

Married? Married? Where the hell did I even get _that_ from? I can't jump from a rock to a hard place, not when I'm controlling my own thoughts.

But my thoughts did just previously fail me in the _loaf_ department.

This is not shaping up too good.

"Are you coming?"

Huh? "What?" I asked, cringing at how rough my voice suddenly was. Damn these thoughts. Damn them.

"The kids are already downstairs and there's someone special I want you to meet," Kagome said. And wow, she's suddenly standing right beside me, looking down at me with a fond expression. Her long black hair was flowing over her shoulders, making it look like a dark veil around her.

And then her words processed. "Someone _else?_ Do you have a bag like Mary Poppins, where you just pull out a never ending amount of people?" _INSANE PEOPLE?_

Kagome laughed, bending down a little to cup my face. "I think my family is big enough _without _the bag, thanks." She kissed me, slow and sure, biting the bottom of my lip before pulling away.

I think my brain melted.

"Get up," she urged. "I'll let you change in peace but I'll be waiting outside."

"Why would you go outside?" I asked, frowning. Please, stay here. Actually, help me undress. We can make it a party. You know, a party for two? _Wink._

…That was terrible. Shania Twain just infiltrated my mind with her catchy lyrics. Again, terrible.

"If I stayed here we'd never leave the room." Kagome licked her lips and then backed out the door, looking at me with a heated gaze all the while. The door slammed shut a moment later and I was alone.

And turned on like it was nobody's business. Holy shit.

Pointedly ignoring the hard on I was obviously sporting after those looks and suggestions and licking lips, I switched out of my pyjama pants and put on actual clothes. I debated walking out mostly shirtless – you know, the I'm-just-sliding-it-over-my-head-still trick – and then she'd get so horny she'd shove me back in the room and we'd do dirty, unimaginable things in her brothers' bedroom.

Kinky.

I decidedly didn't, but stepped way into her space as I left. If Kagome noticed, she sure as hell didn't express anything by it. "So who is this someone I have to meet?"

Grinning, she grabbed my hand and practically bolted down the stairs. "Do you remember the uncle I was talking to you about back at my house?"

She talked about an uncle back at her house? When?

"The chartered accountant man," she clarified.

Ohh, right. The _stupid fucking idiot_ that left his CA job to make _furniture _in another country. Holy hell, if you wanted to make less money, work only once every two weeks. It probably added to about the same amount in salary. What a fucking tool. "Yes," I managed out, barely restraining the horror that laced my tone.

"Well he brought a _friend_."

A friend? What kind of friend? A girlfriend? A boyfriend? A creepy stalker friend? Who?

And that's when my leg suddenly felt very, very warm.

"Popcorn! Bad Popcorn! No! Bad dog!" an older gentleman barked, scooping something up off the floor very close to me.

Oh. A dog. It peed on my leg.

Fucking lovely.

"I'm so sorry!" the man added, looking at me with the biggest, brownest eyes ever. They were incredibly similar to that of Kagome's and her mother's, so he must be an uncle from that side.

"Here, I'm going to grab a towel or something," Kagome said hurriedly, looking at me a bit worried. "Just stay here okay? We'll get the worst and then you can change if you want."

If I want? That has to be an _option?_

"Again, so sorry," the man mumbled.

I halted him before he started crying on my shoulder. "It's fine. I have a dog too." Only he's way more awesome than your…Chihuahua. Oh my god, that thing has a huge head. It was mainly black, a tuff of white fur around its chest and neck. The eyes were almost solid black, looking absolutely everywhere with a big pink tongue hanging out.

"My dog would eat yours for breakfast," I pointed out rather suddenly.

Shit, I didn't mean to say that. I _meant _it, but I didn't mean to _say _it. There's a difference.

"Oh, you have a dog?" Uncle asked, tilting his head. "What kind?"

"A Great Dane," I answered, trying not to miss my buddy too much. I should call Sango and make sure he's okay. I had left him in her care – Bang is going to hate me for a while, I don't doubt it – since we left yesterday morning. "His name is Bang."

"Bang?" Uncle asked, looking at me strangely. "What kind of name is that?"

I'd like to ask you the same thing. _Popcorn? Seriously? _You name a Chihuahua Popcorn. Not to get all cultural or anything but, shouldn't you name him something more awesome? Like Quesadilla? Salsa?

"He can play dead when I pretend to shoot him," I replied back, not sounding all that invested in the conversation. First this guy quit an amazing job only to take up a shitty one, and then he got a Chihuahua named Popcorn that peed on my leg.

Wow. It's clearly the start of a budding friendship.

Not.

"Here!" Kagome announced, suddenly coming back and kneeling down with a ratty towel. She patted at my leg and sock, trying to wring anything from it with the towel. She wiped at the floor too, groaning as she stood up. "Okay, go get changed. I'll save us seats for breakfast. Everyone's already sitting down I think."

I'm missing breakfast to get _peed on_? Fuck that shit. "Thank you," I managed, trying to sound light-hearted and happy.

I was light-hearted and happy with her. With Uncle Stupid and Popcorn the Bladder Challenged Chihuahua? I was _not_.

* * *

To Do:

#31: Thank Bang for being such an awesome sidekick. He is clearly the best dog in the universe of fantastic dogs. Amen.

* * *

What people may not know about the Higurashis is that they are a very athletic bunch. You could possibly determine that from Kagome's unbelievable attack against the purse snatcher. You could also think to yourself that hmm… Crazy + Athletic = NOTHING GOOD.

And it doesn't. I have proven this theory as of right now.

"How are you there youngin'?" Grandpa asked me, clasping me on the shoulder. "Ready to kick some two year-old's ass?"

I could totally imagine this man stealing from stores and being wanted by the police. Not only is his grin devious, but he gets a thrill from beating children in partnered racing games. The current game of choice was the Three-Legged Run, where you bind one of your legs with the other person's so that you ultimately have three legs between you. And then you must race like that.

I got partnered up with Grandpa.

Now at first, I was like _thank god_. Because then we could lose and it wouldn't look like it was my fault. But Grandpa? He's fucking bucket loads of crazy and takes off like a bat out of hell. The man is so determined to win that he's yelling offensive things at me while we do it.

"Come on fat ass! Get moving!"

"I'm a century older and I'm not even breaking a sweat! Can't say so much for yourself though!"

"Move _loser_."

Yeah. This isn't working for me.

Kagome was happily partnered with the Terminator. He was making her laugh and if he wasn't a foster brother, I'd be severely worried.

No, not jealous. Worried. I would be worried for his health when I kicked his _ass_.

And then just to spite me, Terminator happened to _flex_. Kagome giggled and I realized that…he'd probably kick my ass, not the other way around.

Shit.

Okay, so thank god he's a foster brother. And I'm still not jealous, bitch.

"Kagome!" Grandpa yelled, right in my ear and making me wince. "What's the rule you have about distraction?"

The raven-haired beauty stopped her laughing and turned to us, looking momentarily confused. "What?" she shouted back.

"WHAT IS THE RULE YOU HAVE ABOUT DISTRACTION?" Grandpa yelled.

Holy shit. I think he just screamed out a lung. My ears have blown. I may be deaf.

"Rule number six: keep your eyes on the prize and don't let distraction steal it away," Kagome shouted back.

Well thank god I'm not deaf. Although, where the _hell_ does she get these rules?"

"Hear that?" Grandpa asked, slapping me hard on the shoulder again. Not that it hurt but… _Ow._ "Stop being such a lovesick puppy and help me _win!_"

Oh god. I was going to be dead by the end of this.

* * *

It turns out that Popcorn the Bladder Challenged Chihuahua peed exactly twelve times that day. Six of those times happened to be on me. I managed to dodge most of it, with only a tiny sprinkle on the edge of my jeans that hardly was worth changing for, but still. I think the bloody dog has it out for me.

The final time Popcorn attempted to use me as his personal fire hydrant was at dinner. I was suspicious when he came close, black eyes staring at me wide and unyielding. He crept slower as dinner went on. Finally, I saw him right beside my leg, lifting his own–

I picked him up with one hand, ran from the table and threw him outside. And no, not a _literal _throw…although he may have caught a bit of air. Regardless. Uncle Stupid looked at me with similar big eyes and thanked me for my clearly amazing dog handling skills.

I told him it was all in a day's work.

When the dog came back inside, I kneeled beside it, narrowing my eyes. "I'm on to you," I whispered.

Popcorn just glared at me.

"I'm on to you and your tricks. Pee on me one more time and I swear to your doggy god that I will call my personal assistant, bring _my_ dog up here and having him _EAT YOU_ for dessert. Have I made myself clear?"

Popcorn the Bladder Challenged Chihuahua wasn't so bladder challenged anymore.

Uncle Stupid thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.

* * *

"Having fun?"

I looked over at Kagome, who left from talking to a bunch of foster siblings to stand by me outside. There was a bunch of us in a field, all gathered together and huddling for warmth in the slightly chill air. Kagome's father, Uncle Stupid and various other nutcases were further along, almost completely unseen in the darkness. They were setting up the fourth of July fireworks.

I nodded, smiling at her. While I didn't appreciate all the pee and craziness, I had to admit… It wasn't all that bad. The father talk wasn't remotely scary. No one tried to kill me outright. People didn't glare at me (except for second cousin Cross-Eyed, because I think he's permanently stuck that way). All in all, it was good.

It was a good change.

"I'm really glad you came," Kagome whispered, sliding her arm around mine and leaning in close. Her head rested on my shoulder and I looked down at her, noting the pink tint to her cheeks and nose. She wasn't looking at me, eyes trained ahead to the dark shadows of those setting up. Still, I admired her. I _really _looked at her.

I _really_ cared about her.

…And that's where I needed to end my thoughts. This was nothing more than a challenge to get laid. Kagome had currently ruined me for other chicks, and I can't move on until we have sex. When we do, everything will be fine again. I won't be feeling these butterflies in my stomach, or binds on my chest when she smiles. Once we've had sex, I can say _goodbye_ and _thanks, this was fun _and be done with it.

"I'm glad I came too," I murmured, unable to help myself. At least…for right now I could pretend. I could pretend that we could be more, that I could give her more than I'm most likely capable of giving. Kagome deserved that much.

"Ready?" came the far away shout.

Kagome's family cheered, loud and long. Hands were waving in the air, little kids running around with sparklers and glow sticks, laughter everywhere. This was amazing. _This_ was like an actual family, from those fairytale books that you never thought could be true.

The first firework lit up the sky with big bright colours. The loud bang and pop soon followed, echoing through the dark sky. Soon fireworks lit up the entire field. Blue, red, white and gold sparks danced into night, mingling with the stars and making everything suddenly look so small and insignificant.

I looked back down at Kagome, noticing that she was holding my gaze. A small smile was on her lips, full and teasing.

I didn't hesitate. I didn't wait. This right here was absolute perfection.

And I could give Kagome that – right now, right here.

I turned and slid my hand around her neck, tilting her head upwards and capturing her lips. The sparks from where she touched me battled with the sparks flying in the sky. Booms and cracks could be heard, but only distantly in my mind.

Right now, Kagome was the only thing I wanted to think about.

* * *

**Comments to Acknowledge:**

_Zooz, IrishIndy, Mika and (): _Thank you all! I'm so happy you enjoyed it :)

_AwaitingMyBlackKnight: _Do I happen to get the five bucks? I'm not sure how close to terrorizing that was, but there was bribery and threats? :D

_JennaHa11: _So happy I could make your day better! Thank you very much for making mine!

_KagsYasha:_ Okay, Question One - I don't think she knew, but at least the issue was resolved. Question Two - Since the whole basis of the story is sex, they will have sex when I let them have sex (HAHAHAHA I AM GOD, ahem). I can tell you it will be...very soon. Question Three - I was prompted by _Jenn_ actually to write something in Inuyasha's POV and THIS resulted. My mind is a scary place so I really can't answer that fully. Question Four - I'm not _making you_ wait so long. Considering I have three other stories to update, plus a very complex and busy life, it's more I'm _restricted_ rather than I _make you _wait so long. My profile has more information on that particular topic. You should probably read it.

_Happy to Read Happiness:_ You made my day. However, limey stuff I shall not give yet. I said it above and I say it again: THE NEED FOR THEM TO HAVE SEX (of any kind) IS THE ONLY THING MAKING ANYONE COME BACK. The story would be utter crap otherwise (no plot, no suspense, etc). HAVE FAITH. Also understand that maybe there is a _reason_ they haven't had sex yet? That it's all a biggest, more evil scheme in the long run? Thank you though, I can promise you that the wait isn't long...at all.

* * *

**To see a picture of BANG and POPCORN, go to my profile under "Ongoing Stories" and then under "Happiness". You'll find it there.**

**Feedback is much appreciated, as always :)**


	20. Love and Other Slow Deaths

**WARNING! _Explicit _adult content is contained within this chapter. If you have a problem with that, you may message me for a clean copy.**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha. I do not profit from this story._

* * *

Happiness

The Tale of an Unstoppable Force and an Immoveable Object

* * *

_Chapter Twenty: Love and Other Slow Deaths_

* * *

Seeing Bang when we got back on the Sunday evening was like getting attacked by a grizzly. I was shoved hard to the floor in a matter of seconds, the door to my apartment wide open. Bang stood over me, tongue lolling out but refusing to lick me.

"I'm sorry," I apologized, knowing Bang would get it. "And I promise next time you can come. There's a Chihuahua there, you can run him over and use him as a chew toy."

Bang snorted.

"You could pee on him," I suggested.

The Great Dane loved the idea, or he apparently did because my face was under attack with gross, saliva-covered licks. Bang woofed, back-end moving side to side as he wagged his tail excitedly.

Unable to stop, I grinned and pat him, scratching just at the base of his ears where I knew he liked it. It was probably thirty minutes until Bang was satisfied with my petting and let me get up. He didn't leave my side though, even as we moved into the living room. I flipped on the television, letting myself relax back into the most comfortable couch in the entire world.

I love being rich.

Bang made a whining noise, wanting to get up. I pat the spot beside me and moved over a bit as the massive beast I call a dog jumped up. He curled into a ball and laid his head down on my lap.

"You're a huge suck," I pointed out, absently petting him. The television displayed some news, headlines about a robbery leading to a stabbing on the other side of the city. There was something else too, about guns and a mugging. Huh, dangerous city. Flipping the channel, I switched it until some comedy show played, something similar to what Sota had on his laptop the other night.

My cell phone ringing startled me from my trance and Bang groaned at me unhappily as I shifted around to get my cell out of my pocket. "Hello?" I asked, not bothering to check the ID.

"So you returned," Miroku said, laughter clear in his tone. "How was it?"

I growled. "How the hell do you think it was?" Fun. Great. "It was brutal."

Miroku sighed heavily. "It couldn't have been that bad."

"It was." _Liar._

"I don't believe you," Miroku responded. I could practically hear the eye roll. "Inuyasha, I know you. I think you like Kagome a lot."

"I think you went to the dark side. First you tell me that no, I can't like her, I can't even _loaf _her. And now you're trying to convince me otherwise because what? You're getting laid?"

"I was always getting laid," Miroku corrected, sounding utterly shameless. "But that was different. That wasn't…Sango. I told you before, I was wrong back then."

Back then. He made it sound like years ago when it was only two weeks. "See, you turned out just like my brother. Pussy-whipped to the max."

"Fuck you," Miroku said, laughing afterwards. "At least I get laid constantly and consistently."

It was my turn to tell him to fuck off, only I wasn't laughing by the end of it. I sighed. "Was this all you called me for? To torment me?"

"Actually…" His hesitance made me worry. "I have a problem."

Of course he does. When does Miroku ever not have a problem? When?

Never.

Something was always wrong with that bastard.

"What now?" I demanded, letting my head rest against the cushioned back.

Miroku paused for a moment longer before exhaling. "Sango wants to date."

Wow. Shocker. "Aren't you doing that already?"

"No," Miroku replied quickly. "We're fucking but I haven't actually _planned a date _for us yet."

I see. "And now you want to run to the hills?" Because surely if nothing snapped Miroku out of this crazed fantasy, then the idea of commitment would.

"No."

…Excuse me? "You're not Miroku. Goodbye."

"Wait Inuyasha–"

"Goodbye," I repeated.

"You son of a bitch, come–"

And then I hung up. I ignored calls one through four, finally picked up on the fifth because it was hard to hear the jokes on the TV with my Ludacris ring tone blasting. "What?" I snapped.

"What should I do? What did you do with Kagome?" Miroku asked in a rush, probably afraid I'd hang up on him again.

I really, really wanted to. "I took her to the park."

…

"You what?" Miroku exclaimed, clearly trying to stifle back laughter. I don't know why. He's the desperate loser here, not me.

"Do you want me to hang up again?"

Miroku actually laughed then, full out and loud. "You took her to the park as a date and you think you're not in love with her? Oh my god, that is the lamest thing ever. Did you favourite rom-com book help pick that idea out? Hahahahaha–"

I hung up and turned my phone on to silent. I got a text message seconds later.

11:47 pm: _Inuyasha and Kagome sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage…_

Turning off my phone, I walked out to my balcony. Directly across from me, at the building on the other side, I bet Miroku was staring at me through that damn telescope.

So I flipped him the bird, locked my doors, shut my blinds and let Bang out before going to bed.

* * *

It had been awhile since the last time Bang and I went to the park, so the next morning I grabbed his leash and a few tennis balls before dragging his huge ass out the door. The lobby was strangely silent. Not even the chick that usually sat at the reception desk was there. We took the elevator down to the basement parking, getting into my BMW convertible. The short drive to the park was pleasant, the summer air warm and welcoming. Bang was clearly pleased and seemed to have forgiven me for leaving him this weekend.

The park was filled with people. Children ran around in dirty t-shirts and shorts, Popsicles in hand. Dog owners circled the field, Frisbees and saliva-covered tennis balls flying through the air. I even saw a photographer, bending down on one knee in front of a child and her mother. I instantly thought back to Kagome…and wondered when my balls would grow back. Hell.

Just because I had an amazing time with her this weekend – and yes, I lied to Miroku because he'd never let me live it down – didn't mean I had to think poetic thoughts about her. Bang's low growl shook me out of my thoughts, his big black head pushing into my hip.

"Yeah okay," I muttered, winding up and then throwing the tennis ball long and hard. Bang took off like a shot, sleek body moving gracefully along the field until…

_OH_ he just ran over that Pekingese. Ha. That sucks.

I clapped my hands the moment Bang caught the tennis ball. He raced back, narrowly avoiding hitting that damn Pekingese again. He almost hit me, but I was so used to his antics I didn't even flinch as he came incredibly close, dodging at the very last second. The tennis ball was already at my feet.

"Go!" I shouted, whipping it across the field. I watched it float through the air, hovering for endless moments before falling, falling–

Hitting some schmuck in the head.

"Shit," I cursed. I raced over, Bang already there with the ball in his mouth. He looked more than pleased, even with some sandy-haired guy on the ground. "Hey," I shouted, slowing to a halt as I neared the guy. "Hey are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," the guy mumbled, rubbing at his head. I offered him a hand up, taking in the blue eyes and lanky build. The guy seemed to be looking me up and down now and... That was _so_ not what I was doing. At all. My looking was strictly to make sure he was not bleeding to death.

"Um," I started.

"You're Kagome's boyfriend!" the guy blurted out, looking utterly stunned. "It's you!"

Yes, it is me. Better yet, _who the fuck are you and how did you know that?_ "Excuse me?" I asked, frowning now. Oh god, did we have a stalker? I'm a bit famous – being a cover guy and all – but usually I didn't have paparazzi.

Oh no, I know what happened. He saw Kagome and I together and thought _perfection_,_ they must be famous _(obviously). He must have assumed. Easy mistake, it's okay. I just have to set him on the straight and narrow.

The guy sighed, looking put upon. "Did you do that on purpose?"

…What now? "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Right, like you _don't know _who I am. Here, hi, I'm Hojo." The guy – Hobo, didn't that sound familiar? – rolled his eyes. "Just because Kagome and I still talk doesn't mean I'm making a move. Really? Hitting me on the head with a tennis ball?"

I blinked. Holy shit, was he insane? "I didn't hit you on purpose," I stated slowly, making sure each word penetrated through his thick, dumb skull. "I don't even know who you are."

At this, Hopo (no…that's still not it) frowned. "Seriously?"

What is with all the rhetorical questions? Why? "Should I know you?"

The sandy-haired guy laughed suddenly, maybe a bit nervously. Well he did just sporadically PMS so I would be nervous of the consequences too. "I'm sorry. Wow. Awkward."

I just stared at him. I still didn't get what was going on.

"Well, anyways, it was nice to meet you!" Hojo (right, that's his name…right?) yelled, waving. "Enjoy your day!"

…Sure.

I looked at Bang, shrugging my shoulders. "So he was totally off his meds," I said. "What a crazy person. I swear, there are more of them now than ever." Hey! Maybe he was distantly related to Kagome? That would explain how he knows her, how he knows me and how we're dating! _And _I totally wouldn't remember him from the weekend because of all the other crazy faces.

Ah ha. Totally just Sherlocked the shit out of that mystery.

Grinning at Bang, who looked at me hopefully with his gooey ball, I held out my fingers that were shaped like a gun. "Bang! Bang!"

The Great Dane whimpered, dramatically falling to his side before rolling onto his back. With his big legs spread and massive rock of a head flat against the grass, his tongue sticking out…well he was just awesome. Taking the tennis ball from his slack mouth, I threw it. "Go Bang, go!"

And the Great Dane rolled up and flew, knocking over two other dogs in the process.

Epic. Just epic. Now _this _is perfection.

* * *

My first clue that something was wrong was when I saw the flashing lights of an ambulance parked outside of my building. I frowned, wanting to know what was going on but needing to park in order to do so. Quickly I left my BMW in the underground lot, Bang hot on my heels as we took the elevator to the lobby. The minute the doors opened, it was like chaos exploded all around. Medical workers were pushing a stretcher towards the door, people staring in horror. Even the normally nonchalant receptionist looked a bit stuck.

"Inuyasha!" Sango's voice filled my ears and the world started turning again.

I stepped out of the elevator, a frown on my face. "What's going on?"

Sango sighed, tightening her long black hair that was in a ponytail. It looked like she just returned from a run, her face red with heat and ear buds hanging around her neck. "One of the residents here is really sick. I only got a glance when I walked in but he was coughing up blood and not breathing properly. I don't really know."

I looked outside, ignoring the swift thought that entered my mind. I could see the paramedics slamming shut the back doors, the lights still blaring as it drove back onto the street. "Who?" I had to ask because there was only one person I knew. It couldn't be though, what were the chances that the only old guy I paid any sort of attention to was actually the one now being carted out by an ambulance? They had to be slim in a building like this.

But I should know by now that my life was never that simple.

Sango was staring at me like I had two heads, which prompted me to raise a brow at her. Usually she blurted out whatever was on her mind. At the moment it seemed like she was analyzing me for something. "You…actually care?"

I rolled my eyes, heading over towards the reception desk with Sango stumbling behind me. "For fuck's sake, just tell me who it was."

"I don't _know_," my (particularly useless) assistant responded. "He was some old guy, like I said. I've seen him around the lobby a few times but I've never talked to him."

"Did he have big bug eyes?" I asked immediately, spinning around to face her. Sango almost crashed into me, hands up around her chest as she tried to create some semblance of distance. Could it possibly have been Totosai? "Did he have a beard? If you saw him was he rambling on about what happiness was?"

There was a long, dragged out pause. Sango's gaze was more than a little confused. "You think I paid that much attention? No, _I don't know_. The guy I saw carted out had his eyes closed so I couldn't really tell. He was coughing up blood so _no,_ he wasn't rambling. He had a beard but so does a vast amount of the male population."

Bah. What's the point in having a personal assistant if they can't assist you with something so important? I turned away and snapped my fingers, trying to get the attention of the girl behind the desk. She was still looking out the window, in the exact spot where the ambulance had been. "You! Receptionist chick!" I used to know her name, back when I tried to get with her. Now? Not so much. I think it started with an M.

The girl blinked at me in surprise, eyes slowly narrowing. "What did you just say?"

I ignored her. What was with women and asking stupid questions right now? First Sango and now Receptionist Chick. Did they not realize that someone just got sent to the hospital? Did no one realize how terrible this could be? It pained me every day that I had to deal with this crap. "Who was that?" I asked instead. "Who was on the stretcher?"

"Totosai," Receptionist Chick said slowly, quietly. "Yanami, Totosai."

"Shit, shit, shit," I mumbled, pulling out my cell phone. Kagome knew him and had seemed even close to him when we talked last. I could be wrong but… Something told me I wasn't.

Sango put her hand on my shoulder, trying to get my attention and turn me around. "What are you doing? Did you actually know the guy?"

"Kind of," I responded offhandedly, dialling in Kagome's number. Something told me this wouldn't go over well. When the ringing ended and her soft voice filled the line, my chest tightened. I didn't really know how well they knew each other. Kagome had told me they met at the park but… For people who just met frequently, they seemed awfully chatty – a bit too personal.

I talked to Kagome, telling her only the little that I knew. I could tell instantly that Kagome's movements got frantic. "Hey, talk to me," I urged, pressing the phone tighter to my ear, as if I could make us that much closer. "What's going on?"

Kagome was yelling something garbled towards Sota, his name the only word I could distinctly make out. "What hospital?" she asked me, suddenly turning her attention back to me.

I didn't know that. Of course I didn't know that. "I'm not sure but I'd guess he's going to what is the closest one to here."

Sango was tapping my arm again, worry in her eyes. _What?_ She mouthed the words but I shook my head, putting up a finger to wait.

"Okay, okay," Kagome murmured. It sounded more like a chant. "I'm on my way to find him okay? Just…if you hear anything let me know. Call my cell phone I have it with me."

"I will. Kagome, how do you really know him?" I asked, because I had to. My girlfriend was freaking out on the other end of the line and – _holy shit, she's my girlfriend, wait NO TIME FOR THAT NOW – _and I didn't know _why_. I didn't understand how this affected her so much, only that it did. I thought they just met at the park a few times?

I could see it, just as I heard the pause of breath on the other end of the line. Sango's eyes were suddenly alight with recognition, some form of understanding.

"I'll tell you later Inuyasha, I promise. I really… I really need to go see him. He's…practically family to me." Kagome sounded more than a little desperate and I whispered an okay before hanging up. In seconds flat I knew what I had to do. I looked down at Bang, my loyal dog that always knew what was going on. He nodded his head, sneezing soon after but I took the sign as I saw it. Bang agreed.

But first things first: "Sango, what is it?"

The raven-haired girl in front of me looked a bit uneasy, looking up at the ceiling of the lobby. "Shit, I should've pieced it together," my assistant was mumbling. "Shit."

Now was _not _the time for Sango to beat herself up about her stupidity. She had days to do that, days to realize that she was a) dating a pervert with an alcohol and sex addiction, b) was a raving cootie-freak until recent, c) had major issues regarding organization, tidiness and the overall hygiene of _everything in existence_ and d) was apparently stupid (her words, not mine).

Actually, not her words but I could read under that tone of hers. You get the gist of it, yeah?

"Tell me _woman_!" I yelled, hands going up into my hair. I swear if I had to wait much longer for her to finish her emo rant then I was going to _strangle her with a sock._ A dirty, unclean sock. A sock that would be so horrifying that she'd pass out before it even touched her because of the fact it was not matched with its partner.

"I didn't know his name, just that it was some guy that lived in our complex," Sango finally answered, looking guilty as she bit her lower lip. "I thought he was younger. Anyways, when Kagome first moved here she was a bit lost. She came virtually on her own, with Sota and Shippo and virtually no way to take care of them at first. She had a job but…things were tough for a while as they adjusted to the city. Then Kagome met Totosai."

I could already tell how this story was going to go but I didn't stop my personal assistant as she continued on.

"Totosai was always at the park that Kagome took photographs at. This was a few years back, when she first moved out. They started talking and… Well Totosai helped her a lot. He told her where everything was, the shortcuts to take, which stores were cheaper and what people you had to know to get certain deals… He did it and in exchange she'd walk him around the park. He wanted to do it but he was…sick. He was sick and was afraid he'd lose his footing or go too far and not have help back…" Sango was practically gnawing on her lip now. "So she did it and they became fast friends. It hasn't been until the past few months that she hasn't really seen him. Her career took off and Totosai got worse, as far as I knew. He couldn't go outside for walks anymore."

Totosai has been sick…for a long time? That probably explained a bit of his rants – the staying healthy bit, the what's-important-in-life bit and so on. But he didn't seem sick the few times I saw him. He looked perfectly happy and perfectly annoying for an old geezer.

"I have to go," I said, scratching behind Bang's ears and heading back towards the elevator.

Sango was right behind me. "You're going to see Totosai?"

"Kagome," I corrected, wincing a bit. "Well, Totosai too. I don't really know him. I've talked to him only a few times."

The black-haired woman had a small smile on her lips, entering the elevator the same time I did, pushing the button one below mine for a different floor. "You must really like her, huh?"

I frowned. "Kagome? Well yeah I like her. She's…you know…my girlfriend?" It came out like a question. Why did it come out like a question? Maybe it was because I was telling her best friend, my personal assistant, who also happened to be the future generator of the apocalypse if you ever got her angry enough.

"You love her." And that, ladies and gentlemen, was a prime example of a statement. See there? That's a problem. It should've been reversed. I had the statement, she asked the question. Does no one see this error? Anyone?

"No."

"I really hope you're smarter than that," Sango replied, voice a little harsher, eyes a lot harder. But she was still looking at me like she was trying to analyze something, and I couldn't help but want to squirm under that gaze. "Don't be stupid Inuyasha. You know, Kagome's happy." Well, isn't that good? Shouldn't she be with me? The elevator doors opened for Sango's floor and she got off, waving a bit.

"Wait," I said, holding the door open. "She was always happy."

Sango shrugged. "Not according to Kagome."

I frowned, stepping back and letting the doors shut. Sango's milky brown eyes disappeared behind shiny metal, and only my distorted reflection was left.

"Woof." Bang nudged at my leg, nearly toppling me over.

I reached down to pet him again, nodding. "Yeah buddy, I'm just as fucking confused as you are."

After bringing Bang inside our apartment and feeding him, I practically ran back to the elevator. I took it all the way down, heading to the underground parking lot. The BMW roared to life and I ripped it out of there.

You see there was this…feeling inside of me. As a general rule, feelings were pretty stupid. They made people do things they wouldn't normally do. They took out all rational thinking and replaced it with a pile of moody teenage behaviour. Some people could overcome it, act rationally and still cry or scream or laugh. Others couldn't.

_And what the hell was I rambling about?_

* * *

To Do:

#32: Stop thinking like a tool dammit. Focus.

* * *

_Focus._ Okay I could do that. I was driving towards the closest hospital, which was still thirty minutes away. It felt stupidly long and the whole time I kept replaying Kagome's distraught voice on the other end. I guess it made sense, considering what Sango said. It also wasn't hard to predict a guilt complex from Kagome because she probably hadn't spent the time she had available taking care of him. There wasn't anything she could do to prevent this. If Totosai was sick, he was sick long before Kagome's arrival.

What was wrong with the old guy anyways? Coughing up blood wasn't a light matter and if what Sango claimed was correct then this has been a long time coming.

"Dammit," I cursed, not feeling better – actually feeling worse – as the hospital came into sight. Traffic was particularly heavy in this area and the slow stop-and-go was driving me insane. By the time I got to the hospital and parked, I felt a little more than just a bit crazy.

Probably not the best thing considering all the potential problems I could face but…that's shitty life for you.

I sent a text to Kagome's cell because I wasn't _that _crazy and knew I'd never find her by walking aimlessly around. The hospital was massive. Nurses, patients and visitors were everywhere, making nowhere private or quiet. It was like a madhouse of sick people and worried faces. None of it helped calm my apprehension.

When my phone vibrated, I looked down and read the message. Kagome was in a wing at the opposite side of the hospital. How she managed to even find the old guy in here was amazing. I raced over as fast as I could without knocking anyone over or spilling any coffee. When I saw Kagome…

It wasn't good.

She was staring into some window, a hospital room on the other side. There were open blinds but even through the cracks I could see who was on the other side. Kagome's head was pressed against the glass and her body was shaking. It wasn't difficult to tell she was crying.

I paused because let's be honest, I have virtually no experience with shit like this. The closest I've gotten was dealing with an angry, depressed Sango during the Miroku-Is-Weird Times. Other than that? I've got squat. So what do I do?

Do I hug her? Touch her? Stare at her funny?

WHAT DO I DO?

WHY GOD, WHY?

Man up. Remember your _To Do _list. Focus Inuyasha. Focus.

"Kagome," I whispered, stepping right up to her, staying that little bit away to give her space. "What's going on here?"

A sob wracked out of her, body shivering for a moment before she took a deep breath. "Lung cancer," she said, nowhere near as steady as she usually was. "He's been fighting it for years."

Oh. Oh _fuck_. "I'm so sorry." There was nothing else I could say. What could I even do? I just stood there, watching her for a sign of what she needed. "I didn't know."

Kagome nodded, wiping at her tears in futility. "Totosai didn't like anyone to know about it. He kept to himself." She took a long, deep breath then, slowly releasing it. "I should have noticed," Kagome whispered, hand rising to press against the glass. "He was so good at hiding it though, the stubborn asshole."

This was worse than I thought. The guilt was practically radiating off of her in waves. "You can't beat yourself up about it. You had other obligations, like Sota and Shippo. You had a career to attend to. It's not like you saw him all the time, you couldn't have known."

And just like that, Kagome started to cry harder. They were slowly rolling tears, leaving a damp trail on her cheeks. "But I _did_," she argued, shaking her head. She wiped at her tears, growling in frustration when more came. It only made everything worse. "I saw him three times a week, every week. How could I not know?"

Shit. She saw him _that_ often? How did I not know about this? How did Sango not realize what the truth of it was? I was stricken, hand hovering just above her shoulder. No wonder she was so upset, she saw Totosai regularly. He wasn't a long ago friend like Sango made it out to seem. Totosai was a constant, consistent person in her life.

"Mornings," Kagome mumbled, taking a deep breath and turning to look at me. "I came by first thing in the morning – whatever mornings I could manage. I bought his food for him, his prescriptions, helped him clean the apartment and stuff. He couldn't do it anymore, he's too weak. I always knew it was taking a toll but…"

"You were at my place all the time?" I asked, wondering how I missed her so much. I knew I didn't really venture around the apartment complex that much, but come on! That was just sad.

Then again, I didn't realize until recently that Sango actually lived a floor below me. So. Maybe I was worse than I thought.

Nah.

Kagome sniffled. "Totosai didn't want anyone to know. He's had cancer for a long time. He…doesn't like it to ruin his life. Totosai felt useless enough as it was. The less people that knew, the better."

That explained it at least. I had seen Kagome some mornings for dates but usually it was always afternoon or night, after her work with the magazine. Now I knew all of the reasons why.

"I know it's the lung cancer," Kagome started, "but I feel responsible. In hindsight, I can see all the signs."

I sighed, finally letting myself touch her. I hugged her shoulders and brought her against me. "Hindsight is always 20/20. You couldn't have known." I kissed the top of her head, relaxing only when she did against me.

"Three months."

I frowned, buried my nose in her hair. "What's in three months?" I mumbled. She wasn't talking properly, not making any sense.

Kagome sniffed again and I could tell she was going to cry some more. "The doctors say he only has three months to live. He put me on the emergency contact list a long time ago so they talked to me. I'm the only person he has really."

Jesus Christ. The information stung, a sort of whiplash like when your head gets violently jerked around. The old guy – Totosai – only had a few months to live. That's… I barely knew him and it was still hard. To have your life laid out like that, limited to what you can do or where you can go in such a short period of time. Fuck. No wonder Kagome was a mess. She was sobbing now, hiding her face in my shirt and clinging to me like a lifeline.

And I just held her, rocked her. But what else could I do?

* * *

It had taken a long time for Kagome to calm down. The doctors wouldn't let us in to see Totosai, not yet until he had rested. We could come tomorrow and I already knew from the desperate look in Kagome's eye that we'd be there first thing in the morning. After we left the hospital we went to get coffee. Kagome couldn't stand the thought of going home and explaining why she was so upset to Shippo and Sota. While she knew they could handle it, apparently Totosai had been apart of their life too. She didn't – couldn't – tell them yet.

It was why we didn't get back to her house until past midnight. Kagome's sobbing had ceased but there were times when her eyes glazed over and I blurted out anything I could to distract her. The little half-smiles I got out of her didn't seem like much, but by the way she touched my arm or held my hand, I knew it made a difference.

"Sota and Shippo are heavy sleepers," Kagome said, quietly as she stepped down the hall. "I'm going to check on them first, make sure they're okay."

I nodded, watching as she strode down the dark hall. I stood there, unable to move and yet compelled to do something. Looking around the living room, I finally managed to get myself on the couch, staring at the remote control but unwilling to touch it. There wouldn't be anything on anyways although it would make for a good distraction.

Kagome's reappearance halted any more thoughts. I looked up at her and smiled, or tried to anyways. The raven-haired beauty was kneeling on the sofa cushions, crawling towards me.

Okay, so she wanted to cuddle. That was totally understandable. I opened my arms and tilted my body sideways. She slowly lowered herself down, face buried in the crook of my neck. I could feel every deep breath, each puff of exhale creeping along my skin. My hands ran up and down her back, trying to be soothing even though I didn't have the slightest idea how.

"Everything feels wrong," Kagome mumbled against my neck. "It's too heavy."

I cleared my throat, unable to get the words out. "I…I know." I was shit at this. I didn't know how to handle sadness. Kagome's the first girlfriend I've had in…well a really fucking long time, if ever. It was always hard to determine what constituted as being a couple when there are so many lines and rules. "I'm here."

Kagome lifted her face, dark brown eyes pinning me down. She looked more than just sad – worried and anxious all at once. "Stay," she whispered. I could feel the warm air dance across my lips. "Stay tonight, please."

And I could see it – I could read between the lines and figure out exactly what she was asking of me. There was absolutely no way I could tell her no, tell her that I wouldn't let this happen. Maybe a stronger man could, maybe someone who didn't have this set out as a goal for a long time. But right now this wasn't about the number one thing on my _To Do _list. This was about Kagome and making her feel good for once.

"Okay," I whispered right back. "I'll stay."

"Good." Kagome licked her lips – a nervous gesture that wasn't meant to be hot but sent sparks through my body anyways. "I- This-" She didn't bother trying to formulate the rest of the sentence, instead crashing her lips against mine and sighing.

It was like finally being able to touch the prize at the top of the pedestal. It was like being in two different places, mentally and physically. I was touching her, hands roaming over her body as my mind sort of went blank. The only things that popped up were _Kagome,_ _kiss_ and _fuck yes._

Suddenly we were moving, off of the couch and heading towards another room – her bedroom. Kagome's hands were slipping underneath my shirt, lifting up the material and dragging it over my head. It was thrown onto the floor without a second thought.

But now I was thinking. This had to be because of Totosai and his condition. None of this would be happening if he wasn't sick right now. Kagome was going to regret this, she was only doing this because she needed the human contact, the reason to feel alive and not at death's door. There wasn't one part of this that was good – for either of us. "Kagome," I managed out between kisses. "You have to stop."

"No, no, Inuyasha stop thinking," Kagome said out in a rush, grabbing my face in her hands. She glared at me, making sure I was paying attention before rubbing her thumb across my cheeks. "I've wanted to do this for awhile now and _yes_, it's bad timing but I need–" She cut herself off, licking her way into my mouth and _shit_, claiming me. It was the hottest fucking thing I've ever experienced, from that little thing alone. "I need this," Kagome panted, hands sliding around my head and tangling in my hair. I could feel the slight tug, the pull to move backwards. "I need you."

Under no circumstances were the words _I need you _not lethal. Kagome was going to kill me, I knew this like I knew the sky was blue and the grass was green. But right now none of that mattered because I needed her too and _fuck_ everything else.

I grabbed her hips and lifted her up, feeling the warmth as she wrapped her legs around my waist and let me carry her to the bed. I looked at her, taking in every inch of her as I slowly lowered her down onto the mattress. Her eyes were dark, pupils wide and focused on me, as if I was the only thing of importance. Her lips were red and swollen, spit-shiny and unmistakably pouting. There was _nothing _more beautiful at this moment, nothing more beautiful and broken and _mine_.

I ran my hands along her stomach, pulling at her top until she lifted up and removed it. Her bra was next, unsnapped at the back and falling off around her shoulders. I removed it as fast as I could, licking at her collarbone, sucking in bruises that would be there for a long time afterwards. Despite all the bad that was happening, despite all the shit that was falling from the sky, Kagome could remember this.

I could give her that; I could give her right now. Not the future, not forever, but I could give her this moment in time, in her bed, surrounded in darkness with only the hall light on.

The buttons of her jeans were next, coming undone. I slipped the material off her legs, one at a time, slowly and surely. Kagome was lying there, eyes closed and breathing sharp. She looked fucking gorgeous.

"Kagome." It was almost startling to speak in such silence but her brown eyes opened leisurely, lazily and she smiled. From that moment on I was irrevocably done for.

Running my hands up her smooth legs, feeling every inch of silky skin, I stopped at her panties, tugging on the sides and pulling them down. They came off just as slowly as her pants, letting every part of her feel it happening, soak it up. I crawled over her, hand brushing the bangs away from her dark eyes.

Kagome smiled at me, her hands running from my stomach to my chest to my neck. Her nails scratched like a tease, a trail of markings that could only be from her. She pulled me down, connecting her lips with mine. It was a slick slide of heat, a dance of wills as I ran my tongue along her full lips, begging for entrance. She pushed back just as hard, asking the same thing until eventually we both gave up, gave _in_, letting it happen.

I didn't let myself get too distracted – this was for Kagome, I had to remember. I tore my lips from her, ignoring the small whine from the back of her throat. I kissed along her neck, nipping the skin until it was red, sucking bruises that she'd have to hide with makeup. I wanted her to remember this, to remember me. Every single thing about this was for Kagome.

I bit at the edge of her collarbone, licking the marks up. My hands toyed with her breasts, rubs and flicks on her nipples, getting them hot and hard as I slid further down between the valley. Kagome moaning quietly was probably the best thing I'd ever heard. She sounded so desperate, so wanting. I'd be lucky if I even made it to the good stuff without coming in my pants first.

_Fuck_. I kissed her left breast, mouth sucking, licking, nipping at the bud, drawing out more noises from the woman below me. Her hands were scraping along my back, little tingles of pleasure shaking down my spine. I had to move on.

I licked my way down her stomach, swirling my tongue along the rim of her bellybutton. I didn't stop, didn't hesitate as I nipped at her left hipbone, kissing the pain away. I sucked another bruise, just above the bite, leaving the skin red and flushed beneath me.

I slid my hands along the grooves, pushing against her legs to open wider. Kagome shivered but it had absolutely nothing to do with the cold. I could tell by the way she moaned when my lips kissed her inner thigh. I didn't stop there, making my way along every single solitary inch of her. I ran my hands along every part of her body, left no area untouched, no part of her ignored. Her skin was hot, body writhing and begging as I slid two fingers inside, unable to help the noise at the back of my throat. _Fuck_ I wasn't going to last much longer. The way she was moving, _shit_. No longer was she letting me control the situation, control her body and make her feel good. She planted her heels into the bed, hands raised over her head as she slid along the mattress, rolling and tilting her hips to the curl of my fingers inside of her.

"Mm, more," she panted, opening her eyes a little, gazing at me with a lust-blown expression that nearly brought me to the edge. "Drawer." She tilted her head to the nightstand and I got with the program pretty damn quick.

How I managed to get off the bed was a miracle, along with standing up and having enough efficient coordination to take my pants and boxers off. Making the effort to turn around the shut the door was almost impossible. I was already hard, probably harder than I'd ever been in my entire fucking life and I hadn't even been _touched_. It was like my teenage years all over again but this was different.

This was Kagome.

That should've been my first clue.

The condoms were buried in the drawer, at the back and underneath stuff I had no intention of learning about. When I had a wrapper I climbed back onto the bed, ignoring the shake in my hands, the way my mind was racing at the fact this was _actually fucking happening._ After so long, I was finally going to have sex with Kagome.

I just needed to make sure I didn't come before the actual sex happened. Oh _fuck._

I ripped the wrapper, watching Kagome's dark eyes as I slid on the condom. I stroked myself, once, twice, because I absolutely had to. I hadn't been touched and _fuck_ if something didn't happen soon I was going to die. Every part of my body, every tiny little nerve ending was thriving with need. I wanted her so bad it practically hurt, so when Kagome sat up and pushed me down onto the mattress, my head nearly hanging off the back of it, I swore I was going to pass out.

"So you don't think I don't want this," she whispered, crawling on top of me and brushing her lips almost tenderly against mine. She smiled a little, pressing her hips against my lower stomach. I didn't get what she was doing, not at first. She wasn't even touching me, making no move to grab me so she could–

Shit. I watched, straining to hold my head up as I saw Kagome moved down my body, spreading her legs wider and fucking sliding onto me. And holy shit. Oh my god.

Breathe. Fucking _breathe already dammit before you come._

Fuck.

I only vaguely registered the fact that the odd and mangled sounds were my own, coming from the back of my throat. I grabbed her hips, rubbing little circles along the bone as she kissed at my neck. Everything felt amazing, like too much and too little at the same time. She wasn't even moving yet and the risk of this ending before it had even become was still embarrassingly high.

"Fuck Kagome," I whispered, before I even processed the words in my brain.

The black-haired woman grinned at me, raising herself and– _Holy fucking, goddammit._ The heat, her legs tight against my hips, every movement she made setting some part of me on fire. She was so tight, so fucking good and I knew I was making desperate sounds, words that probably didn't make sense and didn't have any real meaning to them.

It didn't matter. None of it mattered but Kagome's brown-eyed gaze against my own and the way she was suddenly moving, rocking against me and swivelling her hips like she was made for this. All I could do was hold on, try not to grasp her hips too tightly and enjoy every moment of this because Kagome was finally mine, and we were finally doing this and…_finally_.

Kagome was whispering things, filthy things that I knew would only turn me on more if it were possible. Her words were like silk, falling across my body and spreading the heat all over me. Suddenly she stopped, her hands raking down my chest, at the part of our bodies that touched, up her stomach, around the curve of her breasts, through her hair and back down behind her. I could only watch in fascination, unable to do more than pant and make noises that no dignified sex-experienced man should make.

When she leaned against her hands braced on my legs and started to ride me, sliding up and down and wrapping herself tightly against me, I knew I was done for. This wouldn't last much longer, I was already too close and too caught up. I let go of her hips, bringing one hand to rub along her clit. Kagome's breath hitched, a small sound escaping her before she rode me harder, faster, bringing herself to the edge as fast as she brought me.

The room was filled with our hushed noises, quiet so no one could hear but just us, because only the two of us mattered right now, right here. The thought of that, of this stolen moment, and the sight of Kagome sliding up and down gracefully on top of me was what did it. Every part of me tensed, contracting until it was almost painful and I let go. I bit my lip hard, feeling pain but also the unmistakable pleasure as I climaxed.

Kagome's breathy pants were wrecked, and her hands switched to my stomach. She looked at me then, eyes black and needy and so fucking desperate that despite the sensitivity, despite the fact that pleasure was now almost _too much_, I thrust up into her, stroking her clit harder. Kagome came with a shuddering gasp, falling on top of me, lips smashing against mine. It was too much teeth, too much desperation but none of it mattered. It was just me and her and this bed, this spot where we calmed down, caught our breaths.

The kiss slowed, growing tender and soft. Kagome sighed against my mouth, her whole body melting into mine as she finally came down, finally relaxed. I pulled out, removing the condom and tying it up to put into the garbage. Kagome was lying under the covers, eyes closed with a peaceful expression on her face.

I stilled. When Kagome opened her eyes and patted the spot of the bed left, I went without hesitation, burrowing under the covers and facing her. Her leg hooked around mine, hand pressed against my chest. She leaned forward and kissed me sweetly. It wasn't deep or needy anymore. It was simple, loving and even as she closed her eyes and fell away into slumber, I couldn't.

I had sex with Kagome. It actually happened. We had sex and it was the most fucking amazing thing to have ever happened. Never has anything felt like that, physically or emotionally. This wasn't just sex, this was the other thing – the _making love thing_.

And that's when it hit me. I stared into Kagome's lax face. She was sleeping, her breaths deep and even. As I looked at her, I realized something terribly important.

Nothing changed.

Nothing _changed_.

I still wanted to be with her. I still wanted to hug her and kiss her and see her the next morning. I wanted to continue seeing her after that. As she lay in my arms, safe and secure and _happy_, I was panicking.

This wasn't right. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. Sex was supposed to be the end of it. There should be no more fuzzy feelings or sparks where she touched me. I shouldn't feel compelled to kiss her again, to bring her closer to me.

No. No. None of this was right.

_I love her_.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. It was a devastating, horrifying fact that I had so promptly ignored until right now. I had sex with Kagome – I made love with Kagome – and I loved her. Every fibre of my being wanted to be with her, not just now but _forever_.

I was wrong before. I was so terribly wrong.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. I couldn't love her. No, I couldn't love Kagome because that _didn't happen_. I didn't merely fall in love. I had to be wrong – had to be.

But I looked into her face, so happy and I knew. _Fuck_, I knew.

I loved Kagome Higurashi, there was no mistaking it.

So I waited another hour and then ran like fucking hell.

* * *

**Comments to Acknowledge:**

_Random-human-reviewer: _Aw why thank you so much hun!

_(): _Well at least he's not in denial anymore? Thank you :)

* * *

_So now you know why they couldn't have had sex so soon. Ah ha._

_I'd love any feedback :)_


	21. Oh Go Ruin Your Life

_**Disclaimer: **I do not own Inuyasha. I do not profit from this story._

* * *

Happiness

The Tale of an Unstoppable Force and an Immoveable Object

* * *

_Chapter Twenty-One: Oh Go Ruin Your Life_

* * *

I couldn't sleep. It was like the moment I got back to my apartment with only my dog and not Kagome, something froze inside of me. I felt sick.

Worse: I felt _in love_.

How had it happened? I didn't fall in love with women; they fell in love with me. This was an outrage, a horror, because _oh my god_ I fell in love with Kagome. I was screwed, so utterly fucked that the pun didn't even matter. Fuck the pun. And fuck that pun too.

What was I going to do? How the hell was I going to handle this – this _love?_ It had to go away. I had to make it go away.

_How the hell do you make it go away?_

It was that question that had me up, seventh cup of coffee in hand, sitting on the couch. I hadn't gone to bed – _couldn't_. Last time I was in a bed, I was having sex with Kagome.

Holy shit I had sex with Kagome.

Holy shit _I loved her_.

I wanted to knock myself out because I was an asshole, some sort of terrible son of a bitch. I just left her, running away like a dog with my tail between my legs. I was the lowest of the low and yet, I couldn't bring myself to go back. Scared? Maybe, but not for the reasons you'd think.

I didn't do relationships. I had lots and lots of sex but no relationships. That had been okay for me. That _was _okay for me. I hadn't changed. I didn't need Kagome for me to be happy. I was happy before I met her so I could be happy like that even now.

When the front door swung open at 8:42 a.m., I knew I was dead in the water.

"You mother_fucker_!" Sango screamed. I swear the apartment shook, each precise click-clack of her heels coming closer, foreshadowing my doom. "You fucking son of a cowardly, pussy-crazed _bitch_! I will _fuck rip your dick off_!"

I couldn't help instantly curling up on my spot on the couch. Sango's face came into view and my life started to flash before my eyes. I was undoubtedly going to die, right here and now. Sango's face was so red I thought it was going to explode from too much blood.

"Now Sango, don't be rash!"

Oh thank god. Miroku was here. He'd at least make sure my dick remained attached to my body, dead or alive. No man would wish that on another.

"Miroku, stay the fuck out of it!" Sango snapped. Oh, there went Australia, blown up by her sheer angry will. The poor kangaroos. "Inuyasha give me one good reason to not rip off your dick and feed it to you, you bloody bastard."

Putting my hands up defensively seemed like the best option, but what could I say? What could I tell her to calm her down?

Miroku put his hand on Sango's wrist, tugging at her until she spared a brief glance. "You can do anything else _but _rip off his dick. That's a cruel injustice. Plus, you need to hear him out."

Yes Miroku! That's goo– Fuck no. Hear me out? I didn't have anything that would work on her.

"Ten seconds," Sango seethed.

Oh damn, this was it. "I fell in love with her." _That _was not what I wanted to say, at all. I was going to make up a lie, tell her some bullshit story about Bang or–

"Really?" Sango's facial features suddenly softened. "You love her?"

…That worked? Really? Of everything I could say 'I fell in love with her' was the safest bet? I nodded. "Yeah, I do."

Sango bit her lower lip. "I see," she murmured. And then…

HOLY FUCKING MOTHER OF GOD!

"What are you _DOING_?" Miroku yelled, sounding panicked. If he was panicking that meant this wasn't just some scary plan to make me talk.

No. No. Sango had a fucking _gun_ pointed to my dick right now and oh man, I'm going to pass out I think. I'm not breathing. Oh god. Oh god. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Inhale. Exhale. "Goddammit Sango stop!"

"_You love her and YOU DID THAT?_" Sango shrieked. "You motherfucking cunt! Go swim with the sharks! Go get electrocuted. Go jump off of some rocky, sharp cliff. You stupid, stupid son of a bitch!"

This was bad. I mean I've seen Sango angry before, plenty of times. I've witnessed the couple before me going at it with butter knives for god's sake. But this was a whole new level of fucked up and Sango was seriously going to kill me.

"Sango, put the gun down," Miroku ordered sternly. "Put it down!"

"Why?" she screamed, glaring at me. It took a second to realize it was actually directed towards me. "Why did you leave her like that? If you loved her you would have stayed."

"Sango, I'll explain but you have to put the gun down or give it to Miroku. I promise I'll explain." At the conflicted look on her face, I tried my hardest to show my sincerity. "I promise."

Nodding jerkily, Sango handed the gun to Miroku. "Talk."

"I left because I love her," I explained slowly. "Because I _can't _love her. It's not possible but the fact that it happened…" I trailed off, not really sure where I was going with it. "I don't fall in love. I have sex with women and then leave, that's how I am. That's how I've been for almost 30 years. I'd only ruin things if I stayed with her. When we had sex… I thought what I felt would go away, but it didn't. I need it to go away."

Sango laughed bitterly. "You can't honestly tell me you really think that. Inuyasha, dammit, you were happy – happier than I've seen in a while."

"No," I replied, shaking my head. "I was happy before. I'm still happy with the exception of potential imminent death. Before Kagome was perfect and yes, I really enjoyed being with her but it wouldn't last. Then I wouldn't be happy and she wouldn't be happy and… I don't do love."

Turning towards Miroku, Sango glared. "I really can't shoot him?"

"Not without sending us to prison," Miroku replied. "And we're too pretty for jail."

Sango hummed. "Fine then, I quit."

I couldn't be hearing this right. "You what?"

"I quit. You can do your own laundry, clean your own house, have your car repairs done yourself, take out your own dry cleaning and answer your own calls. Whatever. I'm fucking done with this."

Just like that, Sango grabbed her gun, put it in her purse and walked out. The door slammed angrily behind her.

Miroku shook his head at me. "You royally fucked up this time Inuyasha."

No, I hadn't. I couldn't have. But with each passing second, I started to believe it a little less.

Miroku left moments after Sango, one last blue-eyed glare my way before disappearing. At least he didn't quit on me. I can manage laundry but finances? No way.

It was after my ninth cup of coffee that realized I was literally shaking. I was wired, unable to sit or stand still for even a moment. I was the energizer bunny on crack, that's for sure. I usually only had a cup a day, maybe none at all if I didn't feel like it. I never had to get up at early hours or suffer through boring days at work, so the caffeine was never really necessary. But this? This was necessary.

"Come on Bang," I murmured, calling the Great Dane from where he was relaxing on the bed. "Let's go to the park."

Band didn't seem too excited – maybe he was mad at me too – but he came anyways. We drove to the park in silence, not even the radio on because the songs playing were either about falling in love, being in love or breaking up with your love. It was pathetic and sad and I couldn't take it any more. I got out of the car as soon as I parked, getting the two tennis balls from the trunk.

"Go get it," I said, throwing one tennis ball into the air. Bang ran instantly, catching it moments before it touched the grass. He flew back to me, dropping the green ball at my feet to be thrown again.

So I did. Over and over and over until my arm hurt and I was no longer shaking. As fate would have it, this reminded me of when I first actually had a conversation with Kagome, how I had hit her on the head with the tennis ball.

I remembered what I had thought of so long ago:

* * *

To Do:

#6: Throw a tennis ball randomly into the air and hope it hits her in the head.

* * *

Her. Kagome.

Without thought I tossed the second ball into the air.

It didn't hit anything but the ground.

* * *

Happiness is money, women, a dog named Bang and a bottle of Jack, a bottle of Vodka, a bottle of whiskey, a bottle of tequila. I stated that the day I met Kagome, technically before I knew her. So logically, it only made sense to keep doing what I was doing, because it had been over twenty-four hours now and I was miserable.

So I drank. Jack Daniels (like my _To Do _list requested) was there to help me solve my problems. He failed that bastard did. I was still fucking unhappy. I went to bars and consumed anything within reach. Nothing helped.

There was only one thing missing: women. It wasn't hard to get back in the saddle. At some club I managed to find a woman in less than an hour. I took her back to my place, dropping my arm from where it was around her shoulders to walk into the elevator. Her name was Nazuna and she was tiny, giggly and had boobs Miroku would've appreciated once upon a time.

I stepped into the elevator, waiting, watching. Nazuna followed me inside, smiling beautifully.

I pressed the button for the third floor.

When we arrived and the doors opened, I gently grabbed her by the arm and pushed her out. At first she was giggling, that is, until she realized I was staying where I was.

"_Oh, no thanks," Kagome said, grinning. "That's rule number four. Never go into the other man's apartment before a first date."_

Nazuna had failed.

"Sorry, something's happened," I sighed, uncaring to how unbelievable it was. "You'll have to excuse me."

And just like that the doors shut and Nazuna's confused expression was the last thing I saw.

That happened four other times. Each and every girl I brought home with me got in the damn elevator. They all failed.

And I guess that makes sense because if I ask them to come home with me, clearly they're going to follow me into the elevator. So technically, I'm setting them up for failure.

Whatever.

I drank heavily every single time I made it back to my apartment alone.

* * *

Regardless of the fact I was a miserable hungover idiot, I still remembered Totosai. I had weird dreams of the old guy yelling at me, at the way he studied me when we talked. It had been a week already and with my regular check-ups with the receptionist, he hadn't returned home. That meant he was still at the hospital.

Splashing water on my face and staring at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I cringed. Of course Totosai was still at the hospital – he had three months to live.

I really should go see him. I wonder how he was doing, if they were giving him the good stuff or not. This whole situation was mind blowing and for an old guy I've talked to only a handful of times…

Only a handful of times and I _still_ wanted to see him? Wait, what? That doesn't even make sense. I talk to Receptionist Chick more than him and if she was dying… Well I probably wouldn't go see her.

Does that make me a bastard?

_Yes asshole_, Sango yelled in my head. _Fucker_, she added for effect.

So why was Totosai so important to me suddenly? Why did I remember his name now and care about what happened to him?

It wasn't surprising when Kagome's face flashed in my mind, her tear-stained cheeks red as she looked through the window to Totosai's room. Kagome was the reason. I was still in love with her.

I wasn't going to fall out. If I hadn't yet – after a week of being an absolute mess – it wasn't going to happen at all.

I fucked up big time.

Grabbing my jacket and giving Bang a treat, I said goodbye and left the apartment. I drove to the hospital as fast as I could, disregarding limits and flipping off drivers. It wasn't until I actually stepped into the lobby when my mind supplied the thought that Kagome could be there. She could, it was more than possible, but she generally worked at this time. Maybe I was safe.

_Safe?_ I was pathetic and it was not a trait I cherished.

Slower now, I walked to the room I knew Totosai was in, peeking down the hall and hating the relief that flooded through me when Kagome wasn't there. I checked one last time through the window, making sure she wasn't in the room. When all I saw was Totosai next to a sleeping old man, I lightly knocked on the door.

Totosai's big bug-like eyes landed on me, a goofy smile on his face. He could've been on some good drugs but I honestly didn't know him well enough to be sure. "Hi," I managed to croak out, stepping into the hospital room and to his bedside. "How are you feeling?"

Totosai shrugged, pointing to a chair that was nearby. "What are you doing here young man? Shouldn't you be working?"

"I don't work, remember?" I asked, sitting down. I wasn't actually sure we'd ever talked about my lack of needing employment but it didn't matter.

The old man shrugged again. "Kagome was here earlier."

Ah. That figures. I tried not to sound too desperate. "How's she doing?"

"Wouldn't you know?"

Again. Totosai the Million Questions Man.

"We're not exactly talking." I hadn't called Kagome and she hadn't sought me out at all. Clearly she had talked to Sango though, considering my near death experience with a gun in my face.

"You're an idiot," Totosai stated bluntly.

I nodded. I couldn't really argue with him there. But the visit wasn't actually about me or Kagome, despite how much I desperately needed advice. Miroku was a traitorous tool and Sango quit. Her new voicemail was as follows:

_You've called Sango Houko. I'm not here at the moment but if you leave a message and a number, I'll call you back._

_Oh and Inuyasha? Don't bother. You can go hang yourself with razor wire._

_Have a good day._

So, definitely no help there.

"What's going on here?" I asked. "Will you stay here for the next while or…?"

Totosai laughed, sounding every bit as crazy as you'd think. It was more of a cackle than a laugh. "You think I'm just going to curl up in a ball and succumb to this shit?" I blinked, surprised at the strength in his voice and the fact that he said _shit_. It's not everyday that happens in my life. "No, I'm hoping to get treatment at another hospital – a hospital that has the resources to help me. There's no way I'm staying in this hellhole."

"That's good," I replied, smirking at him slightly. But then I clued in on what he said, the key working being 'hoping'. "What's holding you back?"

"What usually holds people back?" Totosai asked seriously. "Money. It'd have to move states and pay off my piling medical bills."

"I'll pay." The words were out immediately, before I could think it through. Regardless I'd do it. If it would help him, I'd do it.

Totosai laughed at me again. "You'd give me money? Look boy, I appreciate it but I won't take your guilt money. You're doing it because you think it'll help Kagome forgive you. Well, she won't and I won't take your money like that. Kagome's handling it anyways."

I let out a breath, ignoring the fact that he was _right_ about everything. From the way the old guy was looking at me, I could tell that he knew virtually everything. Maybe not all the details but Kagome definitely said something. "How?"

"How what?"

His questions were getting a little annoying. "How is she handling it? She can't afford it."

A small, secretive smile came on his lips. "I'm supposed to keep quiet." He rolled his eyes then. "Oh don't give me that look young man. You're lucky I actually like you, because otherwise I wouldn't tell you."

I frowned. Totosai liked me? How did that happen? Even after what he must know between Kagome and I…

"You still have a stupid look on your face," Totosai pointed out. "Kagome decided to start a fundraiser. She's doing it through the magazine and organizing it like a gala. It's to raise money for those with cancer, with part of the proceeds going to me." Totosai shrugged. "I told her it was too much but she's pretty stubborn. I think she's crazy."

I think everyone is crazy but I had to agree with him. Even with the magazine's help, she couldn't have that much money to spend. If she _really _wanted to fundraise – and I mean seriously fundraise – there was only one way to do it.

I looked at Totosai, realizing that he was smiling and nodding at me encouragingly. It was like he could read my mind…or he was absurdly high. I'm pretty sure it's the first option, which scares me that much more. "Do you think?"

The old man just shrugged again. "I think a lot of things."

Okay so definitely high.

"But," he continued before I could say anything, "you should go talk to Kagome."

Never mind. He's a mind reader.

"I, uh, I'll just…go then." I stood up from the chair, stumbling a little when it didn't move as far back as I wanted it to. "You're okay, right?"

Grinning like a fool, Totosai shrugged. "Why not?"

That made no sense, but I'll take it. "I'll be back." I more or less ran out of the room, out of the hospital and back into my car.

I pulled out my cell phone, hitting the speed dial and waiting for Miroku to pick up. Why I was calling him was beyond me but I needed…something. Some form of reassurance that I wasn't completely out of my mind and Totosai didn't have mind control as well.

"Inuyasha, right now is _really _not a good time," Miroku said as a way of answering, sounding extremely worried.

"Why, what could be so important?"

Miroku sighed. "Do you know what time it is? It's dinnertime Inuyasha and I am attempting to _date. _So please, let me try and not fail at this completely."

"She's already mad at you, isn't she?" It wasn't hard. This was Sango and Miroku we're talking about.

"How did you know?"

"You slapped her ass I bet."

"I groped her boob, actually."

I groaned. "What's she threatening you with?"

"The steak knife. I feigned having to go to the washroom so hopefully she'll have calmed down by now." Miroku sounded far too wistful.

Dear god. "Can you do me a favour?" I asked.

Miroku didn't sound pleased. "What? No, I'm in enough trouble because I didn't _quit_ you asshole, why the hell would I–"

"Find a steak knife," I interrupted, "and then you two should just… go at it." My _To Do _list said butter knives, but well, this was pretty damn close.

"Remember when my girlfriend quit? Well I can do the same," Miroku threatened. "Seriously, what the hell do you want?"

"I'm going to talk to Kagome."

"OH NO!" Miroku yelled. "OH NO I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THIS!"

… "Why not?" I was practically whining now. "I need advice. I'm shit at this. I love her Miroku and _fuck you_ for changing my mind in the first place but I don't know what to do. How did you get Sango to like you again?"

"No! No no no, Sango will actually _feed my dick to me_ if she knew I was apart of this evil scheme of yours," Miroku hissed. "I am not losing my sex privileges."

Oh lord. He really was fucking whipped. How horribly tragic. "Never mind, I don't want advice from you."

There was a short pause. "Really?"

"Really."

"…Why?"

I grinned although the bastard couldn't see. I almost wish he could. "Because I never want to be as desperate and pussy-controlled as you man. Enjoy dinner. Watch out for stabbings."

"Oh go ruin your life," Miroku muttered. "Wait a minute, you already did."

"Goodbye Miroku," I said in a singsong voice.

Miroku laughed. "Yeah, bye you moron."

It was unfortunate that the conversation was so long because I was already on her street by the time I ended the call. This way I couldn't talk myself out of it because I was _already here_. I slowed right in front of her driveway, staring at the door like a creeper. I knew this wasn't good – holy shit what the hell was I even going to say?

No way. I can't do this. I can't talk to her. I- I- I ran out on her when she was so fragile to begin with and _Sango even warned me _and oh god. I have to go home. I will swallow my pride and run home like a coward. I don't care. Nothing matters more than escaping this right now because I couldn't face her.

"HEY ASSWIPE!"

Yeah. Too late.

Sota was glaring at me. Literally, it was like two death lasers zooming in on my face. He was standing at the passenger side door, a murderous expression on his face.

Oh god. Kagome told them too? What exactly did they know?

"GET OUT HERE!" Sota yelled again, and oh boy, his face was steaming. I actually think he's going to explode with all that pressure. That can't be good for his heart.

"Wait, Sota, I need to talk to Kagome," I said, trying to be calm. "I'll leave right after."

"That's right you'll leave!" Sota replied. "In a body bag when I _kill_ you."

Wow. A lot of people want me dead. That's not remotely comforting. "Give me five minutes."

"How about I give you three seconds before I let Shippo come out with the baseball bat to your shiny car?"

Ah. Okay.

Holding my hands in the air – and boy, did this feel like every one of those bad cop shows on TV – I slowly stepped out of the vehicle, facing Kagome's brother. He didn't make a move towards me but his hands were twitching like they wanted to wrap around my throat and throttle me.

I really should've left. Totosai really must have controlled my mind. I never would've thought this up on my own. Maybe he actually hates me, not likes me, and is in on my murder.

"Sota!" It was painful and amazing all at once. The fact that Kagome's voice was angry and not the normal cheery sound threw me off-kilter, but I'd imagine at this point anything would. She was standing in the doorway, one hand on her hip and the other pointing back inside the house. "Get your ass in here!"

"I'm going to kill him sis! I swear to god!"

See? Still, this wasn't going well.

_Did you actually think it would?_

Good point.

"Get inside the house Sota, please?"

It was how her voice broke at the end, the way her face morphed into something that was dangerously close to crying. I took a step forward automatically, staring at her like she was the only thing that existed. Her brown eyes wouldn't even look at me. She was totally focused on her little brother – and that was okay, really – because I fucked up. I was just some unobservant rich bastard that didn't know what he had until it was gone. And not gone in the sense I waited too long; gone in the sense that I ran. I should've kept running at this point.

"You're gone in five minutes," Sota hissed at me, his dark eyes looking at his sister and not me. "I'll raise hell if you're not."

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. When he was back inside I started to walk up the path to the house, unable to take my eyes off Kagome even though she still wouldn't look at me. Her eyes were now on my car. "Hi," I murmured, feeling like I had to treat her like a spooked horse. Any sudden movements and she would bolt. "How are you?"

"Save it," Kagome replied. Her big brown eyes caught my gaze finally and what I saw there… It was absolutely blank, no expression flitting across. I didn't see sadness or anger or regret. I saw nothing that suggested we had been more than first-time acquaintances. Hell, they probably got a warmer reception than this. "What do you want Inuyasha?"

"I–" _I want to say sorry_. _I want to get you back. I need you back._ _I love you_. "I talked to Totosai."

She nodded, long black hair falling around her shoulders as she did. "That's good."

"He told me about the fundraiser." I was expecting some sort of reaction to that. The old man even said that he wasn't supposed to mention it. Maybe Kagome would finally do something that let me see how she was feeling, how badly I messed things up.

But her expression didn't change. "That figures. So what does any of this have to do with you being here?"

"I–" _I messed up. I made a mistake. I shouldn't have left like that. I still love you. _"I want to help."

"You can't." Kagome started to walk back into the house, body turning away to leave.

Instantly I shot my hand out, grabbing her gently by the elbow and stopping her. That did it. Her gaze went from blank to absolutely furious. The look alone should have me dropping dead, or at the very least into cardiac arrest. It had to be a miracle, or a sign.

I'd take the sign, thank you very much.

"Affairs Magazine is a good place to start but they can't give you everything you need," I blurted out in a rush. "This city has a lot of businesspeople in it with a lot of money. They're the ones that can donate big bucks. The more money you have to raise this thing up and promote it, the better your chances are. I only want to help." I dropped her arm, taking a step back for good measure. "I only want to help."

Kagome was silent for a few seconds, calculating stare taking in every part of me. I felt nauseous again, like I did when I first made it back to my apartment and realized fully what I had just done. "How much are we talking about here? A couple hundred?"

"A couple grand," I corrected. When she opened her mouth to speak I cut her off, waving a hand. "This won't even count towards my donation. Please, Kagome. I–" _I don't know what I'm doing. I'm not happy. I don't think I can be happy. I loved you and didn't see it because I'm a fucking moron._ "I have nothing," I whispered. My voice was so quiet, so small that it startled even me. But the feeling of nausea was overbearing now and it felt like my throat was tightening on impulse, trying to make every part of this conversation impossible. "I thought I was happy."

Kagome shook her head. "Don't Inuyasha–"

"I thought I was the happiest man on earth," I continued with any regard. "I had money and I had Bang. I had whatever I wanted when I wanted." I smiled but it was bitter. "And then I met you. You, with your witty comments and sarcasm and ability to hold your own. You fucking just came into my life and I _loved it_. I never wanted anything serious."

The raven-haired woman nodded tightly, only once. I could see her eyes glazing over, water gathering near the bottom.

"Then I fell in love with you," I went on. "I did the only thing I thought I _couldn't _do. I was so convinced that it wasn't possible, that I only wanted the very basic things out of our relationship, that I lied. It wasn't until that night when… It woke me up, made me realize that I really did love you, more than I've loved anything."

"You should go," Kagome snapped, crossing her arms over her chest, taking another step back but not making a move to head inside. She wanted to know, just like I wanted to get it out of my system and into the air.

"I ran because I was scared." I made sure I was staring straight into her eyes there, letting her see the truth behind my words. "I was terrified and I figured that it wasn't real. I was pretending because of what happened. I only _thought _I loved you. A week later and I'm pretty sure that was just another lie." I sighed, turning sideways to glance at my car. I should never have come here. "It doesn't matter what I do now, I get that. I'm an asshole but not completely hopeless. I wanted you to know though. I wanted you to know that what I thought I wanted at first wasn't what I actually needed. I always thought I was happy and it wasn't until after that I figured out how I really, really wasn't. I'm sorry."

"Sango told me." I looked back at her then, seeing two stray tears leaking from her eyes. She wiped them away quickly, biting her lower lip. "From the moment she figured out we were talking, she told me it was a bad idea. She said you did that – the whole get with women, fuck them then leave them." She shrugged. "I didn't believe it. I tend to ignore the rational parts of relationships because I don't think there's anything about lust or like or love that _is _rational."

"Why don't we–"

"No," Kagome cut in quickly, shaking her head violently. "No Sango was right. You're an unstoppable force and I'm the immoveable object, right? You get whatever you want, whenever you want and nothing gets in your way. Nothing can stop you from doing what you want Inuyasha and I'm not saying that's a bad thing. But it is when I'm the immoveable object. It's bad when I will never change, for no one or nothing. It's bad because in the end, we're not out for the same thing but just randomly stuck on the same path. I don't regret it."

I understood what she was saying, all of it. Even the last sentence, that was entirely out of context but completely relevant. She didn't regret having sex that night, she didn't regret being with me for the month and a bit we'd been together. "I never will."

Nodding, Kagome sighed. "You can give the cheque to Miroku, and he can give it to Sango or me. You'll receive an invitation by mail."

"I can go?"

"Yeah," Kagome whispered, sounding sadder than I'd ever heard her. "Yeah you can go."

And it was then that I caught it, the double meaning that I wished I didn't read so much into. But it was there, shining like a beacon in the desolate grey I'd created for myself.

I walked away then, from what would most likely be the best thing I'd ever had.

* * *

**_Comments to Acknowledge_**

_Call Me Phoenix: I do know the song actually, and it does match it fairly well. Thank you!_

_A Fan of Yours: Well thank you so much! I appreciate it greatly!_

_Chibi: Thank you! Sorry the chapter took awhile but I've been busy. Hope you enjoyed._

_Alikmionejean: You guess it! Sango! And your comments amuse me greatly. Thank you!_

_Random-Human-Reviewer: HAHA. I'll let Inuyasha know. Don't worry ;) P.S. PLEASE KEEP THEM BOTH. I hate Justin Bieber about as much as I hate love triangles. Which is a lot._

_(): I know! Well I hope you enjoyed anyways!_

_Fakir: Hahaha, it's okay! Many were thinking it, you just wrote it! Thank you :)_

_IrishIndy: Thanks so much hun! I appreciate it!_

* * *

_Please leave a comment :)_


	22. Forgetting Kagome Higurashi

_**Author's Note: **This is the second last chapter. Just FYI._

**_Disclaimer: _**_I do not own Inuyasha. I do not profit from this story._

* * *

Happiness

The Tale of an Unstoppable Force and an Immoveable Object

* * *

_Chapter Twenty-Two: Forgetting Kagome Higurashi_

* * *

The days ticked by slowly after that. I started to have a routine: get up, eat, take Bang to the park, try to figure out how to do laundry (it's a shitload harder than it looks, okay? I did not realize things could turn so _pink_) and then go to bed. Well, there was more eating involved in there, but that's redundant, isn't it?

So basically, life sucked. That's fine. I vaguely expected it to go downhill after I turned away from Kagome, leaving her at her house. That night I had called Miroku – after the date had, apparently, sucked but the angry sex was mind blowing, TMI I know – to get him to write a cheque. Six thousand dollars just to plan the damn thing. When Miroku asked me if I lost my head, I told him it was only a slight possibility.

I was miserable, not insane. There's a difference.

"There's no way she'll spend all that money," Miroku pointed out, sighing into the phone. "You have to let this go Inuyasha. I'm pretty sure Kagome wasn't with you for the money."

"Fuck you." It didn't sound nearly as angry as I wanted it to. "The rest of the money can be donated. I don't care."

"You don't care about…money? The fact that you're rich doesn't make you do that sadistic little smirk anymore?" Miroku was laughing, although I could hear how nervous he was.

"What's the money going to do for me, huh? Tell me because I really need to know. It doesn't fucking buy happiness, and right now, that's the only thing I apparently need because my head is being fucking _pounded_ by my stupid little heart about being _in love_ and being _head over heels _and all that shit." I stormed around the room, really on a roll now. Everything from the past week built up, every insignificant little emotion that was slowly bogging me down. I kicked at the rug, I knocked over a stand. This wasn't my fault so why was I being punished? It was never my intention to fall in love with Kagome. "So fuck it! Fuck my heart because it never does me any good. It let me down when I needed it the most. It made me love Kagome."

"Oh lord," Miroku whispered. "You're actually angry. Don't throw the vase, you'll never find all those shards with the carpet."

Looking at the vase in my hand, I counted to three before slowly putting it back down on the table. I looked through the windows of my apartment, squinting and seeing a dark figure on the balcony across from mine. "You're creeping me out with that damn telescope," I muttered, heading out towards my own balcony. The warm summer air was strong from up here; it drowned out the sounds of traffic and shouting below in the streets. Up this high, it was just sky and neighbouring massive towers. The moon peeked out from behind a building.

"I have to keep an eye on you somehow," Miroku replied easily. "It could be worse."

I rolled my eyes. "How could it be worse?"

"Sango could watch over you."

Touché.

"Just write the cheque and give it to her, okay?" I said. "Please?"

Miroku sighed. "It won't–"

"Dammit Miroku, just do it, will you?"

"Yeah," my friend said. "Yeah I will."

I vow to cross off killing him on my _To Do _list. Sango too, if she'll ever talk to me again.

* * *

You know what's really scary?

Having police jump on top of your car. Yeah. No, I'm not lying.

Oh lookie there, an armed gunman running down the street. Lovely. This shit doesn't happen every day folks, so of course it happens when I'm in a thirty foot radius. Thank you for that universe. As if my life wasn't shit enough already.

…That one police man is the fucking Hulk. He just…ouch. He totally Kung-Fu'd that bitch in the neck. Now there are one, two, three…four policemen attacking the perpetrator. Good. Well at least I know my tax dollars are hard at work, keeping the streets safe.

I'm going to detour around that little bitch fight, if you don't mind.

Parking underground was as uneventful as always. The only difference was that instead of taking the elevator all the way up to my apartment on the thirty-second floor, I stopped at the thirty-first.

It was time ladies and gentlemen. I had to man up, grab my balls and plough through like the hero I used to be. I can do this, I can do this, I can do this–

I knocked on the door. It opened ten seconds later.

"You better have a good reason for being here." Sango was beautiful, and really horribly angry, but at least I was used to it. Her milky brown eyes glared at me, posture tense as her left hand gripped the side of the door. "I quit remember?"

"I know," I mumbled, feeling the full weight of her gaze. "I, uh, I have something for you."

"If it's my severance, Miroku could've taken care of that."

Why does Miroku all of a sudden take care of everything? It seemed a whole hell of a lot to me like I was good for not much these days. "It's not your severance. Uh, it's actually…" Unable to explain, I held up the obnoxiously large gift basket and cringed. This was a _stupid _idea. How the hell do I come up with these things?

It was deadly quiet for a moment, as Sango must have taken in the basket littered with items that I'd specifically picked. I'd had them wrapped an hour ago in this basket because I figured that I needed to make my life return to normal. The best way to do that was to get Sango to at least look at me again, or talk to me. It wasn't to get at Kagome, or to make her think any differently. Sango was one of my best friends before Kagome was even in the picture for me.

So I had to make it up to her.

"Inuyasha…" Sango sounded more than a little wary. "Did you make this?"

"Of course I did," I defended, trying not to sound too snappy. I was nervous and Sango was giving me this look that I couldn't interpret. That was particularly dangerous coming from a woman who had a _gun in her purse at all times_.

"…You bought me a basket full of cleaning supplies?"

"Well I thought it would calm your little OCD mind," I replied, shoving the basket into her hands and walking into her apartment. I'd only been in it once and yep, it was just as clean now. The walls were practically sparking in the daylight. The place didn't even look lived in, save for the pristine photographs and the neatly stacked, alphabetized magazines on the table. "There's a large variety of product in there."

"I can see that. Wipes, bathroom and kitchen cleaner, tile scrubbers, different kinds of sponges, bleach… You went all out."

I turned back to face her then, shrugging a little helplessly. "I didn't know what else to do that wouldn't make you automatically want to kill me."

"I still want to kill you," Sango pointed out with a short look, turning to head into her own kitchen. There was no food on the counter, no used dish or tiny spattering of some sauce. It was perfect and just as clean as you'd expect coming from Sango. "But I promise I won't attempt to."

"That's good to know," I replied solemnly. From Sango, that was a miracle. "How are you?"

Sango shrugged, opening the see-through wrap and taking out the different cleaners. "I'm pretty good. It was nice to have a sort of sabbatical, you know? To be honest I'm a bit twitchy. My house has never been so clean."

I seriously doubt that but since I'm not ever in here, I can't be sure. "Most would say their house has never been so dirty."

"I clean when I'm bored," she explained. And didn't that just figure? "What about you? What has been happening in the life of Inuyasha?"

"Not much has been going on to be honest. I've seen Totosai a couple times to see how he's doing. He's getting fed up at the hospital."

Sango nodded. "Kagome mentioned that to me. She also said you donated a lot of money to help with the fundraiser."

We were getting back to territory that I knew wasn't safe, not when Sango was finally allowing me to be near her again. Anything regarding Kagome could get dangerous fast. I shrugged, looking down at the floor. "Totosai needed the money and I knew the magazine wouldn't give her enough to make it a huge hit."

"Uh huh," Sango murmured. I looked up at her then, seeing her pointed stare as she stopped what she was doing. "You keep telling yourself that."

"What else am I going to tell myself?" I asked. "Everything else sounds worse."

Nodding, Sango returned to her duty, throwing out the gift wrap and putting the cleaning products away. I tried not to gasp in horror when I saw she had _labelled baskets _for all of her cleaning supplies. That was…far too sad in my opinion. Although, with Sango I didn't get an opinion. Not yet, anyways. "That's true. Miroku told me, you know, about what you said."

Why does everyone tell everyone else about things I did or said? Why must I always be spread about like some celebratory joint? Couldn't my personal business just stay _personal_? "Which was what? I said a lot of things recently that I wouldn't normally say. It's hard to tell."

"That you're unhappy as hell," Sango clarified. She motioned for me to follow her into the living room and we did so, sitting on her large couch and facing each other. "You look like shit by the way."

"Thanks, I've been getting more sleep than usual," I murmured sarcastically, unable to help myself. Regardless of her deadly glance I rolled my eyes. "I fucked up. I get it. I don't need you waving a gun in my face or threatening my life to understand that clearly. I've talked to Kagome, although you probably know about that too. There weren't any stupid attempts or half-assed excuses–"

"I know that too," Sango cut me off. "That nearly killed her, you know. She really actually loved you, you fucker." But the words were more resigned than heated and I knew Sango was speaking her mind like she always did. At this point, I'd think of the vulgar word as a term of endearment.

And then it all processed in my head.

"WHAT?" No way. "She _did_?"

Blinking in confusion, Sango looked around the apartment. "Am I missing something here? You didn't know that?"

"_HOW THE HELL WOULD I KNOW THAT_?" I exclaimed, leaping to my feet off the couch. "It's not like she ever told me. I never told her. When I did what I did and left… It's not like she called me to ask why. I didn't do shit all either, so I'm not placing any blame but _fuck_, I didn't know that."

Sango sighed. "You're a moron, you know that right? An unobservant rich bastard that doesn't deserve half of what he's got." She grinned. "Including me."

"You know what, I agree with you," I said, hoping that my fake glee about her including herself in the _what I don't deserve pile_ when she waved a fucking _gun at my face_. But oh well. We must move on right?

Isn't that what my therapist had said?

OH YES! Right. _My therapist_. You all missed that mishap. I mistakenly got drunk…eh, five days ago and went to bars in search for a therapist. I actually found one. He said I really needed the help and went on to ask deep, personal questions that made me want to punch him in the stupid, smug face.

Instead I bought him a hooker and thanked him for his time.

Of course, I then realized he was married… So… I have concluded that therapy is a bad, bad idea.

At least I won't have to cut off my dick now.

"I agree with you," I continued, "so much so that I want the world to understand how much I agree with you. I think I should write a book."

Sango rolled her eyes. "No you shouldn't. The world shouldn't be subjected to your horror of a mind."

"You're mistaking me with Miroku again," I corrected, shaking my head. "It wouldn't be an autobiography though. It would be a novel about a bad ass, awesome rich guy who had two lunatics for friends. They could go on clubbing adventures and to bars with bad karaoke and…"

"Please stop talking. I will never do that for you."

AH HA! "So what will you do for me?"

Sango narrowed her eyes. "You're trying to hire me again, aren't you, you smug little bastard?"

Fuck. "Not _trying_, that would suggest failure." I smirked.

"No."

She was going to make this difficult, I could tell. "Sango, do you see yourself? You need to go to therapy–"

"That's _rich_ coming from you–"

"I saw a therapist actually–"

"When?"

"Less than a week ago."

"And what did you learn?"

"That buying a hooker is cheaper than paying the by-the-hour bill for a married therapist."

Sango frowned. "That's depressing."

"Exactly why that ended then and there," I agreed sadly. "But moving on. You're bored Sango and while being my personal assistant isn't exactly fun, you basically get to do whatever you want and get paid a wicked salary."

Sango shook her head. "I won't work for you again Inuyasha. It's not happening."

I sighed. She was really going to make me pull out the big guns, huh? "If you come back and work for me, I'll tell you where Miroku's stash of porn is, along with all his toys. I will then help you by distracting him for the day while you burn them."

There was a moment of pause. "You know where it is?"

I rolled my eyes. "Unfortunately. You'll definitely want to bathe in sanitizer afterwards."

"That's disgusting."

"But worth it," I pointed out.

Scrunching up her nose in thought, Sango finally stuck out her hand and smiled at me. "You've got yourself a deal."

Fuck yeah.

* * *

It was the following Sunday, exactly ten days from when I last talked to Kagome, which was why I shouldn't have been surprised when Sesshomaru burst through my door like he owned the place. It left me in a bad situation, as per usual and I hated his visits when I _knew _they were coming.

This was practically a violation.

"Since you missed, oh, the last month or so of dinner, Rin has declared that you attend tonight or– What are you doing?"

See? Bad situation. Case and point right here, as I'm on my hands and knees with a toothbrush in my hand…scrubbing at the tile in my kitchen. "I'm cleaning." Yes, that's right, _cleaning_. Why, you may ask? Well since Sango made me promise she didn't have to start until Monday and I'm extremely bored and trying hard not to open up a new bottle of alcohol to drown my sorrow in, I realized I had to do something that would be time consuming, if nothing else.

Cleaning the kitchen floor with a toothbrush? It's fucking time consuming all right.

"You're certifiable," Sesshomaru stated bluntly. "But that doesn't – unfortunately – change my demand. You're coming to dinner tonight. I expect you there in two hours."

I stared pointedly at the kitchen floor, which I was only barely half finished. "If you can't already tell, I'm kind of busy."

Sesshomaru gave me that same blank stare he always did. "Right. You'll be at my house by six tonight. Bring wine." With that, he turned around and left.

"Wait!" I yelled, throwing the toothbrush into the sink and rushing out. "You bastard get back here!"

I had to chase him back down to the elevator but there he stood, with his stupid long black hair and piercing stare. He looked less than amused, but I can't actually remember a time when he seemed any other way. Oh wait… Didn't he _kind of _smile when he was pronounced the husband to Rin?

…Eh. If you could call it that. It was more of a gasp than anything, a _fuck my life is over _type gasp. So no, no smile.

"Whatever you want to say Inuyasha, make it quick," Sesshomaru stated bluntly. "I don't have time to deal with your petty insecurities."

"My petty… _What_?"

"Rin called Kagome for dinner and she explained, very nicely, that she was too busy. Apparently, in girl code, that means you're no longer together, or so Rin tells me." Sesshomaru turned his attention back to the elevator. "I have no care for the matter."

"You called _Kagome_?" Now I had to go over. What did she tell Rin exactly? Was there actually some sort of pathetic code like that? Oh god. What else had she said?

_This is Kagome you're thinking about_, I told myself then, rolling my eyes. _It makes sense that she'd talk to Sango, maybe even Totosai, but she wouldn't say anything to a woman she barely knows. Rin must have read too much into it…and was ultimately right anyways._

"I didn't call her Inuyasha. Pay attention. Rin called her over for dinner. Now, you're to be there at six and no later. I'll see you then."

"Hey, I'm trying to talk to you here!" I yelled, growling in frustration when the elevator arrived.

Sesshomaru raised a brow at me. "You've got ten seconds."

"How the _hell_ did Rin ever fall in love with _you_?" It was a good question because if I could figure that mystery out, surely I could figure out a way to fix things with Kagome.

Sesshomaru blinked, once, twice and then stepped into the elevator. "You really don't want to know."

…He's probably right. It didn't matter anyways though because the doors closed and Sesshomaru disappeared from sight.

In the end, I really _did _want to know and Rin told me over a couple glasses of the wine I brought. Holy fucking shit that was _entertainment at its finest._

"You're fucking kidding me!" I exclaimed, looking at Rin's face with a mixture of horror and laughter. "He didn't!"

"Oh he did!" Rin cheered.

Sesshomaru cleared his throat. "Rin, I don't think–"

"Shh, Fluffy, I'm talking," Rin interrupted, giggling. "I won a _bet_. He had to take my clothes off faster than I could take off his. He got stuck on the bra." Rin sighed dramatically. "He couldn't figure the damn thing out when he realized it clasped at the front."

I never laughed so hard in my entire life. "Sesshomaru, _oh my god_, that's shameful!"

"This is pathetic," Sesshomaru muttered, rather darkly if I could match it to some form of emotion. With him it was really hard to tell.

Taking out my phone, I snapped a picture of his unhappy-looking face and posted it to Facebook. On it, I tagged him and then wrote "Sesshomaru Taisho: Loser Who Can't Undo a Damn Bra" for the caption.

It wasn't exactly destroying his career, catching it on film and then finishing him off, but goddamn, it sure as hell would do.

"More wine?" I asked Rin, topping off her glass and smirking at Sesshomaru. "How about you big boy?"

Sesshomaru glared at me. "Give me the entire bottle."

He finished it in mere gulps, put it back down on the table with some force and stormed out of the room.

I cringed, looking at Rin. "I think he's mad, eh?"

The woman giggled hysterically. "Oh don't worry sweetie, he just needs a good couple whip lashings and he'll be all peachy again. You know, not many people would think of– Oh!" Rin looked at me with big wide eyes that probably matched my own.

BECAUSE HOLY SHIT. HOLY SHIT.

"You're into…_that?_" I squeaked.

I was drunk, okay? A squeak can happen and is allowed when you find out your brother loves the _whip_. I was joking before about Rin's whipping tactics. Oh god. Oh god. I can't ever unlearn this. OH GOD MY BRAIN HURTS.

"I wasn't supposed to say that," Rin admitted.

Uh, no, I guess not. "I'm just going to…"

Rin nodded enthusiastically, looking at her glass of wine like it was poison. "I'm going to find Sesshomaru. You shouldn't drive, yeah? You'll call a cab?"

I nodded. "I'll do that."

"Good." Rin smiled at me then, uneasily and a little worried. "I'll see you next Sunday?"

"Next Sunday," I lied.

Because there was no way that I could ever face my half-brother again.

That was just TMI to a whole other level.

* * *

In the end, Sango and Miroku picked me up. I had to beg them more than a little but it was worth it. I refused to have to come back in the morning and pick up my car. There was too great of a risk of Sesshomaru showing up and _oh god_. I'd probably start picturing things and…oh god.

My poor, poor brain. It will never be the same again. I've lost an innocence I didn't even know I could lose.

Miroku and Sango started making out halfway up in the elevator while going to her room. I ignored them mostly because a) the wine was still in my system and b) I was still scarred for life. It would take a bit more than making out to get me out of this mess.

"Have a goodnight Inuyasha," Miroku called, winking at me. "I'm just going to have some dessert now and–"

"Miroku, come on!" Sango insisted, throwing me a smile before disappearing down the hall.

Great. Just great. It was eight o'clock at night and I had no one to talk to and nowhere to go. I wasn't sober enough to drive anywhere and walking probably wouldn't be a good idea with the mental state I was currently in. Miroku and Sango were already having sex, so no thank you. A Devil's Three-Way just wasn't my thing.

When the elevator doors opened, I was about to step out when…

_Kagome_.

I blinked, a few times actually, and took a step forward. "Kagome?"

The raven-haired woman before me looked startled, taken aback even. She stepped away and tilted her head, looking a little lost and a little confused, as if I was standing at her door.

…I wasn't right? I looked around the hall and nodded. Nope, this was definitely my place. That was my door, right over there. So.

Reasonable deduction allows me to conclude…

I've got nothing.

"Hi Inuyasha," Kagome said quietly, looking at my door for a moment before turning her attention back to me. "I wasn't sure if you'd be here."

I lived here, didn't I? The most I ever went out before was with her. What sort of life did she think I had? "I, uh, with out with Sesshomaru and Rin for dinner."

"Oh yeah, that's right." Kagome nodded but didn't look at me. "That ended…pretty short huh?"

I nodded. "You really, really, _really _don't want to know why."

The smallest smile appeared on her lips, eyes still downcast. "Then I probably don't."

"What's going on? Is something wrong with Totosai?" I asked, suddenly trying to piece together what she was doing at my apartment. She'd never been here before, although she knew where I lived. When we were together we always went to her place or out. My apartment just never really seemed to come up. So why was she suddenly here now? It had to be Totosai. That was the only thing I could think of.

"No, no, he's okay still," Kagome replied quickly, shaking her head. "No, I actually came to give this to you."

Frowning, I noticed only then that she was holding a yellow envelope with my name scribbled in graceful cursive handwriting. Gently I took it from her, opening the back and pulling out the invitation for the fundraiser.

"I thought I should deliver it to you personally," Kagome added quietly, shrugging. "I mean, with the money you donated to help this entire thing run… I think it's going to be a really great success and it wouldn't have happened had you not donated all the money. I wanted to thank you."

Oh, so that was it. "It was really nothing," I whispered. I feared that if I talked any louder that it would ruin the moment. Kagome's big brown eyes were looking at me, just as I was looking into hers. I tried for a smile, felt it appear on my face and then watched as one spread across hers. "Anything I can do to help him, you know? He asked me a lot of important questions about my life." A lot of important questions I really should have paid attention to sooner. Maybe if I had, I wouldn't be in this mess. Maybe Kagome would be inside and I would be with her, doing normal couple things. I'm not sure what those couple things are mind you, I've never really dated, but surely she would know or we could figure it out together.

_Together_. I fucking missed that word.

I was a sap and it wasn't the damn wine.

"Did you want to come in for a bit?" I asked carefully, watching her expression. "Bang would really like to see you again."

Right. Blame it on the Great Dane. Smooth Inuyasha, real smooth.

Shrugging, Kagome nodded and followed me back to my apartment. I almost couldn't unlock the door, my hands were practically shaking. Finally when I managed to get inside, I flicked on the lights and called out for the dog. "Someone's here to see you!"

See the dog, not me. I'm pretty sure Kagome wouldn't be in here simply for me.

Bang came galloping down the hall, probably from my room. Kagome laughed the moment she saw him, scratching behind his ears. I listened, memorizing the sound even as I made my way into the living room.

"You have a gorgeous place," Kagome murmured. "Miroku's right across from you, isn't he?"

I nodded. "Unfortunately. It's getting dark now so it might be hard to see but he actually has a telescope on his balcony to spy on me. He loves it."

"No way." Kagome rolled her eyes. "That sounds just like him. Hey, do you know if Sango's here? I should probably go visit her."

She was going to leave already? _Of course you dumbass_, my mind supplied. _She's not here for you, she already delivered the invitation._ "Sango's, um, busy."

Kagome raised an eyebrow. "With what?"

"Miroku."

Dawning flared in Kagome's eyes and I almost felt bad if the Sesshomaru and Rin image hadn't invaded my brain. "I guess I won't be visiting her then," Kagome murmured.

"It's probably better for your safety," I replied. Looking at the invitation, I checked the date. "Two weeks away? That's a really short time from now."

"It's been almost three weeks. I'm not sure what kind of timing that leaves Totosai with but…he's pretty determined. He's found a place that will take care of him and everything." Kagome shrugged. "I'm not sure how he managed to do that but he's stubborn if nothing else."

I smirked. "Funny, he said the same thing about you."

"That doesn't surprise me," Kagome replied. Smiling, a little bigger and more genuine, she gave the place another look over. "It really is nice up here. You have a great thing going."

I nodded. Too bad it didn't mean anything in the long run. "I'm lucky I guess."

"I should get going." Kagome pointed towards the door, taking a few steps back. She pet Bang some more. "I'll see you at the fundraiser then? It's black tie, of course."

"Of course, sure," I replied, not really paying any sort of attention to what I was saying. "I'll definitely be there." I followed behind her, a few paces away as she turned the doorknob and was about to head out. There she was, leaving. It was kind of harsh as I thought about the way I left her. She didn't know, had no clue until she woke up the next morning and I was nowhere in sight. This… I had to watch this, see her back turn on me as she disappeared.

When Kagome was about a second out the door, I called out, unable to help myself. "Stop, Kagome, wait." I felt like I was doing that too much today. Everyone just seemed to be way ahead of me in the game and I was struggling to keep up. "Kagome don't go."

She was stopped in the hall, back facing me as she tensed. I watched as her shoulders slumped, listened as the harsh exhale of breath left her lips. "Please don't Inuyasha, it's not fair."

"I was wrong," I blurted out, leaving my own apartment, coming right behind her with only an inch between us of space. "I was scared and a coward and there's not _one day _that I haven't wished I never did something so stupid in my entire life. I'm not happy Kagome and I was happy with you."

"You said this before." There weren't any tremors in her voice, merely a sadness that seemed to overpower the hallway. "And I told you remember? This… This isn't just some fantasy story where there's some big bad witch to blame. We're the real deal: the tale of an unstoppable force and an immoveable object."

I closed my eyes. "I love you."

"Yeah," Kagome whispered, but it sounded strangled, forced out. "Yeah I love you too, you fucking asshole."

She was running past the elevator, towards the flight of stairs before I could even catch my bearings beyond _Yeah I love you too_. Before the door to the stairs swung shut, I heard a horrible, gut-wrenching sob come from her.

This… This is what I didn't pay attention to. I failed at it and failed her. I should've figured it out sooner, should've realized what Kagome was trying to tell me all along.

I went back into my apartment, brushed my teeth and then shared Bang's big dog bed with him. He wasn't too pleased with my sudden appearance but it couldn't be helped. My king-sized bed was just too big and lonely for me to take right now.

* * *

Two weeks went by like dripping molasses, slow and uneven. I spent most of my time cleaning, walking Bang and watching all the horrible crime specials on television. The city was turning into a nightmare – apparently the recession was far worse than anyone really imagined – and with the lack of regulation on a few key resources, people could no longer afford getting to work, never mind _not working_.

Sango had dragged me out of the apartment when she realized what a mess I was. She forced me into some men's suit store, getting me properly fitted even though I had a million other suits to wear in my closet. She thought the fresh air would do me good though and I was too tired to argue with her about it.

She'd probably win anyways, knowing her.

Miroku took me out to bars. I did my best to laugh and smile, clapping him on the back and paying for as many rounds of beer as he did. Overall it was a great night. We talked about random shit that was happening, watched whatever game was on television and talked smack to a bunch of assholes sitting at the table across from us.

When it was time for the fundraiser, I barely registered where I was going until the cab pulled up at the celebration hall. Things had blurred together quite a bit and when Sango was smiling at me and dragging me outside, I wondered how the hell this was my life.

The gala fundraiser was on August 7th and it had been exactly thirteen days since Kagome left the apartment, exactly one month since I snuck out of her house.

We had decided to take a cab because drinking was usually a part of these evenings, and I planned on drinking to survive if I was going to be around her and unable to touch. It didn't matter that I had gotten Sango to invite the most influential people I knew. I hadn't talked to Kagome but Sango claimed that the event was shaping up to be extremely successful.

The celebration hall was in the heart of the city, a spectacular building that probably cost a lot of money. I smirked to myself, feeling better that Kagome put my money to good use. The moment we entered, subtle but elegant decorations lined the entranceway. It wasn't hard to interpret Sango's coo, even as she ran past me to hug Kagome. She was standing at the front, in the doorway between the entrance and the main dining room.

I froze to where I was because while I knew Kagome would be here, maybe making speeches and saying hi to everyone… I didn't expect this. She was breathtakingly beau– Stop that thought, you _idiot_. First of all, I am not a mushy sap, I am not, no. Second of all, just because we were no longer together and I was unhappy didn't mean I could _momentarily_ think those thoughts. Third… Well, being mushy won't get me anywhere so just…stop.

It didn't mean I could stop staring at her though. She wore a satin dress, elegant without being overly fancy. Her hair was twisted to the side, eyes lined with black. Around her was not only Sango but three others: a redhead, a tall man with black hair in a ponytail and… _Hey_, isn't that the guy I accidentally hit with a tennis ball just over a month ago?

And that other guy… Kouga? Oh god why.

"Way to be obvious," Miroku muttered from beside me. When I turned to face him he was adjusting his blue tie, eyes narrowed in on Sango and Kagome. "You know, I never really put too much thought into it before but weren't they roommates?" The grin on his face was unmistakeable.

Rolling my eyes – because he thought _I _was the obvious one – I stepped towards the circle of people. Kagome gave a small smile when she saw me, letting go of Sango to hug me. Surprised at first, it took me a moment to get with the program. When I did finally reconnect my head and brain, it was almost impossible for me to let her go. My hands slid around her back, probably too low for _just friends _but I could hardly care.

Oh god. I was a ball of utter mush.

How embarrassing.

It was too short, all over before I could even entertain the idea of memorizing this. Still, even as Kagome stepped away her hand dragged down my arm. I stared at it, at the trail of her hand that I was positive should be glowing. Her hand was just above my wrist but her head was turned to the others.

"You all remember Inuyasha, don't you?"

Hojo – _that's right _– stepped forward with a grin, shaking the hand that wasn't being touched by Kagome's. I resolutely refused to move that one. "It's nice to, uh, see you again," he said with a short laugh.

"Likewise," I murmured. I looked at Kouga and that red-haired chick who stared at me expectantly. I hope it wasn't to remember her name. Remembering Hojo's was a minor miracle. I had no hope for her, especially when her choice in company was _Kouga._ Seriously, Kouga? Does your life suck that much?

"Ayame," the woman finally said, stepping up and shaking my hand. "I'm Kouga's agent. We met at his shoot."

Ah. Yes that's right.

I looked at Kouga with a narrowed gaze. He was a douche bag, my arch nemesis or something to that effect. Amen.

"I'm Sango," my assistant cut in when I was clearly making no attempt to say anything more. "This is Miroku."

Miroku wrapped an arm around Sango and grinned. He shook Kouga's hand before looking at Kagome. "It looks amazing. I can't wait for the rest of the night, especially if you're standing that close to Inuyasha."

I was going to murder him. Just like that, the hand that was loosely around my wrist disappeared. I glared at Miroku, wishing my laser vision would work one of these days. That had been progress dammit!

Miroku smiled innocently back at me. Sure, it appeared that he was wearing a halo, but I swear there was a tiny red tail sticking out above his ass.

Still. Kagome was smiling even as she stepped away.

"Where's Totosai?" I asked, realizing that something important was missing. I figured if we were here for so long he'd appear eventually. Surely he'd have something to ramble on about, sick or no.

Kagome rolled her eyes at me, smile still somehow in place. Was she…warming up a bit? The last time we talked hadn't gone over so well. Then again, Kagome had never done what I expected her to do. "Did you even read the invitation?"

Was that a trick question? Clearly I had or I wouldn't be here, right? "Yes?"

"He's coming later," Hojo replied, frowning as his blue eyes searched between us, "when it's in full swing so we can give him a proper welcoming."

I tilted my head, answering Hojo while staring at Kagome. "I must have missed that part." Kagome's eyes, dark and smouldering were unwavering. I could've sworn she was trying to tell me something but I couldn't figure it out, not like this. The hall and people around me slowly disappeared, their conversations a faded murmur in the background. It was terrifying how much this woman affected me. The fact that I felt…I felt…

_Holy shit, I felt…_

Like no matter what, I wouldn't be happy without her.

And that's the problem, the kick in the ass: I had never, _ever_, needed someone like that. Kagome was never supposed to be that person for me. The fact that she crawled under my defences and snuck inside the wall without me realizing…it's frightening.

"Okay," Miroku cheered loudly, slapping me far too hard on the back. "If you two will stop with the sex-eyes, we can head in."

Suddenly, the world came back in harsh colours and sounds. I blinked, processing now that the warm blanket had been yanked from around me.

"You can sit wherever you want," Kagome said to the group of us. "If you'll excuse me."

The moment she left, I swung around and punched Miroku in the stomach. "Asshole," I muttered. Because the second our moment was broken, she carefully ignored me for the rest of the night. Other guests were always around her, chatting it up or hugging her. At one point I recognized the three crazy women who interviewed me for the magazine cover.

When Totosai was announced in, everyone turned to face the doors. Clapping ensued along with a few cheers and whistles. Totosai was using a walker, but the moment he passed the threshold he stopped, big eyes searching the room in wonder.

"Who the hell are all of you?" he yelled.

A lot of people laughed. I guess they found his utter confusion cute or endearing. I merely rolled my eyes and took a sip of my drink. "I don't think anyone realizes how serious he is."

"I don't think you realize how grumpy you look," Miroku shot back.

"Not grumpy," Sango corrected. "Constipated, like there's a stick up his ass."

Pleasant Sango. Thank you. What would I do without you?

"Hello everyone!" Kagome's soft voice filtered through the speakers surrounding the room. Attention was shifted from Totosai, who was entering the room to Kagome on the other side. She was standing at a small podium, smiling at everyone. "First of all I'd like to welcome all of you. Tonight, we are here to raise money for a very important cause and a very important person.

"Lung cancer…" Kagome took a breath, shaking her head slowly. "Lung cancer in 2007 killed 158, 683 people here. That's…that's a pretty big number. To top it off, 203,536 people were diagnosed with this horrible sickness*. No one – _absolutely no one _– should have to deal with this."

Another pause, a long breath. "When I first moved here to this big city…I was pretty lost. I come from a family who takes in foster children, who raises them and hopes to help them through whatever they may face. I loved my parents for that, and I still love them, but I always wanted to take care of myself, to explore or travel on my own. Of course, it wasn't until after I fled the nest I realized just how scary it could be. That's when I met Totosai Yanami. He was sitting on a park bench – stereotypically feeding the birds with his old man hat on and crumbs in his hand. I'm a photographer, so I asked if I could take some pictures. We got to talking and soon I saw him nearly everyday."

"Oh god," Totosai muttered as he approached Kagome. His sarcastic tone could still be heard through the microphone. "I'm not dead."

"Shh," Kagome hissed, pointing at him to sit in a chair beside her. Small bursts of chuckles filled the room but as soon as the old man sat down she continued. "It wasn't until a month later that I learned about his condition. At first I was shocked, because Totosai seemed livelier than my teenage brother."

I turned my eyes to follow Kagome's gaze, realizing that both Sota and Shippo were there. Huh. I'm surprised they haven't stabbed me yet.

"But he had lung cancer – _has _lung cancer – and like so many, he has to move out of state to find the care he needs. Everything that you donate tonight ladies and gentlemen will go towards the list of cancer foundations provided in the pamphlets out front. A percentage of these funds will go to Totosai. If you have any more questions, you can ask Yuka, Eri or Ayumi who are standing at the donations table. So now, without anything more, I'm going to hand this over to Totosai to say a few words."

Totosai scrunched up his nose a bit but took the microphone from Kagome. He grinned slowly, standing up from his chair to rest at the podium. "Good evening folks," he called, giving a mock salute. "I'm Totosai, that is my name and yes, I've got lung cancer." He shrugged, looking around. "I was diagnosed quite a few years ago. I went through whatever process was necessary to get rid of it and after a long battle it went into recession for quite awhile. And yes, it's come back but my goodness I'm _still here_." He waved his arms a little, flailing to get his point across. "I'm still fighting if none of you noticed."

Totosai laughed then, a quiet sort of chuckle. "You know, when I was a young man, I thought I ruled the world." He grinned. "I had a lot of hard earned money, never really had trouble with the ladies. If I'm allowed to say, I was quite the chick magnet. A lot of my later years were filled with events and parties and money spending. Way too much money spending. I never really stopped, never thought I would _have _to stop or slow down and catch my breath. That was probably why when I met one Inuyasha Taisho, I wanted to slap him upside the head."

…I'm sorry, are we talking about the same thing? When the hell did we get from point A to point B? Sango and Miroku looked at me curiously but my attention was focused on the old man who looked rather smug.

"Inuyasha, Inuyasha, Inuyasha," Totosai sighed, shaking his head. "You remind me so much of me, it's freaky as hell."

I blanched, feeling quite a few eyes on me. This was _not _looking good. Quickly I sought out Kagome, noticing the look of confusion on her face too. Well shit, if she didn't know about this then it definitely wasn't planned.

"I mean look at you!" Totosai continued. Dear god, he was grinning like a loon. "You're rich, you're attractive – although personally not _my_ type – and from what I hear, you get a lot of ladies, right?" I blinked. Totosai must have taken that as a yes because he rambled on. "I remember a conversation that we had about happiness. I remember that your answer was less than satisfactory. It was – to be honest – exactly what I would've said when I was your age. But now? _Now do you see_?"

The room was deadly silent and most people were probably wondering if his mind was already long gone. But I understood what he was saying, even if I couldn't get myself to nod in agreement. This was far beyond the speech he was making it seem to be. This was everything, every little hidden meaning behind the words of grandeur and flourish.

"I want to thank Affairs Magazine for helping to start this up. The money should really go to the many cancer societies we have listed, not me. I'll make sure it does." Totosai nodded to the crowd, as if mentally shaking their hands in promise. "I also want to call up Inuyasha Taisho because without the thousands of dollars he gave, this fundraiser wouldn't be as amazing as Kagome has been able to make it. Please everyone, help me welcome him."

Oh god no. No, please no. Just _no_.

Oh no, oh no, Sango was pushing me up. I looked for Kagome, who had a strange expression on her face. Okay, so this was totally _not _part of the plan.

"I am not–"

"Go!" Sango hissed. "Do not make Kagome get any madder at you."

"She doesn't even know!" I muttered. "I don't know what the hell to say!"

"Make something up!" With that, Sango pushed me towards the podium. I finished the short few steps there, eyeing Totosai suspiciously. The old man grinned wickedly, handing me the microphone. Leaning close to me but away from the amplifier, he whispered in my ear. Which, you know, wasn't _remotely _weird/creepy. At all. "You've got one life," he said. "So what do you need to make you happy in it?"

_Kagome_.

I narrowed my eyes at him while he pulled back. "You planned this from the beginning."

Shrugging nonchalantly, Totosai went back to his seat. "Like I said, you reminded me of me."

Great. This is just awesome. Staring at the microphone I slowly brought it to my lips. Everyone was looking at me, mostly confused or a little bored. I shrugged, waving to the crowd. "Uh, hi everyone. Why don't we, uh, all sit down?" No one had since Totosai walked in. As the sound of moving chairs and shifting tables filled the room, I looked at Kagome once more, making sure everything was okay. When she just looked confused and not angry, I took a deep breath.

Totosai cleared his throat and made a 'hurry up' motion with his hands. I was about to flip him the bird in response, but the audience may not agree.

"I never knew about Totosai's condition until recently, when he was admitted back into the hospital. To be honest, while Totosai's first inclination towards me was to hit me, mine was to get away at all costs. I mean, I didn't even know him and there he was acting all intrusive and up in my business. He literally started ranting to me about his lack of hair. Why? Why would a random stranger just appear in front of you, say _Hey, you're Inuyasha Taisho, the man that tried to jump off his balcony _– which I wasn't doing, thank you very much – without the excuse of being absolutely _certifiable_? You'd be worried too." There was collective laughter among the crowd and I could even see Sota fighting not to tilt his lips. Man, if I could soften _him_ up, maybe Totosai was smarter than I gave him credit for. Grabbing the microphone more firmly, I moved away from the podium and closer to the tables. "That worry only grew the more I saw him. After conversations of feeling the wind my hair, I wondered why this old man was paying any attention to me." Saluting Totosai with a smirk, I went on. "Now I know why but I'm just as surprised as the lot of you. What… What I really want to say is how Totosai made me _unwillingly _look at my life. He told me, point blank, that I wasn't happy. He disagreed with virtually everything I threw back at him and in the end, he was right. Of course the old guy was right." I scoffed, shaking my head. "It was my fault for not believing him and for not letting myself have the one thing that could make me happy."

Every fibre of my being wanted to look at Kagome, to see what she was feeling and if maybe she understood. The crowd around me watched attentively, although I could tell from the looks on their faces that they had no clue what I was rambling on about. It was desperately time to wrap this already too-long speech up. "Anyways, the moral I guess of this impromptu speech is that the world can't lose men like Totosai, who still makes an impact on everyone he talks to. Even if he does come off as a lot strange at first, recognize it for the good it actually is. Don't make my mistake and listen too late."

"You sound drearier than I do!" Totosai yelled suddenly, and when put on the spot and caught off guard, I tended to do stupid things.

Like, you know, flip him off.

Miroku found that hilarious, if bursting out laughing was any indication. Eventually everyone else thought it was funny too. I quickly put the microphone on the podium and walked – no I didn't not _run_ like a squeamish little girl, no matter what Sango tells you – back to my table.

"You just ran like a squeamish little girl," Sango stated proudly.

I stuck my tongue out at her when she looked away. Stupid, cooties-infested woman.

Someone else, a short balding guy spoke next. He was a guy from a place that dealt with things… I don't know. That wasn't what was important right now. No. Right now was the time _to fucking freak out_.

Was I _high_? What in the good graces of _bloody hell_ made me do that? I just stood up there and rambled about happiness and how I messed up. Oh god. Motherloving _fucker_.

What the _fuck_ did I just do?

Damn Totosai. Damn him and his shit-eating grin and freaky-assed bug-eyes. This was all his fault.

It didn't hit me until later, when I consumed at least six drinks in an hour that Kagome was always around me. Even during dinner, when food was served and people mostly stayed to their seats. _Not close against me, _but_ close by_. There was no direct contact, no talking in the same circle throughout the shmoozing and the dancing. But it was never hard for me to find her and the room was _huge_. Surely I'd have lost her at some point in here.

Sota and Shippo were still giving me the stink-eye though. So there was that to consider before I said anything to her.

I stood by the door, right near the exit. There were maybe two others with me, talking about their fancy businesses and how the recession (right, _that _recession) was hurting their big bucks and bonuses. Everyone else was in the main room, blissfully unaware with the music blasting and conversation at abnormally high volumes. The alcohol fuzzed my brain nicely, leaving me to feel relaxed for the first time in weeks. It was nice – the warmth and lack of any bad thinking. I even smiled at Kagome when I caught her looking at me.

Now that I think about it, the alcohol was probably the reason I thought the men rushing in wearing all black were some form of entertainment. You know, actors of something. Actors with masks were common, no?

No?

Oh. Shit.

The two men beside me hollered loudly, making me flinch. The gun that was suddenly _right there _strangely made me freeze. Or unstrangely. What do you do when there's a gun in your general vicinity? Play dead?

I thought back to playing dead with Bang. Yeah, you know that's probably not a bad idea.

Just about to fall on the ground, I froze once more when Kagome stepped into the entranceway, a frown on her face that mingled with confusion. It only got worse, her expression becoming angry as she pieced together parts I didn't quite see. Suddenly she started screaming, storming towards the bad men despite the goddamn gun. Their hands were on a locked box – the donations box. Huh. What were they going to do with that?

Oh.

The moment my alcohol-hazed brain caught up, everything started to run in fast forward. Kagome was screaming, one of the men beside me calling the police while the other went to help. He backed off as soon as the gunman pointed the gleaming steel at his head, a cold reminder of what was really happening.

In a split second I caught Kagome's gaze, saw the expression on her face and _knew _she was about to do something stupid – like chase-a-purse-snatcher stupid with the added bonus of possible death by bullet.

I yelled something – probably profanity knowing me – as Kagome surged forwards. I ran to her, even as the robber with the gun snarled, surprised by Kagome's attack and lifted the weapon.

I jumped.

The trigger was pulled, a shot ringing out with screams echoing throughout the entire hall.

And me? Well, I'm just–

* * *

*This information was found on the CDC website. These statistics reflect 2007, as they are the most recent given the year the story takes place in. If you wish to have a link, I will gladly forward it on.

* * *

_**Comments to Acknowledge**_

_Call Me Phoenix: _OH NO! *Throws tons and tons of Kleenex* Don't cry (even though this chapter probably didn't help). I hope you enjoyed this chapter though, and I hope the final chapters holds to your expectations. I really appreciate the comment hun, thanks!

_Whoobonhooaglo: _You are dedicated. I like that. Actually, I love that. It gives me warm fuzzies inside :) Hopefully you liked this chapter and will like the finale too! Thank you!

_MadisonK: _I haven't died yet. I update four other stories besides this one, so if I'm not updating this it's something else. I tend not to be far away. There's only one chapter left, so you need not worry about me ditching the story. I have yet to do that. And thank you, thank you, very much. It means a lot you like this story so much. It has a dear piece of my heart!

_(): _I hope your heart didn't ache too much! Thank you!

_InuKag4eva: _Well here was another confession. I sincerely hope you enjoyed this chapter and will like the next one *crosses fingers in dread*

_Beaniebaby: _Thank you, I appreciate it! No, while my characters are generally OOC from the show (I make it a point to get that across, since I'm fairly proud of it) I try hard to make them IN character for this story. You can't just build up an epic character and then totally re-write them. There has to be a reason for it and I pray it worked! Thank you again :)

_NurNur: _My darling, you are always so nice to me. Thank you very much! I really REALLY hope you liked this and REALLY REALLY REALLY hope you like the next one.

* * *

_I'm so nervous for the final chapter, I'm slightly quaking in fear. I'm proud of it, which is really all that matters but I'm not sure what the general reviewing population will think._

_Please leave some feedback, since you still may love me (or hate me actually, I did end this chapter rather...well, you know). Please? :D_


	23. For Effing Ever

_**Author's Note: **The final chapter, so please, read my final author's note at the bottom for thanks and SURPRISES!_

**_Disclaimer: _**_I do not own Inuyasha. I do not profit from this story._

* * *

Happiness

The Tale of an Unstoppable Force and an Immoveable Object

* * *

_Chapter Twenty-Three: For-Effing-Ever_

* * *

Happiness, pfft. What a load of utter crap. You know what? Fuck it. Fuck. That. Shit.

What were the three most important things again? Oh, right. Money, sex and happiness. Well, let me tell you bitches what's up.

Money? Fuck it. You can't buy love.

Sex? Fuck it. It only makes things worse.

Happiness? HA! What a joke. And you know why I think that? I'll tell you: it's not possible. If it was possible to achieve, Totosai wouldn't have lung cancer and Bang would have a good bitch and a litter and I? Well I'd have Kagome.

And right now I sort of do. Her hands were on my stomach, pressing and prodding. Hey, she was even talking to me. Or screaming. Crying? Something about not dying. Or stop dying. Whatever.

More hands are around me, a lot of loud voices. I only felt Kagome, only listened to her voice.

"Inuyasha, stay with me!"

…Where the hell was I going to go? And what was this fuss all about? Struggling, I lifted my head and saw…

A lot of cranberry sauce. What the hell was that shit doing all over me?

"Where are the paramedics?" Kagome screamed. "He's losing too much blood!"

Ah. That makes more sense. I was bleeding. It wasn't cranberry sauce. Well at least that's cleared up. And then things started falling into place.

"What…_the fuck_…were you thinking?" I wheezed, trying my hardest to glare at Kagome. "You're…nuts."

"The safety was on the gun," Kagome mumbled, hands now on either side of my face. "I didn't think they'd actually shoot."

I laughed, or wheezed, or choked on blood. Whatever. "Fucking nuthouse," I managed to say.

Slowly everything started to burn, as if reality was really starting to fade back in. My body screamed, hurting so much that I wanted to close my eyes, go to sleep.

"Don't you _dare_!" Kagome snapped, tapping my nose. I focused on her, on her big brown eyes. "Inuyasha you better not close your eyes. You _asshole_! You left me after– after _that _night. How? _Why_? You know what? It doesn't matter. I don't care. But I never told you how _goddamn furious _I am with you because I didn't want to hear the excuses again. Inuyasha pay attention, you _jerk_! You are going to stay awake and stay alive because when you get out of this mess, I am going to kick your ass so hard. And then– and then you're going to take me to a- a- a drive-in theatre. And–"

"I love you," I blabbed. Everything was too heavy, too painful. If these were my last few seconds, where each breath became harder than the last, then I was going to make them count. "Take care of Sota and Shippo," I murmured, scrunching my nose.

Because really, _those _were my final words? Hold on. Redo.

"Make sure…Bang gets laid a…lot."

Wait. That's bad too.

"Stay awesome? Be…cool?"

Kagome's face left, fading into the blur. I could hear her yelling about me being delusional but- but–

"Kagome?" I mumbled. I wasn't even in control of my thoughts anymore. It was all too heavy, too fuzzy. "When I said I…loafed you…" I inhaled, coughed. "I meant love. I love you…even if you have…funny rules."

Then everything went utterly black and my heartbeat slowed, barely a tap in my head.

Adios amigos. Or as a drunk Miroku would say, "Bonjour."

* * *

I'm pretty sure that Heaven wouldn't have such an annoying beeping noise. Then again, I was fucking cold all over and I don't think Hell is anywhere near chilly. Maybe there's a bomb in Heaven and that's the beeping noise?

I scrunched up my nose, sniffling a moment later. Great. I die and go to Heaven, only to die again.

Life? Sucks balls. Apparently death does too.

"Inuyasha? Hey, you waking up?"

Why does God sound like Miroku again? Please God, if you're just messing with me, it's not funny. In fact, it's nearly cruel. And don't you have rules against that here or something? Isn't there a brotherhood of wings and halos that ensure rightly behaviour?

"Stop looking constipated. Wait, should I get a nurse?"

Slowly I opened my eyes, taking in the bright lights and bare room. It all suddenly disappeared the moment a big, fat face got in my way.

"Can I get a nurse? Should I get a nurse?" Miroku's eyes looked massive, considering he was maybe an inch away from my face. Dear god, let's pray he's only this close because he's worried still and not so overjoyed that he wants to kiss me.

Like that time in the taxi cab.

"What do you need?" he pressed, looking increasingly twitchy.

"Anything but a kiss," I mumbled, meaning to push his face away but only managing to poke him in the stomach. Oh well. It was close.

Laughing, Miroku backed off to get a glass of water. He gingerly held it close to me, placing the straw against my lips. "Suck."

How is this even my life? "Everything you say sounds dirty Miroku and that's not encouraging or endearing." I pointedly bit the straw first before taking a drink. "You are a terrible mother hen."

Miroku nodded a bit. "Sango mentioned that when I accidentally tried to have sex with her on the bed."

I hoped it was the probable drugs in my system that made me hear that. When my best friend just looked at me tentatively, I cautiously replied, "What bed?"

"Well…" Miroku shrugged. "Yours. Don't worry though. Sango refused and you didn't wake up at all."

"Fuck you," I sighed, not entirely surprised or angry. "Very much," I added. "What happened?"

"Well, she said she felt uncomfortable fucking when–"

"Dammit, not that! The fundraiser!"

"…Right. That. How much do you remember?" Miroku countered, leaning back in the chair beside my bed. The way he shifted told me he'd been here awhile.

"I remember gunmen and fighting," I replied, frowning. "I think Kagome was there."

"She was," he stated. "You got shot saving her."

"I did?" I mean, I hadn't exactly moved but wouldn't I feel, I don't know, _pain_? More than what little I felt right now?

Miroku grinned. "You're on some damn good painkillers. Although, they make you mumble a lot in your sleep. Don't worry, your secret is safe with me."

I frowned. "What secret?"

Miroku winked at me, a devilish smile on his face. "Exactly."

This was getting me nowhere. I looked down at my blanketed form, wondering where under there the bullet hole was. I tried to see more of my stomach, but I couldn't really. I felt almost restricted. I wanted the blanket off. Looking up at Miroku, I told him such. "Can you do it?"

He rolled his eyes. "You can still move your arms, dumbass." He moved the blanket down to my mid-calf anyways.

And since when did I wear dresses? Oh. Wait. Hospital. Gotcha.

So really, I still couldn't see the war wound. I looked at Miroku hopefully before– _Hell no! _What drugs did they have me on?

"I'm so not taking off your gown," Miroku finished, reading my mind.

I closed my eyes and rested back against the pillow. "Thank god for that. Is Kagome okay? Was she hurt?"

"No, she's lucky," I heard him say. "You were lucky that there was a doctor at the event too. For a minute, I thought I saw a vital organ poking out."

Golly, it just gets better. "Sango?"

"With Kagome getting drinks. They should be back any minute." I peeked open an eye in time to see Miroku looking at the door. "Kagome hasn't left," he whispered conspiratorially, getting in far too close again. Did the pervert not realize the value of personal space?

"Left what?" I asked, raising both brows. I wasn't sure what was so astounding about this. Should it be astounding?

"Left you douchebag," Miroku replied, rolling his eyes. "She got really scared but that didn't come from me."

"Oh." Now I got it. Does that mean she forgave me? Can we be together again, and happy, and all that mushy crap that I'll have to start reading about to not epically fail once more? "Uh, thanks."

Patting my arm, Miroku sighed. He was about to say something when there was a gasp from the door. Sango stood there, frozen to the spot with what looked like two cups of coffee in hand. "You're awake?" She grinned, rushing over and practically throwing the burning liquid at Miroku before hugging me awkwardly near the head. Her boobs were practically in my face, which a) wouldn't normally be so bad but b) was horrifyingly terrible because Sango was Miroku's girlfriend and Sango was…well Sango. "How are you feeling?"

"Oh, he's on the good stuff," Miroku cut in, grinning like a fool. Sango slapped him on the head lightly, eyes never leaving my face.

"Not bad I guess. I'm not sure. I feel like…if I tried to do anything it would hurt but I'm not exactly moving at all so nothing _does _hurt and maybe–"

Sango covered my mouth with her hand, rolling her eyes. "Okay, all I wanted was a short answer, not a fucking book. Don't hurt yourself by over-thinking." Suddenly she looked up, catching my attention and making me too look at the door to my hospital room.

And there she was.

Kagome was staring at me, her big brown eyes unwavering. Her mouth was slightly agape, a stunned expression across her face. The bottle of water in her hands was clenched, the cracking of plastic loud in the otherwise quiet room. I couldn't look away.

"We'll, uh, go have sex somewhere," Miroku murmured, dragging Sango out of the room. It seemed like Sango was about to hit him again but that was pretty normal. The way her eyes shifted between us though was unsubtle, worried.

"Hey," Kagome murmured, the first to break the silence. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm not sure," I answered, without really thinking. All I could feel was my heart race, my blood pumping through my veins. Her eyes settled over me, and every glance left a burning trail across my skin. Of course, it could just be the drugs.

"Should I get a nurse?" she asked, somewhat nervous.

I shook my head, licking my lips. "Uh, no I think I'll be alright. For now, at least."

"Okay." She nodded, putting the water bottle down on a nearby table. She looked at the floor, then the ceiling, heaving in a breath.

"How are…you?" I asked, trying to stop whatever the hell was happening. This was awkward to the Nth degree. Seriously, what was going on?

Kagome's gaze fell sharply on me, startled. "Me? Good. I'm…fine." She watched what was probably confusion on my face, her eyes giving away barely anything. And then she opened her mouth. "So you're an ass," she stated rather bluntly, crossing her arms. "Do you know why you're an ass?"

…This was definitely more confusing than the awkward stuttering. "I don–"

"I'll tell you why," Kagome cut in, effectively interrupting me. "You left me. We had sex and you left me."

"Yes b–"

"And I _know_ we never really…stated our boundaries," Kagome continued on, moving closer with every word until she was at my bedside, glowering at me. "But you said I was your girlfriend and I said you were my boyfriend and generally that means exclusiveness, yes? Do I look like the type to have open relationships? No. You, on the other hand, kind of seem the other way but Sango told me that you hadn't been with anyone since you met me so I thought – why, I don't know – that maybe – just maybe – you wanted to be exclusive."

"How did–"

"Miroku told Sango who told me." Kagome took a deep breath. "Don't give me that look, I _told you_ I would get furious with you. You left me remember?"

I processed that, frowning. "When did you tell me that?"

She froze, hands mid-air, as if she was about to go on another rant. "At the fundraiser, when you were–" Kagome cut off abruptly. "You don't remember?"

I could only assume she meant after I was shot… That she had been talking to me while I was barely conscious. I couldn't remember much after watching Kagome run towards the gunman. Had I really been bleeding out, mumbling crap? Had she been yelling at me then?

Oh god, what if I said something even more stupid?

When I realized Kagome was still waiting for a response, I shook my head.

And then I watched as everything about her crumbled. Kagome crossed the distance, wrapping her arms around my neck and clinging to me. It took my breath away, made me feel the strongest twinge of pain so far. I wouldn't trade it for anything though. Not for the way her breath splashed across my ear, or the way she made tiny noises, sounding almost aggrieved.

"Kagome, it's okay," I murmured, wrapping my arms around her, ignoring what it did as stomach muscles shifted and cried pain. Maybe the meds were starting to wear off, but at this moment, I didn't want to deal with that, think about that. I had the woman I was in love with hugging me, close to me.

…Holy fucking hell, the "woman I was in love with"? Okay, granted I did love her. But really? Really? Did loving her mean I became this mushy, gushy horrible sap that wrote poetry and serenaded in forests of trees and flowers?

Apparently.

She pulled back, hands clenched tightly around my neck. Half her body was on the bed, but when I looked into her eyes Kagome practically got right on, pressing her soft lips against mine. It was slow and soft, gentle brushes of kisses and gasps. My mind was supplying things that were probably inappropriate to occur in a hospital, but fuck it. Miroku and Sango were probably in some supply closet, so why not the bed?

And I loved her. I really, truly loved her and she was kissing me.

…So that had to be good, right?

"I'm still furious with you," Kagome murmured against my lips. "You are going to spend the rest of your life making it up to me, I hope you know."

I kissed her, deeper, licking her full bottom lip and drawing it out. The flesh rolled between my teeth, and Kagome made noises that I wish would never stop. I tasted every inch of her, hands holding her tighter to me, practically hauling her on top. She seemed to have better sense, never going near my stomach. I wouldn't have cared though. If the pain was enough to die from I would suffer it gladly for this.

Just this.

"I guess it's a good thing then that I have a lot of free time," I whispered finally, pulling back. I brushed my lips against hers, just for the feel, the happiness. "I love you."

Kagome's hands cupped my cheeks, her thumbs caressing the soft skin. "You told me that."

"I know," I replied, giving her a funny look. "What, am I only supposed to say it once? Is this another one of those rules of yours?"

"Number thirty-seven, actually," Kagome stated, brown eyes unwavering.

And WHAT THE HELL? Didn't that break every rule of dating and romance that has ever existed? "I…didn't know?"

Kagome shook her head fondly, laughing. "Idiot, that's not a rule. I'm not _that _strange."

"I never said that." Frowning, I had to ask again. "You're sure right? It isn't a rule?"

"It's not a rule Inuyasha," Kagome repeated, that small smile on her face that I had seen the very first time I met her at the park. The day where I learned her name and realized – maybe only subconsciously but what-the-hell-ever – that Kagome was it. That stupid _One_ thing. It was that smile that drew me to her, the mystery and teasing that drove me up the wall to get to know her.

"Okay," I whispered, because I could see it now. I could understand.

That smile wasn't a tease, a flaunt or a deception. That smile was happiness and it was on her face right now, despite everything.

"For the record," she said softly, "I love you too."

"You told me that."

With a groan and a kiss, Kagome sat up on the bed, letting her feet dangle off the sides. "You're unbelievable."

"That's hardly surprising," Miroku cut in, stepping back into the room with a goofy grin. I couldn't tell if he in fact got laid or not, but he was clearly pleased with himself over something. If God was willing, I would never find out why.

"You have another visitor," Sango added, stepping aside to let an old man with salt-and-pepper hair and big bug eyes walk in.

"Stupid idiot," Totosai exclaimed, shaking his head at me with discontent. "You remind me of me, but then again, I can't remember a time I got myself _shot at_. You, young man, need to learn the finer points of survival."

I could've pointed out how my lack of survival methods were what saved Kagome, but I could see from his expression that he didn't need to be told. He gave a crooked smile, edging closer to my bedside. "So how's it looking?"

"I don't know," I answered, shrugging. "No one's come in."

Totosai sighed desperately. "Seriously stupid," he mumbled, walking back out of the room. "I'm getting a doctor."

I watched him leave, looking up at Kagome after. "He needs to stop calling me 'stupid' so happily. It's sending mixed signals and I don't like those. Women are hard enough to deal with."

"Enjoy it while you can," Kagome answered, laughing. "He's moving out next week. Despite what happened…a lot of money came in. Once it was all settled and the cops could give it back to us, we realized we gathered a lot of donations. More and more poured in afterwards too. Totosai is going to be getting treatment soon and the care he deserves."

I sighed, relaxing back into the bed just as a doctor walked in. There were looks of disbelief and confusion, but eventually the doctor explained in significant detail what they did to me while I was dying from blood loss. There was a lot of talk about sewing and cutting and moving of vital organs – how, I don't know, I'm not a doctor – but I tuned it out. I focused instead on the way Kagome's small hand fit into mine and how, even as a bunch of random misfits, the group of people around me were like this strange, psychotic family that put the fun in dysfunctional.

Miroku was a perverted financial planner; Sango, an OCD personal assistant; Kagome, a photographer with her own set of rules on how to live; Totosai, an old man that confused me more often than not; and me, the unobservant rich bastard.

Huh. Well isn't that bound to explode in the future.

When the doctor asked me a question that I surely had no clue about, I blinked at him, realizing that this was a moment for tact and precision, deceit and mastery.

"So when the fuck am I getting out of here?"

* * *

"Kagome!"

… "Kagome!"

… … "I _know_ you're there dammit woman. What the hell is taking so long?"

"Rule number five: be patient. Don't ever miss out on the little things," Kagome replied back, just as sharply. "Don't tell me– BANG, no!"

Suddenly the Great Dane came bursting through the room, a black bra clamped tightly in his mouth. He made his way over to me, his head falling into my lap as the piece of clothing was discarded. He lolled out his tongue, and seriously, it looked like a smile.

My dog was fucking awesome. "Bang, you are without a doubt man's best friend, the Robin to my Batman."

"And as long as neither of you put on tights, I'll be fine with the nicknames," Kagome shot out, appearing before me from my position on the couch, her hair slightly damp from her shower. She wore black comfortable pants and a pink tank top that _clearly_ had no bra underneath. And she was cold.

_Yes._

"Give it," Kagome mumbled, reaching for it but groaning when I smacked her arm away.

"No," I said sternly. "Go get another one. This is mine, get your own."

For a second, the raven-haired beauty looked like she was about to leap on me. I wouldn't have minded. Really, go right ahead. Fall into my lap.

Please.

But clearly she figured it out, because instead she sighed. "I need to get ready. I have to pick up Shippo from his friend's house and _somehow _find out where Sota went but I'm positive he's with his girlfriend and–"

"I know," I interrupted, smirking. "He told me he went over there last night."

"What?" Kagome screeched, glaring at me. "And you didn't tell me? He's too young to be sleeping over at a girl's house! And, oh god, what do her parent's think?" She ripped the bra from my grasp, changing right in front of me and…wow. Thank you God. Thank you.

"Uh, no I didn't. If you remember correctly, I was too occupied last night to really focus."

Kagome smiled then. "Yes you were. _Still_," and there appeared the frown, "you should've told me."

I'd been out of the hospital for sometime now, after being in there for nearly an eternity. Kagome had decided to come by my place as often as she could, or to drag me even more often to her house. Sota and Shippo eventually forgave me, although Sota still has his stink-eye moments. I bought Shippo the PlayStation right away, so he likes me again at least. Regardless, our relationship was…slow. Horribly, torturously slow. I wanted to rip out my hair most days but it was my fault.

As Sango would say, I needed to find my balls and deal with it.

And after months of waiting, courting her, and promising her over and over and over that I loved her and that I was an _idiot _before… Last night happened when her brothers were both out. Finally.

Thank god. My dick was about to run away on me.

Kagome looked at me funny. "Inuyasha, you there?"

"Of course," I replied, even though I was well-aware of the fact I zoned out for a bit. That was fine. I did that every so often. No big. "Hey, come here," I urged, sitting up from my comfortable sleeping position on the couch to get her. Kagome came without much of a struggle, curling in against me as I held her close.

"I have a feeling you trained Bang to do that," Kagome complained, brushing her nose against my chest. Her weight was a comfort on top of me, and even though sometimes I still had problems when it came to sitting up or twisting my body, the pain from the bullet wound usually wasn't there. The scar was interesting though. After I had finally seen it, I decided it should be officially called the War Wound of Love.

Actually, no. Scratch that. Miroku said something stupid like that.

And okay, maybe we were slightly drunk. Well him drunk and me high on painkillers, being fresh out of the hospital and all.

Still.

"Nah," I murmured, brushing my hand through her long wavy hair. "Bang's naturally smart that way."

"Clearly," she mumbled. Turning around, she shifted so that her chest was pressed against mine, our noses practically touching. "So we have two hours. I want to go back to my place and shower, maybe catch a quick bite to eat. We can pick them up after though. What are you doing today?"

Smirking, I leaned forwards and kissed her. I pushed my way between her lips, licking my way inside and dragging her body up. I let her know _exactly _what I wanted to do.

Kagome laughed a little, her hands tangling with my hair as she pulled me back. "You're forgetting we don't have much time. The shower and the food were included in those two hours so really, we need to go now."

"Shower with me after," I suggested, kissing down her neck and sucking in bruises that could be seen for days.

"After?" Kagome made a sceptical noise, tilting her head back for better access. "What makes you think we're doing anything that will warrant an _after_?"

Slipping my hand under the back of her tank top, I found her bra and unclasped it. Her shriek was muffled by our kisses, but I wrapped my legs around her so she couldn't move. I lifted the tank top, inching it slowly up her body as she fought to keep it on.

"There's no time," she insisted quickly, finding barely enough time between kisses.

"Plenty of time," I countered. "It'd help if you struggled less." I palmed her ass, aligning our hips and thrusting against her. Oh we needed to do this _now_, thank you very much. Before Thing 1 and Thing 2 – otherwise known as Kagome's brothers, otherwise known as the Brothers-Who-Halted-All-Sex – came back into the picture.

Moaning quietly, Kagome wrapped her legs around mine, sliding against me and grinning. "You're a terrible influence."

"It's my devilish good looks," I replied, letting myself feel every inch of her. She was still far too clothed in my opinion. "It can't be helped."

Suddenly, there was a crashing noise at the door and Kagome stopped, looking startled. "What the hell was that?" she whispered, her brown eyes staring at the entrance.

"Inuyasha, I know you're in there!" Miroku yelled. "Why is your door locked?" Moments later, there was another loud knocking, more like pounding. That was definitely Sango. "The key doesn't work. Did you change it?"

I couldn't help but chuckle a little to myself. Those poor bastards.

"You changed the locks?" Kagome asked, confused.

I grinned. "Yes I did."

"And you didn't give them a key?"

"Inuyasha!" Sango screamed. "Open this door right now! What are you doing? Is Kagome in there? I hope you're not doing anything I wouldn't– Just, don't be doing anything _bad_!"

I think I was smiling so hard, my face went numb, like it was stuck into that position forever. "No, I most certainly did not give them the key."

Kagome sighed. "We should let them–"

Before she could finish that sentence, I kissed her silent. Gently I pushed her off me, sitting up and holding out my hand. "Come on, there's a bed in the other room and unless you want the _couch_, which you know, isn't as comfortable as you'd think, I'd go for the option with a mattress."

"But our friends–"

"Can go have sex themselves," I interrupted. "Now _come on_. We only have two hours, don't we?"

Laughing, Kagome took my hand and followed me into the bedroom. Sango and Miroku were still yelling at the front door, confused out of their minds that I managed to change the locks and didn't tell them about it, but that was fine. I should have completed that a _long _time ago.

And there were more important things to do.

Grabbing Kagome around the waist and jumping onto the bed, I made sure that she couldn't escape. Now that I had her for sure, I wasn't going to give her up.

Or ever let her go.

* * *

You know, everyone wishes for something. A lot of people wish for money. A lot of people wish for better sex. A lot of people wish for happiness.

Right. Well I'll tell you one thing: buddy, go for the last one because despite what may happen in your life – the good, the bad and the ugly – it's the people that make you happy that keep you going. Whether those people are rule-obsessed girlfriends, alcoholic financial planners or OCD neat freaks, they will be the ones that get you through it all.

Kagome held my hand tightly, the dress billowing around her with the breeze. It was early June, the warmth just starting to heat up to appropriate summer temperatures. Around us, green lawns and leaf-covered trees danced with the wind. The sun shined down, making everything peaceful, everything alright.

Miroku and Sango were behind us, for once not bickering. All of us had gotten together in Miroku's truck, and even though Sango was pregnant she still managed to accurately slap Miroku upside the head for anything that remotely commented on her food habits or current weight gain. The financial planner was smart however, and tended to shower her with cleaning products and daily organizers. Sango was big, full with baby, but definitely happy. Their wedding was set for next month.

The four of us stopped, taking in the tall cherry-blossom tree that stood big and proud. It provided shade from the sun and blocked the view of Miroku's truck. Finally I looked down, reading the words with a small smile.

_Totosai Yanami, 1935-2015. A friend, a mentor and a scary old man. Now you can feel the wind in your hair._

Kagome rested her head against my shoulder, sighing. It had been five months since the old man passed away, outliving the doctors' expectations by five years. After getting the treatment he needed, he then came back to live in the complex where Kagome and I lived. He made daily visits from the third floor, always there to lecture me about which way north was or what else I was undoubtedly doing wrong.

"I miss him," Kagome said softly, still holding on tight. I knew she wasn't crying though, holding strong because Totosai had told her to. He had given her strict orders and Kagome had promised him while shaking her head in disbelief.

I nodded, trading hands so that I could wrap my arm around her shoulders and hold her even closer. "I know, I miss him too."

Sango and Miroku were beside us, each reflecting on their own thoughts. Sango looked at us, a smile on her face as her hand rubbed at her belly. "You know, Totosai would probably complain about the tree being so close. His stone is littered with the fallen blossoms."

Kagome snorted. "Probably. It's either that or he'd love it to pieces."

"Knowing him," I started, smirking a little, "it would be a little of both."

Miroku clapped a hand on my shoulder. "He liked you, you know. Totosai told me to tell you that. Even though he yelled at you a lot for your stupidities, he was actually quite fond."

"Hate-love, just like the cherry-blossom tree," Sango murmured.

"And so, I get compared to a tree," I sighed. Despite the years that had passed, things never really changed. Sango and Miroku were still my closest friends. Sesshomaru and Rin were both happy, spoiling Kagome and I with Sunday dinners while Rin and I always managed to avoid the red wine. There was a baby on the way. Even with Totosai gone, I knew he was still watching, probably calling me out with a shake of his head and his hand dipping into a bucket of popcorn at all of the mistakes I was making.

But that was fine.

A quiet minutes later, Miroku finally spoke. "We're going to head back, okay?" he murmured, clapping me one more time before taking Sango and heading back to the truck. Kagome started to pull away, her brown eyes searching mine. She looked sad, but a bit hopeful too. "Are you going to come?"

I nodded, looking back at the grave and then the sky. "Yeah just…give me a minute."

"Sure," she whispered, standing on her tip toes to give me a kiss and then following after our friends.

I waited until she was hidden behind the tree, safely out of sight before sitting down on the ground and glaring at the stone. "Totosai, I swear you're haunting me. Really, opening the windows? I feel the wind in my hair enough, thank you very much. And I know it's not Bang because he can't do that." I huffed, staring at the stone. "Or maybe he can. I'm not entirely sure. Still, it's creepy."

Around me the breeze blew, gently like a caress. The sky was still bright and blue and I knew that despite everything, Totosai was much happier now. He was finally able to take long walks around the park, and to get his own damn groceries. Despite the fact that he was gone, and despite the sadness that was once there, I was happy now. At peace.

I couldn't see them around the tree, but I knew they were there. My best friends Sango and Miroku, probably arguing about what colour the baby's room should be painted. Kagome would be laughing, and maybe that's what I heard dancing along with the wind.

"I…" I took a breath, still looking away, compelled to say more. "I have to thank you Totosai. I mean, even though you were a creepy old man I wanted to run the hell away from, you saved me. You made me see what I was missing, before I was even missing it." I chuckled. "And man, I told Kagome a couple months ago about the stunt you pulled at the fundraiser. She didn't realize your ulterior motive was to get us back together. She laughed for a long time before crying."

The second a branch from the tree fell on my head I growled, picking up the stick and pointing it at the grave. "_Not funny_. I know your tricks old man. You said once that I was exactly like you. I know what you're plotting." I sighed, tossing it a couple feet away so that it landed right against the headstone. "Kagome's doing good, really. She misses you a lot, but we all do. It's still a bit raw, you know? I think that's why she couldn't stay here long.

"But you… You were the one that really taught me what happiness was all about. You're the one that opened my eyes to it and I can promise you that I will make sure Kagome is always happy, with or without me but…" I grinned, slipping my hand into my pant's pocket. I pulled out a smooth box, feeling the glide before I opened it up.

The ring glistened inside, the diamond picking up the light and shining brilliantly. Turning it around to face the headstone, I imagined Totosai there, inspecting it and telling me how I could've done better. It was already massive. I didn't spend the one-million dollars lightly. I would've spent more if I thought Kagome would accept it. She seems to think I'm a bit ludicrous with my spending habits. I think that it's well worth it.

Turning the box back around, I looked at the diamond ring for the last time, closing it up with a snap. I wouldn't be seeing it again until this weekend, if everything went alright.

"You better be having a good time old man, because I am. I think that regardless of what you're doing or where you are, that you're happy right now." I murmured softly, still looking at the box, still lost in my thoughts of a possible future that I wanted without a shadow of a doubt. "And you know what? I'm happy too."

I put the box back into my pocket, standing up and smirking down at Totosai's grave.

"Yeah, I'm going to be really happy."

* * *

To Do:

#33: Spend forever loving her.

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_**Comments to Acknowledge:**_

_Adrian: _I did!

_Call Me Phoenix: _I hope you liked it. Thank you thank you thank you sweetie!

_Whoobonhooaglo: _Aw thank you! I really appreciate your lovely feedback for this story :)

_IrishIndy: _Thank you darling! I hope you liked the chapter!

_InuKag4eva: _I hope you enjoyed this :) Thank you!

_NurNur: _Well here it is! Thank you so very much. You've commented over and over, and you're so supportive! I really appreciate all you've done!

* * *

**_Author's Note: _**_So here you go! The final chapter has been said and done. Ka-put. OVER._

_But guess what? You'll have to check out the next chapter labelled "Additional Crap" for Inuyasha's To Do List, Kagome's Rules, my Epic Author's Note of Blabbering, information for the PDF, and YOUR SURPRISES! (Which you'll most likely want to see)._

_Go! Now!_

_Oh, and I would absolutely love to hear about what you thought. Feedback, as I've mentioned tons of times, is love._


	24. Additional Crap

**_NEW CHANGES HAVE BEEN MADE - SEE BELOW._**

**_Author's Note: _**_I do not own Inuyasha. I do not profit from this story._

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Happiness

The Tale of an Unstoppable Force and an Immoveable Object

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_Additional Crap_

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**_Inuyasha's To Do List_**

#1: Tap that _- complete._

#2: Figure out Mystery Woman's name - _complete._

#3: Figure out how the fuck she knows my personal assistant and financial planner - _complete._

#4: Fire and then kill my personal assistant and my financial planner - _removed._

#5: Kill Miroku and throw him in a ditch - _removed._

#6: Throw a tennis ball randomly into the air and hope it hits her in the head - _complete._

#7: Change the goddamn ring tone to something far less annoying - _complete._

#8: Uh, find out what these fucking rules are about? - _complete._

#9: Change the goddamn locks - _complete._

#10: NEVER GIVE THEM A KEY TO ANYTHING I OWN EVER AGAIN - _complete._

#11: For the love of all that's good, give them both butter knives and let them finally end it - _complete._

#12: Discuss publishing opportunities with Sango. I may be on to something here - _complete._

#13: Get laid, moron - _complete._

#14: Consider therapy. And then afterwards, chop off my dick since I clearly have no need for it with my emotions and all - _complete._

#15: Learn the value of "tact" and use it _- complete._

#16: Avoid old men at all costs. Repeat: all costs - _failed._

#17: Plan the friggen date - _complete._

#18: Plan the close of the date (i.e. how to get somewhere with her) - _complete._

#19: Shower and thus become the hottest, most irrestible sex machine ever - _complete. _

#20: Never let her go - _complete._

#21: Figure this shit out with Jack Daniels. He'll know what to do - _complete._

#22: First, destroy Sesshomaru's career. Second, video his pussy-whipped ass and put it on YouTube. Third, finish him off - _complete._

#23: Get laid, moron _- complete, and yes, repeated._

#24: Find a way to get out of this family crap - _failed._

#25: Be a man and tell Kagome no. _- failed._

#26: Survive - _complete._

#27: Find out if "pizza" is a codeword for "sex" _- complete._

#28: Win Sota over. Pronto - _complete._

#29: Think about it... Yeah no - _complete._

#30: Pay attention when it really matters - _failed._

#31: Thank Bang for being such an awesome sidekick. He is clearly the best dog in the universe of fantastic dogs. Amen - _complete._

#32: Stop thinking like a tool dammit. Focus - _complete._

#33: Spend forever loving her - _well, you can figure that one out._

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**_Kagome's Rules_**

#1: Never kiss on the first date.

#2: Violence is never the answer. Exception: when it is.

#3: Never do anything that you don't want to.

#4: Never go into another man's apartment before a first date.

#5: Be patient. Don't miss out on the little things.

#6: Keep your eyes on the prize and don't let distraction steal it away.

#8: Take risks.

#11: Never go for coffee on a first date.

#15: Always accept a challenge.

#16: Never date a guy Sota doesn't like after three meetings.

#17: Never date a guy that doesn't have the balls to suck it up and meet the parents.

#18: The best way to anything good is through hard work, determination and a bit of a sense of humour.

#21: Men shouldn't fight like whiny bitches, so stop them before they get there.

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**_Masterlist of Surprises_**

The Big Bang Theory - AU, happiness!verse, Bang's POV.

There was no one like him. He was the best of the best, the smartest of the smart, the hottest of the hot. He was the greatest thing on four legs and nothing could beat that. Suck it, puny humans.

_POSTED! Go to my profile to read it!_

_The PDF is now available for full download. Check my profile for the link._

**X+X+X**

Thanks a Bunch (But I'm Not Getting Married) - AU, happiness!verse.

They're getting married and Inuyasha learns what forever means. So, typically, he runs. Then, typically, Miroku and Sango must get him back. And, consequently, Kagome can't know about it.

_POSTED! Go to my profile to read it!_

_The PDF is now available for full download. Check my profile for the link._

**X+X+X**

High and Dry and Fucked - AU, happiness!verse.

Of course this happened to him. Only he could lose Kagome in a foreign country, with absolutely no memory of the night before. Which is bad because a) why was he dressed in drag, b) how did Sango get arrested and c) why the hell did Miroku get a tattoo of a purity ring on his left hand? An Inuyasha-styled, Happiness!Verse version based off of the movie _The Hangover_.

_To Be Posted Soon._

_PDF To Be Posted Upon Completion._

* * *

**_PDFs_**

_Do you want a full copy of the story for keeps? You can download: _

Happiness: The Tale of an Unstoppable Force and an Immoveable Object,

The Big Bang Theory and

Thanks a Bunch (But I'm Not Getting Married) ..._from the link on my profile!_

* * *

**_Author's Note_**

Oh my goodness *blows nose*

It's OVER *bawls*

So, I'm sad. Which is AWESOME because this is the first story I'm actually depressed is over. I'm so sad but FEAR NOT, for I have timestamps (sequels)!

I hope that every single one of you enjoyed this story. I hope that the story it told was bigger than just Inuyasha being a rich bastard, and Kagome being the woman of his dreams. I hope that Miroku and Sango reminded you that best friends are ridiculous at the best of times and that even then, they are still your best friends.

There's a very small piece of me in this story. It's the male side of me (HA!) that imagines what I would be like if I was a) rich and b) a man. Oh, and c) exploited the other rich and famous by making them a fancy rehab centre.

I'm currently in the process of editing this story (dear god) and I've already finished the graphics for the PDF. Please check out my profile for _Hanmajoerin's _amazing artwork that she did for me, as well as the picture of Bang and Popcorn :)

My lovelies, I can't thank you enough. You've somehow encouraged me to write this monster of a story that really doesn't do more than make you laugh or stare with wide eyes at my...oddness. I truly hope that you liked this story as much as I did, and I hope to hear from you in the future!

Until I make another rash decision and with much love,

Witchy


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